Transgressions of the Heart
by Sapphire Smoke
Summary: Emma had fallen in love with a woman that didn't really exist. Regina, her Regina… she wasn't real. It had all been a lie. •Emma/Regina• SEQUEL TO 'OF LOVE AND LOATHING'
1. Remembrance

**Title:** Transgressions of the Heart  
**Author:** Sapphire Smoke  
**Beta(s):** BellaRei713  
**Fandom:** Once Upon A Time  
**Rating:** M  
**Pairing:** Emma/Regina  
**Predecessor:** Of Love and Loathing  
**Summary:** Emma had fallen in love with a woman that didn't really exist. Regina, _her _Regina… she wasn't real. It had all been a lie.  
**A/N:** Fair warning that this fic is far angstier than its predecessor, and that it'll get worse before it gets better. Also, although I was originally intending to follow the same schedule of bi-weekly updates, real life seems to have made that plan a little more difficult. Therefore I'll only be posting once a week until things settle down and I can find more time to dedicate to this fic.

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**CHAPTER ONE  
****Remembrance**

There was an eerie sense of stillness just moments before a storm broke out over the horizon, shrouding the quaint, waterfront town of Storybrooke, Maine in an array of bright colors and blinding emotion. The façade of their given reality cracked and dissipated, leaving behind a chaotic atmosphere born from conflicting bouts of relief, confusion, and fear, as those who were lost found themselves once more in a place as foreign as what lay far in the sky above them.

Two seats to the left in a crowded classroom, a boy smiled.

Most kept themselves still whilst memories rearranged themselves, accommodating two lives into one singular being. Recognition for some came quicker than others, furthering the panic within the ones who remained behind. But for Henry Mills, a mere boy of ten years old who had known nothing else but the reality he was born to, his world stood nearly unfazed by the crippling truth that had seemed to knock the breath from so many around him. After carefully rising from his seat, eyes trained on the teacher at the head of the classroom, the child paused midstride, the mild trepidation caused by one short moment of doubt.

He needed to be sure.

And _there,_ in one brief flicker behind forest green eyes, was the look Henry had been waiting for. It was filled with love, with disbelief, and then acceptance, prompting a wide grin to spread from ear to ear as happiness warmed his heart. "Grandma?" he asked, voice small, as though Henry himself still could not believe that this moment had actually come to pass.

"Henry…" The woman moved towards him, her timid stature becoming replaced by self-assurance and strength as Snow White emerged from the ashes of Mary Margaret Blanchard. Emotion swam in her eyes as the realization of who really stood before her came to light, prompting a singular tear to slide down her pale, angular face. _"Henry!"_

Henry gripped on tight when she enveloped him in a crushing hug, experiencing for the first time the love of his maternal grandmother. It filled him with a sense of hope, of happiness, and of pride, for he knew how this had happened. His mothers – the Evil Queen from the Enchanted Forest, and the Savior who had been sent from the realm – had suddenly realized that they were each other's fairytale ending. Destined for one another, their love transcended the boundaries between realities, and finally, _finally_ Henry would be allowed to have the family he always wanted, the family he had hoped for.

Love had conquered all, destroying the evil in his mother's heart. Emma had broken the curse and set her free and now, finally, Henry knew without a shadow of a doubt, that everything would be alright.

After all, no storybook that he had ever read ended unhappily.

[x]

There was a moment, right after Daniel had died, when Regina was sure she would never be able to breathe again. The weight of her sorrow constricted her throat, her chest, choking the life out of the last shred of hope that had lain deep within the depths of her heart. It destroyed her, utterly and completely, and she had been certain that nothing would ever compare to the pain she felt in that moment, for it had stolen the light from within her.

Oh, how _wrong_ she turned out to be.

Emma Swan had rekindled that fire that used to burn so brightly within her heart, filling Regina with a newfound sense of unwavering hope. The happy ending she had always craved, delivered right to her doorstep by the son they both shared. Endlessly trapped in a world that never changed, Emma had brought light to a place shrouded in the darkest of clouds, turning the clock forward and freeing Regina from the madness of her own creation. The woman had challenged her, fulfilled her, accepted her, _loved_ her. And for one short moment in her many years of existence, Regina Mills had truly felt alive.

Yet now, with the way her insides twisted violently within her, crushing her very soul to dust as the picture of perfection she had been offered shattered before her eyes, Regina was certain that even death itself would be less painful than this.

Emma, whose gaze was filled with so much love mere moments prior, now looked at Regina as though she didn't know who she was anymore. And perhaps it was a fair assessment, for Regina had made the mistake of lying about nearly everything except for the depth of her emotions, but logic was crushed by the weight of her sorrow and so she begged for the forgiveness that somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew she would never really deserve.

"Please," Regina gasped, nearly choking on her own words as her throat constricted painfully. "Please, Emma, listen to me…"

"You… this—this is just some kind of… _fucked up_ joke, right?" Emma stuttered, her mind unable to accept the reality that had been painted very clearly in front of her eyes. "Because you can't expect me to… to actually fucking _believe_—" Her words were cut off by a bitter, disbelieving laugh and she shook her head as though the motion would somehow have the power to bring sense into the chaos they had created.

Regina reached for her in desperation, fingers barely brushing skin before Emma ripped her arm away as though she had been burned. "Don't fucking touch me right now, Regina," she snapped without thought, backing up a few steps to establish the distance she sorely needed in that moment. Her words cut deep, but the wounded look on Regina's face went either unnoticed or uncared for. "Or…" Emma looked like she was going to be ill as she momentarily allowed the truth to outweigh her fervent denial, "or is that even your name? _Fuck._ I…" Her face paled, the reality of the situation crushing her sanity as she tried to pull the veil over her eyes once more. "I can't—can't do this. I have to…"

It was as though something snapped in Emma, kicking her into high gear as she made quick work of gathering her jeans off the ground, nearly tripping in her haste to get them on her body. Regina watched her, wishing that she knew the magic words to make her stay. But tears were running down her cheeks, the force of her sobs wracking her entire body. She could barely breathe, let alone speak.

Still, she had to try. "My name," she gasped out after a long moment, trying to make her words at least be distinguishable through her tears, "_is_ Regina. I never—Emma, I… I swear, I never meant—"

"To what?" Emma exclaimed, furiously throwing her t-shirt over her head. "To _lie?_ Fuck you, Regina. If this is…" Her hands flew out haplessly, eyes wild and frightened as reality as she knew it crumbled around her. She couldn't even bring herself to say the words, yet still finished with, "You… you knew _exactly_ what you were doing. So don't you stand there and fucking tell me—"

"I was afraid," Regina tried, desperate for Emma to see her side of things. She knew that if she had ever told her the truth that this, _this very situation,_ would happen. Regina didn't want to lose the best thing she had ever had, but Emma was hearing none of her excuses.

"You were _selfish!"_ Emma shouted at her, looking as though Regina had cut her deeper than anyone ever had in her life. The words stung, but only because the truth in them was unquestionable. "All you do is lie and manipulate so things can go your way! You don't… fuck, you don't think of _anyone_ but yourself, do you?" Emma set her jaw, a hard look in her eyes before crushing her with the final blow. "And the _only_ reason you're sorry right now, Regina, is because _you got caught."_

The accusation in the words knocked the breath from Regina's lungs. She stared at her, tears running down her cheeks as she tried, desperately, to form a response, a _reason._ But the truth was, she would have never told Emma, should this not have happened. Regina would have never offered up the truth because it wouldn't benefit her in any sense, and the realization that she truly was this person Emma had every reason to hate crushed her heart into dust. The one thing, the _one damn thing_ Regina knew Emma hated, beyond anything else, was being lied to, and yet she had done it time and time again without a care in the world.

What did that even say about her?

"Emma…" the name sounded broken falling from her lips, a plea that held neither weight nor bearing after the revelation of what really lay beneath the mask of Regina Mills. Emma could barely look at her.

Everything, all of the madness and despair, seemed to hit Emma once more in that long moment of silence. Her hands were shaking, her breathing uneven, and she looked as though she were about to fall apart on the spot. "This is… _insane,"_ she breathed, her eyes wild and desperate as her instinctual need to run took over. "Fuck. I can't… I have to—_fuck."_

And then she was gone, fleeing from the room so quickly that Regina barely had time to process that she had even moved. Once her brain had caught up to the situation however, Regina's body acted on autopilot and she ran after her, desperate for Emma to stay and hear her out before her mother no doubt found her. Snow would fill her head with the insistence that Regina was evil, tell her all of the horrible things she had done, and although Regina knew she had done so much wrong by Emma, she also knew that if nothing else, she _had_ to be the one to tell her the whole truth. All of it. There was no way Emma could ever find it within her heart to forgive her if she did not.

Emma yanked open the front door, but before she could barrel her way through it and out into the unknown, Regina clasped onto her wrist, spinning the distressed woman around to meet her gaze. "Please, just… _wait—!"_

"Let go of me!" Emma shouted, violently ripping her wrist out of her grasp. "You have no fucking right to touch me, Regina, not anymore!"

Regina could feel her heart shattering at those words, yet did not move to touch her again. She was right; she really didn't deserve that pleasure any longer. Her mistake had cost her everything. "Emma, please, I… _I love you_. I promise, if you'll only stay, I'll—"

"What, _tell me the truth?" _Emma spat, looking at Regina as though her very words were born from mockery and cruel intent. She stepped close to her, eyes burning hot like fire as she finished scathingly, "A little late for that, don't you think, _Your Majesty?"_

Regina noticeably winced at the form of address. "Please don't call me that," she tried, voice small as regret and shame colored her face. She couldn't look Emma in the eye after that, for that title was something she had never wanted, and once she had it, it consumed her and twisted her into the very thing she never wished to become. There was a reason she had stripped herself of it. It was her mother's dream, _not_ hers.

"Why?" Emma challenged, trying to find strength throughout her urge to crumple into a ball just to get away from it all. Her voice cracked, the desperation for denial suddenly fighting against the truth she was trying to voice with hesitant uncertainty. "That's… _jesus,_ that's—it's what you are… right? The Evil fucking Queen…" Emma looked as though even saying the words made her want to vomit on the spot.

Regina's eyes shown with fresh tears at _Emma_ labeling her as such, but she would not let them fall. If she did, she knew trying to find her voice would be far too difficult a task. "Not anymore," she breathed softly, trying to make Emma understand that she had changed, that she had changed because of _her. _"Evil can't love… remember?" Regina looked up at Emma, hoping the words would make her remember the conversation they once had, a conversation that had given Regina such hope that one day Emma would truly accept all parts of her. She needed her to see all the shades of grey that lay deep within her soul, but perhaps now, in this moment, it really was too much to ask for.

Emma could barely comprehend the reality of the situation, let alone begin to accept it.

"No," she agreed, but it wasn't with the recognition that Regina had prayed for as Emma finished pointedly with, "but liars still can."

Regina felt as though she had been punched in the gut, the look of betrayal on Emma's face at her own words making Regina feel as though she were falling. There was a note of finality with the word 'liar' that was hard to ignore and Regina wished, more than anything else, that she could turn back the clock and do it all over again, for lying to Emma might very well be the worst mistake she had ever made.

Emma tensed her jaw and swallowed hard, desperately trying to keep anger as her dominant emotion. Regina could see the task was a futile one however, and as Emma's eyes began to glisten with fresh tears, the brunette felt as though the image was tearing her heart from her chest. "I trusted you, Regina," Emma whispered, distress painting across her features from being betrayed by the woman that she loved so deeply.

"I'm sorry," Regina choked out, her words muddled by the slew of fresh tears that fell from her eyes. They were just words, words that probably meant nothing in the long run, but Regina still felt as though she needed to say them. "Emma, I'm _so_—" But her words were cut off, panic overtaking her as something in the distance, beyond Emma and the open door, caught her eye. "Oh god," she breathed, not entirely certain what it was, but knowing it was born from magic; _her_ magic.

Emma sensed the shift in the air around them and immediately turned to see what it was that had spooked Regina. Whatever she was expecting, it certainly wasn't what she was confronted with. In the distance a dark purple cloud was slowly drawing nearer, consuming everything in its wake. The fear it instilled in Emma nearly knocked her backwards and she fell against Regina's chest, who instinctively grasped for her hand, holding onto her tightly. The blonde did not pull away.

"What the hell _is_ that?" Emma breathed, the volume of her words suppressed by her disbelief and fright.

The reality of the situation suddenly kicked Regina into high gear and she told her quickly, "We need to get to Henry." If the curse broke, that cloud could only mean one thing, and if it was going to happen then they needed to be _together._ Regina tried to get to her car, but Emma seemed frozen to the spot and tugging on her hand bore no result. "Emma, _now!"_ Regina screamed, needing the woman to snap out of her haze.

Emma blinked at the force of Regina's words and as her eyes landed on her, she could very plainly see the panic that had overtaken Regina's expression. It was that alone, it seemed, that allowed Emma to realize the severity of the situation. In the blink of an eye she moved, now being the one to drag _Regina_ to her car.

They each got in quickly, but it seemed to not be quick enough as Emma looked behind them, seeing the cloud get closer. "Go, _go!"_ she shouted at her, slamming her hand on the dashboard to try to get Regina to move faster.

"I'm _trying!"_ Regina yelled back, hastily putting the car in reverse and nearly peeling out of the driveway. The tires screeched and when she braked to change gears, the momentum pulled them forward before slamming them back into the seats. Pressing her foot forcefully on the gas pedal, Regina sped down Mifflin street in record time, not looking back for fear she would realize they would never get to the school in time.

"What is it?" Emma exclaimed, unable to tear her eyes away from the looming threat behind them. Emma Swan could confront a lot of things head on, but magic, it seemed, was beyond her comprehension and skill. She couldn't shoot a gun at it after all, and it seemed the idea of being completely defenseless against the unknown frightened her quite terribly. "Regina, _what the fuck is it gonna do?!"_

"I think it's going to send us back," Regina replied, her breathing erratic as she realized that, once again, everything was going to change. What frightened her more, however, was the idea that they might not all go back together unless they were already with each other. The Enchanted Forest was a dangerous place, and the thought of Henry being left in the middle of nowhere alone and scared was enough to make Regina's insides twist violently. She couldn't let that happen, she couldn't be _responsible_ for something like that.

"Back? Back _where?"_ Emma demanded, but when her eyes caught Regina's, the realization seemed to hit her. "Oh you've _got_ to be kidding me."

"I very much wish that I was," Regina told her, taking a sharp right around the corner so quickly that it nearly made Emma fall against her. The Sherriff immediately held onto the grab handle though, and Regina found herself thankful for the woman's reflexes. If Emma had slammed into her, it probably would have made her veer off the road. After a quick look in the rearview mirror, seeing the cloud grow ever nearer, Regina swallowed hard. She didn't know if they were going to make it in time.

"Can't you stop it?" Emma demanded, waving her hand erratically towards the back of the vehicle. "It's _your_ fucking curse, isn't it? Just… make it go away!"

"Don't you think if I could I would have done so already?!" Regina exclaimed loudly, the stress of the current situation causing her to snap at Emma unwarrantedly. It wasn't as though Emma knew anything about magic, nor about the curse itself, but Regina didn't want to get faulted for something she had no control over at the moment. "I didn't create the curse, I merely enacted it. I don't know what that is, nor how to stop it! And I can't _do_ anything about it because magic doesn't exist here; I'm as helpless as you are!"

"Why the hell would you cast something without knowing all the details? _Jesus,_ Regina! It could be some kind of goddamn failsafe and just end up _killing _us all!" Emma shouted, the prospect of that scenario scaring her senseless. Despite her anger towards Regina however, her hand was gripping the Mayor's thigh tightly, as though she were the only thing able to ground her throughout this insanity.

Regina wished she could provide her with the sense of comfort she so desperately needed, yet all she could think about was Henry and her own fear about what could happen if that cloud really did send them back. So instead she snapped at Emma, "The curse was never supposed to break, there was never supposed to be any 'Savior', so why on earth would I _ever_ think to be concerned about what would happen afterwards?!"

"So what, you want me to _apologize_ for loving you now?" Emma shouted, apparently drawing the conclusion that Regina blamed her for the curse breaking and the slew of unfortunate events that happened after, just because she was the Savior. "Because if you weren't driving this damn car I swear to god I would punch you in the fucking _face _for that shit."

"For Christ's sake, Emma, I'm _not_ blaming you!" Regina exclaimed, taking a sharp left around the next corner that caused Emma to slam into the passenger side door. Perhaps they should have worn seatbelts, but it would have wasted precious time. As Emma tried to resituate herself, Regina continued, "If this is anyone's fault, it's mine!"

"Damn right it's your—!" But Emma cut herself off, her face noticeably paling as she looked behind them. The cloud was catching up to them rather quickly and now houses a handful of streets back from them were being enveloped in its wake. "Fuck, _drive!"_ she screamed, causing Regina to press harder on the gas pedal in an instant.

They got to the school within minutes and before Regina slammed on the brakes she instinctively held her hand out in front of Emma, acting as a quasi-seatbelt so that the woman didn't end up slamming into the dashboard. They scrambled out of the car as soon as they were able, but they both knew it was going to be too late. The cloud was descending on them now, just a block away from changing everything, and Regina stood frozen in the middle of the street, unable to do anything else but stare at it as drew nearer.

"Regina!" Emma shrieked, knowing there really was nothing they could do at this point. It would envelop them within moments, and so the blonde seemed to react on instinct, pulling Regina into her arms in a protective gesture.

Suddenly, everything went dark.

**TBC…**


	2. Broken

**Author's Note:  
**Holy hell. 50+ reviews and 200+ follows for only the first chapter? I freaking love you guys. The show might suck something serious this season, but the awesomeness of the SQ fandom makes the pain worth it for me, lol. Thank you.

I just wanted to let you all know that I have finally mapped out my notes for this entire story, and I can promise you, without a doubt, that the pain I'm putting you through _will_ be worth it in the end, lol. It's just gonna take a little while to get there. So I do apologize for crushing your hearts into dust, but nothing worth having ever comes easy, right? :P

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO  
****Broken**

When Regina looked up, she expected to see the lush woodlands of the Enchanted Forest. Instead all she saw was the paved roads of Storybrooke, the area surrounding the two women completely unchanged. The purple cloud had dissipated, leaving confusion in its wake as a slew of people began to exit the buildings they had cowered in, looking around as though they couldn't fathom what had just happened. Regina couldn't either.

If the magic hadn't transported them back, then what _had _it done?

"We're alive," Emma breathed, apparently having convinced herself that the cloud _was_ some sort of failsafe meant to kill them all. Regina had never believed it to be a death trap and she felt terribly guilty, as she should have taken a moment to ease Emma's worries. The blonde pulled away from Regina, the contact immediately becoming missed by the woman who feared she would never have it again. "So what the _hell_ just happened?"

"I really don't know," Regina answered, as it was the honest truth. She had theories of course, but now was not the time to discuss them. Without thought she grabbed Emma's hand, weaving their fingers together as she told her hurriedly, "And it doesn't matter. First we need to be certain that Henry's alright. Because if he—!" Regina's voice broke, her expression masking in fear. Although the cloud hadn't affected them, there wasn't a guarantee that everyone else in town remained unscathed by its presence, and the thought that something could have happened to their son terrified her to her very core.

The same realization seemed to hit Emma rather quickly, and although Regina had begun pulling her by the hand towards the school, suddenly she was the one rushing in front, her boots giving her a speed advantage over the heels Regina wore. However the moment they barreled through the double doors of the school, they were instantly halted by a child's scream of terror.

Unfortunately, it had been Regina's presence that had caused it.

A little girl who couldn't have been more than eight years old stood in the middle of the hallway, pointing directly at Regina with an expression of pure terror, as though she were the very thing nightmares were made of. "It's the Queen!" she shrieked, causing the rest of her class that surrounded her to turn towards the two women in the threshold of the entranceway.

The teacher, who had no doubt escorted his students out of the classroom after the cloud had dissipated, noticeably paled at the sight of the woman before them. "Everyone, get back inside!" he ushered, herding the students like cattle back from whence they came. _"Quickly!"_ The children responded immediately, looking terrified beyond measure that they had come just mere paces away from the woman who had cursed them all.

When once Regina would have rejoiced in the fear she instilled, now it only stood to make her heart ache as she watched the emotions play out on Emma's face at the response her lover's mere presence elicited from people. Within moments, Emma pulled her hand from Regina's grasp as though she had been burned, turning to face her with a mixed expression of disbelief and disgust. It made Regina feel about an inch tall.

Them, the_ peasants_, they had never really mattered. But Emma? Her opinion of Regina meant the world.

"You need to leave," Emma told her fiercely, realizing it could only get worse from here once others were made aware of Regina's presence. But for the brunette, people's reactions paled in comparison to what they had come here for.

"I'm not leaving until I know—!"

"I'll make sure Henry's okay, alright?" Emma exclaimed, pushing on Regina's arm to try to guide her towards the exit. "But for fuck's sake, Regina, if _this_ is the reaction people have when they see you, there are going to be some really pissed off, _scared _people who probably want your head and I can't—Jesus, I _can't_ deal with that right now on top of everything. Just _go home!"_

Although that was probably true, Regina still had no intention of leaving solely for her own safety. Some things mattered more. "Emma, I'm not—!"

"This isn't a discussion!" Emma shouted, the force of her words actually making Regina back up a few paces. "Everyone in this town just got mind-fucked in a pretty bad way, and I'm not about to let you make it worse by terrifying everyone and their fucking mother just by _existing _near them! It'll cause riots and that's the _last_ thing any of us need, alright? Now turn the _hell _around and get yourself somewhere safe until I can figure out a way to deal with… fuck, _everything._ Okay? I swear, I'll call you the second I have Henry, but I just… I _can't_—!"

Emma's voice cracked, the strength she was so desperately trying to hold on to throughout all of this madness beginning to fall away. She was trying, as best she could, to handle everything that was going on, but her eyes shone with helplessness at how utterly lost she felt in a world she had thought she knew. Now that she had taken a moment's pause it seemed the reality of the situation was crushing her, and the last thing Regina wanted to do was further her pain. She owed her that much and besides, the only other person in this world that Regina really trusted to keep Henry safe was Emma. It wasn't preferable, not by any means, but Emma was right in believing her presence would do far more damage than good at this point in time.

"You have fifteen minutes," Regina told her, the words hard to muster as she had never really backed down from anything before. "That gives you more than enough time. If I don't hear from you, I'll assume something's happened and I'll tear this town apart trying to find him. Do you understand me?"

Emma didn't argue her threat to destroy everything in her wake should something have gone wrong, as she no doubt felt that she would do the same thing. Instead she nodded wordlessly before turning away from the Mayor, sprinting down the hallway towards Henry's classroom.

Regina watched her go, heart pounding in her chest as she knew that should Emma find Henry, she would also find Snow with him. It was something Emma hadn't seemed to process yet and Regina didn't want to be the one to mention it, as it would probably only further her sense of panic. It furthered Regina's as well, since the _last_ thing she wanted was to leave Emma with the woman who would undoubtedly waste no time trying to turn her daughter against her. Snow would never condone Emma's feelings for her, not after everything that had happened between them.

But Henry had and would _always_ come first, so Regina reluctantly left the premises after a moment's pause. All she could do now was hope that her son was alright, for she didn't know what she would do should the worst have happened.

[x]

When Emma was a little girl, the only comfort that served her in times of loneliness was her vivid imagination. One of her favorite things was fairytales, as they gave her hope that one day she would be saved from the horrors that her childhood entailed. But as she grew older, Emma found herself wishing more for the strength of the heroes than the optimism of the damsels. It took many years for her to accept that no one was going to come rescue her, so she hardened herself and became a person that would never need to rely on anyone else for happiness, as she was sure no one would ever really care enough to give it to her anyway.

Now, however, as everyone in town looked at her as though she was the next coming of the freaking _messiah_, Emma realized she wanted nothing more than for someone to come rescue her from the insanity her life had become.

Emma had barricaded herself in her bedroom, unable to deal with Mary Margaret's smothering and Henry's insistence on knowing the details of how the curse had broken. Emma didn't have the heart to tell him that things between her and Regina were probably fucked beyond repair, as he looked so hopeful for their happily ever after and the family that they would never become. What made it worse, however, was that Henry's words had reminded Mary Margaret of her relationship with Regina, which caused a solid ten minutes of motherly concern that sounded more like a goddamn lecture than anything else; as if, after everything, she even had the _right _to comment on her life choices.

It was too much. It felt like everything was coming at her from all sides and as Mary Margaret tentatively knocked on the bedroom door, informing Emma that her _father_ was here and would like to see her, Emma contemplated jumping out the damn window to try to escape this kind of mind-numbing suffocation.

After telling Mary Margaret that she just needed some space right now – a request that sounded more like an frantic demand because of the way it came out – Emma tried to ignore the muffled sounds of disappointment on the other side of the door as she sat on the floor near the bottom of her bed, knees pulled up to her chin as she stared at the text message she had just gotten. It was from Regina.

Emma hadn't spoken to her after her hasty assurance that Henry was alright and that she was taking him back to her apartment, and Regina had enough sense to give her the space she needed for a few hours to try to deal with everything that had gone on. Patience, however, was not exactly Regina's strong suit and finally there were five words taunting Emma on the screen of her phone, presenting her with another thing she didn't know if she'd ever have the strength to deal with.

"We need to talk. Please."

No._ Fuck_ no.

There was a part of her – a very large part of her – that was still hoping that this was all just some kind of horrifyingly vivid dream. Yesterday everything was normal and yet suddenly today, _today_ Emma felt like she had been repeatedly smacked in the head with a two-by-four over the revelation that she had Snow White and Prince-Freaking-Charming as her parents, and that Regina… _Regina_— God, no, she didn't even want to _think_ about Regina. Not right now, and probably not ever. It made her throat close up and her eyes bristle over with fresh tears, forcing her to feel far more than she was emotionally stable enough for. Yet no matter how many times Emma tried to ignore the truth, it was still there; taunting her, destroying her.

_Love._

She had known better, hadn't she? But maybe this kind of pain was just what her idiocy deserved. Emma had fallen in love with a woman that didn't really exist. Regina, _her_ Regina… she wasn't real. It had all been a lie. Everything, all of it; just some fabricated bullshit to fit the Queen's intricate façade.

It fucking killed her inside.

Feeling the sting of betrayal pierce her heart once more, Emma quickly deleted the message, foolishly hoping that ignoring the problem would cause it to cease to exist. Her emotions, however, did not follow the path of her mind, and as Emma placed the phone down on the floor, trying to think of anything other than the woman who had cut her so deeply, a singular tear slipped down her cheek, reminding her that the façades she so often immersed herself in were nothing without Regina there.

Another tentative knock came from the door. It was ignored, Emma furiously brushing the proof of her sorrow from her face as though it sickened her to feel emotion for someone who had proven they didn't deserve it.

The knock was repeated. "Emma?" came the small voice of her son, its volume suppressed by his uncertainty.

Emma closed her eyes, trying to gather up what was left of her strength so that Henry wouldn't see how broken she had become. He believed she was some sort of superhero, able to take on the world and conquer anything, and since everything she had ever known had shattered before her in the span of a day, the last thing Emma wanted to do was destroy her son's image of her as well. She knew how horrible it felt, to believe in something so strongly, only to see it was complete bullshit in the end.

After taking a shuddered inhale of breath, Emma forced herself to answer, "Yeah, kid?" Her voice broke the words in half and she winced, hoping he hadn't noticed.

The hesitancy before his question indicated that he probably had. "Can I come in…?"

Picking herself up off the floor, Emma swallowed hard, hoping she looked far more put together than she felt. Running her fingers through her tussled hair a few times, Emma responded with, "Sure," trying to make it sound light and easy, as though nothing in the world had changed; like everything was still _normal._

The lie didn't even sound close to convincing.

Still, Henry opened the door. Peeking his head in, he took in the sight of his birthmother, giving her a small, reassuring smile. "Hi," was all he said in greeting, apparently unsure how to proceed now that Emma had let him in. As he was most likely around to witness her blatant refusal of both Mary Margaret and David's requests, the allowance was probably very unexpected for him. But Henry was different; he was the one thing, throughout all of this, that had remained unchanged.

Emma quirked her lips upwards in response, though it seemed a little forced. "Hey." Nodding her head to indicate the world outside her bedroom door, Emma asked, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," Henry answered, moving more into the room so he could close the door behind him. "Grandma and Grandpa are talking in their room. Or kissing, I don't know. There were noises." He made a face and it was mirrored by Emma, finding anything sexual to do with Mary Margaret really strange now, as she was no longer her friend and roommate, but her—

Emma internally scowled. She still couldn't find it within herself to say the word in her head, let alone out loud. It was all too screwed up a concept, and even when she could momentarily find that small part within that was able to accept it, it only stood to make her really,_ really_ bitter. The last thing she wanted to do right now was even _think_ about the family that had abandoned her. She had enough to deal with as it was.

Still, she didn't want to have her kid scarred for life just because her parents' twenty eight year separation left them with an overactive libido, so she quickly assured Henry, "They're probably just talking. They haven't seen each other for a really long time. At least, not as…" Emma shrugged haplessly, unable to explain the quasi-duel lives everyone in the town now had. "Whatever. You know."

Henry nodded, understanding. He scrunched up his face in thought as he looked up at her, and Emma wished it didn't feel as dissecting as it did. After a few long moments, Henry looked her in the eye and told her, "I know you're mad at my mom."

Distress masked over Emma's face in the span of a second, unable to hide how the mention of Regina affected her. "Henry…" she tried, not wanting to have this conversation with him. Especially not right now.

Henry, however, wouldn't let her finish. "I know she lies," he told her. "I know she's done bad things, but that was when she was evil. Now she's not, cause she loves you. You saved her, Emma, like you were supposed to. The curse wouldn't have broken if you didn't."

It was hard, trying to keep composed throughout this entire interaction. Any mention of Regina made Emma's throat constrict so tightly that it felt as though she were suffocating. And yet still, the feeling paled in comparison to the agony of her heart breaking in half. It was that emotion which caused Emma's eyes to swim with fresh tears, finding herself unable to hold them back despite how hard she tried. She was far too broken for this conversation right now, and the last thing she wanted was Henry witnessing what his adoptive mother had done to her.

Turning away from him, Emma chose to stand over by her bedroom window, looking out at the world that had changed so drastically within a matter of hours. "It's a little more complicated than that," she told him after a few seconds, the pause enabling her to suppress the onslaught of emotions that had been threatening to consume her. At least, for the moment. Emma shook her head as she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to dismiss the heaviness of the topic. "There's a lot going on right now, kid; more than just the stuff between me and your mom. It's gonna take me a little bit to process it all, you know? Maybe we should talk about this later."

Her voice was strong, steady; much more assured than she actually felt. Emma would almost be impressed with herself for being able to sound so put together, if not for the fact she knew Henry could see right through it.

The kid didn't say anything in response. Instead he moved from behind her, enveloping Emma's waist in a tight hug. Emma felt her throat tighten again but swallowed it, allowing her hand to rest protectively against his head. She wished he couldn't see how badly this had affected her, but he had always been far more intuitive than they gave him credit for.

"Don't worry," Henry assured her softly, his fingers holding tight to the fabric of Emma's tank top. "True Love means always having a happy ending. You won't be sad for long."

Something inside Emma broke at her son's words and she had to bite her bottom lip to stifle a sob. Her vision blurred and she held onto him tighter, simultaneously wishing that she had the kind of optimism that he did, as well as being terribly saddened that, at the end of the day, Henry was sure to be disappointed by their relationship's failure. Maybe Regina had been right all along; maybe they shouldn't have even started this, because it was going to tear Henry apart once he realized that there really was no fixing what had been broken.

The sound of the phone ringing cut through the emotional moment, but only enough to make Emma want to crush the damn thing beneath her boot so that she would never have to hear that stupid ringtone ever again. _I knew you were trouble when you walked in…_

It was Regina.

Henry knew it too and he was off of her in a flash, running to grab Emma's phone before she could, as he knew she wouldn't answer it if she got to it first. "Henry, don't—!" she tried, but it was of no use. Henry wanted them to talk and he was going to make sure they did.

"Hi mom!" he answered victoriously, quickly backing away from Emma as she tried to make a swipe for the phone. He nearly tripped over her pile of laundry in the process. "Yeah, she's right here, hold on," he said after a moment, which made Emma shoot him a dangerous look that was ignored. Instead he just held out the phone to her, this innocent look plastered on his face that he knew Emma could see right through. "She wants to talk to you."

Emma's eyes flashed. "You're grounded," she muttered furiously as she yanked the phone from his grasp. She pointed towards the door, silently demanding privacy for the situation he had forced her into her against her will. Henry shot her a shit-eating grin before turning to leave, apparently proud of his little stunt. Emma was going to have to have a serious conversation with him later, because this really _wasn't_ funny. She couldn't fucking handle this right now.

After the door closed behind Henry's retreating form, Emma inhaled an unsteady breath, trying to gather her composure enough to at least dismiss the woman on the other line. She could just hang up on her, but knowing Regina that would only provoke her to do something stupid like _come over_. That was the last thing Emma wanted.

Putting the phone up to her ear, Emma firmly informed her, "Regina, I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I know that, I just…" Regina trailed off for a moment, sounding as though she were gathering the courage to say what she needed to, in fear of what the response would be. When she finally did, the words came out rather broken and small. "Emma, I… I need you."

There was something off in Regina's tone. The plea wasn't uttered out of a love lost, but rather with an air of foreboding distress. Sensing that something was terribly wrong, Emma pushed her anger towards the woman aside for a moment, her instincts taking over at the sound of Regina's fear. "What is it?" Emma asked, clutching the phone tighter to her ear as a sense of panic filled the pit of her stomach. "What's wrong?"

All that could be heard for a moment was the sound of Regina's breathing, and a faint shuffling in the background as she moved from one place to another. "Do you remember telling me that there would be people who would seek to have my head?" Emma's stomach dropped to the ground before Regina even finished with, "Well, it seems they've come for it much earlier than I expected. They've… there is a mob outside my house right now. They haven't tried to break down my door yet, but once they do, I… I honestly don't think it'll take very long."

Emma was already halfway out of her bedroom door once Regina had finished her explanation, her heart pounding in her chest at the thought of an angry mob tearing the woman apart. "Stay where you are," she told her as she grabbed her gun out of the locked box it was kept in, holstering it within seconds. "I'm coming. If they get in, _hide._ Do you hear me?"

After Regina murmured an affirmative, Emma quickly hung up the phone before shoving it into her back pocket. Henry was already running towards her from his previous place on the couch, knowing immediately that something was wrong by the shift in tone. "What's going on?" he asked, sounding just as frantic as she felt. His eyes were wide, frightened. "Is my mom okay?"

"She's fine. Everything will be fine, I promise," Emma hastily assured him as she threw on her coat. Grabbing her keys from off the island counter she told him, "Just stay here, okay? I'll be back soon." Henry tried to protest, but it was cut off with a firm, _"Do as I say!"_ before she fled from her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

As Emma hurriedly got into her car, she desperately tried to suppress the fear that was creeping up her esophagus, threatening to make her violently ill. No matter what she might feel about Regina, the _last _thing she wanted was for her to get hurt, and it frightened Emma to realize that if the entire town started to believe that the Queen should be executed, there really might not be anything she could do to stop it.

**TBC…**


	3. Magic

**Author's Note:  
**I've gotten some questions on Tumblr as to when updates will be, and right now the plan is to update every Wednesday. When I find more free time to write however, I will be shooting for twice a week. Thank you again for all the reviews, you guys are awesome!

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE  
****Magic**

It had been a long time since Regina had found herself truly frightened.

Her mother, of course, was always able to terrify her with ease. But after Cora had been pushed through the looking glass, there had been no one left to challenge her. It was a breath of fresh air that Regina hadn't known she had been missing until it was allotted her, and the feeling of freedom it gave her – to live without fear, without bounds – was unmatched in its comfort. That wasn't to say that people didn't _try_ to challenge her relentless tyranny as Queen, as there were many that sought to sever her head from her body or burn the flesh from her bones, but there was no one powerful enough to do so. Regina had magic on her side, something that served both as a weapon and as protection, and with it she knew no fear.

Now, however, the comfort magic had allotted her was gone, and Regina was left cowering in her house, actually afraid that these… these _peasants_ would tear her limb from limb. It was a testament, truly, to how far she had fallen.

Why on _earth_ didn't she think to keep a gun in the house?

But even as Regina asked herself that question, she knew the answer: Henry. Although outside of not wishing to put him in harm's way, there was also the fact that she had previously held the belief that the curse would never break. How foolish she'd been, to have underestimated the power that Emma held within her. Although in the end, it paled in comparison to how naïve Regina was, to have hoped, even for a moment, that True Love would prevail above all else.

And perhaps it had, in a sense. It prevailed over the curse, but that, it seemed, was where it's graces ended; for Regina was now left alone, powerless, and feeling emptier than she had even before she cast this worthless curse. She had wanted her happy ending, yes, but what was worse was that she had found it, only to have it ripped away the second she realized its importance. _Her _importance.

It was a shining example of poetic justice at its finest, and it made Regina want to set fire to damn near everything around her.

The shouting on her porch was beginning to grow louder, and Regina took a breath, chancing a look out her window. She couldn't distinguish the words that were being said, but she was certain that they were probably arguing on the proper way to kill her. Either that or they were uncertain whether the curse breaking had brought her magic back or not, and didn't want to opt for a full-frontal assault if it would result in casualties.

_If only._

It wasn't as though Regina hadn't _tried_. The moment she realized a mob was gathering outside of her house, she had tried with every ounce of her strength to conjure a protection ward, but reaching for something that wasn't even remotely there did nothing but frustrate her to the point of smashing one of her crystal vases. Even trying something simpler yielded no results, and it made Regina deflate rather substantially, to realize that her suspicions about the magical cloud had been completely false. When it didn't take them back to the Enchanted Forest, Regina was certain that it had at least restored magic to the town.

Of all the times to be proven wrong, this one was by far the worst. For the first time in a long while, Regina was completely helpless, and if she were to be honest, she didn't quite know what to do now that she was unable to protect herself.

So she had done the first thing she thought of: she called Emma.

A part of her feared the woman wouldn't even come. But perhaps that was stupid, for even after everything, one thing was still undeniably true; Emma _did _love her. After all, the curse wouldn't have broken if she did not. Still, it served as a small comfort, as Regina was certain that there was no coming back from this. Emma felt thoroughly betrayed, and it made Regina's chest ache to realize that she would always live with half a heart, as the part that resided within Emma was probably never coming back.

A loud crash echoed from downstairs and Regina's heart leapt in her throat as she hurriedly looked out the window once more. Apparently a decision had been made and it wasn't in her favor.

They had broken down her door.

Regina firmly straightened the hem of her blouse as she inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. If Emma didn't get there in time, the _last _thing Regina was going to do was die an undignified death. She was their goddamn _Queen,_ and if they wished to revolt against her than so be it, but she was _not_ about to do anything shameful like cower in a corner or beg for her life. That was not who she was, despite whatever promises she had previously made to Emma, because if nothing else, at the end of the day, Regina Mills still had her pride.

So with that thought the brunette turned, striding out of her room with as much confidence as she could muster, set on meeting her her attackers that were gathering in the foyer. However, the collective cries of, "There she is!" and "Get her!" as Regina reached the top of her stairs didn't even register with her, for it was that moment that Emma chose to come charging through the threshold at full speed.

Always the hero, even at the end of the day.

"Hey! _Hey!"_ Emma screamed, trying to get the attention off of Regina and onto herself. Unfortunately, she was ignored. Regina stiffened as a wave of people began ascending the stairs, trying to fight her natural instinct to flee. But she was ever so much the Queen as she held her ground, at least, that was until Emma raised her gun above her head, firing a warning shot.

Everyone, including Regina, hit the ground in an instant, Emma having not bothered to look at where the hell she was shooting. The beautiful chandelier that decorated Regina's entranceway shattered, shards of glass raining down upon the unsuspecting mob. They covered their heads with their hands, trying to avoid being hit by the debris as they scattered away from the affected area.

"_Miss Swan!"_ Regina shrieked once she had gotten her bearings, out of force of habit more than anything else. Emma froze, eyes wide and her expression plastered with guilt as she looked up at Regina's furious expression.

"…That was expensive, wasn't it?"

Regina's eyes flashed as she picked herself up off the ground, brushing off her pantsuit in an attempt to look more dignified after such a barbaric attempt at a rescue scenario. She didn't even dignify Emma's question with an answer, for Emma already _knew _that it was, but it didn't seem to matter anyway, for everyone else seemed to be coming back to reality as well. And _their _reality held quite a lot of anger and spite for the woman at the top of the stairs.

Emma seemed to realize this and made a beeline through the crowd, pushing people out of her way until she stood between them and Regina about halfway up the stairs. People were starting to shout again, but both the acoustics in the room and her current position allowed Emma's voice to reign over all of them. "Alright, that's _enough!"_ she furiously exclaimed, the muscles in her arms becoming more predominant as her entire body went into a defensive stance.

Regina tried like hell not to stare, as there were clearly more pressing matters at the moment. Still, her gaze lingered there for a little too long before getting pulled back into reality by Emma's continuance of, "I don't give a shit where you guys are from, but you're in _my_ world now, and over here we don't form goddamn _lynch mobs!_ Now back the _hell _up!"

Some did immediately. However, there were others that continued to stand their ground.

"Oh, how terribly _touching,"_ one older man drawled, looking almost amused by Emma's show of heroism. Taka Aryeh, Regina believed his name was, though who he was before she had cursed him, she couldn't remember. His hair was jet black and he had a scar covering his left eye, and although it jogged something in Regina's memory, she could not place why he seemed so familiar. "I wonder, would you be so keen on protecting the Queen if she was not your lover?"

Emma bristled as some people in the crowd shouted their agreement of the man's assumption of favoritism. "What Regina and I may or may not be to each other is irrelevant," she snapped. "There are laws in this world and I'm not about to have you tear her apart on _my _watch. I'm the law around here and if you don't like it, then by all means, get the_ hell_ out of my town. No one's stopping you."

"She stole our lives; she took us from our _homes!"_ came a voice from the back, which Regina couldn't place throughout the masses. However there were murmured, angry agreements that quickly followed. "We deserve retribution!"

"That doesn't give you, _any_ of you, the right to try to kill her!"

"Then what the hell are you plannin' to do about it, sister?" Leroy piped up, stepping through the crowd so he could be seen. Even from where Regina was standing, now directly behind Emma as she had descended the stairs, she could smell the liquor curling off of him like smoke. "Because so far I'm not seein' her in handcuffs or behind bars, and yet you're preachin' about the _law?"_

"Excuse me for being a little fucking preoccupied," Emma snapped, apparently not intending to keep this professional in the slightest. Then again, she did look to be at about her wit's end. She exuded what strength she had left, but Regina knew more of Emma Swan than anyone else, and could easily see how broken she was behind the mask she wore so diligently.

The guilt from being the one who had caused it sought to tear Regina's heart in half, and she instinctively reached out for her, lightly clasping her hand around Emma's forearm. The woman moved away from her without even so much as a thought, and Regina's stomach sank, realizing that their instincts no longer coincided. Emma did not want to be that close to her.

"You ignorant girl," King George reprimanded her, stepping to the forefront. As his Storybrooke counterpart was a District Attorney, Regina was not surprised by his grievances. "There is no justice system in this world capable of dealing with this kind of situation. What do you plan on telling the state _judge_ of her crimes? If the rumors are true, then your feelings for this… _witch,"_ he nearly spat out the word, "are clouding your judgment. We do not need someone like that in the Sherriff's office."

"Then run against me in the next election," Emma firmly responded, holding her ground. "But for now, _I'm_ the Sherriff, and I say Regina deserves a fair trial."

Regina's eyebrows rose. "You're not seriously considering _arresting _me, are you?" she asked, as though the idea was unfathomable. King George had been right in that aspect; there _was_ no justice system in this world to deal with her crimes. Not that she wished to be executed either, but there were other options that could suffice. Banishment, for example. So long as she was still allowed access to her son, and to… and to Emma, Regina could live with that.

Although she knew the latter hope was her merely grasping at straws.

"I'm sorry, do you _want_ to get lynched today?" Emma snapped, effectively silencing Regina in an instant because no, she really did not. In the end, her solution _was_ far better than the alternative, no matter how much Regina may dislike it. "Just be quiet and let me handle this."

"The old man is right," Taka spoke up, his eyes gleaming with challenge. King George, however, noticeable bristled at being referred to as 'old'. "Some silly little girl with a _crush_ is not fit to make decisions on behalf of this town. Now I am _dreadfully_ sorry to be the one to enlighten you, Sherriff, but look around you." The man smiled cruelly as he motioned to the mob behind him. "There are dozens of us and one of you. I'd say the odds aren't exactly in your favor, wouldn't you?"

Emma's eyes flashed. "Is that a threat?"

"Yes, I do believe it is," Taka responded, stepping forward. His boldness seemed to illicit it in others, for nearly half the group came up behind him, ready to advance if their newfound leader said the word. "And quite frankly, that fact that you even had to question it only gives further proof to your complete incompetence."

"Nah, I just wanted to make sure," Emma told him with a sneer, cocking her gun before pointing it at one of the man's legs just as he and the mob began to advance. "You take one more step and I'll blow your kneecap off," she told him point blank, causing Taka to come to a halt just mere paces before them. "Because to get to Regina you have to come through me, and I'm not exactly the world's nicest person when I'm feeling threatened. Understand me?"

Taka laughed. It sounded mocking and cruel. "You wouldn't dare."

"Why? Because I'm the _Savior?"_ Emma spat, as though the title was something disgusting to her. _"Wrong._ The world isn't black and white, and I sure as hell am not either. I might be too good a person to kill you outright, but I'm not opposed to causing some damage. You're threatening my _family._ You wanna see what that does to a person? Go ahead and find out."

Although Regina was certain that the word 'family' when referring to her was nothing more than an unconscious slip on Emma's part, it still filled her with an incomprehensible sense of warmth and acceptance. However, the feeling was short lasting.

Taka opened his mouth, fury etched on his face at being so blatantly challenged, yet instead of words, a loud, animalistic roar fell from his lips. Regina's eyes widened as his form shifted in an instant and instead of an angry man standing before them, a dark lion emerged from the ashes of Taka's former self. Teeth bared and muscles poised, he immediately lunged towards the two women.

Regina reacted on instinct.

"Emma!" she shouted, throwing herself in front of the woman so violently that they both landed in a heap on the stairs. Regina quickly shielded Emma's body with her own, yet instead of feeling sharp teeth sink into her flesh as she had expected, something inside of her sparked to life.

Regina felt her magic react within her so suddenly that the intensity of its power nearly suffocated her, pushing the breath from her lungs as a protection ward shot from her body like an arrow. There were screams from the mob as it slammed into the lion so forcefully that it threw the animal across the foyer, causing it to collide with the far wall. A pathetic sounding whimper escaped the creature's mouth as the impact was made, but when it fell to the ground, its unconscious, massive body shifted to become the form of the man it once was.

The house broke out into chaos.

Frightened of Regina's magic, the mob scattered from the house like ants. Pushing, shoving, and screaming, they each fought to be the first one out the door, once more fearing their Queen's uncontestable wrath, should it suddenly be turned towards them. Their collective panic only furthered the pandemonium as the magic in the air wrapped around each of them, forcing them to become what they once were.

A loud _crash _echoed through the house as suddenly a twelve foot ogre shifted from within the doorway, crushing the threshold to nothing as plaster rained down upon his head. Regina stared at the scene wide-eyed, not understanding what was happening in the slightest, yet knowing that if nothing else, she _had_ to keep the ward up in case any of the newly appearing creatures turned on them. Now that she felt the magic running through her veins, her instinctual abilities kicked in and she was easily able to control it. For how long though, Regina was unsure.

Emma's grip on her arm was bruising as her breathing shallowed, unable to comprehend the situation even less than Regina. A collection of what the blonde had previously believed to be mythical creatures, mixed with a plethora of panicking humans, was still in the process of fleeing from the house. Regina wished she could tell Emma that it would be alright, but didn't dare speak in fear that it might break her concentration. They couldn't afford to have the ward fall, as it was the only thing protecting them during this madness.

Some of the creatures were reverting back to their human forms after only moments, but others were now roaming down Mifflin Street, causing more chaos on the unsuspecting town. Thankfully, everyone had now vacated the mayoral mansion, but the repercussions of what had happened there were sure to be disastrous. However, as Regina was certain that no one was planning to turn back around and attack them, she allowed the ward to dissipate before turning towards Emma, breathing heavily from the amount of effort it took to uphold it for that long.

Emma didn't meet her gaze. She was barely even blinking. The Sherriff just stared out the large hole that was once Regina's doorway, seemingly struck into a near catatonic state. Regina creased her brow in concern, knowing that after everything else that had happened, this was probably far more than the woman could mentally handle. Regina tenderly touched her arm so as to not startle her, voice low as she questioned, "Emma…?"

Emma turned towards her, but she seemed to be looking _through _her rather than at her. Regina momentarily feared that this madness might be the thing that finally broke her, but suddenly Emma rose to her feet. Regina watched as the woman wordlessly trudged into her study, not even bothering to spare the Mayor another glance. It was like she wasn't even there.

Regina blinked, giving herself a moment's hesitation to process the change before she too picked herself off the stairwell, following Emma into the other room.

Regina was greeted with the sight of the Sherriff holding one of her most expensive bottles of whiskey to her lips, chugging the contents like she hoped to find sanity at the bottom of the glass. While the reaction was probably not out of the ordinary, considering the unorthodox nature of the situation, Regina still found herself cringing at the sight of Emma coughing on the contents for a moment, only to immediately bring the bottle back to her lips. She, clearly, had no desire to be competent throughout this ordeal. But dulling her senses did not in any way diminish the problem, so Regina asked, "You honestly believe this kind of reaction will _help?_ You're the Sherriff, Emma. What use are you going to be to anyone _drunk?"_

Her tone came off as terribly judgmental, and Emma slammed the now half-empty bottle on the desk before turning towards Regina, a dangerous look in her eye. "A character from my favorite Disney film just tried to _rip me apart,"_ she hissed furiously. "Do you even _understand _how much of a mind fuck that is?!"

Regina held up her hands in light surrender, realizing she shouldn't have been so quick to chastise. She probably didn't have a place to anymore anyway. Still, Regina tried to calm her with, "Look, I really do understand that this is a difficult situation for you to grasp, but—"

"A diff—a _difficult_ situation?!" Emma exclaimed, a disbelieving laugh bubbling from her throat. She stared at Regina like she had gone mental. "I think we've gone a little fucking far past a _difficult_ situation, don't you? For fuck's sake, Regina, _Simba's uncle_ is lying unconscious in your goddamn entranceway, and I'm pretty sure I don't even want to _know_ what the hell broke down your damn door!"

Regina tried to answer, but Emma continued her tirade as she furiously grasped for the bottle once more. "And the most screwed up part of it is, I don't get a chance to even process any of this crap, do I? No. I have to fucking go out there and… and deal with everything that _you_ fucked up! This, all of this shit, is _your_ fault, Regina!" She waved the bottle at the Mayor erratically, some of the contents spilling out and staining the white carpet as Emma stumbled towards her, the rush of alcohol seemingly hitting her all at once. "You and your _stupid_ ass curse and Jesus, why—why the hell couldn't you have been fucking _normal?!"_

The bottle was to her lips again, Emma's shoulders slouching in defeat as she dealt with her problems in the unhealthiest way that she could find. "Why couldn't I have just loved someone _normal?"_ Emma murmured after she was finished with another swig, although the question seemed to be directed more towards herself than to the woman standing before her.

Regina watched Emma fall apart with a pained expression, for she knew that the woman had spoken truth when she placed the blame on her shoulders. This _was_ her fault. Regina wished, more than anything else, that she could find a way to rectify it so that its reality was no longer crushing the drunken woman in front of her, but there truly was nothing she could do at this point. The damage had already been done, and now they _both _had to live with the consequences.

"Emma, I'm sor—"

"_Don't,"_ Emma interrupted her, eyes ablaze as she cut Regina off mid-sentence. She placed the bottle back down on the desk, furiously pursing her lips for a moment as she ran her fingers through her hair. "It's just… it's _worthless,_ okay? So just don't. I don't want to fucking hear it."

Regina tensed her jaw, trying to not allow the sorrow that she felt become reflected on her face. There was a long moment's silence that followed, the tension in the room enveloping any hope for rationality. Still, Regina had to try. "Emma," she began softly, tentatively. "What's happened is going to cause a lot of people to panic. There's going to be more riots if we don't gain control over the situation—"

"We?" Emma interjected through a disbelieving laugh. "I'm sorry, did you just say _we?_ Newsflash, Regina; I'm pretty sure a whole of _no one_ is going to want you to be Mayor after this. You have no more authority."

Regina bristled, offense coloring her face. "That doesn't mean I'm going to allow this town, _my_ town, to just fall apart! Think whatever you want of me, Emma, but I actually _do_ care about Storybrooke."

"Well that's just _great,"_ Emma slurred sarcastically. "Fucking damn peachy to know that you care enough about a _fake_ town to try to save it, but not enough to be honest in your goddamn relationship to save _us."_

It was a low blow and Regina felt it in her chest, twisting the invisible knife that this situation held within her heart. A dozen things came to mind to say in her defense, but none of them made it past Regina's lips. She just stared at Emma, helplessly faced with a problem that held no plausible solution. Its inevitability was destructive and Regina knew that it was only a matter of time until it demolished everything that they were, and everything that they could have been to each other.

Emma shook her head, trying to push past the floodgates that she had opened. "You know what? Whatever," she dismissed, beginning to cross the room towards Regina as she reached for the cuffs hanging off her belt. "You want me to do something to calm the people of this town, then _fine._ I'll do something."

"Emma, what are you—_Emma!"_ Regina exclaimed as she was practically manhandled, the Sherriff having forced her to turn around as she positioned Regina's hands behind her back. Though Regina didn't struggle against her, Emma's grip was tight and immobilizing.

"You have the right to remain silent—"

"You're _mirandizing_ me?" Regina fumed, feeling the cuffs click in place behind her wrists. Disbelief washed over her features, as she had believed Emma understood that there really was no court in this world that could try the kinds of crimes she had committed.

Emma continued on, ignoring her protests as she forcefully guided Regina towards the door. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney—"

"I know my goddamn rights!" Regina exclaimed, feeling thoroughly humiliated by this whole ordeal. If it were anyone else arresting her it wouldn't be as bad, but as it was Emma who was doing this, it made Regina feel about an inch tall. The fact that she was in handcuffs, that Emma didn't even trust her enough to come with her to the station willingly, spoke volumes about how much their relationship had deteriorated.

Still, Emma pushed on. In the end, she knew that if she didn't finish, that it could become problematic from a legal standpoint later on. "If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you…" Regina exhaled a hard breath as Emma continued reading her her rights, leading the detained woman towards her car.

This most certainly was not going to end well.

**TBC…**


	4. Admissions

**Author's Note:  
**I probably should have mentioned this before, but this fic is a canon divergence, which means I have taken some liberties in regards to how the curse broke and kind of made it my own. So take what you know from canon and throw it out the window, because this does not follow what happened on the show. This will become clearer later on, especially in regards to what characters are there and how magic works or doesn't work in this realm, but as I've had some people reference canon in reviews, I figured I should let you guys know my intentions.

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR  
****Admissions**

Emma was pretty sure she was starting to get a migraine. Either that or she hadn't drank_ nearly_ enough today to counteract the massive hangover she had this morning. In an attempt to rectify that problem, Emma took a large sip of her coffee that she had unceremoniously dumped some Bailey's in not an hour previously, fumbling with her keys in the other hand as she tried to unlock the door to the Sherriff's station. Her phone was being cradled to her ear by her shoulder as she pushed the door open, trying like hell not to get outwardly frustrated at the person on the other line.

"Look, I— No, I… I get that we need to talk, David. It's just—" Emma sighed heavily as she was interrupted once again, tearing her phone from her ear once she had gotten the door open. She really didn't need this right now. Emma heard the muffled sounds of the man's disappointment on the other line over the fact that she had clearly called for other reasons, before she took a deep breath and put the phone back up to her ear.

"—not trying to push you into anything, but your mother and I feel—"

"David!" Emma exclaimed, unable to keep her frustration under wraps any longer as she practically stomped down the narrow hallway. "I get it, okay? I do. But this town is going to hell and back right now, and I'm pretty damn sure that's more important than family bonding time, alright? So can you just put this lifetime movie moment you wanna have on hold for two seconds and just _listen_ to me?"

When Emma walked into the holding area, a quick assessment of the singular cell informed her that Regina was already very much awake and already staring at her expectantly. As that was the very _last_ thing Emma wanted to deal with right now, she quickly crossed the room to open the door to her office.

"What's going on?" David asked, concern coloring his voice by how overwhelmed Emma sounded. "Did something happen?"

Did something—Jesus, how could he not _know?_ Did he and Mary Margaret seriously spend all day in bed, clueless to the outside world? Nice to know where there priorities lied.

Emma closed the door to her office behind her, exhaling an impatient sigh before flopping down in her desk chair. "Well if you wanna consider getting attacked by Scar – in lion form, no less – and then spending the rest of the day trying to make sure that no giants or griffons or _whatever the hell_ tore the town apart, as 'something', then sure, _something_ happened."

_That_ got David's full attention. _"What?"_

Emma ran her fingers through her hair, shaking her head momentarily before telling him. "Look it's—I don't know, _fine,_ I guess, right now. Everyone turned back eventually and there was actually very minimal damage. But by the time I got back from arresting Regina, Scar had already disappeared and—"

"Wait, you arrested _Regina?"_ David asked, sounding genuinely surprised. There was a noticeable pause on the other line, making the conversation turn awkward as he hesitantly continued, "Not that I, ah… don't _disagree _with that decision, Emma, but I thought you two were—"

"We aren't," Emma told him firmly, but then felt her lip curl upwards in displeasure for a moment before she reluctantly amended with the truth, "Okay, we _were,_ but—you know, that isn't the point. Half the town wants to rip her apart and she… I don't know, _pissed me off,_ so I put her behind bars. I don't—fuck, it doesn't matter, I'll deal with her later. But honestly right now I'm a little shorthanded, and I figured that since you were a… _hero_, or something, back in… wherever it is that you're from, that you could actually stand to help me out in case another epidemic of crazy breaks out. I can't do everything myself and I don't have a deputy, so I just—"

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," David told her, thankfully relieving Emma from the worry that she might have to do something incredibly embarrassing like _beg._ She was entirely out of her element here and honestly, one person could only do so much. She really needed the help. "You can explain the rest to me when I get there."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Emma found herself sinking back into her chair as she replied, "Thank you, David."

She really had no idea who else to ask if he had turned her down.

After Emma had said her goodbyes and hung up the phone, she exhaled a long, hard breath as she grabbed her cup of coffee. The amount of liquor she had dumped into it burned its way down her throat, promising a coming haze that would allow her to dull the rampant insanity that currently surrounded her life.

Emma wasn't so idiotic as to allow herself to get totally smashed, especially considering that she had a job to do, but it at least provided her with a 'fuck it' kind of attitude that God, she _really_ needed right now. If she started dwelling on everything again – her 'parents' and Regina and actual, fairytale curses that turned her entire world upside down – she'd probably have a complete mental breakdown and lock herself up in an asylum. Truthfully, right now, that idea actually held some appeal, as it would be so much easier than dealing with _this,_ but she had Henry to think about.

Regina was… Hell, Emma didn't even know _what _Regina was, but she found herself questioning how safe Henry would be if he stayed at the manor. Regina loved him, of course; that… well, Emma would never question _that,_ but the woman's life was in danger right now, and the last thing Emma wanted to do was put Henry in harm's way. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him.

And neither would Regina.

Emma exhaled a long sigh as her eyes momentarily flittered to the doorway that separated her from the brunette in the other room. Truth be told, there was a part of Emma that was kicking herself for even arresting Regina in the first place, not because the woman didn't deserve it or need the protection it gave her, obviously, but because Emma had now managed to trap herself in the same building for eight plus hours a day with the one person she desperately did _not _want to see.

Still, the – albeit, slightly _drunken_ – decision had been made, and now Emma had to live with the consequences, whether she liked it or not. So as she rose from her seat, Emma grabbed the bag of takeout she had gotten from Granny's on her way over to the station, figuring that at the end of the day, she still had to be the Sherriff, and that included responsibilities like actually feeding her current prisoner. She couldn't let her personal feelings get involved in this, as it would only stand to make it so much harder on the both of them.

When Emma exited her office, she allowed her eyes to rest on the woman in the containment cell. Regina was situated on the cot in the far left, her expression composed and her hands folded neatly in her lap, as though she were waiting for a damn business meeting to begin instead of an arraignment. It irrationally aggravated Emma for a moment, how regal the woman managed to seem even at her worst of hours. Regina looked slightly disheveled, but otherwise there was no indication that she had just spent the night locked in a cage. It was as though her current surroundings didn't even register with her as something to be concerned about.

Emma roughly thrust the bag through the metal bars without a word of acknowledgement other than the gruff statement of, "Here," making a point to look anywhere but at the Mayor's face while she said it. She didn't like what she saw behind Regina's eyes, as it made her feel things she really wasn't ready to deal with yet.

Regina hesitated for a moment before rising from the cot, crossing the small space to stand before Emma on the other side of her confinements. "Thank you," she said, her voice softer than normal as she took the bag from the Sherriff's hand. The moment their fingers touched, Emma felt herself instinctively flinch before abruptly pulling herself away. Inwardly berating herself for showing Regina how much she had truly broken her, Emma scowled and walked over to the desk a few feet away.

"Don't thank me yet," she responded flatly, flopping down in the seat before mindlessly shuffling through the disorganized paperwork scattered all over the surface. "That really 'unhealthy' breakfast was supposed to be for me. I didn't—" Emma hesitated for a moment before begrudgingly admitting, "I didn't really even think you'd still be here."

Not after what she had witnessed yesterday afternoon, anyway.

Regina's brow furrowed. "You_ do_ realize that you have the only key to this little cell, right?"

"And you _do_ realize that you have your magic back, don't you?" Emma countered, her tone probably more hostile than it actually needed to be as she sharply looked up at her. "Couldn't you just…" she waved her hand erratically, trying to make her point, "you know, _leave?"_

The bag crinkled in Regina's hand as her grip noticeably tightened. "Contrary to what you might choose to believe, Emma, I don't actually intend to betray your trust."

The blonde's eyes narrowed, a retort beginning to form on her lips. Regina, however, did not give her time to voice it. "Regardless, your concern isn't warranted. I cannot…" The sorceress exhaled a soft sigh as she admitted, "Magic is much different here; it seems I can no longer summon it with ease."

"And you know this _because…?"_ Emma drawled, though had already reached a viable conclusion in her mind. Shaking her head, she scowled as she turned back to her paperwork. "Jesus, Regina, all you ever fucking do is lie. I don't even know why I bother asking you anything anymore."

"I'm_ not_ lying to you!" Regina exclaimed, forcefully enough for Emma to look back up at her. "I didn't try to leave, I merely…" She disgruntledly motioned towards the cot in the far corner of the cell, as though she were embarrassed to admit that it was the thing that, above all else, actually bothered her about this situation. "That… ragged_ thing_ does not provide much comfort. I was only trying to—"

"Pretty sure criminals don't deserve much comfort, Regina," Emma snapped, interrupting her before taking a long swig of her spiked coffee. Yeah, she really wasn't drunk enough to deal with this right now. She should have just went back into her office after giving Regina her food, but Emma was sure that the paperwork she needed to book the woman was somewhere in this mess on the desk.

At least she hoped it was, otherwise she was torturing herself for no foreseeable reason.

Regina's jaw tensed. "That's what you think of me, then?"

"That's what you _are!"_ Emma exclaimed, looking at her incredulously. How could Regina believe that she would see her as anything but? She was the actual embodiment of one of the oldest fairytale super-villains, for Christ's sake. "You basically mind-raped everyone in this town, have single-handedly managed to create the longest list of abduction charges ever filed against one _damn_ person, and if what Henry's book says is true, you—!" But Emma stopped herself mid-sentence, the words dying in her throat as all the color drained from her face.

Suddenly, what used to be just a story became far, _far_ too real.

Regina noticed the change immediately, her own face noticeably paling as she realized what it was that Emma had to have been thinking about. Gone was the façade of self-assurance that Regina had tried to hide behind all morning, and suddenly the woman Emma had left broken on her bedroom floor was once more laid out in front of her. "Emma, please," she softly pleaded, her voice noticeably cracking from the forthcoming emotional strain. Her fingers wrapped around the bars, looking at Emma with desperation. "Don't do this. Not right now. You're not ready to—"

"You really did kill him… didn't you?"

The question was barely even audible, the words being breathed out in horror as realization dawned on Emma so fiercely that it almost blinded her. Still, Regina heard it loud and clear. She swallowed hard, looking like she might fall apart on the spot.

"Emma…"

"_Answer me!"_ Emma shrieked, standing so abruptly from her seat that the chair toppled to the ground behind her with a loud crash. Her eyes were wild, _crazed,_ as she stared at the woman before her, a woman who she once thought she knew. It sickened her deeply to realize she really never had at all, because the Regina she knew, the Regina she fell in love with… she might be a lot of things, but she could _never…_

"Yes," Regina breathed regrettably in answer, the singular word successfully managing to brutally rip the last shred of sanity from Emma's mind so fast that it felt as though the reality of it would crush her very bones to dust.

Something within her abruptly crumbled.

The blonde suddenly felt her knees weaken, her stomach churning horribly as her vision blurred. Grasping for the side of the desk, Emma doubled over violently, only barely managing to situate herself over the trash can before spilling the contents of her stomach into it. She choked on the bile, her tears blurring the world around her as she tried, desperately, to once more convince herself that this was all some kind of bad dream; that she would wake up any minute now, safe in the arms of the woman who loved her, and nothing would have changed.

But everything had changed. The world was completely_ fucked_ and Emma right along with it, and nothing would ever make it better. _Nothing._ The world as she knew it, the woman she loved, as she _thought _she knew her, was gone… and they weren't ever coming back.

Regina sounded just as broken as she was, and if Emma could find a moment to think clearly, it probably would have infuriated her, that Regina _dared_ to sound anything remotely close to human right then. "Emma, I swear to you, it wasn't—!"

"_Emma?!"_

Emma barely had time to register the unexpected voice before she was basically being cradled in a death grip from her position on the floor by far more arms than one person should have. Not that it mattered, in the long run. Emma still felt sick to her stomach, her arms holding the waste bucket tight to her chest as she tried desperately not to vomit anymore, as she was sure her stomach didn't have anything left in it besides acid.

"What the hell have you done to her?!" Mary Margaret accused, the question being posed to what the blonde could only assume was Regina. Emma had no idea why the hell she was even there, as she only asked David to come, but she honestly didn't really even care at that point. She was so wrapped up in the horror of Regina's admission that she could barely even _breathe,_ let alone think.

"Just get me away from her," Emma pleaded frantically, stumbling as David tried to help her to her feet. She couldn't deal with this, she couldn't deal with _any _of this. The tears were flowing again, a reaction she had no hope of trying to suppress no matter how much she despised it. Emma choked back a sob, wishing she could run but knowing the strength in her legs would fail her if she tried.

Regina didn't even acknowledge the existence of the other people in the room; instead she was desperately trying to plead to Emma, who was hearing none of it. "Emma, _please,_ just listen to me—!"

"I don't want to hear _anything_ that you have to say!" Emma shouted, the words coming out choked and broken, yet fierce with the fury that resided within her heart over the loss of a friend and the woman who had seen to it that it had happened. "Nothing you could say could_ ever_ justify what you did! You killed him, you _fucking—!"_ But the words wouldn't come anymore, another sob wracking her body as it pushed the breath from her lungs. David cradled her in his arms, like any father would, yet all the gesture managed to do was sicken Emma further.

"Charming, get Emma out of here," Mary Margaret ordered, unclasping her hands from her daughter's as she nodded at him encouragingly. It was strange, how not like herself she sounded, but Emma didn't want to dwell on _that_ either. She didn't want to think of Mary Margaret as her mother right then, just as much as she didn't want to think of Regina as the Evil Queen, and yet still, the truth kept getting shoved down her throat so much and so fast that Emma was practically choking on it.

And as David quickly led her from the room, away from the woman who had managed to both complete and ruin her life in the same day, Emma idly found herself wishing that the feeling would suffocate her, as it had to be easier than all of this.

[x]

Regina had been behind bars before, but she had never felt so utterly trapped within their confinements until now. Her desperation for Emma not to leave her, not after _that,_ nearly consumed her whole and she tried with every ounce of strength she had in her to summon enough magic so she could escape that which separated her from the woman she had broken, but in the end nothing came. Her cheeks stained with fresh tears, she watched Charming pull Emma from the room, her frustration of being unable to do anything to rectify the pain she had caused boiling over so abruptly that an anguished cry fell past her lips, the flat of her hand slamming against the cold metal bars.

The sound echoed through the room, causing Snow, who still stood in front of her, to instinctively flinch. Once Emma had left her line of sight, Regina's eyes fell on the woman who had caused her so much agony in her life, her gaze darkening with absolute loathing. "Get _out,"_ she demanded dangerously through clenched teeth. She was going through enough; the last thing she needed was to see Snow's gloating face as her pain practically ripped her apart inside.

But Snow wasn't gloating. In fact, she didn't look pleased at all. Her face was torn between the sympathy any good person would feel for one in pain, and the anger that any mother would feel towards the one who had scorned her daughter so deeply.

"Why Emma?" Snow asked her after a long stretch of silence, a wordless battle of wills that had ended in her favor. She took a step towards Regina, an array of conflicting emotions passing over her face as she reiterated, "Why _my _daughter? You must have known who she was, so why would you _ever–?"_

Regina was rapidly rebuilding her walls, desperately trying to find enough strength within her to have this confrontation after the emotional turmoil she had just been subjected to. She scowled at Snow, for she found that it was the easiest emotion to reach at the moment. "Believe me, dear, I certainly never intended to fall in love with anyone spawned from _you."_ Regina's grip tightened on the bar her fingers had furiously wrapped around, the pressure making her knuckles flash white. "She was never meant for anything more than my bed."

A brief look of horror crossed Snow's face as she no doubt was reminded that for her daughter and Regina to have been in a relationship, it meant that they would have slept with each other on numerous occasions. It seemed that was something Snow had previously made a point not to acknowledge and, unable to stop herself from causing the woman more distress, Regina smirked cruelly at her as she went on. "Which is an area she is _very_ talented in, by the way. You should be proud."

Snow's eyes flashed. "Don't you _dare_ speak about my daughter like she's some kind of—!" But the word never came, Snow unable to stomach hearing how demeaning it would sound out loud. She clenched her jaw, looking at Regina dangerously. "How can you stand there and claim you love her, yet—!"

"Do not presume to _ever _know what it is I feel for Emma!" Regina shouted at her, her eyes darkening with anger at the word 'claim'. The amount of raw emotion in her words seemed to give Snow pause, and after a moment her eyes widened of their own accord.

Then she looked positively ill.

"Oh God," she breathed, realization dawning on her. "What Henry said was true, isn't it? About how the curse… how it—how it _ended?"_ Regina tensed her jaw, yet said nothing; speaking about it would only stand to crumble her sanity as she would be reminded about just how much she had lost that day. Still, it seemed Snow didn't need an answer; she could see it written all over Regina's face.

Slumping against the wall, Snow exhaled a disbelieving breath. "I had… I thought he was just being hopeful. But I… I _never…"_ Her eyes connected with Regina's, looking for the first time, just about as helpless as Regina felt. "I thought Daniel…"

"So did I," Regina said quietly. A fresh wave of sorrow washed over her, but within moments Regina had frantically pushed it to the side, once more masking her face in indifference. It was just easier. "Seems we are unable to choose our destiny, my dear, no matter how much we may wish to."

Snow swallowed hard before pursing her lips, shaking her head almost violently as she tried to fervently deny that which was laid out before her. "No," she told her, her voice coming out strong and unwavering with her decision. "_No._ I will not have Emma tied to you in that way!"

"Do you honestly think you have a _choice?"_ Regina countered harshly. "You know better than anyone that True Love isn't something that just _goes away_ in time."

Snow looked at her furiously, as though this was something Regina had actually _chose_ to have happen in her life. "That doesn't mean that there aren't other ways."

Regina's jaw slacked, absolutely horrified that Snow would even contemplate doing something like that. "You would do that? To your own _daughter?"_ Regina asked incredulously, the fury within her beginning to rise up quite substantially. "Even if you could manage to find it in this realm, that potion will rip away everything that makes her _her,_ and I will _not_ allow you to violate her in such a way!"

"I know what the potion does!" Snow exclaimed loudly, taking a step towards Regina in challenge. "But loving you is going to destroy her, Regina! Look at what it's already done, and this is just the _beginning!_ And you know, you have some nerve to actually stand here and preach about violating people when you did the same to everyone in our land, just to get back at _me!"_

"That doesn't mean you should follow my fucking example!" Regina shrieked, slamming her hand against the bar once more, this time so hard that the vibration was felt throughout her entire body. "I won't let you do this to her, Emma is _mine!"_

"She is _not_ yours, she's her own damn _person,_ Regina!" Snow shouted back, her rage beginning to relentlessly match Regina's. "She deserves to know that she has a choice! And I'm willing to bet, when given it, she wouldn't choose _you."_

Those words, probably more than any other that Snow had ever muttered, pierced Regina's heart so abruptly that it robbed the breath from her lungs. Perhaps she had grown to expect the woman's incessant need to see the good in people, that for Snow to not even give Regina the chance to prove that she did, truly, care for Emma, caused the sorceress to feel completely blindsided. In the end, the curse and the repercussions it had caused really was the last straw for the woman in front of her. Regina had torn her family apart, robbed Snow of ever seeing her little girl grow up, and now that they had found each another once more, Regina desperately longed to keep Emma as an adult as well.

That, it seemed, did not sit well with Snow at _all._

"You already took Emma from me once, Regina," Snow told her dangerously. "And I will be _damned_ if I let you do it again." Regina opened her mouth to speak, but Snow wouldn't allow it. Taking a step forward, she continued fiercely, "No! I gave you _every_ chance to make something better of yourself, and every time you disappointed me. I won't let you do the same to her. Emma deserves better than that."

"I love her!" Regina raged, the panic within her making her feel like she was suffocating. "What more could you want for her?! I would give her _everything!"_

"Yes," Snow quietly agreed, her own face starting to look pained as she realized. "I don't doubt that you would. You've always been fiercely devoted to the few that you loved, but…"

The anger washed away from Snow's face, instead masking in a sympathy that made Regina want to rip her larynx straight from her throat. "I'm sorry, Regina," she softly continued, "But I can't take the chance that someday, whether it be months or years from now, something will happen that will make you…" But Snow trailed off, unable to find a proper word to describe the horror Regina could inflict should she become provoked enough.

The woman sighed softly, almost regrettably, as she finished, "I can't take the chance that you'll hurt her again. Emma's already in so much pain because of this, and even if she manages to move past it, I will never condone a relationship that will put her at risk of falling apart again. I just… I _can't."_

Regina's heart was thumping wildly in her chest, her fear starting to consume her anger as it ate her alive from the inside out. Perhaps her chances now with Emma were slim, given all that had happened, but even a slim hope was better than none at all. She didn't know if her sanity could take it if she didn't even have a_ chance_ to try to make things right. Her grip tightening around the bars, Regina pushed herself closer towards the woman threatening to end it all. "I'm warning you, Snow." Her voice was low, dangerous, yet on the verge of falling apart. "Do _not_ do this. If you take away yet another person that I love…"

"I'm just giving her the _choice,_ Regina," Snow told her firmly, her eyes flashing at being blamed for yet another one of Regina's miseries. "If she chooses to forget you, that won't be because of my doing; it will be because of yours."

"And if she doesn't?" Regina countered, wishing she didn't sound as desperate as she did in that moment. "If she chooses to keep me in her memory, what then? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't want me in her life, so am I to expect a backup offer should this one fail?"

Snow looked at her sympathetically, as though Regina was nothing but a foolish child with hope for things that will never come to pass. "To be honest, Regina, I really don't think that she will."

"But if she _does?"_ Regina pressed, unable to allow herself to give up hope just yet. She had to believe, somewhere deep down, that Emma loved her enough never to do something like that. "Will you finally just leave us the hell alone? Because this really doesn't even concern you, and quite frankly, the fact you even _think—!"_

"_If _she does," Snow interrupted, "I will respect her choice."

Regina clenched her jaw, her eyes darkening as she took in the expression on Snow's face. "You're lying," she accused. "You already told me that you would never condone it, so don't stand there and tell me—"

"Not condoning it and _stopping_ it are two very different things," Snow reminded her firmly. "But like I said… I really don't think there will be any cause for me to worry. You have already pushed Emma far past her breaking point, and I doubt she would be so quick to stay there. It's killing her, Regina. Loving _you_ is killing her."

Regina's entire body stiffened as she used every ounce of strength within her to stay composed. She _refused _to break down in front of her, but she was nearing her wit's end. Snow seemed to see this, and aggravatingly decided to make it worse with her false platitudes. "I really am sorry…"

"Get out," Regina growled, unable to take this anymore. There was torture, and then there was _this._ Regina already felt trapped enough as it was; she didn't need to continue to feel suffocated by things beyond her control. _"Get out!"_ she screamed, this time with enough force to actually cause Snow to take two steps backwards.

Regina was seething, her eyes almost black as she looked at Snow with more contempt than she had ever had for another person. It seemed, after all this time, there truly was no end to the pain the woman could inflict upon her.

Snow should count herself lucky that there were bars between them, because if Regina was able to get her hands on her right then…

Snow seemed to sense this and took the dangerous shift in the air as her cue to leave, but not without shooting her one last look of sympathy that made Regina wish, more than anything else, that she could summon up enough magic inside of her to set this entire building on _fire._ That mere look seemed to crawl over her skin like a sickness, seeping into her pores and rotting her from the inside out. It made Regina feel dirty, it made her feel _weak._

And it made her resolve, once and for all, to do whatever it takes to never see that look upon anyone's face again.

**TBC…**


	5. Coping

**CHAPTER FIVE****  
****Coping**

Rain beat down heavily on the blackened pavement that separated the town from the rest of the world, the stillness of the night being broken by the sound of an approaching vehicle. Tires screeching against the slippery ground, it came to a stop just mere paces before the "Leaving Storybrooke" sign, the driver knowing better than to just barrel past it and into the unknown.

A girl of no more than sixteen years old was forcefully guided out of the backseat by her captor, her eyes wide and frightened as she began to realize why she had been brought there.

"No, please—!"

A firm hand clasped around her wrist. "This isn't personal, dearie," her captor assured her, as though that could somehow make up for what was happening right now. "I merely needed someone who wouldn't be missed, should something go wrong. One can't be too careful, you see."

"But m-my friends…!" The protest was feeble, weak.

It caused the man to chuckle. "I know they have yet to reconnect with you, my dear. And your family… they didn't come over with the curse, did they?" The girl's throat constricted, tears prickling the back of her eyes. He was right, on both accounts. "A story I could spin about _you_, should I need to," he reminded her.

Her breathing shallowed substantially. It would be so easy for him too, as she was about to go back home once the Queen's curse had struck the land. Her friends could merely believe she had gotten out before it whisked them away to this place. It disheartened her greatly, increasing her fear of the unknown tenfold.

"But I am not unkind," her captor told her with a grin, which brought no comfort to the girl's restless mind. "I believe these hold some significance to you?"

The girl looked down at the offering in his hands, distress crossing over her features. If this was anywhere else, they would serve as a small comfort. But here, in this place, a land without magic, they did no such thing. They were useless.

Still, the girl reached for them. In the end, it was better to have them than to not, despite how foolish a notion it was to place faith in their power.

"Don't look so concerned," the man chided her, as though her fear was unwarranted. "This is just a precaution; I'm sure the magic that surrounded the town line is no longer intact." A gentle push was met with resistance, so a more forceful shove followed. "Come along, dearie; don't make this harder than it has to be…"

The girl fought against his grip the closer they got to the line, her lungs constricting painfully in her throat as her heart pounded against her ribcage. She was trying, desperately, to gain enough momentum to throw _him_ over the line instead of the other way around, but it was to no avail. She was already small for her age and he deceivingly strong for his, and with one last screech in the vain hope that someone would hear, the girl's body tumbled over the town line, her knees hitting the wet pavement with a loud thwack.

A cry echoed through the night air.

After taking a moment to gather her bearings, the girl furiously snapped her head up, expecting to meet the dark eyes of her captor that stood but mere paces in front of her. Instead, the only thing she was met with was the dark, winding road that looked nothing like the direction in which she had just come from. No man, no car, and no sign.

Storybrooke was gone.

[x]

When Emma was a freshman in high school, she had read a book that had described the effects of drowning. She could remember how the character's stomach had twisted in their gut and rocked up and down, as though they were fastened to a roller coaster with no foreseeable end. Chest hot and tight, breath wouldn't come no matter how hard they wished for it. They wanted to scream, _needed _to scream, and yet when their mouth stretched wide, over and over again, no sound came out of it. The silence, in the end, and the hopelessness that it cemented, turned out to be far more agonizing than the pain itself.

That was how Emma felt now, when she was forced to confront the world around her.

Years of growing up in the system had toughened her enough to deal with some pretty gruesome situations, yet there was still a big difference when it came to being able to comprehend a parent beating their children and an _Evil Queen_ ripping the hearts from her victim's chests. It seemed so disconnected from reality, especially when Emma's eyes fell on the woman who had apparently committed these horrendous crimes.

Regina was so put together; pantsuits neatly pressed, hair and makeup done just _so_. She spent the majority of her week pouring over paperwork in her office, doing a job that was so nauseatingly _normal_ that it just didn't make any sense; how Regina went from this corseted, egotistical murderer to head of the PTA who's apple crisp was favored at school bake sales.

It was almost laughable, it sounded so ridiculous.

Not that Emma ever believed Regina was incapable of malice, as she had witnessed firsthand how manipulative and cruel Regina could be when she wanted something, but still… Emma _never_ thought her capable of doing something that horrible. At least, not personally, as Regina always seemed the type to get others to do her dirty work for her.

And what was awful about it was that Emma knew her, and therefore knew that if Regina hadn't killed Graham herself, she would have said 'no' when asked if she had done it. She favored technicalities, as it was just another way to manipulate things to her own end, but as there was no way to get around it without lying outright, and because she had promised Emma that was something she wouldn't do anymore, Regina had reluctantly confirmed it.

It was enough for Emma to desperately reach for the blissful nothingness that resided at the bottom of a liquor bottle. In a world where nothing made sense, it was the only thing that made the madness bearable.

Emma was more than aware of how bad a coping mechanism it was, as she had seen alcohol destroy far more of her foster parents than any child should, and the shame she felt for being unable to handle everything that was going on forced her to hide her actions from those who would judge her badly for it.

Still, it wasn't as though her inebriated state went completely unnoticed. Emma could see the knowing look in Mary Margaret's eyes, her gaze filled with sympathy and pain as she watched her daughter seek some semblance of sanity in all the wrong places. She said nothing however, the guilt of being partly to blame for Emma's inability to comprehend the world where she had come from leaving her silent over such a delicate matter. In truth, Emma was thankful for it, as she didn't want to deal with some kind of half-assed attempt at motherly concern from a woman the same damn _age _as her. Just the thought of it stood to give her a headache.

David was either unaware of her current ailment or chose to ignore it, and Henry had just figured she was constantly tired, which, quite honestly, she really _was._ She was so damn tired of everything, yet it felt like it had only just begun.

But life didn't stop just because everything had changed, so after the town meeting where David and Mary Margaret had stepped up, assuming the position of the royalty they once were as they addressed the growing concerns of the townspeople, Emma met them in the back room of City Hall, needing to voice a concern or two of her own.

"The lack of magical incidents around town is worrying me," David admitted once they had closed the door behind them, able to speak freely now that half the town wasn't listening.

"Shouldn't that be a good thing?" Emma questioned, using the flat of her hand to lean against the far desk. She felt like she was swaying, but didn't want to risk that it wasn't just in her head. The position made her feel a hell of a lot steadier. "Cause call me crazy, but chasing ogres down Main street is _not_ my idea of a party."

"It's not mine either, but that cloud _did_ bring magic to Storybrooke, didn't it?" David countered, speaking on the assumption they collectively had. "So where is it? It doesn't make sense that there would only be that one incident at Regina's."

"I'm just taking it as a blessing in disguise right now," Mary Margaret answered, looking exhausted herself as she sat down heavily in the desk chair. "We have enough to deal with. So many people are still unaccounted for, and with King George getting up in arms over who has the rightful power in town, things are going to get chaotic if we don't start sorting stuff out. The last thing we need right now is a war."

"A _war?"_ Emma asked, a disbelieving laugh slipping past her lips. The words came without thought, an edge to her tone as she spoke as though Mary Margaret was being stupid for even having the concern. It sounded ridiculous. "A little dramatic, don't you think? I mean, what do you think people are gonna do; fashion swords and start having duels in the street? Come on."

Mary Margaret didn't look the least bit amused. "Emma, you have to understand that where we come from, things are very different. And honestly, I _wish _that people fashioning swords was our biggest concern, but what really worries me is the disturbing amount of access to _guns_ that the people of this world have."

Emma stared at her, feeling some of the blood drain from her face. "…You're serious?" If that actually happened, Storybrooke would become a bloodbath.

How had this become her _life?_

Mary Margaret pursed her lips into a tight line before answering. "Regina didn't just bring the people of our realm over here, she brought people from _many _realms, each of them having their own kingdoms with rightful rulers. Mufasa and King Triton have already agreed to relinquish power, so long as they are able to rule their own people directly beneath us, but there are others who believe they shouldn't have to answer to anyone. Not to mention quite a few of those rulers had people who challenged them, and with the Sultan's concern that Jafar has yet to make an appearance, as well as the fact that Scar is still missing, it's causing me to worry that they may be banning together to overthrow us."

Emma exhaled a hard breath and covered her eyes with her hand, her thumb and forefinger beginning to massage her temples as a fierce headache threatened to rip through her skull. This was _insanity_ and yet there they were, talking about it as if vengeful fairytale characters was some kind of everyday occurrence.

She needed another fucking drink.

"We should call a meeting with only the royals before this weekend," David said, prompting Mary Margaret to nod in agreement. "Maybe we can try to sort something out. Section off parts of the town or…" He trailed off, looking less sure off the plausibility of that idea.

"Well, _great,"_ Emma interrupted, her words a bit more biting than she intended over how helpless she felt in the political area. Her mind felt hazy, but through the haze still shone her biggest problem. "In the meantime though, what the hell are we going to do with Regina?"

David looked up at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?" Emma repeated, looking at him like he was crazy to not understand her concern. "What I _mean_ is that we can't keep her locked in that cell forever, David. That's the only one we have and if you guys are right, we might have to stick other people in it later on down the line. Besides, it'd be kind of nice if I could, you know, go…" Emma's strong voice faltered for a moment, causing her to look down and mumble shamefully, "back… to work."

Ever since their confrontation, Emma had been unable to bring herself back to the Sherriff's office. She just didn't think she could stomach being around Regina; not after what she knew. David understood her hesitancy and was filling in for her at the office, and whenever he got a call he would forward it to Emma, who would take care of it. So it wasn't as though she wasn't _working,_ but she was still a far cry from the desk she was supposed to be sitting at. It wasn't an arrangement she preferred.

Mary Margaret's face masked in sympathy for her daughter's plight, but it was David who spoke.

"Short of house arrest, Emma, I really don't know what we could do. And if we were to do _that_, the mansion would need to be watched around the clock." David looked at her haplessly as he regrettably continued, "We don't have that kind of time, with it being just the two of us, and considering you don't want to see her at _all_, that cuts it down to just one person: me. It's impossible."

"This is a town full of people who have… I don't know, slayed _dragons_ and shit; there's gotta be _someone_ willing to help us!" Emma exclaimed, her words slurring a bit as she threw out her hands exasperatedly. "With everything going on, it'll probably be ages until we can hold some kind of trial for her, and I… I _can't—"_ Emma's voice broke, her desperation showing through the façade of authoritative indifference she tried to uphold. Thankfully, Mary Margaret stepped in.

"We'll figure something out."

Apprehension colored David's face. "Snow…"

"_We'll figure something out,"_ Mary Margaret told him firmly, not wanting his pessimism over the subject to further break their already fragile daughter. "There were a few people that helped settle the crowd before the town meeting, and if keeping the peace is in their nature, perhaps it wouldn't hurt to ask for their assistance. The worst that could happen is that they say no."

"No, the worst that could happen is that they volunteer with ulterior motives and assassinate Regina in her sleep."

"Charming!" Mary Margaret exclaimed furiously, shooting him a look like now was not the time to bring something like that up.

David sighed heavily. "Look, I'm sorry, Snow, but we have to look at this realistically. There might not _be_ another option besides keeping Regina at the station. I know it's not ideal, but Emma needs to prepare herself for the possibility that she might have to face her again. She can't avoid her workplace forever."

"I will not put her in that position again!" Mary Margaret fumed, her gaze fierce as she stared down her husband. "Being around Regina is _bad for her,_ David. Look what happened last time! Do you really think Emma needs that, on top of everything else right now?"

"What Emma_ needs_ is for you guys to stop talking about me like _I'm not here,"_ Emma snapped, causing the couple in front of her to immediately fall silent, equal looks of guilt flashing in their eyes. Emma sighed heavily, running her fingers through her tussled hair. She hated this; it made her feel weak. _Regina_ made her feel weak.

"Look, Mary Margaret, I appreciate the support, but I'm not made out of glass." Even though they were spoken to the woman in front of her, Emma was more trying to convince herself of that than anyone else. She was stronger than this; she had to be. "Just because the _last_ thing I want to deal with right now is her, doesn't mean that I'll never be able to. I'm not stupid, I'm going to have to at some point; she's… she's Henry's mother too."

Which, quite frankly, was something Emma was _not_ looking forward to in the slightest. Still, Emma knew more than most that running from your problems only got you so far, and in the end, they still had a way with catching up to you at the worst of times.

"All I need right now is some space from her," she continued, her words weighing heavy with exhaustion over how much of an emotional turmoil this had all been for her. "Okay? There's too much going on right now and alright, maybe I haven't handled _any_ of it in the best way, but I'm trying. And since there's no way to just magically forget everything that happened between us, it's been pretty damn difficult. But I'll adapt. It's… hell, it's what I've done for most of my life, so I will at some point. I just… I need some time to process everything, alright? Please. I just want to deal with one thing at a time right now."

Emma wished they could understand how hard this had been on her, but how could they? Their real life was what Emma had previously believed to be nothing more than fantasy. Finding out everything you knew was_ wrong_ was probably one of the most disorienting experiences a person could ever have, and yet Emma had no one who could even _begin_ to understand. Everyone in this town just had to adapt to a new place of residence; Emma had to adapt to an entirely new _belief_ system.

It made nothing feel real anymore.

"Emma, I… about that," Mary Margaret began hesitantly, her eyes shifting momentarily over towards David in the corner before once more landing on the face of her frustrated daughter. "There… _might _be a way for you to forget about Regina, if… if that is what you think would be best."

Emma swore she could feel her brain grind to a screeching halt at those unexpected words and she stared blankly at Mary Margaret, wondering if she had heard her right. _Forget Regina?_ Was that even….?

Suddenly, the room erupted into argument.

[x]

Emma had to get out of there.

David was _furious _at Mary Margaret for even suggesting such a thing, as apparently she had done the same thing herself once upon a time, and halfway into the 'conversation' Emma didn't even feel like this was about her anymore, but about _them._

Emma felt so blindsided by the whole thing that she didn't even know how to feel about it. The way Mary Margaret spoke of True Love it sounded as though she was destined for a life of pain should she continue to separate herself from Regina, but how much better would it be if she continued to be with her? How _could_ she stay with her, after everything that had happened, after everything that she _knew?_

Emma hated it, all of it; destiny, fate, all those_ damn_ words that implied she didn't have a right to live her own life, to make her own choices. It felt as though she was being backed into a corner, towards something that in the end, would only end up hurting her further. She wanted to fight against it, prove them _wrong_, prove that her life was her own, but Emma barely felt connected to the world around her as it was, and if she didn't have a grasp on reality, how could she ever hope to have a grasp on her own life?

She didn't want to be with Regina. She_ couldn't_ be with her, and yet there was still a part inside of her that ached to fall into her again, to just bury her face in Regina's neck and block out the world around her. She wanted to go back to the simplicity of just_ loving_ someone, yet even as she thought it, Emma realized that nothing had ever really been 'simple' between them. Still, she craved it.

And she hated herself for it.

Emma didn't trust herself to drive, so she ended up walking all the way back to her apartment, wishing she could run away from her thoughts yet knowing there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to ever get far enough.

Could she really just _forget _about Regina? The thought was tempting; Emma couldn't deny that. It would make dealing with everything far simpler. Yet even still… it felt wrong. Experiences, the good and the bad, shaped people into who they were; Emma knew that more than most. She supposed that was why Mary Margaret cautioned her that should she take it, eradicating the love in her heart held the strong possibility of changing her. But would she be better for it? That was the question.

Emma didn't want to live the rest of her life feeling empty because she was magically destined for someone she couldn't stomach being with; it seemed unusually cruel. Still, the decision was something she couldn't take lightly. If she did it, it would change everything. She shared a _son_ with Regina; it would complicate things pretty badly because of that, and the last thing Emma wanted to do was put Henry in that kind of position.

Maybe it was stupid to even consider it though, as the potion was magical and so far it seemed no one was able to control the magic that was in town. Getting it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible. Yet the possibility that she could, no matter how slim, caused Emma's mind to work on overdrive, trying to figure out if it would be worth it or not.

Should she take the easy way out? _Could _she?

So far, the 'no' column was winning, but with how much of a rollercoaster Emma's emotions had been lately, that could change within the hour.

She _really _needed another drink.

When Emma pushed open the door to her apartment, she was greeted with the sight of Henry sitting on the couch, playing video games. His head snapped up when he heard the door open and without even a word of greeting, he asked, "Can I see my mom yet?"

Emma exhaled a hard breath, slumping against the wall. Henry had been asking that question nonstop for the past couple days and honestly, having a repeat of this conversation was the _last_ thing she needed right now. Running her fingers through her hair, she answered shortly with, "You already know the answer to that, kid."

Henry's gaze darkened and he threw the Wii remote to the ground, apparently intending to not make this any easier on her. "This isn't fair!" he exclaimed. "I'm not a little kid, Emma; I'm not going to get _scarred_ by seeing my mom in jail!"

Emma blinked, momentarily taken aback. "You know Regina's in jail?" They hadn't told him they had arrested her for a reason.

Henry scoffed at her. "Duh. I'm not _stupid._ She cast the curse, obviously people are going to be mad about it." Emma crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows, which prompted Henry to amend, "Okay, _and _I might have overhead you guys talking."

Yeah, that was more like it.

"What did I tell you before about spying?"

Henry raised an eyebrow in her direction. "To not get caught?"

"I—" Emma faltered for a moment, her eyebrows creasing as she began to second guess herself. "Did I really tell you that?" It actually sounded like something she would say, but she couldn't for the life of her remember having that conversation. Still, Henry nodded and Emma scowled. "Okay, well scratch that; the new rule is that you _don't do it."_

God, she sucked at this whole parenting thing.

Henry rolled his eyes, which about summed up how much authority she really had. If Emma was a little more sober that would probably bother her, but right now she just wanted this conversation to end so she could barricade herself in her bedroom and drink her problems away; because in the end, it was just fucking easier than trying to make a decision regarding her love for Regina.

In all honesty, Emma was pretty sure this road was leading nowhere good, and yet she insisted on barreling down it all the same.

A-plus decision making skills, clearly.

"Just because you're mad at my mom, doesn't mean you have to keep _me_ from her," Henry told her firmly, because apparently this conversation was not over. _Great._ "She's all alone and sad, and maybe even scared. She needs someone, Emma. No one else cares about her."

Whether Henry intended it or not, those words sucker punched Emma in the gut. "That is _not_ true," she insisted without thought, because if she had thought about it, she certainly never would have admitted it out loud. "I put her in there for her_ safety_, Henry. The town…" But Emma trailed off, not wanting Henry to know the extent of the vengeance some of the residents held. She sighed heavily. "Look, I just don't think it's a good idea right now. Your mom is in a bad place, and I don't just mean because she's in jail. I mean…" She waved her hand erratically around her head as she finished, "You know."

Competent words were clearly not her thing right now. This was _such_ a bad time to be having this conversation with her kid; Henry was looking at her like she had five heads and not one of them was making any sense.

"I promise when we sort some stuff out you can see her, okay?" Emma tried instead. "But you gotta give it some time. There are a lot of things going on right now, and I don't want you caught up in the middle of it all. That's not fair to you."

Henry bit the inside of his cheek and shifted his eyes away from her. "Whatever," he mumbled, not believing her for a second. Emma sighed, feeling really helpless over this entire situation.

She didn't know what the right thing to do was anymore, but she hoped this was it. She didn't want Henry caught between the two of them, especially when the wounds were so fresh. That couldn't be good for him.

Besides, Mary Margaret and David were convinced Regina would be dangerous if she found a way to tap into her magic again, and although Emma wished she could, she_ really_ couldn't trust that it wouldn't end up negatively affecting Henry somehow. Regina would never hurt him on purpose of course, but magic in this realm, when it happened, had already proven to be really unstable. That wasn't a risk Emma was willing to take right now.

She just really hoped that was the right decision to make, because a part of her knew she had been making all the wrong ones lately.

**TBC…**


	6. Revelations

**CHAPTER SIX  
****Revelations**

"God, you _reek."_

Emma looked up, her haggard appearance accented by the gauntness of her eyes. After taking another long pull from the cigarette between her fingers, Emma's exhale came out like a hard sigh, the smoke curling around her like a protective barrier. "Don't doubt it," she murmured in response, eyes shifting towards the ground. The area around the bench was littered with cigarette butts, indicating just how long Emma had failed to move; failed to do _anything_ but silently brood in the stillness of the park.

Ruby scrunched up her face a bit at the sight of her friend before apparently deciding that she could stomach the stench of sorrow, and sat down next to her. "Things aren't going well, I take it?"

Emma laughed. It sounded hoarse, broken. Her lungs felt like they might collapse at any moment, yet she pulled on the cigarette once more, finding that the movement had become more routine than anything else at this point. "Understatement."

The past few days had brought nothing but headaches. Although they had finally found enough volunteers to place Regina under house arrest, Emma found that having access to her office left quite a lot to be desired. Her days were filled with frantic townspeople filing missing persons reports for their love ones that still had yet to be found, and an above average call-in rate for complaints of property damage and theft. Hook was threatening the Lost Boys lives if Emma didn't 'get off her pretty ass and take legal action for the damage to his damn ship', and Elphaba had been making a scene at Gold's shop the last two days, claiming he had stolen her precious ruby slippers.

Needless to say, the witch was now banned from the property for constantly disturbing the peace, and Emma had to look into the so called 'theft', as though something like that was actually _important_ in the grand scheme of things.

It was ridiculous, and yet things like this had actually become part of her _job description._

In the end though, she supposed it was better than magic going haywire again, but David's worry that there hadn't been anymore incidents had started to rub off on her, and Emma felt like she was hanging on the edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because, in the end, that was all her life ever amounted to anyway; waiting for the next shit storm to make its appearance.

Emma took a long sip of her water bottle, feeling the vodka she had filled it with burn its way down her throat. It was the only constant in her life that held some sort of comfort, as its endgame never came as a surprise.

Ruby arched an eyebrow at her. "Don't you think it's a little early for that?"

Emma's eyebrows rose in surprise as she turned to face her. She had thought the clear liquid wouldn't be distinguishable, but clearly she had been wrong. "How did you…?"

Ruby tapped the side of her nose softly. "I have an above average sense of smell. Which is why you stink something _terrible _to me right now, by the way."

"Oh." Emma put the cap back on the bottle, feeling a little embarrassed to have been called out like that. Even Mary Margaret, who Emma assumed knew how she managed to get through the day, never said anything. "Right. The whole… werewolf thing."

Ruby searched her face for a long moment, trying to judge Emma's reaction before deciding to just straight up ask, "That freak you out?"

Emma exhaled a long sigh, flicking her cigarette to the ground before crushing it with the heel of her boot. "Honestly? I think it's kinda gotten to the point where everything is so fucked up that I really only have enough energy to dwell on the worst of it. So no, even though it probably should. Fuck, maybe I'm just too drunk to care anymore. I don't know."

There was a long pause as Ruby tugged her red cloak around her body a little tighter, the light breeze in the air beginning to make the area a little chilly. "Have you spoken to Regina?" she asked after a moment, genuinely curious, however the look of death that Emma shot her made her hold up her hands in light surrender. "Alright, not a good topic of conversation. Sorry."

Emma ran her fingers through her hair before quickly reaching for her pack of cigarettes, finding the need to chain smoke once more at just the mere mention of the brunette's name. Emma had been trying not to think of her, but that was much easier said than done. After Regina had gotten out of jail, she had gotten her personal affects back, which included her cell phone. Not even an hour afterwards, Emma had gotten a text message that read:

"I know you don't wish to speak to me right now, but please, whatever you do, do not take that potion. You know me well enough to know that my pride doesn't condone begging, but that's what I'm doing. Please… I know I deserve your anger, but I couldn't bear it if you went to such extremes. Losing you so completely like that would kill me, Emma. I beg of you, don't do it."

The intense wave of emotions that Regina elicited with her words sought to make Emma ill, and so she threw her phone against the wall, shattering the screen with the impact, and then proceeded to scream at Mary Margaret for telling Regina about that. It seemed unnecessarily cruel, not just to Regina but to her as well, and all it stood to do was make the situation worse. Emma wouldn't lie and said she hadn't been tempted, but in the end, it was something she knew she couldn't do. At least, not at this point in time. It hurt, yes, but Emma was dealing with it; maybe in a really shitty, unhealthy way, but she was surviving, _because that's what she did._

Now she was afraid that Regina would become frantic over it, scared that Emma really _would_ do something like that, and it opened the door up to more communication between them that Emma _really_ could not handle right now. But she had fucked up her phone without thought, and now she couldn't even text Regina back and tell her that it wasn't going to happen.

Really, all in all, her life was going _swell._

"I just… I really don't wanna think about her right now, Rubes," Emma responded, her tone apologetic only because of how she had glared at woman for it. But then she remembered something and amended, "Red, sorry. This whole thing's kinda—" Emma waved her hand a little, indicating the insanity of it all, before placing another cigarette between her lips.

Ruby shook her head though, dismissing the correction. "No, I… actually like Ruby better."

Emma raised her eyebrows, surprised by that. Everyone else seemed to go back to their original names, and Emma had been having a hell of a time trying to remember to call them something different; she failed at it about ninety five percent of the time. After lighting her cigarette, Emma asked her, "Why? I mean, not that I'm not glad for it or anything, cause it does make things a hell of a lot easier for me, but… everyone else has kind of, I don't know, I guess _dismissed_ who they were during the curse; cause it was such shit for them, or whatever else…"

"Shit?" Ruby repeated, chuckling a little in disbelief. "Do you want to know what's shit? Having to wear _this,"_ she pulled at the edge of her cloak, "because I'm afraid that if another magical incident happens and I'm around it, that I'll turn back into a wolf and not be able to control myself. _Shit,_ Emma, is knowing that you're dangerous, and that you could seriously hurt people, if not kill them. And_ shit_ is remembering that you already have once before."

Emma stared at her, the cigarette hanging rather lifelessly between her fingers as she tried to process that information. Everyone had been so happy that the curse had broken that Emma hadn't even considered that there could be people in Storybrooke that _weren't_ better off for it. Everyone blamed Regina for ruining their lives, and yet there Ruby was, actually _glad _for what the woman had done.

Ruby sighed softly, picking at the bottom of her cloak. "I know Regina's curse was supposed to take away all our happy endings, but honestly…" she looked up at Emma, sadness and loss brewing behind her hazel eyes, "being Ruby? That was the happiest, _easiest_ time of my life. And maybe it's horrible to say, but if given the choice… I'd much rather be her."

Emma looked at her for a long moment before finally needing to turn away, taking a long drag of her cigarette to try to distract herself from her plaguing thoughts. "Yeah… I get that," she admitted softly, because not a day went by when Emma didn't wish for the blissful ignorance she had before the curse broke. It was so much easier, and God, she was _happy._ It wasn't perfect, not by any means, but Emma craved the feeling of loving and being loved so desperately that it tore her heart in half, to know that things would never be like that again.

She missed just _being_ with Regina. She missed feeling her in her arms, she missed their playful banter, and hell, she even missed being_ fussed_ over because of the stupidest of things, like getting herself soaked in the rain because she forgot her umbrella. She missed the teasing, she missed the kisses, she missed the smiles. She missed how hard it was for them sometimes, because it made it so much more worth it when they figured things out. She missed the feeling of completion when she was around the woman she grew to love so deeply.

And yet, it didn't matter. The moment Emma began to miss her, not long afterwards she would be reminded of _why_ they couldn't be together. Lies, betrayal, curses, _murder._ And so Emma would drink until she puked, desperately trying to run from the cycle she was trapped in, yet the next day would come, and it would inevitably start all over again.

God, what she wouldn't give to just turn back time. Emma didn't care how fucked up that was, didn't care that she'd rather forget the person Regina really was to just be happy again, because she hated living like this. It got worse every day and she didn't know how to make it stop.

Until later that night, when she was sitting on her bed practically drinking herself into a damn coma… she finally did.

[x]

Although Regina was thankful for being back in her own home, a large part of her detested it. The walls screamed with memories, her bed sheets still smelled distinctively of Emma, and yet the masochist in her dwelled where the blonde had resided the most. It truly was pathetic, what she had been reduced to, and yet Regina found herself reliving the pain of loss as she trudged around the house in one of Emma's oversized band t-shirts, unable to let go of the desire to have the other woman near. It was a pale image of her – a measly garment that had clearly seen better days – and yet as it was the closest she could get, Regina wrapped herself in its memory.

She wanted to tell herself that it reminded her of when they were happy, yet all it really did was prove to her how much she had lost. Still, a part of her needed it. Despite the pain it elicited, it also brought her some small semblance of comfort that Regina found she sorely needed.

She felt so terribly alone.

Henry had been texting her, but being unable to see him in person only stood to make that a small comfort. He didn't seem angry, but then again, they had yet to speak about anything that had gone on since she dropped him off at school the morning the curse broke. She was glad for it honestly, as that was a conversation they needed to have face to face, but she worried that despite his insistence that it was Emma keeping him from her, that a part of him was glad for the separation. Henry's hatred towards 'the Evil Queen' had become clear over the past few months, and despite his belief that True Love had changed her, Regina still worried that he feared all that she could do, all that she _had _done.

That was a part of her life that she _never_ wanted Henry to know about, and yet within the span of a day all of his suspicions had become truth, casting a blinding light on the darkest part of her. Regina may have never been a truly _good _person, but she had always tried to do right by him. It was _those _memories she wanted Henry to have of her, not the ones his maternal grandmother was sure to fill his head with.

Regina desperately wanted her son back, but at the same time, there was a part of her that knew that wasn't the best thing for him right now. She wasn't allowed to leave her own home, there were still many residents of Storybrooke that sought her head, and she was awaiting a town trial to decide her fate. That was not something that a child should be around to witness, and although it pained her not to see him, Regina trusted Emma with Henry. He would be taken care of for the time being, at the very least.

Regina exhaled a long breath as she descended the stairs, bare feet padding along the mahogany paneling as she made her way down to the kitchen to make herself a late dinner. Her gaze flickered over to the front door for a moment, scowling at the half-assed construction job the dwarves had done after an ogre had torn the thing off its hinges. It was _terribly_ ugly, yet Regina supposed beggars couldn't be choosers. In the end, the only reason it was fixed was because she was being held there; otherwise, she was certain no one would have bothered.

Regina wasn't exactly high on the list of Storybrooke's most well-liked people.

When Regina turned the corner however, heading towards the kitchen, she nearly jumped out of her skin at the sight of someone in her peripheral.

"Apologies, _Your Majesty,"_ Rumpelstiltskin drawled, placing his hand upon his abdomen as he gave her a little head bow. "I didn't mean to startle you…"

"What the _hell _are you doing in my home?" Regina snapped, furious that he had managed to make her noticeably flinch from his unexpected presence. "I'm fairly certain that Mulan didn't let _the Dark One_ in through my front door."

"A correct assumption," Rumpelstiltskin concurred, taking a few steps towards her. "However, you have two doors and only one guard. I shudder to think of how easy it would be, should someone come here with ill intent." His smile was unsettling, yet Regina merely narrowed her eyes in response. "Perhaps you should ask our dear Sherriff for more protection…"

Protection? They were her _jailers_. Though they were supposed to serve both purposes, Regina was fairly certain that should she be in danger, no one would come running.

She was the Evil Queen that had cursed them, after all.

"What do you want?" Regina asked, getting straight to the point. She crossed her arms over her chest, standing up straighter to look at least a little more intimidating than she felt in that moment. But then again, it was hard to look menacing when one is only wearing an oversized t-shirt and panties that were, thankfully, covered by the length of the shirt's fabric.

She felt entirely undignified; although to be fair, she hadn't exactly been expecting company.

"I believe I owe you something?" Rumpelstiltskin asked, the question quite rhetorical as he withdrew a stack of photographs from behind his back. Regina's eyes widened, realizing what they were, and she immediately swiped for them. However, they were torn from her reach in an instant. "Ah, ah, ah," he tutted her, making Regina's gaze darken substantially.

"Emma and I broke the damn curse; _that_ was the deal we made," she reminded him furiously. "Now I suggest you hand over the pictures, less you wish me to pry them from your fingers myself."

"_Temper,"_ Rumpelstiltskin chided her, as though he were scolding a child. "And yes, that was the deal we made. However, it seems we have run into a slight problem."

Regina's eyes flashed. "And what might that be, exactly?"

"The curse did not break correctly."

Regina blinked, confusion washing over her features. "What do you mean?" she asked, not expecting that answer in the slightest. Everyone had their memories back, didn't they? Unless they _were _supposed to go back to the Enchanted Forest, and instead…

"The town line is still very much intact," Rumpelstiltskin informed her, looking terribly displeased by that little fact. "Once someone wanders across it, Storybrooke disappears. And _that_, dearie, was not supposed to happen."

Regina raised her eyebrows. "And how exactly do you know _that?"_ she challenged, though already knew the answer by the uncaring shrug and tiniest of smirks that followed the question. She shook her head disdainfully. "And _I'm _the one that's locked up. Tell me, who is the poor soul you sent skittering across the line? I assume someone who couldn't put up much of a fight, because, _well…"_ Regina smirked at him, eyes shifting downwards to his cane, clearly indicating his physical incapability.

Rumpelstiltskin shot her a dark look at the implication, yet answered, "_That,_ Your Majesty, is really none of your concern."

"No?" Regina countered. "Because I'm fairly certain it became my concern when you _broke into my home_ just because your little experiment went wrong."

"That isn't the end of my grievances," Rumpelstiltskin told her, beginning to circle her in some vain attempt to make her feel trapped, or some other such nonsense. Regina however stood her ground, not one to be intimidated by something so trivial. "Magic, it seems, is not quite as accessible as it should have been. This is also a problem; one that very much needs correcting."

"And what the hell do you expect me to do about that?" Regina snapped, her patience beginning to wane. "This was _your_ curse, not mine; so if something went wrong, I don't believe that it was my doing, _nor_ is it my problem. I held up my end of the deal, now I expect that you will do the same. Hand over the damn pictures, _now!"_

Regina furiously held out her hand, expecting to be handed the photographs, yet instead she nearly gasped out loud when magic shot through her veins so violently that it made her stance falter, and a large fireball erupted out of her palm. "Shit, _shit,"_ she frantically cursed, almost accidentally letting it go by how surprised she was by its presence. Thankfully, she covered her hand just in time, dissipating it to nothing.

God, if she had set the damn house on fire…

"Well, well," Rumpelstiltskin purred, his pupils practically dilating at the intriguing information. "Seems someone here _does_ know how to access magic in this realm…"

"That was an accident," Regina snapped, rolling her fingers into her palm to flex them, making sure the magic within her had dissipated. If she couldn't control it, she didn't need to be using it; that just _spelled _disaster.

Although, quite honestly, the fact that she couldn't worried her. She hadn't expected it, and even when it came, it felt both wild and untamed; not at all like how it happened the first time, when she had been protecting both Emma and herself. Perhaps though, it was just the nature of the spell; offense versus defense. However, Regina really couldn't be certain.

Rumpelstiltskin tilted his head to the side for a moment, assessing her and the situation before finally asking, "I'm curious, dearie… is _this_ where the curse broke …?"

Regina eyes darkened. "I think it's time for you to leave." She knew what Rumpelstiltskin was implying, and if her manor was the only place where magic could be accessed, she _really_ did not want him around. Regina didn't trust the man's intentions and it worried her, to still be unsure of why he wanted the curse to break in the first place and why he needed both magic and the town line to work in his favor.

"Oh, I don't think so, Your Majesty," Rumpelstiltskin responded, his lips turning up into the tiniest of smirks. "At least, not yet. You see, my problem is, in fact, _your_ problem as well. And unless you would like me to tell our dear Sherriff that your current place of arrest allows you the use of magic – which, I assume, no one in this town would be so quick to condone – you _will_ help me figure out what went wrong with the curse."

Regina narrowed her eyes, not exactly fond of being blackmailed… _again._ But, in all honesty, she did not want to spend more time in that damned cell, and it infuriated her that Rumpelstiltskin seemed to know that. "If you'd like answers, I only have one for you: you chose the _wrong_ people to end the curse," she snapped. "Emma may be my True Love, but we are _damaged._ If you wanted results, you should have shoved the two Charming idiots together; their love, I assume, is _pure."_ Regina said the last word with such disdain, finding the whole thing rather sickening.

"Oh no, dearie, it _had _to be you," Rumpelstiltskin told her firmly. "Well, no actually, it had to be the Savior; however, it certainly seemed fitting that _you_ were the one destined for her. Quite the example of poetic justice, wouldn't you agree?"

Regina just snarled at him.

"So search your brain for answers, Your Majesty, because _something_ went wrong that day, and I intend to find out what it was," Rumpelstiltskin continued, advancing on her. His lips upturned into the tiniest of condescending smiles. "In the meantime, however, I am a man of my word…"

He held out the photographs, and Regina wasted no time snatching them from his grip. Rumpelstiltskin smirked. "Do enjoy those, won't you? I'm sure they'll bring back a lot of _fond_ memories, just as that disastrous little garment you're wearing does…"

"Get. Out. Of. My. _Home,"_ Regina growled, eyes flashing dangerously. Her hand was gripping the photographs hard, the veins protruding from her wrist from the force. She was _not_ about to just stand here and allow him to make her look the fool. She felt horrible enough as it was.

Rumpelstiltskin merely smirked before giving her an overdramatic bow. "Until next time then, Regina…"

Regina refused to give him any words of parting, instead choosing to watch him like a hawk as he turned, making his way towards her back door. Once he had gone, Regina quickly clicked the lock into place, feeling her hands shake in rage at how humiliated and used she felt. She_ hated_ that—

But before she could even finish her train of thought, the anger within her pushed outwards; magic coursing through her body in such an intense, blinding flash that the expensive crystal vase placed delicately on the side table in the foyer shattered in an instant. "Damnit!" she cursed out loud, furious with herself for her lack of control, which only furthered her rage and snapped the table it was previously on into nothing more than kindling.

"Shit, shit…!" Regina swore, immediately placing her hands on her temples, closing her eyes in an attempt to get herself under control. Taking long breaths – in through her nose, out through her mouth – Regina tried to focus on anything else but how she was feeling in that moment. She needed to be able to get a handle on this, because if she didn't she could end up bringing her entire _house_ down. The accidents had been small thus far, yes, but Regina knew how much power resided within herself, and she knew if she didn't begin to control it, it could open the floodgates to something rather disastrous.

After a few long moments, Regina began to feel herself calm. Opening her eyes, she took a long breath before moving towards the kitchen, deciding that perhaps some tea would help her relax more fully. Placing the photographs on the countertop, Regina grabbed the kettle off the stove and began to fill it with water from the sink faucet.

But before she could place it back on the burner, heavy knocking on the front door nearly made her jump out of her skin. Feeling herself grow agitated because the unexpected sound had startled her, Regina made a point to pause for a moment and breathe, wanting to be certain her emotions wouldn't get the better of her.

The knocking continued; heavier, louder, and more insistent.

Exhaling a hard breath, Regina reluctantly trudged out of her kitchen and to the foyer, intent on giving whoever it was a piece of her mind about _disturbing_ people at this late an hour. However, when she ripped open her front door, everything that she had planned to say died in her throat as she stared at her caller, eyes widening in disbelief and surprise.

"Emma…?"

**TBC…**


	7. Confrontation

**Author's Note:  
**Warning for mild dubcon in this chapter. I use the word mild because it doesn't amount to actual sex, but still, if this is triggering to you, please proceed with caution.

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
****Confrontation**

Regina felt her breath leave her from the sight of Emma on her porch, the woman looking at her with such raw intensity that Regina felt the gaze tear straight through to her heart. She looked incredibly worse for wear, eyes hollow and hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, her cheeks a tad more defined than Regina had seen a week ago. Emma was a mess, completely and utterly, and yet the sight of her was by far the most beautiful thing Regina could have hoped for in that moment.

Mulan stood behind her, looking terribly apprehensive about the state of their Sherriff when she made her impromptu appearance, but as Emma was her boss, she said nothing to contradict the decision. The blonde noticeably faltered for a moment, eyes taking in Regina's attire as a mixture of conflicting emotions passed over her face. The former queen felt her cheeks burn a little in embarrassment, knowing how terribly pathetic it must look that she was trudging around the house in _her_ clothing. Thankfully, however, Emma did not comment on it.

Instead, she practically pushed her way past the threshold without a word, forcing Regina to back up a few steps to allow her entrance. When the door closed behind her, separating them from witnesses, Emma's expression turned distressed.

"_Fix it…!"_

It was said with such raw emotion, such overwhelming desperation, that it made Regina's heart clench painfully within her chest. "What?" she asked, the helplessness and confusion beginning to etch across her face as she watched the woman she loved fall completely apart before her in an instant.

"This, _all of this…" _Emma pleaded, voice cracking under strain as she stepped closer to Regina, invading her personal space. She touched her then, fingertips just barely grazing the soft skin of her cheek as she looked into her eyes with such hopelessness that it stole the breath right from Regina's lungs. "Just make it go away, make it like it never happened…"

Regina felt her mouth drop open, feeling overwhelmed and completely at a loss from the unexpected plea. The last time she had seen Emma, the woman could barely even look at her. Now she was standing before her, a mere breath away, her anger being outweighed by something far more predominant. "I…"

"You could do it, right?" Emma breathed, eyes searching hers as her fingers curled around the back of Regina's neck, holding her in place against her chest. She smelled strongly of alcohol and stale cigarettes, answering a question the brunette had yet to pose. "We could find where the magic went, you could… _curse_ us or something – make us forget this ever happened – and we could take Henry and just… we could just _leave,_ Regina…"

Distress masked across the brunette's face, feeling deep within her beating heart how much pain Emma was in. Her eyes were wild, desperate, and filled with unshed tears as she searched for a solution that Regina knew she could not give her. "Emma…" she whispered sadly. "You're drunk; you don't know what you're—"

"_No,"_ Emma said firmly, eyes hardening as she stared right through every wall Regina had ever built. "No, you don't _get it._ You don't get how fucking—!" But the words died in her throat, Emma finding herself unable to admit her weaknesses even as she fell apart before her eyes. Instead she pulled Regina closer, pressing their foreheads together as her eyes fluttered closed, breathing in everything the woman had to offer her.

Everything Regina could have given her, had she not fucked things up the first time around.

"We were _happy,"_ Emma whispered, the words sounding small and frail. Her hand slid from the back of her neck to cup her cheek, brushing her lips lightly against Regina's as she turned her face upwards to look into her eyes. "Don't you want that again…?"

"Of course I do," Regina breathed, feeling her eyes fall closed as Emma's thumb traced lightly over her bottom lip. The feeling of it overwhelmed her and a singular tear slipped down her cheek, trying to burn this moment into her memory, for she never believed Emma would be this close to her again, and now that she was, she feared it would once again be the last time she ever felt it. "But I can't—"

"Yes, you _can,"_ Emma told her fiercely, desperately, as she clung to Regina as though she was the only thing that even made sense to her in that moment. But she was in a haze, a haze of her own foolish making, and not one that Regina could find a way to release her from. "You're powerful, aren't you? _Please,_ Regina… just make it go away…"

An onslaught of emotions rose up within Regina, without a hope or a prayer of even trying to stop them, and in an instant, instinct took over. Choking back a sob as her throat constricted painfully, Regina grasped for her, placing her palms on Emma's cheeks as she kissed her with all the love and sorrow that burned its way through her heart. Emma allowed the invasion, tangling her fingers in her hair as she parted her lips in invitation, her body pressing firmly against hers as they stumbled back against the far wall.

Emma tasted of whiskey and despair, her breathing uneven as she allotted Regina a moment that the brunette knew, deep within her gut, would not last. Still, they both grasped for the sanity that lay just out of reach, the weight of their shared sorrow suffocating the breath from their lungs. Emma had her pinned, nails scraping helplessly at the skin on the back of Regina's neck as they both allowed themselves, just for a moment, to forget what all had transpired between them.

When they broke, the loss of connection made Regina exhale a shuddered sob, her fingers tracing the outline of Emma's jaw as she breathed out her guilt for the pain she had caused. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, wishing that she really could just make all of the blonde's pain disappear. "God, Emma, I'm _so _sorry for what I've done to you…"

"Don't be sorry, just _fix it,"_ Emma fiercely breathed against her lips, her grip on the back of Regina's neck tightening almost painfully. "I know you can…"

Regina shook her head, distress running hot like fire through her veins. "I can't," she told her softly, apologetically. "I… I _won't,_ Emma, I'm sorry…"

"_Why?"_ Emma raged, the desperation within her forcing outwards as she practically shook Regina against the wall, needing to know the answer. "You owe me! You _owe me this,_ Regina! You destroyed _everything—!"_

"And yet you're trying to make me seal a gaping wound with the likes of a band-aid!" Regina exclaimed, trying to make Emma understand what it was that she was asking for. "Magic comes with a price, Emma – it always does – and attempting to fix this in that way will only bring more pain in the end, I can assure you of that."

"No," Emma protested, shaking her head as her jaw locked tight. Eyes burning with unshed tears, she looked up at Regina, seeing through everything the woman said and finding so much more beneath the surface of it all. "No, that's not why you won't…"

Regina's eyes fell closed at the accusation, resting her forehead against the blonde's as the pain of truth tore through her. Face masking in guilt, she softly admitted, "If… even if I could find some way to cast it, one of us will remember. That will be the price, and I'm certain I'll be the one to pay it. And I'm sorry, but I can't… I _won't_ live the rest of my life with you, knowing that you're only there, that we're only _happy_ because you couldn't find it within yourself to accept the worst parts of me. It wouldn't be real."

Emma's eyes darkened, such fury rising up within her that it nearly made Regina gasp out loud. She pulled her forward before shoving her away forcefully, causing Regina's back to collide heavily against the wall. "What the hell gives you the right to put your happiness above mine, after _everything—!"_

"I'm still a _person,_ Emma!" Regina exclaimed, needing her to realize that she wasn't the only one affected by everything that had happened; that she wasn't the only one in pain from this. "Perhaps I deserve a lot after everything I've done, but I_ damn_ well don't deserve to be trapped in another relationship that will bring me nothing but pain! I love you, I will _always _love you, but I will _not _live the rest of my life in some kind of fucked up façade that will do nothing but destroy my self-worth! Just because I'm bound to you, does not mean I'm yours to do with as you please!"

Emma looked at her as though she were speaking Hebrew, for all the good Regina's words did her. Features a conflicting mask of anger and confusion, Emma brutally grabbed the hem of Regina's t-shirt, pulling on it to accent her point. "Then what the hell are you doing? Why are you—if you… if you don't fucking _want—"_

Regina felt her cheeks involuntary flush and she shoved Emma's hand away from her before snapping, "I'm _missing_ you, or is that not allowed now?" Emma still looked at her as though she wasn't comprehending anything that she was saying however, and Regina exhaled an impatient sigh. "Just because I want you back, does _not _mean that I'll take it in any way I can get it. Is that clear enough for you? Because you're looking at me as though I have three heads right now, and I don't understand how you can't—"

"I don't understand because that's all we've _ever _done, Regina!" Emma exclaimed, her words slurring a bit as they came out bitter and angry.

Regina hated how lost the blonde looked, as she should have known better than to have this conversation when Emma's comprehension skills were severely impaired. But it had been so long since she had seen her, so long since they had spoken, that Regina took what she could get; which probably did nothing but further Emma's confusion on why she wouldn't do that when it came to having a relationship based on lies, if that was the only thing being offered to her.

But that was _different._ That was… the price, it was too high. Regina had lived so much of her life being unhappy, and perhaps she always would be without Emma, but cursing herself into that kind of relationship would be far worse than never having one at all, she was sure of it.

"This, _us…"_ Emma breathed, sliding her hands underneath Regina's night shirt, feeling the tautness of her muscles and the smoothness of her skin. Her lips brushed against Regina's neck, causing the brunette to inhale a sharp breath. "It's all been bullshit, hasn't it? We just _pretend…"_

Anger flashed in Regina's eyes and she shoved Emma away from her forcefully. "Don't you _dare_ say that!" She didn't care _how_ inebriated Emma was in that moment; that was just downright insulting. "Don't you fucking dare reduce it to nothing more than—!"

"What the hell would you call it then?!" Emma shouted, cutting her off mid-sentence, a fire blazing deep within her gaze. "We played _house,_ Regina! We wrapped ourselves up in such _bullshit_, when we both knew that neither of us could ever really have something like that! So what the hell does it matter, really, how we stay together? Because of this True Love crap it's not like we have a choice, so why can't we just—!"

"You drunken, _idiotic_ child," Regina spat, her patience for Emma's inebriated state having run out the moment she belittled the most honest thing she had ever felt for another human being. "Are you even thinking before you speak, or is your mouth running solely on the whiskey you drowned yourself in earlier? _Pull yourself together._ This is terribly pathetic, even for you; and believe me, dear, ever since I met you, you've set the bar _unbelievably_ high."

Regina knew that was really uncalled for, but she was _furious._ She wanted nothing more than to work things out with Emma, but the woman that stood before her wasn't _her_ Emma; just some pale, broken image of the woman she once was. She was falling apart, not_ fighting_ to keep her head above water throughout all this madness. Emma desperately needed her strength back, and Regina knew, from personal experience, that anger… well, that was the strongest emotion of them all, when love was nowhere to be found.

So she pushed her… and Emma snapped.

The Sherriff pinned Regina to the wall, the force of her body colliding with hers nearly knocking the breath from the brunette's lungs. Emma snarled at her, placing the edge of her forearm against Regina's throat as she pressed down, fire igniting behind her sapphire eyes as she stared the woman down like a starving predator.

"Do you want me to hurt you, is _that _it?" she shouted, looking like a lost pawn amongst the world's largest chess board. "Has the masochist in you come out to play, Regina?" Emma's fingernails dug painfully into the skin of her hip, just above the line of panties. Her chest was heaving, her eyes wild. "I don't know what the _fuck_ it is that you want from me!"

"No, dear," Regina gasped out, the pressure on her throat making words harder to come by. "You know exactly what it is I want from you; it's _you _who doesn't know what you want from _me."_

She had hit some kind of nerve, struck some cord of truth, and Emma had no words of reply. She may have been angry, she may have been drunk, but Regina still noticed how conflicted she was from the moment she stepped inside of her home. Emma grasped for her then pushed her away, unable to find the answers she had been so desperately searching for as she continued to repeat the vicious cycle of indecision.

Until, finally, after moments of heavy breathing and an increasingly forceful grip, Emma misread every signal that Regina was giving her, and made the wrong decision.

The arm was ripped away from Regina's throat, Emma's hands grasping for her face instead as she crashed their lips together. The kiss was sloppy, desperate and violent, as teeth clashed together and tongues fought for the control that neither of them would ever really own. Regina whimpered, the sound emitting from the back of her throat without permission as she felt Emma's hands fall beneath her shirt, raking her nails upwards until firm hands kneaded the fullness of her breasts.

Regina tried to speak, tried to tell Emma that this was going to do nothing but make everything so much worse, but the words died in her throat as the blonde's mouth found her jugular. Emma bit down and Regina gasped, fingernails scraping helplessly against porcelain skin as her eyes hooded and her body fell against the wall. The submission in her was instinctual, yet her brain screamed for sense, as it was clear Emma had none of her own in that moment.

"Emma, stop it," Regina gasped finally, the words sounding almost painful to utter by how badly her body ached for the other woman's touch. But this wasn't what Emma needed, and Regina couldn't stomach taking advantage of how broken she was; that would be incredibly self-serving and cruel, even for her. If they were ever going to do this again, Emma needed to be sober.

However, the blonde merely laughed at her words, the sound vibrating against Regina's silken skin. "You wanna play games?" she purred, the words resonating with the dominance she so desperately craved over the woman who had caused all of this madness. Her eyes snapped to hers, a challenge brewing behind them. _"Fine,"_ Emma sneered against her lips. "We'll play."

Before Regina could register what happened, suddenly her wrists were locked in a death grip, her arms being pinned to the wall as Emma dropped to her knees before her. "_Emma!_ Regina shouted, fighting against her grip as she tried to get some sense through her head. "I said _stop!"_

"Wouldn't be the first time you told me that," Emma responded with a heavy chuckle, still thinking this was all some sort of damn _game._ But Regina was quite serious, and was starting to feel the magic spark to life again within her, the instinctual need to protect herself becoming more predominant than anything else in that moment. She didn't really think Emma would hurt her, at least not intentionally, but she wasn't thinking clearly right then, and that worried Regina.

Still, the explosion she was expecting didn't come. Regina gasped as she felt Emma's mouth cover the damp material of her panties, and her hips pushed towards her without thought. Still, though her body wanted one thing, her brain wanted another, and that was the dominant factor throughout this chaos. It startled Regina, to feel the magic coursing through her, and realize that it hadn't yet pushed outward because she hadn't allowed it to.

She was _controlling_ it.

"I will give you five _damn _seconds to let me go, or so help me…" Regina growled, wanting the other woman to realize how serious she was before she was forced to hurt her. Emma, however, still drunk and mind-numbingly _stupid_ as to what was really happening around her, merely smirked.

"Or _what,_ Regina? You're not exactly in a position to be making threats."

Snarling with fury over how idiotic Emma could be, Regina locked her eyes on her target before opening her palms, pushing her magic outwards with such strength that it violently collided with Emma's chest, sending her sprawling across the foyer floor. Emma coughed, struggling to breathe as Regina pushed herself off the wall, angrily straightening out her disheveled clothing as she stared down the woman who had violated her.

"We've never had a safe word, you stupid, _insolent _little cretin," she spat. "I don't care _how_ drunk you are, use your fucking head! When I say stop, that means _stop!_ That wasn't some damn _game!"_

Emma still lay on the floor, her eyes widening as she took in the pure fury that was etched on Regina's face. She looked like she was going to be ill. "I…" she tried, but words failed her. All of them except the whispered, distraught realization of, "Oh _god…"_ as she finally saw, throughout her haze of alcohol and desperation, that she had done something terribly wrong.

"Get up," Regina ordered, hand reaching towards Emma's arm in a flash as she violently pulled the other woman to her feet. Emma stumbled, and was barely able to get her bearings before Regina reared back and slapped her hard across the cheek. Emma hissed in pain and grasped for her stinging flesh, yet did not lash out, knowing she deserved at least that much. "You're a fucking mess," Regina told her, tone uncaring as she told Emma the ugly truth. "And I want my _damn_ son back."

"Regina…" Emma tried, but was cut off in an instant.

"_No,_ I'm not going to cater to your mental breakdown anymore just because I feel guilty for having caused it," Regina snapped. "I don't even know who you _are_ right now. You're nothing but a pathetic imitation of the woman I fell in love with, and I will not have my son around to witness you falling to fucking pieces."

"_Our_ son," Emma corrected automatically, the argument almost instinctual at this point. Regina just laughed bitterly at the claim.

"When you start acting like a parent again, you can have that right back. Until then, he's mine." Emma tried to say something, but Regina wouldn't give her the chance. "Do you think I didn't notice, the moment you walked in here, how haggard you were? You looked like you haven't had a decent night's sleep in a week, like it's all one big fucking hangover for you. What the hell kind of environment is that for a _child,_ Emma? For Christ's sake!"

What had transpired between them had, thankfully, seemed to sober Emma up enough to at least look ashamed of herself. Pushing the hair back from her face, the blonde averted her eyes. "Look, Regina, I…" She swallowed hard, distress crossing over her features. "I am _so _sorry. I didn't—I mean, I-I just thought…"

"I know what you thought," Regina snapped, knowing Emma was still hung up on the line she had been dangerously close to crossing. "And believe me, if it wasn't for the kind of sex we used to have, and the fact that I know you genuinely didn't mean me any harm – at least in that way – I would have flayed you _alive_ for what you tried to do. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Emma said quietly, still unable to look her in the eye. The amount of self-loathing the woman had for herself curled off her like smoke, but Regina felt no need to try to dissipate it. Emma needed to learn this lesson, and preferably the hard way, as it seemed to be the only time anything ever stuck with her.

"_Good,"_ Regina snarled, before taking a deep breath to try to calm herself, straightening her spine in an attempt to feel a little more put together. "Now, about my son…"

"Regina, I… I can't bring him here," Emma told her, words coming out practically mumbled and apologetic. She took a hesitant breath, trying to gather up her courage, before catching the brunette's eye with her own. "You know it's not safe. Some of the townspeople—"

"I am _not_ leaving him with you," Regina told her fiercely. "You can barely take care of yourself, let alone a child right now."

"Alright, _fine!"_ Emma exclaimed, unable to allow the painful truths to continue. She wrenched herself away from her, beginning to pace. "I'm in a bad place, okay, _I got it!_ You don't have to shove it down my throat, Regina. For fuck's sake. I'll have David and Mary Margaret watch him if you don't trust me enough, but that's the best I can offer you, because you _know_ he can't be here."

Regina's eyes flashed, not liking the idea of _Snow White_ taking care of Henry, but in the end, it was their only option and they knew it. He couldn't stay at the manor, and he _certainly_ couldn't be Emma's responsibility right now. She had already proved in a rather vivid manner how completely incompetent she was when she let her emotions consume her sanity, and Henry did _not _need to be around to witness his birthmother breaking in half.

"Fine," Regina replied shortly. There was a few beats of silence as Regina's eyes swept over the Sherriff, watching the woman fight the urge not to dwell on her prior forceful actions. It seemed Emma was losing the battle rather substantially however, and Regina sighed. "I think it's time for you to leave."

"Yeah," Emma quietly agreed, staring at the ground as she dug the toe of her boot into the grout. But yet, she didn't move. Regina stared at her for a few moments before Emma finally looked up at her, eyes still swimming with regret, and tried once more with, "Regina…"

"I know," Regina said softly, already aware of what exactly was going through the other woman's mind. "I know you are, Emma, and it's done. Just go home and get some sleep."

Emma nodded and took a deep breath, covering her face with her hands before running them downwards as she exhaled, trying to fight the haze in her mind that the alcohol had caused. But it was when they slipped from her face and Regina saw the first tear roll down Emma's cheek, that she realized why it was that the woman believed she needed to drink. She didn't want to feel _this._

"Emma…" The name sounded painful falling from her lips, Regina's heart clenching in her chest as she no longer saw anger, nor confusion, but pure sorrow etched across the other woman's face.

Emma violently wiped the evidence of her upset from her cheeks, yet even as she did, another tear slid down her pale skin. "Fuck," she breathed, looking up at Regina helplessly. "It's always going to hurt like this, isn't it…?"

Regina pursed her lips, trying to get ahold of her own emotions. She didn't reach for her, although her body yearned to wrap Emma up in a comforting embrace. They needed space though, after everything that had happened, and so she stood her ground, wishing she had something other to say than the truth. "Probably," she whispered, her tone apologetic and soft.

"I thought… I thought that maybe if we just _pretend…"_ Emma exhaled a long sigh, shaking her head as she turned away from her. She looked as though she felt foolish, yet still finished softly with, "We used to be good at that… you know?"

"No, we weren't," Regina disagreed, causing Emma to turn back towards her in question. The brunette gave her a small, sad smile, before gently reminding her, "If we were, we would have never ended up here."

Emma scoffed at that, a disbelieving chuckle falling from her lips as she furiously wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "I thought we were _destiny…"_ She said the word like it was something foul, and Regina tried like hell to not let that emotionally affect her. It was difficult.

"Destiny is the destination, dear," Regina answered softly. "We just happened to have taken the wrong path to get there."

Emma swallowed hard, accepting her words as truth. There was a long moment's silence, before Emma's cracked and heavy words sought to damage Regina's heart a little further. "I can't be with you." It sounded apologetic, but it was still firm, and it made the brunette turn her face away from her, not wanting Emma to see the tears brewing in the back of her eyes.

"I know."

A silence followed; long, heavy.

"I just… god, I just want everything to go back to how it _was,"_ Emma whispered finally, sounding so terribly pained by the fact that she would never again feel the comfort that love was supposed to allot her. It was clear she couldn't bring herself to leave just yet, and if truth be told, Regina didn't want her to. They were grasping at straws, perhaps; but as it was all they had, they hastily reached for them anyway.

"Please," Regina implored, breaking her own rule as she reached for Emma's hand. The blonde's desperation to forget scared her, and she felt she had to say something. Regina knew she would regret it if she did not. "Don't… _please _don't do anything rash."

Emma looked down at their clasped hands for a moment before slowly pulling away, folding her arms into herself as she took a step backwards. "I'm not going to take the potion," she told her. "If that's what you're worried about. Besides, I… honestly, I don't even know if it can be made here. Magic is…" But then she stopped mid-sentence, her eyes snapping up to meet Regina's as she realized something. "You used magic. Earlier, you—!"

Damn. Regina had been hoping she was too inebriated to notice.

"It's been happening off and on," she reluctantly admitted, knowing better than to lie about it when Emma had clearly already seen. Regina just hoped she wouldn't be trudged off to that damn cell again for it, as it was both terribly uncomfortable and undignified. "I still can't… _fully_ control it. It comes and goes, like waves."

Emma sighed heavily, looking as though that information burdened her and she very much did_ not_ want to deal with it right now. "I don't… _damnit._ You know no one's going to like that you have access to magic, right?"

"Then don't tell anyone," Regina implored, stepping closer to her. "Please. You know it'll only cause panic."

Emma chewed on the inside of her cheek, looking at Regina apprehensively. Shaking her head, she exhaled a long breath as she asked, "But how am I supposed to trust that you're not going to… I don't know, fuck some _more _shit up with it? I mean come on, Regina, you already cursed—!"

"Emma," Regina interrupted firmly. "I swear on Henry's _life _that I won't."

That gave Emma pause, knowing Regina would never say something like that unless she truly meant it. It relieved some of her concern, and Regina watched Emma's muscles loosen as she relaxed a little. "Okay," she conceded softly, although she still sounded a little wary. Still, she pressed on with a firm, "Just don't make me regret it."

The plea was more than just about magic, and Regina knew it. Emma was taking a chance with trusting her, and even though it wasn't anything to do with _them_ personally, and where they were or weren't in their relationship, it was still a step in the right direction, and Regina would be _damned_ if she was going to screw that up.

So she caught her eye, needing Emma to see the honesty in her gaze, as she swore to her, "I won't."

**TBC…**


	8. Running

**CHAPTER EIGHT  
****Running**

"What are you doing?"

Emma looked up in surprise, her movements halted by the sound of the unexpected voice. Mary Margaret stood in the doorway, staring at the half-packed bag at the base of Emma's bed, looking as though the mere sight of it cut her heart into pieces. Emma averted her eyes, shoving another pair of jeans into the open duffle.

"Thought you were at that meeting… thing." The blonde's words came out a mumble, suppressed by the shame of being caught.

"The one _you_ were supposed to attend with us?" Mary Margaret asked, her tone sharp. "Yes, we were. It's finished." Her eyes swept the bed, noting the articles of clothing that were scattered in disarray across the bed sheets. Emma avoided her gaze as she swiped for a tank top that had fallen to the floor. "I'm going to ask you one more time, Emma. _What are you doing?"_

Emma exhaled an impatient breath as she shoved the shirt into the bag. "Drop the whole cliché mom tone, Mary Margaret. I'm an adult; this is me making an _adult_ decision."

"To what, _leave?"_ Mary Margaret practically shrieked, horrified by the choice Emma was making. She took a few steps towards her, palms held out in an imploring manner as desperation shone behind her forest green eyes. "Emma, sweetie, I know things have been hard for you, but you can't just—!"

"I'm not leaving town or anything!" Emma exclaimed, looking up at her with an expression of disbelief. _"Jesus,_ is that what you really think?" She might be a mess right now, but she wasn't heartless. Emma shook her head, irritated by Mary Margaret's lack of confidence in her, while she shoved another article of clothing into the open bag. "I'm just—I… I need to be away from Henry right now, okay? I'm gonna go stay at the Bed and Breakfast for a bit, that's _all."_

"Without saying a word to your father and I?" Mary Margaret asked, looking at Emma like she couldn't fathom how her decision making skills worked. "You were just going to dump your son on us and _expect—?"_

"I was going to leave a note," Emma grumbled, pushing her hair back from her eyes. Her fingers caught in a tangle – further proof that she could barely even take care of her own basic maintenance, let alone a child right now – and she sighed heavily as she forced her hand violently away from her head, nearly tearing out some of her hair in the process. "I just didn't want to have this conversation, alright? Was trying to avoid it."

Mary Margaret set her jaw, looking really unhappy about this unexpected turn of events. After a long moment's silence she spoke, her voice almost dangerously low as she asked, "Did _Regina_ tell you to do this?"

God, even the mere_ mention_ of Regina's name twisted her insides violently.

What she had almost done at the manor, it… Emma could barely even look at herself in the mirror that morning, her reflection sickened her that badly. It had been an honest mistake, to have interpreted Regina's response in the wrong way, but that still didn't justify her actions by any means. She was a disaster, and that happening, above all else, proved it to be true with blinding clarity.

Still, Emma paused mid-movement, blinking in surprise. She hadn't expected Mary Margaret to know that. "How did you…?"

"Mulan told your father that you were at her house last night."

God damnit. Was she not allowed even a second's privacy? For fuck's sake, this was ridiculous. She didn't need _babysitters_; she was a grown woman.

Emma threw another article of clothing into the bag. "Look, it _really_ doesn't matter—"

"Of course it matters!" Mary Margaret exclaimed, crossing the room to practically manhandle the duffle away from her daughter. Emma shot her a glare, furiously holding out her hands in disbelief; she was being treated like her opinion didn't even matter, and it was beyond frustrating. "Emma, she's only saying this so she can get him back! Why are you succumbing to her ridiculous requests? Honestly, I would have thought—"

"Because they're _not_ ridiculous, Mary Margaret!" Emma shouted, effectively cutting the other woman off. "She's right, okay? I'm a fucking mess! I can't be the mom Henry needs right now, and you know it! Just because you don't want to acknowledge the fact that I'm drinking myself into an early grave, doesn't mean it's not happening! So just let me deal with my shit the way I need to, _alright?!"_

Mary Margaret stared at her, distress beginning to mask over her delicate features at the truth she had so desperately wished to ignore. But it was staring her in the face now, and there was no longer a way to cover the ugliness of it back up. She took a hesitant breath. "Emma, if you… if you need _help,_ maybe we could—"

"I don't need help, I just need _space,"_ Emma snapped, tearing the bag out of the other woman's grasp before setting it on the bed once more. She began shoving clothes in it again, not really caring about a sense of order to the madness. "So just let me have it so I can start dealing, alright? I have enough going on without some 'and they lived happily ever after' Disney _crap _being shoved in my face every two seconds."

"Oh." Mary Margaret looked wounded by her words. "You… you mean that you need space from David and I as well, don't you? Is that what you're…?"

Emma sighed heavily, beginning to feel guilty by the way her intoxicated disposition expressed her frustrations. "It's just a lot to take in at once," Emma admitted softly, avoiding eye contact as she finished packing her things. "I spent my entire life convinced that my parents abandoned me because they couldn't give a shit, and then the damn curse lifts and suddenly you expect me to play happy family?"

Emma looked up, face masking in apology at how upset her former friend was becoming. "I just… it's gonna take some time for me to process everything," she continued, her tone softer and more caring this time around. "It's not every day you find out you were sent through a magical wardrobe to save a bunch of fairytale characters, you know? It'd fuck with anyone. I'm not…" Emma sighed heavily as she zipped up the duffle, "I'm not _saying_ that I'm not glad to have found you guys, but there's still a lot of crap I gotta work through before we can, I don't know, move _forward_, or whatever. You… you get that, right?"

"N-No… I mean,_ yes_, of course, I—_we _understand that, Emma. We just… I mean—" But Mary Margaret cut herself off, her emotions getting the better of her. Fresh tears shone in her eyes, but she turned away from Emma before allowing them to fall. Still, the blonde noticed.

A sharp pang of guilt shot through her gut, causing Emma to take a step towards her. "Mary Margaret…"

"I'm sorry," the brunette apologized, quickly wiping the evidence of her distress off her cheeks. "I know you don't need this right now. I'm not trying to guilt you into staying; I know why you need to leave. I'm just worried that…"

"That what?" Emma gently prodded.

Mary Margaret exhaled a long sigh, shaking her head for a moment before turning towards her. "I'm worried that you're just _running,_ Emma, not dealing," she told her softly. "I'm afraid that once you get there, you'll no longer have any reason to hide what you're doing. What if you just begin to drink _more?"_

"I won't. I still have a job to do—"

"And yet where were you today, during the town meeting?" Mary Margaret pressed, furthering her point. As Sherriff of Storybrooke, she should have been present. "Emma, we were discussing what to do with Regina today; I would have _thought_ you'd want to be around for that, yet you were nowhere to be found."

Emma blinked at the new information; had someone informed her of that earlier? She couldn't remember anyone saying anything about it. If she had known, she would have gone.

God, she hoped she wasn't blacking out.

"You… I thought—Wasn't it going to be awhile until her trial?" she asked, confused. "Why were you guys talking about that _now_ when there's other—"

"Emma," Mary Margaret interrupted. "There isn't going to be a trial. Regina already admitted her guilt; all that's left is to sentence her. With everything going on, we figured it was best to just get this out of the way, that way we can focus on other—"

"So wait, when the_ hell_ is this supposed to be happening?" Emma cut in, looking completely lost. She had thought there would be more time to deal with the whole Regina situation, but apparently not. Mary Margaret sighed softly, sympathetically.

"In two days."

Emma felt herself slump onto the bed heavily. Two days? She didn't know how she was supposed to feel about that. It kind of made her feel numb.

"They're not… I mean, you guys aren't going to sentence her to _death_ or anything… right?" She looked up at the woman standing beside her, knowing her eyes were begging for Mary Margaret to ease her worries. Regina might be a lot of things, might have _done_ a lot of things, but the last thing Emma wanted was for her to die for it.

Still, things were very different where they came from, and that scared her.

"Of course we're not," Mary Margaret assured her, coming to sit next to Emma on the bed. She placed a comforting hand on her knee. "We're not barbaric, Emma; she's Henry's adoptive mother. We couldn't do something like that to him. But she… well, we think it would be best for Regina, and the town as a whole, for her to not be around any longer. It hasn't officially been decided yet, but your father and I believe banishment would be the punishment best suited for her crimes."

Emma turned towards her sharply. "What about Henry?"

"What about him? I just said—"

"We're just going to let Regina up and disappear with him?" Emma asked, looking at her like she was insane. "He's my son too! I know I might be a disaster right now, but I can't—!"

"What? _No,_ Emma!" Mary Margaret hastily assured her. "No, of course not; Henry will stay here, with _us."_

Emma blinked at her, trying to process the lack of sense that just came out of the other woman's mouth. "What?" she asked, disbelief settling over her expression. "What the hell are you talking about? Regina is Henry's legal guardian, Mary Margaret. We don't have any right to him, not _really._ We can't just toss her out without him, that's… I don't know, _illegal,_ on top of really fucked up."

"Storybrooke isn't connected to the rest of the world, Emma," Mary Margaret reminded her. "Things are very different here, and as such we aren't governed by the same set of laws. We'll award custody of Henry to you during sentencing, and then—"

"This is fucking ridiculous," Emma muttered furiously, pushing herself off the bed to pace. Just because her parents were monarchs in their world, didn't give them the right to dictate everyone else's lives while in Storybrooke. Emma didn't want Regina leaving with Henry, not by any means, but this still didn't sit right with her. This wasn't the way the world _worked._

Mary Margaret, sensing her daughter's unrest with the situation, tried to rectify it. "If it means that much to you, we can… I don't know, perhaps organize supervised visits one weekend a month, or something…"

"If it means _that much_ to me?" Emma repeated, rounding on her furiously. "This isn't even _about_ me; this is about you separating a child from their mother, without even really thinking about what this is going to do to Henry! Look, the last thing I want is to be around Regina, because all it does it fuck me up more, but Christ, you can't just go around dictating shit like this without even thinking it through! Damn _right _she should be allowed supervised visits, at the very least; can you even imagine how badly it's going to hurt Henry if he's never allowed to see her again?!"

Mary Margaret's previously understanding gaze darkened at the blonde's tone. "Emma, Regina is _evil._ I understand why you would think separating Henry from her wouldn't be the right thing to do, but you have to see that maybe it's—"

"Regina's not _evil,_ Mary Margaret! She's a self-centered, manipulative bitch with impulse issues, who still, at the end of the goddamn day, loves her _son _more than anything else in this world."

_Even more than me_, a small voice in the back of Emma's head added, yet thankfully the words did not make their way out of her mouth. She didn't want to think of Regina's feelings for her at the moment, as they were irrelevant when it came to the situation at hand.

"Someone doing evil _things_ does not make them inherently evil, alright? She wouldn't love as devotedly as she does if that were true, so stop labeling her that just to make yourself feel better for not giving a fuck about how our kid will feel about your decision."

Mary Margaret's mouth dropped open, horrified by the way her daughter was speaking to her. _"Emma!"_

"No, we're done," Emma snapped, furiously grabbing her duffle off the bed and hoisting it over her shoulder. "Call me when the town reconvenes for sentencing. Until then, just… just leave me alone."

Mary Margaret tried to call out to her, but Emma stormed out of her bedroom, hearing none of it. While Regina being banished from Storybrooke gave them the space they both so desperately needed – especially after the unfortunate events that had transpired between them at the manor – the fact that Mary Margaret barely thought about Henry throughout all of it enraged her. It wasn't fair, and it most certainly wasn't _right._

And Emma just hoped that, at the end of the day, Mary Margaret would see that, and not give Henry any reason to despise them and the end result of the curse he had worked so tirelessly to break.

[x]

_Light. Light, damn you!_

For the umpteenth time that day however, nothing happened.

Regina exhaled an impatient sigh, beginning to grow incredibly frustrated by the lack of progress she was making. Magic was fueled by emotion, but it seemed to only respond in this realm to strong, uncontrollable ones, which was not making things any easier for her. Magic was dangerous when one was unable to control it, and that was not something Regina wanted her son around. So with that goal in mind, she sat in the large armchair in her study for seemingly hours on end, attempting to figure out the secret to accessing it.

Regardless of Rumpelstiltskin's theory that the curse broke wrong, Regina _refused_ to believe that it meant magic was inaccessible on a whim. After all, there _had_ been times when she had been able to control it; they were just few and far between.

She just couldn't, for the life of her, figure out the connection between the two events.

At first she believed it was because she was protecting herself both times, but if that were true, Regina should have been able to summon a protection ward when the mob first came to her door. However, she was not, so that theory ended up being dismissed rather quickly. It was frustrating though, because outside of that, the two events were completely dissimilar; different circumstances and different spells.

Regina took a deep breath, focusing her gaze on the candle before her once more. It was aggravating, how mind-numbingly _simple_ this spell once was for her, and yet now it had become one of the most difficult things she had ever tried to accomplish, solely because she could no longer access what used to be second-nature to her.

Regina stared. She concentrated. She focused on her desire to protect Henry, for without control over herself she was a danger. And yet still, nothing happened.

"God damnit, just _light!"_ she exclaimed, frustrated beyond belief at the cylinder of wax that now seemed to be taunting her with just its mere existence. Aggravated, Regina slammed her hand down on the table, knocking the candle onto the floor just as her magic sparked and raged inside of her, reacting to her anger.

The vase of flowers in the corner of the room erupted into flames, and Regina swore loudly.

Luckily, she had been prepared for potential accidents, but that still didn't worry her any less, considering the flowers were _dangerously_ close to her drapes. Jumping up, Regina grabbed the pitcher of water off her desk, throwing it onto the flames. The fire hissed as it was put out, leaving a charred mess of what used to be a lovely bouquet of lilies in its wake. Regina sighed, leaning heavily against the side of her desk.

She was getting nowhere.

If she wanted to learn how to control magic in this world, she really needed to figure out the connection between the only two times she was able. However, Regina had always been more of a doer than a thinker, so she didn't have much faith in her patience to really sit down and suss it out. Still, she knew she had to try.

When Regina crossed the room to pour herself a stiff glass of hard cider though, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she noticed a body coming to stand in the threshold of the door. Her irritation at everyone's ability and audacity to just _stroll right into her house_ uninvited, however, dissipated in an instant when she realized who it was that had come to see her.

Eyes widening as they glassed over with emotion, Regina abandoned all thoughts of magic as she looked upon her son, hardly able to believe it that he was really there. She had thought for sure no one would condone him seeing her. "Henry…"

The boy smiled wide. "Mom!"

He was in her arms within moments, enveloping her in a crushing hug. Regina clung to him, smoothing down his hair and kissing his forehead as the feeling of her son's love overwhelmed her. After everything that had happened, Regina would have never expected him to greet her so warmly. It seemed, however, that Henry was the only person who could see how much Emma's love had changed her. Perhaps it was mostly blind faith on his part, a hope for a happily ever after, but it was still nice to know that there was someone in this world that believed she was more than the sum of her mistakes.

"What are you doing here?" Regina asked, kneeling before him to get at his eyelevel as she smoothed out the crinkles in his shirt. "Did Emma bring you?"

Henry squished his face to the side in guilt before reluctantly shaking his head. "I snuck out," he admitted softly.

"Henry…" Regina's words were laced with disapproval, but Henry wouldn't let her lecture him.

"No one would let me see you!" he exclaimed. "It wasn't fair. I know you're not going to hurt me, because you're not the Evil Queen anymore. You're just my mom. Why doesn't anyone see that?"

Regina's face etched in distress at the innocence in her son's words. "Is that… they really believe I would do that; _hurt_ you?" She expected as much of Snow, but not of _Emma._ The woman knew that Regina lived and breathed only for Henry; he was the reason that she stayed here, in this house, awaiting sentencing for her crimes, despite how easy it would be for her to flee with only one guard stationed at the front door.

Regina couldn't leave without him. And now that Henry was here, she had half a mind to just take him and go, but in the end, she had done so much wrong by Emma already; she couldn't betray her by snatching their son and leaving town, especially considering that with the border problem, there would be no way back.

"I don't know. I think so. I know before Emma didn't want me to see you in jail, but you're out now, so…" Henry shrugged, not really knowing all of the details of their forced separation.

Regina exhaled a soft breath before pursing her lips together and giving her son a tight smile. She was glad to see him, but that still didn't mean she condoned his behavior. "You shouldn't have come here," she told him softly. "Emma will be worried sick once she realizes you're gone."

Henry shook his head. "No, she ran away this morning."

"…_What?"_

"To the inn," Henry hastily assured her, realizing how that sounded a little too late. "But I overheard Grandma telling her that she was running from things instead of fixing them. I don't know. She promised me she'd be back soon though, she just doesn't know when."

So Emma had actually listened to her. If Regina were to be honest, she would have never expected her to; especially considering the state the blonde was in.

"Emma's been having a tough time lately," Regina told him gently, smoothing down the cowlick in his hair. "But if she promised she'd come back, then she will, okay? She just needs some alone time right now."

"Because of the drinking," Henry finished, and four little words had never crushed Regina so quickly. Suddenly he seemed so much older, his innocence and naivety stolen from the repercussions of her own mistake. They were just words, holding no real power to age him, and yet suddenly her little boy didn't seem so little anymore.

Regina gave him a sad smile. "Your…" there was only a slight hesitation before she continued with, "your _mom_, Henry; she's very strong. But even the strongest people have moments of weakness, because it's human to be imperfect. This is hers. But no matter how bad it is, you have to remember that it's a _moment_… and moments, they eventually pass."

Henry's lips upturned into a smile. "You called Emma my mom."

It was the first time Regina had ever really referred to Emma as such in front of her son, and she met his smile with one of her own. "I think," she began softly, brushing the hair out of his eyes, "I've begun to learn the concept of sharing." Henry smirked, and it was reflected back at him. "I suppose it's not that bad."

Her words elicited a sense of happiness in her son, but within moments it was gone, his expression clouding over as he looked down at his shoes. "I thought we were going to be a family," he admitted softly. "True Love is supposed to give people their happy endings, isn't it?"

Henry's words broke her heart, and Regina tried like hell to not let the emotion show on her face, for fear of crushing his hopes even further with her own pessimism. "Emma and I love you," she told him firmly. "And no matter what happens between us, that's never going to change. But I've… I've done quite a lot of bad things in my life, and while you seem to be able to separate the person that I was from the person that I am now, it's not that easy for everyone else. Maybe, in time, Emma will be able to forgive me for the things that I've done, but if it happens, it probably won't be for quite a while."

"Because your curse took her from her mom and dad," Henry said quietly, trying to understand why there was such a large rift between his two mothers, despite how much had changed before. "And cause you lied."

"Yes," Regina quietly agreed. "Among many other things." Graham, in particular, being another large part of Emma's anger towards her. But that was a conversation for another day.

Henry took a breath, shuffling his feet for a moment. "You made me feel like I was crazy," he told her hesitantly, as if he was unsure about bringing it up on top of everything else that was going on. "And I know it was because you were evil at first, then when you started to love Emma you were scared about her finding out, but… I hated it, Mom. I'm not crazy, and you _knew_ I wasn't."

"I know," Regina softly replied, guilt washing over her features. "I know, honey, and I'm sorry. I thought it was best if you believed it was just your imagination. I thought if you knew, I would lose you; that you would hate me."

"I did… for a little," Henry admitted, unable to meet her eye. "But… then you found your True Love and you changed. I just… I want us all to be happy, Mom." He sounded so small, once again no more than the little boy Regina had read bedtime stories to for so many years, and it broke her heart for being the one to have caused him such distress.

How foolish she had been, to believe that this story could possibly have a happy ending.

Still, she assured him, "We will be, Henry. I promise. One day, everything will be alright. It might take a little while, but this is just another moment. It'll eventually pass, and a new one will come; a happier one."

"How can you be sure?"

Regina smiled at him, gently tapping her knuckle against his chin. "Because fairytales always have happy endings, don't they?" It was an answer that went against everything she herself believed in, yet Regina felt she had to say it. She didn't want her son to live with the same pessimism that devoured her whole. He deserved to have hope.

Henry smiled, then nodded.

But within moments his expression clouded over once more as he told her, "I don't want you to have to leave."

Regina's eyebrows knitted. "What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere."

"Emma was yelling at Grandma earlier about it," Henry said, his voice soft, as though he knew he shouldn't have been spying, "before she left. They're going to make you leave Storybrooke because you cast the curse."

Regina felt all the color drain from her face at that information. "…What?" The word was barely above a whisper. Leaving Storybrooke, with the boundary still intact, meant she could never return. Did Snow _know_ that?

It seemed though, at the very least, that Henry didn't.

"Emma was mad about it, but I don't think Grandma cares. She said we could still see each other, but I don't think she's going to let me live with you."

It took every ounce of strength inside of Regina to not break down. She didn't want to scare Henry, especially when she was unsure of the facts; it was possible her son had misinterpreted Snow's words, or that Emma was completely unaware of the boundary issue. Despite everything, Regina knew that Emma would never condone her being separated from Henry in such a way.

But in the end, did Emma's opinion on it even matter? She was the Sherriff, yes, but it seemed Snow and David had reinstated themselves as reigning monarchs. They could throw her out of Storybrooke despite Emma's protests, if they so desired.

God, that scared her.

Regina knew she looked alarmed by this information, but that was something she couldn't help. She at least suppressed the worst of her fear, knowing it would do no good to get Henry riled up about it as well. She ran her hands down her son's arms in a comforting gesture. "Don't worry about that right now, alright?" Regina tried, keeping her voice as level as possible. "I'll speak with Emma about it, and if I need to, then I'll have a word with Snow as well. No matter what, we'll still be able to see each other. We'll figure something out."

"Okay," Henry conceded quietly. Regina gave him an assuring smile, and he smiled back at her.

"Come on," she encouraged, getting to her feet and placing a hand on the small of her son's back. "I believe its Granny's shift at the moment; let's see if she'll drive you back to Emma's apartment. I don't want you riding your bike back in the dark."

_Besides, I need to get you back home before Snow realizes you're missing and accuses me of trying to kidnap you,_ Regina thought bitterly, yet did not allow the words to fall from her lips. In the end, she still felt the need to shield Henry from so many things. He was only ten years old and already he had gone through much more than a young boy should; Regina didn't want to expose him to any more anger and spite, especially between the people who loved him.

She had made a lot of mistakes in her life, and look where they had gotten her. It was high time for Regina to try to make things right, however she was able, and no matter how hard the choices may be. Regina didn't want to end up bitter and alone for the rest of her life; she had spent so long being miserable and angry, and for one, brief moment, she had felt true happiness.

And she wanted, more than anything else, to get that back. Everything else paled in comparison to feeling like she finally had a proper family.

Perhaps it was a foolish dream, especially after everything that had happened, but still Regina knew that one thing was for certain: she had to try. Because this, this life she had led for over thirty years? It wasn't working any longer. She had believed revenge would fill the hole in her heart, but all it did was make it even bigger as she repeatedly darkened her soul.

Henry and Emma, _they_ were what filled that void, and Regina would be damned if she just allowed them to get away.

**TBC…**


	9. Sentencing

**Author's Note:  
**So you guys are getting the chapter a day early this week since I'm gonna be on a six hour flight tomorrow and_ really_ don't wanna have to figure out a time to post between packing and what have you, lol. Updates will resume on Wednesday after this week though.

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE  
****Sentencing**

"Where is Emma? I need to speak with—must you do that so _roughly?"_

Regina was thrown rather unceremoniously into the singular cell in the Sherriff's station, scowling at Charming's lack of respect towards her. She might be a criminal in their eyes, but the fact that she had willingly stayed under house arrest when she could have easily slipped away from her singular guard, should have proven that she wasn't about to do anything foolish. If she had wanted to avoid her fate, she could have left sometime during the middle of the night, not en route to her holding cell an hour prior to her sentencing.

Then again, expecting Charming to have basic reasoning skills was perhaps far too much to hope for.

"She's out on a call," the man answered her as he shut the cell door, barely even sparing her more than a glance before he crossed the room to answer the phone that was ringing off the hook. It was clear he didn't feel the need to care very much about Regina's urgent insistence that she see Emma, but she was running out of _time._

If Emma had just bothered to answer her phone over the last two days this wouldn't have been an issue, but each and every call was promptly ignored. Regina should have expected nothing else, but she had foolishly allowed herself to believe that perhaps Emma would realize and_ care_ that she had something urgent to tell her while the woman's cellphone rang nonstop for the last forty eight hours.

"Then I demand an audience with yourself and Snow, because this is—!" Regina tried, defaulting to her last resort. However, her words were promptly cut off as two figures entered the Sherriff's station, one of them being Emma herself.

"You know, if you wanted to handcuff me that badly, love, I could've named a number of other scenarios that would've been far more… _pleasurable,"_ Hook practically purred at her, effectively making Emma's gaze darken as she shoved him over towards the cell.

"Keep it in your pants," she growled, before her eyes set on Regina, who was occupying the cell which she no doubt was planning to keep Hook in. "Damnit," Emma mumbled under her breath before turning towards her father. "David—"

"Just keep them in the same cell," Charming told her as he hung up the phone, grabbing his jacket off of one of the desk chairs. "We'll be moving Regina to City Hall in an hour anyway. I'm sure the two of them can manage to play nice until then." He eyed both of the town 'villains' with distaste before heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Emma asked, looking a little frazzled at the amount of action the Sherriff's station seemed to be getting that day; it looked like it was one thing after another.

"I just got a call about someone possibly seeing Jafar; I'm going to go check it out. Can you file the paperwork on Regina?"

But Charming didn't even give her a chance to respond before he was out the door, leaving Emma with the two captives. She exhaled a frustrated sigh. "Yeah, sure, whatever," she mumbled before opening the cell door with one of her keys. "Don't kill each other," Emma told them shortly as she threw Hook inside, locking the door behind him.

"Regina," Hook greeted, a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips as he placed his back against the bars, allowing Emma to uncuff him through the obstruction. "It's been _far _too long."

"Killian," Regina responded shortly, eyeing the man up and down. "I dare say not long enough."

"You wound me," he responded satirically, his smirk growing wider. "And here I thought we had a special connection." Leaning against the bars, Hook crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing her hungrily. "At least, we did the night before you sent me off to Wonderland to take care of your dear mother. Do you remember…?"

A horrified look crossed over Emma's face at the implication. "Oh, for fuck's sake," she exclaimed, shoving Hook away from the bars so roughly that it made the man chuckle, sensing her innate jealousy that anyone had ever dared touch her ex. Regina was unsure whether the possessive nature was due to True Love or just a part of Emma's personality, but she found she appreciated it all the same.

Still, Regina's face darkened at the man's audacity to mention _that_ sordid little affair in front of Emma; that was not something the other woman needed to hear. However, Regina still managed to keep herself poised as she responded with, "If you're referring to the whole of five minutes you flopped around like a fish out of water in my bedchambers, then yes, I do. As I recall it was terribly disappointing."

Hook's smug look diminished immediately and, despite herself, Emma snorted at the insult.

Turning away from him, Regina's gaze set on the blonde. "Emma, I need to speak with you; it's urgent," she pleaded, hoping the woman would implore her request. She really did not have much time left.

"Later," Emma brushed off, sorting through the paperwork on her desk without even sparing the other woman a glance. Her voice held a bit of a tremor though, as if she were afraid Regina wished to speak with her about the things that had transpired between them in the manor a few days ago. But that was the last thing on Regina's mind.

"There might not _be_ a later!" she exclaimed, which at least got Emma's attention as she turned towards her. "Are you aware that your idiotic parents are planning to _banish_ me? The town line is still intact, which means that once I go over it, I will no longer be able to return. They are trying to forever separate me from my _son_, Emma; you can't allow that to happen!"

"…What?" Emma asked, the question posed soft and disbelieving. She blinked heavily, trying to process the information. "How… how do you even know this, about the town line? No one's said anything about it."

"I very much doubt anyone outside of Rumple—Mr. _Gold,"_ Regina corrected, unsure if Emma was aware of everyone's Enchanted Forest counterparts, "has tried. Now that the curse has lifted, everyone in this town is an outsider to this world; I assume they wish to stick together, for familiarity."

"Regina, Gold is still here," Emma told her, looking at the sorceress as though she wasn't making any sense, before finally gesturing over towards Hook. "If he wasn't, I wouldn't have _that_ idiot locked up for trying to stab him."

"The bastard deserved much more than that, I can assure you," Hook growled, eyes flashing dangerously. "He killed the woman I _love;_ that is not something one let's slide."

"Then maybe you should have fucking told me that instead of trying to take justice into your own hands," Emma snapped, before correcting with a brief look at the hook that was now lying on her desk, "_Hand,_ whatever. This isn't the Middle Ages; killing people isn't how we solve our damn problems here."

Hook scoffed. "You actually wished for me to file a formal complaint with your damned office, when you've done nothing but prove yourself incompetent of upholding the law when you repeatedly refused to do anything about the damage to my _ship?_ Excuse me, princess, for not trusting you with something far more important, but I think you've already proven that you cannot be relied on to get anything done."

"Your ship is a goddamn _sailboat!"_ Emma shouted, looking at him like he had gone mental for even caring about such a thing. "Do you really expect me to bother with something like that, when we have _actual_ crimes to deal with?"

"It's only a bloody sailboat because _she_ turned it into one!" Hook exclaimed, furiously pointing at Regina. "The Jolly Roger was once a magnificent—"

"Be quiet!" Regina shouted, effectively cutting him off. "Your petty grievances are low on the scale of importance right now. Emma, the boundary—"

"I want justice for what was done to _Milah!"_ Hook furiously exclaimed. "And if you won't do anything about it, then—!"

"Oh for God's sake," Emma growled, furiously grabbing her keys off of her belt and coming over towards the cell door. "Hook, just _shut up_ and chill out; we'll talk about Gold later and what kind of justice can be done. Regina, come with me; we obviously need another place to talk."

Regina furiously pushed past Hook, nearly knocking him into the side wall as she strode from the cell. After Emma closed and locked the door, her fingers clamped around Regina's wrist, acting as quasi-handcuffs as she led the woman into the interrogation room. "Explain," she requested shortly as she leaned against the chestnut framed door.

Regina situated herself atop the long table, crossing her legs in front of her in an attempt to look at least a little more dignified than she felt. It was very unbecoming, this whole_ arresting_ nonsense. Still, Regina grit her teeth and bared it, for _Emma_ as well as for her son. She needed to prove that she wasn't the woman she once was.

"I spoke with Gold a few days ago; he told me that the curse did not break right, and as such the boundary is still intact," Regina explained. "From my understanding, he threw someone over it to test his theory."

"Who?"

"He didn't say. But that's hardly the point, Emma; if what he says is true do you even understand what that means? I'm willing to accept the punishment for my crimes, but I will _not_ be permanently separated from Henry! No crime I've committed is deserving of that fate; he is my _son!"_

"Actually I'm pretty sure the fact that you've murdered a shit ton of people makes you deserving of a lot of stuff, but just _relax_ for a second, okay? Christ," Emma responded sharply, not terribly keen on being shouted at. She pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before assuring her, "I won't let that happen. I'm not stupid; I know Henry needs you. I wouldn't do that to either of you."

"It's not you I'm worried about," Regina snapped. She pointed towards the distance, indicating Snow somewhere far away from them both. "Your mother has already made it _perfectly _clear what she thinks of me, and I would not put it past her to do something like this so she can assure I stay as far away from you and Henry as possible."

Emma's gaze darkened and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Mary Margaret doesn't have a say in who I do or do not choose to have in my life; that's _my _decision and she knows it."

Regina almost laughed at her, but contained herself. God, how naïve Emma could be was almost frightening. "Look around you, Emma," Regina began, gesturing with open palms. "This is not the world you grew up in. It may look like it, but the rules have changed quite substantially. This country was built on democracy, and yet I was torn from my position as Mayor while your parents didn't even bother to have a reelection, instead naming themselves my successor. They will hide behind the veil of change, pretend that they abide by the rules in this land, and yet in the end, they will be nothing else but the King and Queen they once were, and you, the Princess, who has yet to earn the right to have any say in political matters."

"This isn't a _political matter,"_ Emma snapped. "This is a police matter, which makes it _my _business. And I think the fact that you're not getting sentenced to death for everything is a testament to how much differently things are handled in this world."

Regina leaned forward in her seat, looking Emma dead in the eyes. "I tore everyone from your parents' kingdom. I robbed them and their people of their home, their memories. This _is_ political, dear; but what's worse than that is that it's _personal._ I bedded the sole successor to their line, which will never allow them to look at this objectively; to them, I am not just a threat to their kingdom, but to their heir. And the _only_ reason I'm not going to be strapped to a stake in the middle of the town square with a gun pointed at my head, is because of how my death would affect their grandson."

Emma rolled her eyes as she exhaled an impatient breath, "Regina, this is _Storybrooke,_ not their 'Kingdom'. You're being dramatic."

"I'm not being dramatic. This is how things are in the world where we come from, and like it or not, it's going to bleed out into how this town is governed because that is all they know. I need you to understand how they view this situation if you're even going to have a _hope _of possibly stopping it."

"Regina," Emma began firmly, pushing herself off the door to cross the room towards the woman she was speaking to. She stopped just a mere pace in front of her and continued, "Look at me, _listen_ to me." Regina's gaze flittered towards Emma's, trying not to let herself get lost in the ocean of the other woman's eyes. "I am _not_ going to let that happen, okay? You might have deserved to lose me, but I won't let you lose your son."

"You can't guarantee that," Regina said softly, feeling her pessimism weigh heavily on her heart. She tore her eyes away from Emma, focusing on the far wall.

"Then why come to me?"

"Because I have no one else," Regina breathed sadly, the truth in the statement feeling rather crushing in its cruelty. She brushed the hair from her eyes before looking back up at Emma, seeing the emotion flitter across the blonde's features at her admission. "And yet, at the same time, I don't have you at all… do I? But I have to have faith that you still care enough for me to help, because without that, I have nothing."

Emma swallowed hard, eyebrows crinkling in mild distress. "You might not have me in the way that you used to," she began softly, her fingers brushing over the other woman's thigh momentarily before she had enough sense to pull away and clear her throat. Emma averted her gaze for a moment before finishing quietly with, "But you will _always _have me, Regina; that's… that's what makes everything so goddamn hard."

Regina's throat tightened. "Emma…" She reached for her hand, but the Sherriff pulled away and took a step back.

"Don't," she told her shortly, unable to meet Regina's gaze. "You know it'll only make it worse." Regina pursed her lips, but did not push that matter, for she knew Emma was right. Still, it was difficult; to be this close to her, and yet still unable to have her. Regina's heart ached for a love lost, but she suppressed it, as there were more important matters at hand.

Emma sighed, pushing the hair back from her face. "I wish I knew about this earlier," she muttered. "I don't know if forty five minutes is enough time to convince David and Mary Margaret to change your sentencing. Maybe I can just have them put it off for a few days…"

Regina looked at her incredulously, "I _tried_ to tell you earlier, but you wouldn't answer your phone!" She was not about to be blamed for the lack of time, when it wasn't her fault in the slightest.

"…Oh." Emma scrunched her face to the side in guilt before she hesitantly admitted, "Ah, yeah. I kind of… broke it. Well, the _wall_ broke it, but I… helped. A little. Maybe."

Regina just raised a judging eyebrow and Emma sighed.

"Look, gimme a break; at least I'm not drunk for your sentencing today. Baby steps, okay? This whole thing isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world to deal with."

Regina continued to stare disbelievingly at her as she countered, "You might not be drunk, but you _did_ drink today." It was a shot in the dark, but it hit dead center.

"I…" Emma blinked, looking perplexed. Then she flushed, her embarrassment over being caught hitting her like a freight train. "How the hell did you know that?"

Regina merely arched her eyebrow further in response and crossed her arms across her chest. It was then that Emma realized, and scoffed in irritation.

"Right, yeah, cause you know me better than anyone; would you like a medal for it?" she shot back, shaking her head. "Like I said, baby steps, alright? Stop judging me, Regina; _shit."_

Regina slid herself off the table, her heels clicking against the linoleum flooring before she crossed the room to meet Emma near the door. "I'm not judging you," she told her seriously. "I'm merely saying what you cannot. And if you're ashamed of it, Emma, perhaps you shouldn't do it."

Emma looked as though she were about to say something, but the words died in her throat and she averted her gaze. In the end, she knew she had nothing to say that would condone her behavior, or justify it in any sense. But then again, it wouldn't be a vice if she could.

"Come on," Regina said gently, aware that she had at least made her point in that area and knowing better than to push. She took Emma's hand, encouraging the woman to hold her wrist once more. "Take me back to my cell so you can speak with David and Snow."

Emma's eyes met hers for a moment, and then fell to their hands before she nodded. She didn't have to say it, but as Emma's grip tightened protectively on Regina's wrist, she knew that Emma would do everything she could.

Regina just hoped that it would be enough.

[x]

It wasn't enough.

Emma felt her breath leave her as Mary Margaret decreed her final word, sentencing Regina to banishment from Storybrooke until the end of her days. The brunette, who stood with her hands cuffed behind her back and on shameful display for all the town to see, went ashy white at the news. She became terribly unbalanced, as though she was fighting her knees from buckling beneath her, and her stricken expression sparked a rage so fierce inside of Emma that within moments she stood, slamming her hands down on the surface of the table.

"You can't _do _that!" she shrieked, her darkening gaze settling on Mary Margaret on the other side of the long table. Emma felt thoroughly betrayed; she had been led to believe that they were going to change their minds, find another suitable punishment, only to have them do very thing that Emma was fighting against. They couldn't do this to Regina. They couldn't do this to _Henry._

At the very least, Emma was thankful that their son was currently being babysat by Ruby, as both Mary Margaret and David thought that he shouldn't be around for the sentencing. They believed it would be too hard on him, and now, Emma knew exactly _why_ they had thought that.

God, how was she supposed to tell her son that he was never going to see his mother again?

"Emma, _sit down,"_ David hissed quietly, looking embarrassed that his own daughter spoke out against their decision in front of everyone. But Emma wasn't a goddamn princess in their castle; she had a voice, and in this world she was privy to using it. She wasn't about to just take this lying down.

Mary Margaret cleared her throat awkwardly before trying to continue. "You will have twenty four hours to gather up your belongings and leave of your own free will, or else further action will be taken. In the matter of Henry Mills, all custodial rights will be given to his birthmother, Emma Swan—"

"No, this is _bullshit!"_ Emma shouted, nearly making Mary Margaret jump from the force of her voice. She then shot her daughter a dark look, pursing her lips before sliding her chair back and standing.

"Emma, a word; _now,"_ Mary Margaret muttered furiously before crossing over towards her. However, she stopped in front of David for a minute and placed a loving hand on his shoulder. "Finish out the hearing," she told him softly. "And then escort Regina back to her manor." Her husband nodded, and Emma shot them both a scathing look before storming from the room, heading into the back office.

As Mary Margaret followed behind her, it seemed Regina had finally broken from her disbelieving trance and Emma could hear her fiercely exclaim, "I will _not _let you take me from my son!" But Mary Margaret closed the door behind them, silencing any further words. Emma rounded on her in an instant, a fire blazing in the pit of her gut.

"What the _hell _were you thinking? I told you what would happen with the boundary, and yet you still—!"

"Don't _ever_ do that again," Mary Margaret interrupted, her own anger growing substantially at the embarrassment Emma had caused her and her husband. "This town is in chaos, and undermining the only leaders they have is only going to further the anarchy. You are our _daughter_, Emma; it is your duty to stand behind our decisions."

"I'd stand behind them if they weren't so completely _fucked!"_ Emma shouted, not caring in the least about her parents' image. "You told me—!"

"I said we would _think _about it!" Mary Margaret cut off, knowing what her daughter was about to say. "And we did; your father and I took the boundary issue into consideration. But in the end, this was what was best for the town, and what was best for our family. Regina poisons everything she touches, Emma; it's in your and Henry's best interest that she be purged from your lives."

Emma shook with rage, her eyes flashing as she pointed furiously towards the door. "You know, if Regina was even _half _the woman that you claim she is, she would have already taken Henry and burned this whole damn town to the ground! She cursed you all for twenty eight years, and yeah, I get you're pissed about that, but she had all that time to… I don't know, _torture _you or something – hell, even_ kill_ you – but did she? _No." _Emma took a step towards the slender brunette, her voice dangerously low as she finished, "Have you even bothered to ask yourself why that is, or is your head stuck so far up your own ass that you can't see anything but yourself?"

"Emma!" Mary Margaret exclaimed, horrified by the way her daughter was speaking to her. She looked wounded by it, yet tried to continue with reason, as though her decision held any_ real _justification. "Look, I… I understand that you're upset about this, and I'm sorry, but Regina only being a shadow of what she once was neither changes the things that she has done, nor what she is capable of doing in the future, should she choose. She's dangerous, and she _has _to answer for her crimes."

"But she didn't have to in this way!" Emma responded heatedly. "I know it doesn't change what she's done, _believe me,_ but there was another way to handle this and yet instead, because you have some age-old vendetta against her, you did _this."_ The blonde shook her head, looking disgusted by the choices her former friend had made. "You can say it was for Henry and me all you want, but at the end of the day, it isn't going to be _this_ that finally makes us a family. If anything, it's going to be what tears us apart."

Mary Margaret looked crushed at her words. "Emma…" But the blonde held up her hands, taking a step back from her.

"No. You made your decision, now you can figure out a way to live with it. In the meantime, I have to go tell my _son_ that he may never see his mother again, thanks to you." Emma stepped away from her, heading towards the door. "I really hope you're happy with yourself."

Mary Margaret tried to call out to her, but she was ignored. Furious tears stung the back of Emma's eyes, but she wouldn't allow them to fall as she quickly strode from City Hall, wishing beyond anything else that she had the power to fix what her… her damn _parents_ had screwed up.

But God… she really didn't have the first clue on how to start.

**TBC…**


	10. Banishment

**CHAPTER TEN  
****Banishment**

Emma felt her heart shatter as she watched Henry cling to Regina with tears in his eyes, unable to let her go in fear that it would really be the last time that he ever saw her. Regina looked devastated, but would not allow her own tears to fall in favor of trying to comfort her son. She ran her fingers through his tussled hair and kissed his forehead protectively, whispering promises that everything would be alright. Still, the words held little meaning without a guarantee, and that was something they couldn't give him. At least, not yet.

Emma had an idea, but she had yet to voice it to Regina. If it wasn't going to work, there was no need to give Henry false hope, and so she awaited privacy so that they could discuss their options.

Emma meant it when she said she wouldn't allow Regina to lose her son. And maybe it wasn't ideal, not in any sense of the word – especially for her _own_ sense of sanity – but it was the only option she could see at the moment. She just hoped it was feasible, because seeing Henry like this… Emma couldn't handle it. It tore her apart inside and made her feel so incredibly helpless, and not at all like the protective mother that she should've been for the kid.

"I need to speak with Emma for a minute," Regina told him softly, brushing the hair from Henry's tear-stained eyes. "We're going to discuss our options, okay? So why don't you go on upstairs and help me finish packing up; find some of your favorite pictures of us, or something else meaningful to you, that you would like me to bring. Can you do that for me?"

Henry sniffled, rubbing his runny nose on the sleeve of his shirt before nodding. Regina gave him a soft smile, then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "This won't be the last time I see you," she promised softly. "One day, no matter how long it takes, I _will _come back for you."

"Do you promise?" Henry asked, his voice so terribly small and sad.

"I promise."

Henry looked at her for a long moment before enveloping her in another hug. Regina squeezed him fiercely before letting him go, and the kid shot a hopeful, pleading look at Emma before bounding up the stairs. Once he disappeared into his bedroom, Regina finally allowed herself to feel, and tears began sliding down her cheeks as she got to her feet.

There was so much unresolved between the two of them, so much deep-seated anger that Emma still felt towards the woman who had betrayed her, and yet still, in that moment, Emma knew that now wasn't the time to dwell on any of that. Regina had faced enough devastation as it was and really needed someone right then, and like she had said that morning, Emma was all that she had.

So the blonde stepped towards her, the love that still resided in her heart unable to allow Regina to just stand there and cry alone, and wrapped the woman up in her arms. The gesture seemed to break Regina even more and she buried her face in Emma's neck, the force of her sobs wracking her entire body. It broke Emma's heart to see her like this; despite all that had happened, no one deserved this cruel a fate. Regina loved Henry more than anything else in this world, and just the mere thought that she would be separated from him forever nearly broke her in two.

"I want to take him and run," Regina breathed against her neck, the admission cracking her already strained voice. "The urge is so strong I can barely contain it, barely… barely _think_ of anything else. But Emma, I… God, I _can't—"_

"Do that to me," Emma finished for her softly, running her fingers through the other woman's hair. "I know, Regina. That's… I love you for that, okay? I… I really do."

And she did, but that still didn't change anything between them. Emma was sure that she would always love Regina, but that was what killed her; that's what made it hard to just wake up in the morning and _function_, the inability for her to accept that she would probably have to live the rest of her life without being with her, because the things that Regina had done… it was too hard to just look past them. She couldn't, and Emma hated that more than anything. She felt like she was being torn in half.

She loved Regina with every inch of her being, yet she despised the horrors that the woman had inflicted on others so much that sometimes it was hard to even _look_ at her. Regina was the reason that she had grown up without a family, she was the reason Graham and countless others had died. And it disgusted Emma, that despite all that, she still wished that she could just forget it all and fall into her. She missed how happy she had been, how happy _they_ had been together, more than anything else.

And people wondered why she drank herself nearly to death. Emma couldn't emotionally handle being pulled in two different directions; it crumbled her sanity.

But she had drank quite a bit earlier, and it at least made her able to focus on one direction for the time being. And perhaps it wasn't entirely smart, but Emma knew that Regina couldn't handle her anger and bitterness right now, and so she gave her something else; something that, hopefully, would make this separation a little easier for the time being.

Emma closed her eyes, trying to block out the little voice in the back of her mind as she uttered the words she knew she could never take back once she said them, for giving Regina hope and then taking it away so brutally would be far worse than never saying them at all. "We'll follow you," Emma told her softly. "Henry and I, we'll… we can leave Storybrooke."

Regina blinked, pulling away from Emma with a disbelieving look etched across her tear-stained features. "What?" she asked breathlessly. "Are you…?"

"Being near you is going to fuck me up," Emma admitted, because she needed Regina to understand what exactly she was offering here, "And probably in a really bad way. But… maybe it was stupid to think that I'd ever really be able to get away from you, when we share a son. He needs you, Regina. I'm not… fuck, I'm not cut out to be a single parent; at most I'm a glorified babysitter for the kid. He's better off with you, with visitation rights from _me._ You can give him more than I can."

Regina pursed her lips, emotion flickering across her face before she told her softly, "You underestimate your own ability, dear."

"Maybe," Emma conceded. "But that still doesn't mean that he's not better off with you. We're like… god, like divorced parents, aren't we? It's so…" The blonde shook her head, resting her eyes on the far wall. "But you were right when you said I couldn't take care of myself right now, let alone a kid. I've never really been able to take care of myself, honestly; not in any way that really matters. I just float around from one place to the next and do what I have to to get by, but I've never really had any kind of stability, no real sense of home. Henry needs that, and I think that he'll get that with you, no matter where you end up."

Regina's face softened with emotion, and without thought she reached her hand up, gently cupping the Sherriff's cheek. "Emma…" she breathed. "You do… _realize_ that if you leave, you will never be able to come back. Your parents—"

"I know," Emma responded quietly, hesitating at the feeling of Regina's skin against hers for a moment before she gently turned her face away from the touch. "But Henry's just a kid; we gotta do what's best for him, even if it's not ideal for us. That's what being a parent is about… right?"

Regina smiled at her softly, as though she was really proud of the woman Emma was shaping up to be despite all the hardships she had been put through, and nodded her understanding. "Alright," she responded. "If you're certain that's what you want, then I'll at least need you to watch Henry for a couple weeks while I figure out a good place for us to settle down. I'll not only have to find a place for Henry and I to live, but you as well; and on top of finding jobs for the both of us, wherever we go needs to have a good enough school system for our son."

Emma exhaled a long breath, the movement puffing out her cheeks a bit as she slumped against the wall. "Damn," she murmured. "I didn't…"

"Realize it would entail so much?" Regina finished for her gently, knowing that whenever Emma had picked up and moved, it never involved that much thought or planning. The blonde nodded, prompting Regina to continue, "If we didn't have Henry to think about, perhaps we _would_ have been able to just go now and stay in a motel room until we have our affairs in order, but that's not a good environment for a child. I know Henry will be glad for this, but it will still be very hard on him to leave; he has lived in Storybrooke his whole life, so if we can, we need to make the transition a little easier for him."

"Yeah, no, I… I get it," Emma told her, running her fingers through her hair before shaking her head. "I just… with everything that's been going on…"

"Emma," Regina said seriously, placing her hands on the other woman's biceps to get her full attention. "I am trusting you to take care of our son, and that means you have to take care of yourself for a little while. Please just— I… I know things have been hard on you lately, but you're stronger than this addiction you've fallen into. I _know_ you are."

Emma hated how weak she had become over the past couple weeks, and it shamed her really badly, to have to listen to Regina beg for her to be proper parent to their son while she was gone. She should be able to do that anyway, and yet every day she awoke she felt like she was slipping further into a black hole she couldn't claw her way out from. Even if she didn't drink to excess on some days, she still _drank_ because facing the world and her emotions completely sober frightened the hell out of her.

Emma had become something she hated, yet trying to fix it seemed to scare her even more than continuing to fall deeper into the abyss.

"Regina…" her voice was soft, apologetic, but Regina would have none of it.

"_Emma,"_ she said firmly, taking the blonde's chin in her hand to force her to look into her eyes. "You have to _promise_ me. This is important."

Emma inhaled a shuddered breath at the fierceness in the other woman's gaze, feeling as though it burned a hole through her. She cast her eyes downwards in an instant, though did not move from Regina's grasp. "I'll try," she breathed, but that wasn't good enough.

"Don't try, _do it,"_ Regina told her strongly. "Emma, look at me. _Promise me,_ right now."

Emma looked up at her once more, feeling the back of her eyes sting with fresh tears. This was too much; she hadn't drank _nearly_ enough today to combat these kinds of emotions, and it was slowly breaking down the walls that intoxication had built around her heart. Regina's face softened at her distress, but she did not waver from her request. She needed to hear it.

"Regina," Emma breathed, her voice sounding so broken and small. "I'm falling apart…"

"I know," Regina whispered sadly, and the guilt in her tone was evident enough to pierce straight into the blonde before her. She took Emma's face in her hands, cradling her as she leaned her forehead against hers, trying to give her comfort in the only way she really knew how to.

"No, you _don't_ know," Emma choked out, feeling a hot tear scorch its way down her cheek. "I love you and I hate you, and it's… I can't stay in one direction and I feel like I'm being torn in half. I can't live like this. I can't… I can't _look_ at you and not know how I'm supposed to feel; it's driving me insane."

Regina closed her eyes, and Emma could feel her sorrow before she even opened her mouth. "You're not going to be able to do this… are you?" She sounded as though her entire world was crumbling down around her, but that wasn't Emma's intention by saying that at all. She just… she felt as though she needed to voice it, at the very least; have Regina understand how hard this was going to be for her.

"No, I… I said I would," Emma told her, wiping the tears from her eyes as she pulled back, needing the space. "It's the best thing for Henry. I'll… I don't know, find some way to deal with it, I guess."

Regina creased her eyebrows, sadness mapping every inch of her features as she wiped another fallen tear off of Emma's cheek. "The last thing I want to do is torture you, Emma. I… well, perhaps if we—"

"Regina," Emma interrupted, her voice firm despite how scratchy and tight her throat had become. "I said I'd do it. He matters more. Just… just _get_ that this is gonna really suck for me, okay? And… and maybe lie to me and tell me that it's going to get better."

Without even a moment's hesitation, Regina complied with her wishes and told her, "It's going to get better."

Emma laughed. It was soft, disbelieving, yet still, there was a sense of happiness in it, glad that Regina had done what she had asked without thought, just because she needed to hear it be said.

"It won't though, will it?"

"Perhaps not," Regina replied honestly, her eyes searching out the blonde's gaze before continuing, "But I swear to you, Emma, even if I can never truly make it up to you, it won't stop me from trying every single day of my life."

Those words struck something within Emma that was hard to name, yet it shot through her veins like a fire, compressing her heart in her chest and making it thump rapidly beneath her ribcage. She turned away from her, unable to look Regina in the eye for too long, as it only stood to make her even more conflicted. But the brunette took Emma's hands in hers, drawing the attention back towards her.

"Promise me, Emma," she requested softly. "Now."

Emma swallowed and looked down at their linked hands, terrified that she was going to swear to something she couldn't do, despite knowing that the option to fail could never really be available to her. This was too important. _Henry_ was too important.

And so hesitantly Emma nodded, catching Regina's gaze once more as she whispered her promise of, "I'll take care of him, Regina. I swear."

[x]

There was an ungodly amount of people at the town line, all wishing to bear witness to the Evil Queen's final defeat as she was run out of Storybrooke for good. It infuriated Regina, to be put on such display, but she tried to block the peasants from her mind as she parked her black Mercedes just a few feet from the town line. She blinked heavily, pausing a moment to get ahold of her own emotions before stepping from the vehicle; it was bad enough that this final exchange had to have witnesses, but to come apart during it all would make this much more shameful.

Regina took a breath as she opened her car door, her heels clicking against the pavement as she walked over to where Henry and Emma stood, the blonde's arm firmly around the child's shoulders. She could feel everyone's eyes on her, but tried to brush it off as she gave Henry a small smile, kneeling down a little to come to his height.

He practically catapulted into her arms.

Regina held tight to him, allowing Henry to bury his face into her hair. "It'll be okay," she breathed into his ear, just low enough for only him to hear. "Just a few weeks, alright? I promise." Henry nodded into her neck, and Regina continued softly, "But remember, this is our little secret. So… you have to pretend that this is the last time that you're going to see me." Regina didn't really want to say the next words out of her mouth, but she knew they had to put on a convincing show, less they wished to makes the Charmings suspicious. "Are you… able to cry a little, dear?"

Regina could feel Henry smirk against the skin of her neck, and she tried not to outwardly react to it, although she was secretly pleased that her request seemed to amuse him, at the very least.

"Emma taught me," he whispered into her ear, just before a sob suddenly wracked his tiny body, and it sounded so _damn_ convincing that Regina held tighter to him on instinct. She was almost proud of him for it, despite that fact that she had the urge to lecture Emma for at _least_ a solid half hour for teaching their son such a thing, as she was sure Emma only taught him that so he could get out of trouble with his adoptive mother.

Regina suddenly found herself questioning each and every time her son had cried, but forced herself to push past it, as now was _really_ not the time to dwell on such things.

Keeping up with the image, Regina hushed her son, telling him that it would be alright while Snow and Charming began to look more and more uncomfortable behind Emma. They knew Henry's distress was their fault, and the vindictive streak in Regina reveled in their pain. She hoped they felt positively _awful,_ because what they did was beyond cruel; not just to her, but to Henry as well.

They were lucky that Emma had found a suitable alternative; otherwise this 'last goodbye' would have happened a _hell _of a lot differently.

Emma came over then, gently placing a hand on Henry's shoulder. "Let me talk to your mom for a second, okay, kid?" she softly requested, and Henry mutely nodded as he pulled away, tears still streaming down his face. The image broke Regina's heart, and despite knowing that it was staged, she reached out for him for another moment, clasping their hands together as she gave him a small smile.

"I love you, Henry; more than anything in this world. Don't _ever_ forget that, alright?"

Henry sniffled, but nodded. "I love you too, Mom," he whispered quietly, before giving her one last look and fleeing towards Ruby, bypassing Snow and Charming completely, as it had been deemed entirely their fault that this was happening. Snow looked wounded, as she had held out her arms to try to comfort him, but what was she honestly expecting? She had banished his _mother._

Idiot girl. Stupid, _petulant_ child. Regina hoped she choked on the misery that she caused.

She got to her feet, coming eye level with Emma. The two women noticeably paused, unsure of how to part ways, considering everything that happened between them. Staged or not, neither of them really knew what the appropriate thing to do was, however they knew that if this was really happening, was really _permanent_, that they would never leave without saying something to one another.

It just seemed neither knew how to start.

So Regina threw appropriate out the window and went with her gut reaction instead. If she, truly, was never going to see Emma again, then there really was only one thing that she _would _do. So without warning she stepped towards her, eradicating the space between them, and tangled her fingers through blonde locks as she pulled the woman into a fierce kiss.

Emma noticeably froze, and a soft gasp from Snow was heard behind them, followed by a quick, "Don't," from Charming, who no doubt restrained the woman from going over and physically _stopping_ them.

It took a few seconds, but Emma finally fell into her, breathing a defeated sigh against her lips as she allowed Regina to consume her. She touched her face, pushing into Regina a little as she deepened the kiss, and the brunette found she no longer had to act distressed, for she realized that another moment like this wasn't a guarantee. It was a gut-wrenching truth that tore her apart inside, and so Regina reveled in this moment as though it were her last, as it very well could be.

Regina's fingers danced along the back of her neck, her thumb caressing the hollow of Emma's throat in a possessive manner that only the woman before her would ever truly understand and appreciate. It seemed to hit Emma with some kind of memory though and she shuddered with desire, whimpering very softly into Regina's mouth, before her brain finally caught up to the reality of the situation and she forced herself to pull away.

Breathing heavily, Emma looked up at her, her expression a mixture of conflicting emotions that began to make Regina feel terribly guilty. Perhaps she shouldn't have put Emma through that, but it was the most honest reaction she could think of in that moment.

"I'm sorry," Regina breathed, still holding tight to the back of Emma's neck as her eyes fell closed, gently leaning her forehead against the other woman's. It was an apology for what she had just done, despite needing it to sound like a generalization to anyone listening. "I… I love you, Emma Swan; more than you could ever possibly hope to imagine. Even if you do try to forget me in time, please don't ever forget that you were loved, because no one else could ever be so deserving of it."

Emma tried to blink back tears, but one slipped down her cheek regardless, and the former queen had the suspicion that it wasn't faked at all. Regina gently wiped it away with her thumb before dragging the digit downwards, momentarily tracing Emma's bottom lip as though she was enamored by her beauty. And perhaps she was, perhaps she always would be, even when Emma was old and gray. Still, parting from her was hard, even if they would inevitably see each other again, and Regina didn't want to move away from the woman that had finally filled the void inside of her heart.

And then, words came back to her that she had never expected to be voiced in front of others. "I love you too, Regina," Emma breathed, the words being enveloped by a sob before she forcefully pushed herself away from the brunette, unable to be near her any longer due to the pain that the truth brought her. Emma drank to run from it, yet despite her efforts, she really could never run far enough to forget.

It killed Regina inside, to know how much this arrangement was going to hurt the woman she loved. Yet in the end, she could not bear to never see Henry again, and so she allowed Emma to be hurt by it. Regina felt sick because of it, and yet it changed nothing.

Snow came to her daughter then, gently clasping her hand around Emma's wrist to encourage her away from Regina. "Come on, Emma," she tried softly, but Emma just yanked her wrist from her mother's grasp before stomping over towards Henry, not even sparing her parents another glance.

Regina stared her down; Snow, the woman who had caused her so much pain over the years, and yet still insisted on causing more. And even though she knew that she shouldn't, Regina couldn't help her instinct, for she knew that if this really was the end of the road, she would have done it anyway.

So before Snow knew what was happening, Regina moved, her fist brutally colliding with the other woman's face.

Snow cried out as blood squirted from her nose, the crowd gasped, and Charming ran towards his wife while Emma exclaimed, "Shit, _Regina!"_ before running full throttle towards her, getting herself between Regina and her father, as he looked like he was going to retaliate in a pretty violent way.

Emma had the flat of her hands on both Charming and Regina's chests, forcefully keeping them apart as Snow stumbled back behind her husband, frantically grasping at her nose to try to make the bleeding stop. Regina's eyes were like fire as she sneered, "Hurt my family like this again, and I will _destroy _you, Snow. I don't care about the _damn_ boundary; I will find a way."

"Don't you dare threaten my _wife_, Regina! Because you will not like how it—!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Emma shouted, using all of her strength to furiously shove them apart, forcing the two of them to take a couple steps backwards. Regina was breathing heavily, her eyes flashing with hatred as she continued to stare down Snow, not even bothering to acknowledge Charming's existence. He was so terribly irrelevant in the grand scheme of things anyhow.

"Regina, you need to go," Emma told her, rounding on her former lover before wrapping her hand around her bicep, guiding her towards the car.

Regina went without a fight, sparing one last glance at Henry, who was staring at the scene before him with wide eyes. A pang of guilt shot through Regina, as she shouldn't have done that with her son present, but she hadn't thought before she acted, and there was no way to do it differently now. Maybe Henry would understand, although a part of her still hoped that he never would, as she didn't want him growing up believing violence was condoned under certain circumstances.

When they got to the car, Regina grasped Emma's hand, not allowing her to go just yet as she told her, "Tell Henry that what I just did was wrong. I don't want him thinking—"

"I will, because what you just did was _stupid,_ Regina," Emma hissed, low enough so that no one else would hear her. "I get wanting to hit her, but how much harder do you think it's going to be for Henry and I now, to tell them that we're going to leave? My pa—Mary Margaret and David," she corrected, as she was still unable to use the 'p' word, "are probably going to be determined now more than ever to stop it."

"Then don't tell them," Regina told her shortly, as though her easy answer would dismiss the shame she felt for acting like that in front of quite a lot of witnesses.

"What, just up a _leave?" _Emma whispered back fiercely, "We can't do that, Regina. That's fucked; Henry's their _grandson."_

Regina sighed, slumping against the car door. This day had been emotionally exhausting, and it seemed that it was finally catching up with her. "We can't talk about this now," she reminded her. "Go buy yourself a new phone and call me this weekend, alright? Please."

"Fine," Emma conceded, before gently pulling herself away from her. "Just do me a favor and don't do anymore stupid things while we're apart; I can't protect your hostile ass if I'm not there."

Her words actually startled Regina and she looked at Emma, eyebrows rising in surprise at what was just implied. The blonde seemed to realize what she had said too, just a little too late, and she averted her gaze as she grumbled, "You know what I mean," as she began to walk away from her, back towards Henry, and away from a statement she clearly did not want to elaborate on.

"Yes, dear," Regina murmured, trying to hide the small smile that was threatening to make an appearance at Emma's unexpected words. "I believe I do."

**TBC…**


	11. Favor

**CHAPTER ELEVEN  
****Favor**

It wasn't easy, keeping her promise to Regina.

Things were rockier than ever with Mary Margaret and David, and their constant insistence that they had 'done the right thing' did nothing but grate on Emma's nerves. There was nothing _right _about what they had done, in any sense of the word, and they were lucky that she and Regina had already formulated a plan to rectify the situation, because Henry would have been inconsolable otherwise, which would not have sat well with Emma at _all._

Henry, to his credit, still acted as though he was never going to see his mother again and constantly moped around the apartment, giving Mary Margaret and David the occasional dirty looks when they tried to act as though everything was _normal._ Emma wasn't particularly happy either, and over the past week and a half she had more than once blown up at them about how her disaster of a love life wasn't for them to control.

In a way, life without Regina _was_ easier, but as that was not going to be the case for as long as she lived, Emma refused to indulge in the freedom. There was no use pretending that because of Henry they wouldn't be tied to each other for the rest of their lives, and so although it was unnecessary that Regina call her nearly every single night to check in, Emma allowed it.

Their calls ranged from talking about where they were going to live, to arguing about personal matters. Although, in all fairness, the arguing _did_ sometimes spill over into their planning, but Emma's temper had been on a short fuse as of late, since she wasn't drinking enough to numb herself anymore. Just… just enough to get her through the day.

"It's not an _actual_ farm, Emma," Regina had told her on day five, her tone sounding as though the blonde was trying her patience. "It isn't as though I'm going to expect you to wake up at five am and tend to the chickens. The house is merely farmhouse _style_, and the loft apartment in the barn should be more than sufficient—"

"I don't care; I'm not living in the middle of buttfuck nowhere as your kept _pet!"_ Emma had exclaimed, the thought of being within _walking distance_ from Regina not sitting well with her at all.

"Well the city is no place for a child, and your inability to recognize such is completely—!"

"That doesn't fucking mean I have to live twenty feet from your damn _door_, Regina! For fuck's sake, use your head! You really think that'll be rainbows and sunshine for me? _Jesus."_

Emma had eventually hung up on her, and later when they spoke again – when they were calm – they mutually compromised on finding a place in the suburbs with at least five miles in between their two living spaces. Still, Regina was having difficulty finding a school district that she approved of, let alone places for them to _live,_ and when Emma one day offhandedly mentioned that she might as well just enroll Henry into private school, Regina had snapped at her and told her that she wasn't made of money.

Which, in all honesty, was news to her.

Emma had believed that Regina was extremely well off (cause hello, her _house,_ first of all), but it seemed that being the ruler of a cursed town had the perk of not having a mortgage, so she had never had to pay to live there. She just… willed it into existence, as well as all her clothes and possessions. Regina had given herself _some _money when she created the curse, yes, but it wasn't exactly infinite. It would run out sooner or later, and the disadvantage of being unable to sell her current house left Regina with a lot less than they both would have liked.

The woman never had to be careful about her spending before, and it seemed that now that she was being forced to, it tried her patience more than anything else; how she spat out the word _affordable_ when discussing places to live was more than enough proof of that. Regina hated it.

And honestly, Emma did too. It was just another roadblock on a highway of difficulties that she did _not_ have the strength to deal with.

It was hard enough, trying to function through the day with only enough liquor to keep her hands from shaking in the morning. Which she had instinctively lied to Regina about, as she knew the sorceress would not be pleased with the fact that she wasn't one hundred percent competent while caring for their son, but it wasn't as though Emma really had a _choice._ At least, not anymore.

Which, of course, Regina readily disagreed with.

"Do you really think I'm that stupid? I know that you're lying to me!" Regina had shouted at her through the phone on day eight. "And you _promised _me that you would take care of Henry, and yet instead all you've done is proven, once again, that your selfishness—!"

"I am!" Emma had yelled back, resisting the urge to throw the phone against the wall. She couldn't afford to replace it a second time. "Christ, Regina, I _am _taking care of him, okay? He's clean and he's fed and he goes to school and… _whatever,_ okay? I know how to babysit him!"

"_Parent,"_ Regina had corrected fiercely. "You are _parenting _him, Miss Swan, not babysitting him. He is your son."

Emma's teeth had ground together at the formality. She had learned to loathe it, as now Regina only used it when she was irritated with her. "I know what I'm doing, _Your Majesty._ And quite frankly, it's really not any of your business how I get through the day. As long as I'm not tripping over myself drunk and getting the shit I need to get done _done,_ then it really doesn't matter."

"Why on _earth_ do you need to drink in the first place then, if you're not even numbing anything?" Regina's words had sounded more like an accusation, and they ended up pushing Emma right over the edge.

She didn't want to tell Regina why, and her refusal only stood to frustrate the older woman to the point of actual expletives. Needless to say, that conversation didn't end well and it had been two days now since they had spoken. To Regina's credit, she had actually called the very next day, and to _Emma's_ credit, she had answered, but it seemed Regina hadn't expected her to, and after a few long moments of nothing but silence, the line went dead.

And not thirty seconds later, Henry's phone rang in its stead.

Emma tried to tell herself that she didn't care – that Regina was probably just too stubborn to apologize considering _this _time she wasn't entirely in the wrong – but in the end, it still bothered her. Maybe she had just become used to Regina practically groveling for forgiveness that Emma had begun to expect it at every little turn. But the drinking was on her, not on Regina, and although Emma was pissed that she couldn't just let shit go, she wasn't so stupid as to not realize that the entire thing was probably her fault anyway.

But, then again, she could be just as stubborn as Regina was, and so she didn't pick up the phone to call either. If she did, she knew Regina would still push for an explanation, and Emma _really_ did not want to do that.

And so the silence commenced.

Which, in all honesty, was not the worst thing at the moment, considering Emma had plenty of other problems to deal with that didn't stem from Regina.

"I swear to god, Elphaba, if you don't stop calling about your _damn_ shoes—"

"Just hang up on her," David responded in a tired voice as he came into the Sherriff's station, dragging a handcuffed Gold behind him. Emma looked up at him as Elphaba continued shrieking on the other line about how incompetents like her shouldn't be in office, before she decided to take his advice and slam the phone back down on the receiver.

Screw that. She had _actual_ problems to deal with.

"The restraints were completely unnecessary, dearie; I would have come willingly," Gold told her, trying to keep his tone light even though his aggravation was written across his face.

"Even with bars separating you both, keeping Hook and you in the same room unchained didn't seem like the smartest idea in the world," Emma shot back, before ordering, "Now _sit."_

With a firm hand on his shoulder from David, Gold was practically manhandled into a chair. His eyes flashed, but he kept his composure. Hook, on the other hand, did not.

He furiously pulled on his bindings, the handcuffs clanking loudly against the metal bars as his eyes grew dark with anger. "I've already told you, there is _nothing_ that this man can say that will sway me from giving him that which he deserves. The crocodile will pay for what he did, even if it's the last _bloody_ thing I do!"

Emma was quickly losing patience. "Then fine, stay in that cage and _rot_ for all I give a crap!" she shouted, interrupting him. "Because if you actually think I'm going to let you out when you have some kind of age-old blood vendetta against someone in this town, you've got another damn thing coming, Hook. We got enough shit going on without everyone trying to kill each other."

"Snow and I, as well as Emma, have agreed that from this day forth, any and all crimes that were committed in the Enchanted Forest will be pardoned," David informed them both. "This is a clean slate for everyone, and I suggest you both make use of it, because the dwarves are currently building a proper jail so that Storybrooke can finally have a full-circle justice system, and we are not opposed to making the both of you its first two residents."

"Me? Whatever did I do, dearie?" Gold inquired, a hint of a smirk playing at the edge of his lips. "Because from what I can recall, it was the infamous _Captain_ who had broken the law, not myself. I am the innocent victim in all of this."

David scoffed in disbelief.

"You wanna know what's in it for you?" Emma asked dangerously, leaning forward in her seat a little. "If you play nice with Hook, I'll not only overlook that you threw an unwilling resident over the town line, but I'll _also _ignore the fact that it was _you_ who created the damn curse in the first place to bring everyone here."

It seemed Gold wasn't expecting Emma to know either of those things, and his jaw slacked. But then, ever so slightly, he smirked, as though he was actually _proud _of her for figuring things out. It made Emma feel dirty, to be looked at by him in that way. Even without knowing that he was Rumpelstiltskin, Gold had always been really freaking creepy.

"_Yeah,"_ Emma continued pointedly, brushing off his look. "Information courtesy of Regina. I'd say you can thank her for it, but then, it was your doing that made her make this whole mess in the first place, which also makes you the underlying reason of _why she's no longer here._ And that doesn't exactly fill me with warm fuzzies."

David side-glanced her, but said nothing. Emma was sure that she'd hear an earful later about how she was blaming everyone but Regina for the things she had done, but she didn't care. She blamed Regina for _plenty,_ believe her that, but Emma knew that Regina didn't get to where she was without help from other people as well.

In all honesty, the curse thing was merely a guess, but considering Regina told her before that she didn't _create_ it, only really led to one other suspect. By Gold not outright refusing her claim, she knew that she had hit it right on the money too.

"I don't expect you guys to hug it out, I just want a damn _truce,"_ Emma went on, looking between them both. "So can you just… just fucking_ do_ that, please? Because we seriously have more important things to deal with right now."

The bandage that now covered David's right forearm being a testament to that. He had finally caught up with Jafar two days ago, only to find that he really was with Scar – and Ursula too, apparently – and that they had somehow found a way to arm themselves. The bullet had just grazed David's arm, but it was still enough to wound him.

The three of them fled after that, and Emma was having a bitch of a time trying to find them again. For how small a town Storybrooke was, it seemed there were a million and one places to hide. It was incredibly frustrating, as she didn't want to leave town before the current threat was taken care of. David and Snow weren't safe, and as it was now, the three of them had to sleep in shifts. The enemy having guns elicited worries about being assassinated in their sleep, and it had just been… fuck, really damn hard on all of them lately.

She really didn't have time to deal with crap like _this,_ but David insisted it would probably only take an hour out of their day and then they would no longer have to deal with it, which sounded appealing. They had enough on their plate as it was.

It took a little longer than she had expected, but finally both Gold and Hook agreed to call a truce, provided restraining orders were put in place. Emma had no idea how long that would last, as in her experience, restraining orders didn't exactly deter the determined, but she hoped that they would at least respect it for a little while. She was sure that she'd be hearing of another altercation down the road, but if they wanted to spend some time in jail that was on them, not her. For right now though, it solved the problem, even if it was just temporary.

And that was one load off her mind.

As David was unlocking the cell door to escort Hook from the building, Emma led Gold into one of the interview rooms to uncuff him. She didn't want them leaving at the same time, despite them having come to an agreement, and since Hook had spent the better part of the week locked up, she figured he was due for some fresh air. Gold could wait a minute.

"So let me guess," Gold drawled, his smirking face catching Emma's eye in the reflection of the two way mirror as she uncuffed him. "Your parents were the one to suggest this… ah, _clean slate,_ of sorts, so that way they can be absolved from their own crimes. Surprisingly smart; well, for the likes of _them,_ anyhow."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Emma gruffed, taking the handcuffs off him in a rougher manner than was probably acceptable.

"Murder is frowned upon in this realm, is it not?" Gold countered, turning around so that he could face the woman before him. "Even when it comes to acts of justice. Don't get it wrong, dearie; your parents might be on the side of 'good', but in the Enchanted Forest, even good people kill. It is how order is maintained, after all. So if they were to hold others responsible for their past crimes, they would be obligated to do the same for themselves. I'm guessing that option wasn't very appealing to them, especially after what they had done to the Queen for her crimes. Interesting, isn't it, how this newfound leniency was implemented _after_ Regina's banishment?"

Emma just stared at him. In all honesty, she had never given much thought to how things were run in her parents' land, nor about what they had done to maintain order. She had heard the stories of course, but sometimes she still had trouble relating fairytales to the real world. It made her stomach twist uncomfortably in her gut, to think that her parents were responsible for death. Despite whether or not it was 'justified', Emma came from _this_ land, and here it was just… wrong. Really, really fucking _wrong._

Emma had just thought that they had suggested a clean slate because they already had enough on their plate as it was without hunting everyone down for past wrongdoings. Another life, another world. Well, for everyone except Regina, but the sorceress had been right when she said it had become personal more than political; Mary Margaret had a vendetta against her, and because of that she would always hold Regina to a different standard than everyone else. It was fucked up, but what was done was done, and since Emma was planning on leaving town anyway, she didn't bother dwelling on it.

Still, this newfound leniency now caused Emma to suspect that maybe there were ulterior motives behind the decision, and that only stood to make her feel manipulated.

And that aggravated her.

"Look, why don't you just stay out of everyone's business and maybe count your blessings instead, yeah?" Emma scowled at him. "Seriously, don't push me today, Gold; I'm in no mood."

"Then I suppose that this isn't going to be a pleasant conversation," Gold replied conversationally, leaning against the long table. He smirked at Emma's obvious confusion.

"What?"

"The favor you owe me, dearie; I'm calling it in."

Emma blinked at him. "Excuse me?"

Fuck, she had completely forgotten about that. And with everything going on, right now was _so_ not the time to be doing god knows what for Rumpel-fucking-_stiltskin._ Gold was bad before the curse broke, but Emma was certain that he wasn't called 'The Dark One' for no reason; so despite the fact that he no longer had access to magic, Emma still considered him to be far more dangerous.

And that made her wary of what he was about to ask of her.

"The favor you owe me, Sherriff; surely you haven't forgotten? My sympathies if you have, but it will hold no bearing on what's expected of you; a deal is a deal, after all."

"Save the speech," Emma snapped impatiently. "I get that I owe you something, and I'm not trying to get out of it, it's just that now is _really_ not a good time."

"Forgive me, but it's not exactly in my nature to _care,"_ Gold responded, his smirk growing at the look of annoyance plastered on the blonde's face. "Now, would you like to sit down so we can discuss our arrangement, or…?"

"I'd rather stand," Emma said shortly, folding her arms across her chest. Gold merely shrugged.

"Suit yourself, dearie."

Gold crossed the room, taking his sweet ass time in sitting down in one of the chairs. Emma exhaled an impatient breath and leaned against the far wall, her eyebrow rising in expectation. After a moment, Gold finally spoke.

"As I'm sure you already know, the town line is still intact," he began. "Unfortunately, this poses a problem for me. I have something that needs to be… ah, _retrieved_ from the other side, so to speak, and though I could easily go and get it myself, bringing it_ back_ is where the problem lies. You see, it's hard to get back to a place that has completely disappeared once you are no longer inside it."

Emma narrowed her eyes. "What's this got to do with me? If I leave, I can't get back just as much as the rest of you."

"That is true," Gold continued. "However, I believe there is a way to fix the town line. All I need is access to the magic that was released in this realm when the curse broke and—"

"So you want me to tell you where the magic is, is _that_ it?" Emma cut in. "Why do you even assume I know?"

"No, that's not it at all," Gold told her, sounding a little impatient at being interrupted. "I _know_ where the magic resides: at Regina's manor. It is where the curse broke, after all."

It really did not sit well with Emma that he knew that, as she didn't trust the man in the slightest with or _without _magic. And with? Well that was probably a whole lot worse. But if he already knew, what the hell could she do about it? It wasn't as though she could go and _hide _the magic from him or anything.

At the moment, Emma was just going to have to trust that he didn't have destructive motives behind getting it.

"Then I'm still not seeing what you need me for," Emma responded after a moment's silence.

"If you could find it within yourself to be quiet for longer than a minute, dearie, then perhaps you will," Gold sharply replied, which only made Emma glare at him harder. She did, however, say nothing, so the man continued, "I have waited a long time – longer than you can even imagine – to find this particular person, and—"

"Wait, a _person?"_ Emma interrupted, probably only furthering Gold's theory that she lacked the self-discipline to keep herself quiet. "I thought it was an object or… something."

"No, that which I am seeking is very much a _person_, Sherriff Swan," Gold confirmed impatiently. However he paused, taking a hesitant breath before revealing, "It's… my son. Baelfire. He fell through a portal some time ago and ended up in this realm, although the specifics of where is still unknown to me."

Emma felt her brain grind to a screeching halt at those words. Gold had a _son?_ Henry's book had never mentioned that.

As the woman before him seemed to be struck mute at the revelation, Gold took the silence as a sign to continue. "The favor I am asking of you, Emma, is to find and retrieve him for me. You seem to have a certain expertise in that area, so I'm sure the task won't prove to be _too_ difficult for someone like you."

"You…" Emma began, looking at him like he had about six heads. She still couldn't wrap her brain around the fact that_ Gold_ had actually managed to reproduce once upon a time. Emma pushed that aside for a minute though and pointed out, "But what about the boundary? Even if I find him, I can't bring him back until you figure out a way to fix it."

"If you give me your spare set of keys to Regina's manor, I assure you, all will be rectified by the time you return."

Emma nearly laughed at him with disbelief. "You really expect me to just leave when I have no guarantee of coming back? Your kid could be anywhere, which means I could be trekking halfway across the world for this. I can't bring Henry with me if that's the case, and you just expect me to leave him _here _when I don't even know if I could get back to him? No."

"You seem to be mistaken, dearie," Gold hissed, getting to his feet to face her. "I am not _asking._ This is what you owe me, and I really do not believe you want to find out what happens to people who break deals with me."

Emma's eyes flashed at the threat as Gold began to breeze past her, uncaring of her plight.

"You have twenty four hours to give me an answer. And rest assured, if you say no, you will _not_ like what will follow."

[x]

"What do you think he'll do if I refuse?"

Mary Margaret and David side-glanced each other, equal looks of worry painted across their faces. "Honestly, I really don't think any of us wants to find out," David responded. "He may not have his magic right now, but if what he says is true, then he'll get it soon. _Damn,"_ he cursed beneath his breath, looking frustrated with himself. "I can't believe we didn't realize it only resided at Regina's. We're going to have to keep the manor guarded, because if Jafar…" David trailed off, sighing heavily. "Damn," he repeated again, this time much softer and more to himself.

"It's okay, David. There has been a lot going on lately, it's understandable that we missed it," Mary Margaret assured him, placing a comforting hand on his forearm.

It made Emma feel a little guilty, as she had known since before Regina left that there was magic there. Or, at least, that _she_ was able to do magic while there. Still, she should have put the pieces together sooner. What if their enemies already found out? It was bad enough that Gold had, but he wasn't the one actively trying to kill them.

At least, not yet.

"So you really think I should do it?" Emma asked, surprised that they weren't protesting this more. But then again, they knew what Gold was capable of much more than she did. "What if I can't get back?"

"No, I _don't _think you should do it," Mary Margaret told her firmly, before a pained expression passed over her face. "But I don't think you really have a choice. What that man does to people who break deals with him…" She trailed off, unable to meet her eye anymore.

"We'll have to keep an eye on him while you're gone," David told her, trying to think of some way to make this situation a little more ideal. "Explain to Gold that he can only get access to the magic at Regina's manor under our supervision. We'll make sure he's working on a way to get you home."

"He's sending me to find his son," Emma responded. "So I'm pretty sure he's legit in that sense, but yeah… I don't exactly like the idea of him doing god knows what with the magic available to him. He may have other motives."

"Exactly."

Emma sighed heavily, running her fingers through her hair as she leaned back in her seat. "I really don't like the thought of leaving you guys alone while the Evil Trio is still out there somewhere. I mean, Henry…"

"We'll take care of him, Emma," Mary Margaret promised her. "I swear. We will not let them harm a hair on that child's head."

Emma still didn't feel completely comfortable with it, but it wasn't as though she had any other options. "Fuck," she breathed, covering her face with her hands before sliding them down her cheeks dejectedly. "This was so the last thing I needed right now. I don't even know how long I'm going to be gone. What if it takes _months_ to find this guy?"

"Have more faith in your abilities, Emma," Mary Margaret consoled her, trying to give her a small smile even though it was clear she wasn't happy with the circumstances either. "You did this for a living once, didn't you?"

"Yeah but this kid came through some freaking _portal._ I don't even really have a viable place to start. All I have is his name, which I'm sure he's changed by now. 'Baelfire' would kind of stick out like a sore thumb in this world, you know?"

"I'm sure you'll find him," David assured her, trying to boost her lacking self-confidence. Emma wished it worked.

She had spent a large portion of her life finding those who didn't want to be found, but they all had a paper trail. This kid was from another world, and unless he was thrown into the foster or adoption system once he came here, Emma wasn't sure she'd be able to locate him. And even _that_ was iffy, considering there was a very large possibility that Baelfire didn't even end up in this _country._ The world was a very large place; he could have been dropped anywhere.

_Fuck,_ Emma thought miserably, _I'm going to need a miracle._

**TBC…**

* * *

**Author's Note:  
**I'm sure there are going to be some complaints about Neal being involved in this fic, but I assure you, he will not be used as some kind of jealousy tool to drive a wedge further between Emma and Regina. He actually has a purpose that will play out near the end of this fic. So much in fact, that after I figured out what I was doing with him he graduated from being called 'stupid face' in my notes to his actual _name,_ lol. So don't worry about some het stuff being spewed in your face. While their past relationship will be touched upon at one point, it won't become a large factor in the overall plot.

Also, originally this chapter started out very differently. I've posted the alternate scene on my tumblr (obsessionisthenewblack); you can search the "TotH" tag on my blog if you're interested. While I do like what I wrote before, this story is already looking to be around forty chapters when completed, and I didn't want to add anymore scenes that weren't entirely necessary.


	12. Blame

**Author's Note:  
**So this has now officially become my most followed fic, and I wanted to thank you guys for all the support. The response to my fics in this fandom has been nothing short of amazing. Also, to those of you who constantly review chapter after chapter, I hope you find a twenty on the ground, because you guys are pretty much my favorite people ever :)

* * *

**CHAPTER TWELVE  
****Blame**

"Find my mom," Henry had requested before she left. "Make sure she's okay."

Honestly, that was the very last thing that Emma wanted to do. She was hoping that she could find Baelfire and get back before Regina even realized she had left, as she knew the woman wouldn't be happy with the choices she had made, but maybe that was a stupid wish in the first place. Regina would find out sooner or later that she had left Henry behind, and the repercussions of that weren't going to be pretty whether they were over the phone or in person.

Emma tried to convince Henry that his mother was fine – that she had been calling nearly every day so it wasn't as though she was lying in a ditch somewhere – but Henry looked up at her with his big hazel eyes, the corners of his lips turning down into a pout and _god damnit, _now Emma was standing outside some three star motel in Waterville, Maine, nervously wringing her hands together as she stared at the number thirty-two etched onto one of the doors across the way.

She probably should have called first.

Emma was aware that she was being manipulated by her son, as it was obvious Henry knew that Regina was fine and had just wanted them to _see _each other, yet because Emma had some kind of masochistic streak within her, she obliged him. She felt terrible though, knowing that Henry was hurting because of his parents' break up, and even though Emma knew that checking in on Regina wasn't going to magically fix everything, she figured the kid deserved the peace of mind that this small gesture would bring him.

And then she would be on her way come morning, because there was _no way_ she was going to stay around Regina while she looked for Baelfire.

Gathering up her courage, Emma took a deep breath and headed towards the door. She could do this; it was just one day. One day that was no doubt going to be filled with the sound of Regina's screaming over her questionable choices, but one day no less. And really, how hard could one day be?

Famous last words.

[x]

As it turned out, one day could be _very_ hard.

There was a moment, just briefly, when Regina had opened the motel room door, that Emma foolishly allowed herself to be deluded into thinking that this might not go over badly after all. The look on Regina's face as she took in the sight of her pierced Emma's heart with an inconceivable warmth; something that should she had not been expecting the radical opposite, she would've despised for the comfort it easily brought her. Comfort was not something she wanted from Regina, yet as the woman looked at her as though the mere sight of her was some kind of welcomed gift, Emma had stupidly allowed the relief to wash over her at being accepted in a situation where she believed she would not be.

But then Regina's gaze wandered and, not seeing Henry in tow behind her, quickly switched her expression to one of fear and accusation as she demanded, _"Where is my son?"_

It felt like a kick in the stomach after believing, even for a moment, that this wasn't going to end in argument, and Emma immediately lashed out, the word 'my' in Regina's sentence bringing back old memories and old arguments that, after everything, they should have been far past. Yet still, the two of them had always been volatile at the best of times and, well, there had always been so much truth in the expression that old habits die hard.

They were living proof of that.

"How could you just_ leave_ him there?!" Regina shouted, unable to accept Emma's explanation as logical. She was pacing back and forth in her small motel room, the rapid movement making the blonde a little dizzy. Regina's hands were wringing together, the force of her own grip making her knuckles flash white; she was panicking, and pretty severely too.

"I wasn't going to drag a ten-year-old kid halfway across the world, Regina!" Emma exclaimed, not understanding how Regina couldn't see her side of this. "He has school and… fuck, I don't know where I'm gonna end up at the end of it all, okay? _Or _how long this is going to take me. I mean, for fuck's sake, Baelfire could be hiding out in the slums with a crack pipe in his hand because he couldn't deal with how different this world was, or—Jesus, what did you _expect?_ You're always on about me being a proper parent to him and that's what I'm trying to do, okay? The road is no place for a kid and… I mean, he needs stability, right? Storybrooke is his _home,_ Regina; at least for now."

"_We_ are his home!" Regina shouted, her eyes darkening in anger. "Storybrooke is now his _prison,_ thanks to you. You may not be able to get back, and then what? You should have brought him and dropped him off with me, but because your tiny little brain has been so inebriated as of late, you didn't even think of that, did you?"

Emma faltered for a moment, because no, she really hadn't. It just seemed like the smart thing to do, the _right_ thing to do, entrusting Henry to Mary Margaret and David. Still, the accusation in Regina's tone as she mentioned her alcoholism darkened her expression, and she shot back with, "You know, last time I checked, you didn't exactly have a say in Henry's care anymore, Regina. Mary Margaret awarded _me_ custody, and I did what I damn well thought was the right thing to do. And you can think whatever the hell you want, but I _am _going to get back to him one way or another. Unlike you, I'm not gonna drown myself in pessimism, because you know what the hell that accomplishes? _Nothing."_

Regina's eyes flashed dangerously, yet she said nothing. Instead, Emma saw her cheek twitch in aggravation, the brunette having set her jaw. There was hesitation, but it was only brief before Regina took a few steps towards her, placing herself very much in Emma's personal bubble. "How many?" she asked, her eyes searching Emma's for truth as she posed a repeated question that the blonde had always lied to her about day after day.

Not today though. Today, she had no one to care for but herself, and thus the shame she felt lessened quite significantly. Besides, the number was not high. She was… she was getting better. Sort of.

"Two," Emma answered evenly, despite her confusion on the abrupt change of topic. "One this morning, and a nip in the parking lot before I saw you."

"You're competent then?"

Emma looked at her as though she were stupid. _"Obviously." _She could stand up straight and she wasn't slurring, so…

"Good," Regina answered, before her lips turned up into a sneer, her anger returning in a second and with a barreling force. "This will hurt then."

Emma didn't know why she hadn't expected it, especially after the bullshit of custody that she had just spewed to her out of anger, yet when Regina's open palm connected with her cheek, the force of the blow made tears sting in the back of her eyes as she gasped in pain. "Fucking _Christ!"_ she shouted, holding her reddened flesh as she stumbled backwards. "What the—!"

"Until you have paperwork that proves otherwise, Henry belongs to _me,"_ Regina sneered, her fierce tone silencing Emma within a moment. "Do not foolishly delude yourself into thinking that because I feel for you, that gives you power. I could have left with him and you could have done _nothing_ to stop it, and yet out of the goodness of my heart I allowed him to stay with you; not because you have a legal right to him, but because he is your son too and I knew he couldn't bear to be separated from you for the rest of his life."

Regina took another step towards her, getting within inches of Emma's face as she continued, "So don't you _dare_ stand there and preach about your mother's ruling, when you know that it's worthless. You said yourself at my sentencing that it was bullshit, did you not? So tell me, dear, what changed?" Off of Emma's silence, Regina concluded for her, "_Nothing._ You act like such a petulant child at times. I hurt you, so you hurt me; such a _mature_ reaction for someone nearing their thirties."

"Pot, kettle, don't you think?" Emma shot back. "What the hell do you call slapping me then? What I said might have been crap, Regina, but it still hurt you, and you _still _retaliated. Not very mature for someone nearing their…" she hesitated for a second, doing quick math in her head before her expression changed to disbelief as Regina's true age dawned on her. "Jesus Christ, what are you, like over_ sixty_ now?"

"I'm thirty four," Regina corrected dangerously.

Emma outwardly scoffed at that. "Yeah, but for how long?" she challenged, which was only met with a furious glare. "Wow, talk about robbing the cradle, Regina."

Emma knew it was a low-blow, considering the fucked up circumstances of their entire lives, yet that little fact still seemed to bother Regina, and so her offhanded jab produced a furious reaction. "I will not be judged for circumstances beyond my control!" she exclaimed, her anger increasing the decibel of her tone. "It wasn't as though I asked to fall for you, Emma; if I had my choice of things, the very _last_ person I would ever want to be tied to is the daughter of my mortal enemy. It wasn't as though I _planned_ this."

"You still knew what you were doing when you slept with me," Emma responded heatedly. "You knew who I was, you knew where I came from, _who _I came from; and yet you did it anyway!"

"Well _excuse me_ for having a sex drive that, at times, overruns my good sense like every other red-blooded human!" Regina shot back. "What the hell would you like me to say? You were attractive and I was foolish and perhaps, just _perhaps,_ I got this small, sick sense of accomplishment by bedding and corrupting Snow White's daughter. Sleeping with you satisfied me, Emma, on quite a lot of different levels, since you seem so keen on _knowing_ what ran through my head at the beginning of it all."

Emma's mouth dropped open in insult. It wasn't really surprising, but it was one thing to suspect and another to have it thrown in her face. Her stupid 'destiny' was already tied to her parents; she didn't need everything else in her life to be as well. "Is that all it was for you then? Just some kind of fucked up _payback_ for my mother? Jesus, Regina, you need to be put on medication; there's obsessive and then there's _crazy."_

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Miss Swan," Regina reminded her harshly. "Or will you be attending an AA meeting any time soon?"

Emma's eyes flashed, her fists clenching at her sides from the harsh truth she really never wanted to face about herself. "Fuck you."

Regina snorted in amusement, the reaction meant to only infuriate the blonde further. "You always were so eloquently spoken, my dear. I shudder to think of the poetry you would have written me, should your disastrous upbringing have taught you how to properly court someone."

"My _upbringing?"_ Emma exclaimed fiercely, seeing red as something inside of her snapped. She furiously pushed Regina backwards, nearly making her fall. She would have, if Emma hadn't grabbed onto the front of her shirt, roughly pulling her towards her snarling face. "I grew up in the system, I grew up without _parents_, without anyone to give a shit because of _you!_ So you can go shove that high and mighty attitude up your ass, because you are not and will never be better than me, Regina! If anything, you're _worse,_ because at the end of the day, I don't even think you care what you did to me, do you? You're not even sorry!"

Regina was breathing heavily, her pupils dilated and lips parted as she stared at the furious expression plastered on the other woman's face. She didn't take Emma's hands off of her, nor did she try to move away from her. She just took her in for a moment before exhaling a heavy breath and admitting, "No, I am not. Because if I hadn't done what I did, then I would have never gotten Henry and… and I never would have had you."

The emotions that Emma felt at those words were both conflicting and harsh, making her love and hate simultaneously. Furious tears stung the back of her eyes and Emma pushed Regina off of her, backing up a few steps to establish space; to run away. "You're the most selfish fucking person I've ever met," she choked out, not knowing what to say other than that.

It _was_ a selfish reason, yet it held a truth that couldn't be ignored. Henry wouldn't have been born if Regina hadn't cast the curse, and with their age difference, not to mention Regina's feud with her parents, they would have _certainly _never had been together otherwise. And while sometimes Emma wished things had been different, there was also a part of her that didn't want it to be; which, at the end of the day, was the entire reason she refused the potion that Mary Margaret had offered her. Despite how shitty everything had turned out, she_ was_ happy, even if it was just for a second. Emma had so few happy memories that she wasn't so quick to destroy one of the only ones she had.

Still, that happiness seemed to come with a price, which was the hardest thing that Emma had ever had to pay.

"How the hell am I supposed to love someone that doesn't even regret what their revenge did to me?" Emma asked her, her voice cracking under the strain of her emotions as she pushed the hair back from her face. She didn't know how they had gotten here; weren't they just yelling about Henry a minute ago? But even as she thought it, Emma knew she shouldn't have been surprised; this was a conversation, a _confrontation_ that they had both avoided, and one that was long overdue.

Still, that didn't mean that Emma wanted to have it. Not right now. Everything was still so… she just—she wasn't ready. She was too goddamn _sober_ for this right now.

"Of_ course_ I'm sorry for the pain that it brought you," Regina responded, looking at her as though she couldn't understand how Emma could even think that. "What kind of person do you think I am?"

Emma looked at her incredulously, "You just said—!"

"If I could do it all again, I wouldn't change a thing," Regina told her honestly. "But that doesn't mean that I don't feel deeply sickened, every day of my life, that my choice hurt _you._ I love you, Emma, more than I ever thought possible, but some things matter more. _Henry_ matters more; and he always will, because he is our _child. _That's why we came to this arrangement, wasn't it? Because if he didn't matter more to you, there would be no conceivable way that you would ever contemplate being around me like this. You put him above yourself, above me; and I do the same thing. Don't ever fault me for that."

Emma felt like she was spinning. This was too much, she didn't—couldn't do this right now. Yelling about Henry, that was safe. Yelling about them, _talking_ about… about everything, that was—no, she just—

"I'm not faulting you for loving him, I'm faulting you for loving _me!"_ Emma suddenly exclaimed, rounding fiercely on the older woman as anger and blame shown in her eyes. Regina's expression instantly masked into one of confusion.

"…What?"

That was probably a good question. Emma didn't even know what she meant, just that she knew she meant it.

_You, you, this is your fault, you did this. You did this to me. You did this to us._

"Emma?"

Emma's breathing had shallowed and she backed up towards the door, holding out her hands to try to keep Regina from advancing on her. Quite suddenly, she found that she really couldn't handle this anymore. She felt dizzy and overwhelmed and so she stuttered, "I just… I can't do this right now, Regina. I have to—I have to go."

_You did this. I did this. We did this. But it had to just be you, I need it to just be you._

"Emma, no, wait—" Regina tried, her own anger dissipating as she saw the look of pure panic on Emma's face. Suddenly it looked as though she wanted nothing more than to fix it, but if that were true, wouldn't she have fixed it when Emma practically begged her to a few weeks ago?

She couldn't fix this. _They_ couldn't fix this.

Had Emma been stupid, to actually believe that she could do this for the rest of her life? Before, when they didn't talk about them, it had been easier. Hard as hell, but so much damn _easier_ than this. Emma didn't want to know Regina's side of it, because it blurred lines that she needed to stay solid, for the sake of her own sanity.

She wanted Regina to be sorry for what she did, yet at the same time, she didn't want her to be at all; because if Regina didn't care about what she had done to her, Emma would be able to hate her. God, she _needed_ to hate her, because if she didn't, the only other choice was to love her, and she just—she couldn't do that. It was too hard, and there never really seemed to be an in between for them.

Before, when the curse broke and Regina begged for forgiveness, Emma rationalized it as her not wanting things to change. That she was sorry for being caught, for what being caught had done to them, more than the act of what she had done. And still, in a way Regina wasn't really sorry at all for casting the curse, but instead of being sorry for being caught, she was sorry for the repercussions that came before Emma even knew about it being cast. And that… fuck, Emma didn't want to know that.

She didn't want to know that Regina actually felt badly about how she was forced to grow up, because that meant she really did care.

Which was probably stupid to realize, as _True Love_ and all that, but fuck, ignorance was bliss, and now Emma had neither. And that scared her, because there was so much more that they needed to address, so much more that needed to be said, that would probably do nothing else but force more cracks into her resolve.

Emma Swan had painted a clear picture of the Evil Queen, and Regina Mills was inevitably going to ruin the only thing, the only _separation_ that gave her a sense of sanity.

"Don't—please don't look for me," Emma hastily demanded as she wrenched open the door, even though she knew that probably wouldn't stop Regina in the slightest. "I'll call you when I find Baelfire, okay? I just—we can't do this right now. I'm sorry."

And then she was gone, leaving Regina to run out after her, yet only managing to catch the taillights of her bug as Emma drove away from the motel, not able to stomach looking back.

[x]

Emma had no idea where she was.

In the end though, it probably didn't matter. Or at least, she was far too drunk to even care that it probably really _did_ matter. It was a bar, that much was a given. At least the fourth one she had visited that night, as she figured that hopping around would make Regina less likely to find her. She knew the sorceress wasn't stupid, and would know the minute that she ran her ass out of that motel room in a panic, that it could only mean one thing: that she was going to drink herself stupid over the next few hours. Emma had half a mind to just go to the liquor store, buy a handle of the cheapest whiskey, and then get drunk in her car, but being alone only provoked brooding and _thought_ and fuck, the last thing Emma wanted to think about was Regina.

Which was the sole reason she now found herself leaning against some random man, feeling his not-so-subtle erection straining against the seam of his jeans as she brought her umpteenth shot of the night to her lips. She smirked at him deviously after it was devoured. "Your turn," she told him smoothly, pressing into him just enough to make her intentions clear before handing him the cue stick and walking around the other side of the pool table.

As far as not being reminded of Regina went, she couldn't have picked someone more different. Male, rugged, and tattooed, he was everything that Regina was not. It wasn't as though she came here looking for a vast contradiction from the disaster of her current love life, but when the opportunity presented itself, it seemed too tempting to say no.

Emma would say it was to help her forget, but in the end, the amount of liquor she had already consumed was going to make the rest of the night spotty at best once she awoke in the morning. Maybe though, if nothing else, it would help her move on. But then again, if Emma had been sober, she would have laughed at herself for that thought.

There _was_ no moving on. She was going to be tied to Regina for the rest of her life; that, it seemed, was _her_ curse.

"How 'bout we get outta here?" the man offered instead, whose name Emma couldn't remember for the life of her. Not that it mattered, really. He was a means to an end. Something else followed, probably some crude innuendo that Emma would be glad she missed, because it would probably sway her from doing the stupid anyhow. And, well, at this level of intoxication, stupid was all that she _wanted_ to do.

Besides, she had been here too long, and she was still paranoid that if she didn't continue to move, Regina would find her. She had no doubt that the woman was looking for her. It wasn't exactly in Regina's nature to let her walk away, especially when she was worried about her, which she was bound to be.

"Sure, whatever," Emma replied distractedly, her eyes on the door as her paranoia dominated everything else. But within a moment she forced herself to push it aside and bring her eyes back to the man that would most likely become her drunken regret come morning.

Smirking at him, she leaned against the pool table, though more to steady herself than to look suggestive. Hopefully she managed to do both anyhow, but she doubted it. She probably looked a mess. She _felt_ like a mess. "But you gotta pay up first; you still owe me fifty bucks for whooping your ass. _Twice."_

Which, truthfully, she didn't know how she managed in the first place. Emma had to squint just to try to shoot the ball straight, so either the dude had let her win, or he was _really_ bad at this game. Either way though, it didn't matter; a bet was a bet.

The man chuckled, placing the cue stick on the table before moving around it to come up behind her. He pressed himself into her, forcing her hips further against the edge of the table as he placed his hands on her waist. "How about I pay you in trade?" he asked suggestively, to which Emma couldn't help herself from snorting in response.

"As appealing as that sounds, I don't pay for my sex," Emma told him seriously, yet lightly enough to make the point without being overtly rude about it. She pushed her ass up against him, forcing him to back up a little to let her go. She might be entertaining the idea of sleeping with him, but that didn't mean she wanted to be smothered in the meantime. "So settle up and then we can go."

"Fine," he relented as he took out his wallet from his back pocket. "After all, I am a man of my word…" He handed a crisp bill to her and after holding it up to the light to check its legitimacy – out of force of habit more than anything else – Emma gave him a satisfied smile as she shoved it into her jeans pocket.

"Good," she responded with a small smirk. "Because I _really_ don't like liars."

"And yet you find yourself attracted to those who wish to take advantage of your inebriation. Somehow, I don't find that to be a healthy alternative."

Emma nearly choked on her breath and she spun around so rapidly that she lost her footing, falling into the random strangers arms that _Regina _was standing there staring at as though she wished she could flay him alive on the spot. Still, though there was a fire in her eyes, she remained poised with her jaw set and her stature stiff.

Ridiculously, it almost impressed Emma, because she was sure that if she were the one to see someone all over Regina that she would have attacked the person without even taking a second to announce herself.

The guy's eyes flashed at the insinuation. "Hey, I'm not some kind of _rapist;_ Ella here knows damn well what she's doin', so why don't you just back off and mind your own business, lady."

"When I want your opinion I will ask you for it, you ignorant swine," Regina snapped, her commanding tone silencing him in an instant, though probably more from shock than anything else. "And the fact that you don't even know her name doesn't exactly encourage me to leave her here with you. So why don't you run along and find another car to steal – or whatever it is that you do for fun – and leave me to take care of my wife, _Emma."_

Her… _what_ now?

"Regina, what the _fuck—"_

"Be quiet," Regina shot back, glaring at her so fiercely that Emma actually felt about an inch tall, despite that fact that she wasn't actually cheating on her. Not _really_, and most _definitely_ not because they were fucking _married._

"I had to leave our son with the _neighbors_ while I ran all around town looking for you, so excuse me if I'm not exactly in the mood to hear your drunken excuses," Regina continued, apparently on some kind of mission to humiliate her now that she had already started in on this little charade. "You're lucky I didn't call the cops on you for taking my father's Benz; he was _furious_ when he realized it wasn't in the driveway. What were you_ thinking_, Emma? Is this the kind of stuff you want the adoption agency to hear about when they come on Monday? I thought we had gotten past this!"

Oh.

My.

_God._

Emma could do nothing else but just stare at Regina, her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Was she really—this was _ridiculous,_ and yet the man she was with was buying it as though it was being fed to him with a silver fucking spoon.

His eyes widened, apparently having enough sense to not want to get in the middle of_ that_ much drama. "_Oh. _Shit, lady. I'm—I didn't…" he tried, but Regina hardly even spared him another glance as her hand clasped around Emma's wrist, not exactly being gentle as she pulled her away from him.

"We're leaving. _Now,"_ she said shortly, not giving Emma any room for argument as she practically manhandled her out of the bar. If Emma's brain hadn't just been short-circuited from the spew of bullshit that had fallen from Regina's lips, and if she hadn't already been ridiculously inebriated, she probably would have protested it sooner, but instead it took her being dragged nearly halfway through the bar's parking lot until she found her voice.

"Regina, what—what the ever living _fuck?"_ Emma finally exclaimed, wrenching her arm from Regina's grasp just in front of the other woman's car. "We're not together anymore, so whatever or _whoever_ I choose to do in my free time is_ my_ business! I mean, _shit,_ are you mentally _damaged?_ I told you not to look for me, and yet you're still stalking me like some kind of deranged psychopath!"

Regina whirled on her, her eyes darkening with anger and betrayal. "_Believe_ me, Miss Swan, you do _not_ want to do this here. Now get in the _damn_ car before I have to force you into it. I'm warning you; this is not a discussion."

Emma snorted, her vision slightly hazed as she tried to focus on Regina's blurring form. She then spoke before she thought, and out of all of her stupid decisions tonight, that was probably the worst one yet. "Please, what are you going to do? _Make me?_ You couldn't—"

But the rest of Emma's words left her as something snapped inside of Regina and she shoved her up against the side of the car, the force of it causing the alarm to start sounding out in the middle of the parking lot. The impact was so violent that it actually made her gasp out in pain as Regina pinned her to it, Emma's intoxication making it fairly easy for the woman to overpower her. "Fuck, _damnit!"_ the blonde exclaimed in between heavy breaths, knowing the door handle had probably left a nasty bruise on her back.

"It seems you were right," Regina whispered fiercely into her ear, anger and sorrow tainting her words as she roughly gripped Emma's arm once more, leaving crescent marks embedded in her skin. "Perhaps I'm not that mature either. Because you hurt me, so in the end, isn't it logical that I hurt you…?"

Emma had to close her eyes, starting to feel nauseous from the force of impact. She didn't say anything for a long time, just listened to Regina's heavy breathing in her ear and the shrill whine of the car alarm, trying to still herself long enough to calm her churning stomach. Her head was pounding though, and the noise from Regina's Benz wasn't helping in the slightest, so finally Emma forced herself to say, "I'm sorry…"

"What was that, dear? I couldn't quite hear you," Regina sneered, her nails digging even deeper into Emma's forearm, making the blonde wince with such acute familiarity. The pain was almost comforting, and god, that was _so_ fucked up, wasn't it?

"I'm _sorry,_ okay? I just—" But frustration boiled over; her eardrums were ringing and her temples were throbbing, making it hard for her to _think_, let alone speak, so Emma quickly cut herself off with, "Damnit, can you just turn that fucking thing _off?"_

Regina stared at her for a long moment, teeth clenched as she seemed to debate on that before ultimately taking out her keys and pressing a button. The alarm finally shut off and Emma breathed a sigh of relief, slumping all of her weight against the car.

But Regina wasn't finished with her. "Say it again," she demanded, still not content on Emma's drunken apology that she wasn't even sure she meant.

Still, Emma reiterated, "I'm _sorry,_ Regina."

Regina looked at her, taking in her expression, before asking, _"Why?"_ The question was a test that Emma wasn't prepared for, and an answer came without thought because, fuck, she really was just too drunk to think anymore anyway.

"Because I'm yours."

That probably wasn't the right answer. Or maybe it really _was_, but it definitely wasn't the one Regina was expecting. She faltered for a moment, looking like she was actually going to protest that before thinking better of it. Breathing heavily with her subsiding anger, she finally released Emma and stepped away from her.

"Just get in the car," she told her shortly, seemingly unable to come up with a proper response to what Emma had said.

And Emma, beginning to feel her intoxication take her over completely, just did what she said, because in the end, when she was like this, she still trusted Regina more than she trusted herself.

**TBC…**


	13. Pain

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
****Pain**

Regina's heart was burning in her chest as she stared straight out at the road in front of her, unable to stomach even glancing in Emma's direction for fear that she might very well lash out and get them into a horrible accident. Despite the fact that she was certain that nothing had really even happened with that man, seeing the two of them together had made her stomach violently churn with betrayal. It sickened her, to think of that man's hands being on her, as though he was worthy enough to even breathe the same _air _as Emma, let alone touch her as though he owned anything that she truly was.

Perhaps, after everything, Regina no longer deserved her, but she _damn_ well deserved her more than that filth. That man didn't even know her _name_, he just looked at Emma as an easy lay because she was inebriated past all sane thought, and that was not something that Regina would just _allow _to happen, regardless of the fact that she was the woman's ex-lover. No one deserved to be taken advantage of in that way.

Of course, drunken Emma probably had a different perspective when it came to consent, but when morning came, along with the inevitable hangover, Regina was certain that her tune would change. It was rare that anyone didn't regret what they had done come the next day when they were _this _intoxicated.

Still, the thought that Emma might regret trying to pick up the man in the first place didn't sate her fury. In the end, it still didn't erase what she had seen, nor what she knew would've happened should she not have stepped in to stop it.

Emma was cradling her head in her hand, leaning against the passenger side door as she stared down at the floor, probably to avoid getting car sick. "Where are you taking me?" she asked after at least five minutes of silence, the words coming out slurred and hostile, despite how utterly exhausted she looked.

"Don't speak to me," Regina told her shortly, as she was certain that would lead to nowhere good while they were _driving._ She did not want to get into an altercation with her while on the road.

Emma laughed bitterly before closing her eyes, rubbing her temples. "Fine, whatever," she grumbled. "I don't really care anyway."

Silence consumed the car once more, and ten minutes later they pulled into the parking lot of the motel Regina had been staying at. Once the car had come to a stop Emma finally looked up, the cease of movement allowing her to actually become aware of things again without feeling ill. "So eager to get me into your bed again…" she taunted, her drunken idiocy truly knowing no bounds. Regina reached over; practically pushing Emma as she violently unbuckled the woman's seat belt.

"You will be sleeping on the couch," she told her shortly before opening her door and exiting the car. Despite Emma's taunt, it seemed the information wasn't to her liking and her face soured.

"Figures," she mumbled bitterly before getting out of the car, nearly stumbling in the process. As she steadied herself with a hand on the hood, Regina's eyes flashed.

"What, would you have liked me to hold your hair as you empty your stomach into the toilet, or cradle you as you fall into a fitful, drunken sleep?" Regina asked, her tone mocking and angry. "I am not your _caretaker,_ Miss Swan. You will deal with the repercussions of your actions on your own; I am merely here to make sure you don't end up killing yourself in the process."

"And if you hadn't seen me all over someone else, would you have had that same rule?" Emma challenged as she followed Regina to her door. "Or are you just pissed because that when I was drunk and horny, I didn't come to _you?"_

Regina's hand froze with the key in the door and it took all of her effort to not turn around and backhand the woman across the face. Their relationship had always been terribly violent, but there was a point where that violence uneased her, and when it was done while _not_ in their bed, it didn't sit right with her. Still, neither of them really had the best control over their instinctual reactions, and so Regina's hand noticeably twitched while holding the key.

Still, she did not move to strike her, and she silently praised herself for that, even though it was probably horrible when one had to praise themselves for not striking the person that they loved. Neither of them, however, had ever really learned to love in a healthy manner. Perhaps in time that would change, but that time was not now, and so she allowed herself to feel _good _about not doing something that could probably fall under the category of domestic abuse.

"I very much doubt that you were horny; just desperate enough to not care _how _you ran away from your problems, so long as you ran away from them."

That made Emma falter for a moment, Regina's words seeming to stun her into silence as she took a moment to contemplate the truth in them. Regina took that moment to open the door fully before ordering, "Get inside."

Emma obliged, apparently unable to find anything to say in her defense.

As Regina closed the door behind her, Emma violently ripped her shirt off over her head, throwing it onto the ground as she stumbled over to the couch, apparently expecting that Regina would provide her with some bed clothes. But as she tried to tear off her jeans, she only ended up tripping on them, falling into a heap onto the couch as she swore loudly.

"If you're trying to entice me, dear, I think you've missed the mark," Regina said, not even bothering to hide her amusement at the woman's current predicament. She knew that wasn't Emma's intention at all, but she was trying to bother her because she was still bitter about everything that had happened, and she hit the mark dead on.

"Go fuck yourself," Emma slurred before waving her legs in the air, the momentum pushing the rest of the fabric off her ankles and throwing it clear across the room. Regina watched them land with a raised eyebrow.

"I'd say that's actually in your future, considering you did not get what it was that you were after tonight," she bit back, crossing the room to gather up Emma's discarded clothing. Emma shot her a furious glare.

"If I did, would you _watch?"_ she challenged angrily, trying to throw Regina off. But the woman merely glanced at her as she folded up the garments, placing them over the edge of the desk chair.

"Probably."

Emma blinked heavily, having not expected that answer in the slightest. "You—_what?"_

"Would probably watch you, dear," Regina reiterated, inwardly pleased with herself for how confused she had managed to get Emma within the span of a second. She enjoyed having the upper hand, despite how it came about. "That's what masochists do, do they not? Torture themselves. I would figure you, of all people, would understand that. It was the reason we came to be together, after all."

Emma just gaped at her, and Regina had to turn away to hide the self-satisfactory smirk that graced her features as she rummaged in one of her bags for proper clothing for the woman on her couch. "Do I need to get you a waste bin?" she asked as she turned, a silken set of pajamas now in her hands.

"…Huh?"

"Do you feel like you're going to vomit?" Regina asked slowly, as though she were speaking to perplexed child. Emma had about the maturity of one while in this state, after all.

"I… no," Emma finally said, still seemingly stuck on the masturbation comment from earlier. But as Regina held out the clothes she still took them, mumbling a soft, begrudging 'thanks' for the garments.

"Good," Regina responded shortly, gathering up her own night clothes before heading towards the bathroom to change. "Then get some sleep; we'll talk about your idiocy in the morning."

[x]

At six thirty eight in the morning, Regina was awoken by the sound of someone crying.

It took a moment for her to remember who it was that occupied her room, but when she did she immediately froze, not wanting to alert Emma to her awakened state. She very much doubted that the woman wanted to be aware of the fact that someone was bearing witness to her weakness.

It had been over four hours since she had put Emma to bed, and she knew that the woman had passed out by the sound of her light snoring not a half hour later, finally allowing Regina to fall soundly asleep as well. She wondered for a moment if Emma had gotten sick and that was what had awoken her, but vomit did tend to have a very distinctive smell, and the small room that they occupied wasn't tainted by it.

Regina doubted the amount of time that had passed had allowed Emma to sober up completely though, which was probably the only reason why she was crying. Sober Emma would have had more willpower to stop it, as she had never liked succumbing to that emotion in the first place,_ especially_ when there were people around to witness it.

They both had that in common, yet at the end of the day, they still tended to fall apart at the very worst of times.

"Fuck, _fuck,"_ Emma breathed into the stillness of the room, her words muffled by a slew of tears. "Stop it."

Regina bit her lower lip, instinctively feeling terrible for her, despite how angry she still was. Emma sounded so broken, yet so furious with herself that she allowed herself to feel anything at all. Although she was prone to doing the very same thing, when on the other side, Regina was aware of how fucked up that was. Sometimes it was better to feel horribly, rather than to never feel at all, because that… that wasn't living.

But then again, ever since the curse broke, neither of them had really been _living_, had they? Merely existing.

It took quite a while, but finally Emma's sobs subsided, being replaced by shuddered inhales of breath as she sat back against the edge of the couch, wiping at her tear-stained cheeks as she calmed herself down. Silence enveloped the room once more, and Regina tried to will herself back to sleep, but Emma's hoarse voice broke the stillness in the air.

"Regina."

The brunette froze beneath her covers.

Emma took a hesitant breath before continuing, "Regina, I… I know you're awake."

Regina closed her eyes, silently berating herself for a moment for not being quieter, before finally opening them once more as she hoisted herself to a seated position. She looked out across the small room and even in the dark, she could make out the back of Emma's figure. The woman had her knees pulled to her chest and was staring out the far window, though probably only because she didn't want to turn and have Regina see how bloodshot her eyes were.

Still, it seemed she heard Regina move and so she asked softly, "If I asked you to do something for me, would you do it?"

Regina hesitated for a moment before answering, "That depends."

"On?" Her voice was so distant and detached, her sorrow seeming to weigh heavy on every inch of her being. She sounded so terribly defeated.

"On what it is that you're asking me to do."

Emma exhaled a long breath, her patience not very content on that answer. The seconds ticked by until Emma finally spoke, having decided to ask it anyway, despite not knowing if she would be allotted her request. "I need you to hurt me."

Regina felt her breath catch in her throat at those words. "…What?"

Emma turned to face her then, her bloodshot eyes and splotchy cheeks making her look so much younger than she really was. She caught Regina's gaze in the dark and instead of repeating the question, as she was more than aware that Regina had heard it, she asked, "Will you?"

"I…" Regina tried, though found she was at a loss for words. She hadn't expected Emma to ask that of her; it seemed out of nowhere, despite knowing the woman's previous coping mechanisms with past abuse. Regina had _thought_ she had found a new way to deal with everything that she held inside, yet it seemed that wasn't doing the job anymore. "Why would you even ask that of me?"

"Because you're the only one I trust to do it."

_That_ made Regina feel something that she desperately wished she did not feel, for it made her want to give Emma everything that she asked for and more. But what she was requesting screamed unhealthy, even though, in the end, it was what they had always been good at.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she told her finally, softly, unable to hold anger any longer for the broken woman in front of her. She had never seen Emma so completely unhappy before; it seemed like the woman had finally lost all her will to even try anymore.

Emma looked at her for a long moment before raising herself up, coming off the couch and moving to stand at the end of Regina's bed. She didn't say anything and neither did the brunette, and after a few long seconds of silence, Emma grasped the hem of her nightshirt and pulled it up over her head.

"Emma…" Regina warned softly.

"I need to feel something else, Regina," Emma begged softly as she continued to defy her wishes, reaching behind her to unhook her bra. As the garment fell to the floor, Regina felt herself take a sharp inhale of breath at the sight of Emma's breasts. It seemed like ages since she had last seen the woman's body. "Just for… just for a fucking _second,_ okay? Maybe it's stupid, but I really don't _care_ anymore. Everything's already fucked up with us, and it's not like this wouldn't have happened a month or a year from now anyway."

That was probably true, as they were going to be living in close proximity to each other at least until Henry was grown, and they were bound to each other in such a way that true separation would never really be possible. Still, this was not the way Regina wanted this to come about.

"You're still drunk," Regina protested, yet her words seemed to fall on deaf ears as Emma pulled off her pajama bottoms, her underwear along with them. And then she stood there, completely nude, and Regina completely forgot how to _think_, let alone speak.

"Not enough to not know what I'm doing," Emma answered her, knees hitting the bed before she began to crawl her way over to her. "And definitely not enough to blame you for it later."

Regina's brain seemed to finally catch up to the situation and she tried to move away from her, still hesitant about doing something that, despite its appeal, she was certain was going to make everything worse. But Emma quickly straddled her waist, keeping her in place as she captured the brunette's wrists in a fierce grip.

"Fuck me, Regina," she softly implored, looking deep into her eyes. "_Hurt_ me. I know you want to."

Regina felt her breathing shallow, her gaze drinking up every dip and curvature of the woman's body atop her. Wetting her dry lips, she forced herself to be rational. "That's not the point…"

Regina had never hated a single sentence more in her entire life. Every breath made Emma's chest rise and fall, and Regina wanted nothing more than to trace the curvature of each breast with her tongue. She had convinced herself that she would never have this again, would never bear witness to the beauty of Emma's body, and now that she had, it killed her to turn the temptation away.

"Then what is?"

Regina exhaled a defeated breath, not really wanting to admit this, but knowing it would do more damage to lie to her. "If I fuck you," she breathed softly, "I'll never want to stop."

A small smile twitched at the edges of Emma's lips; she knew she was winning. "Then don't," she answered, leaning down to drag the soft edges of her lips against the older woman's throat. Regina swallowed hard before forcing herself to turn away from her.

"_Emma,"_ she implored desperately, unable to look at her. Regina knew her resolve was cracking in half and just _looking_ at all the woman had to offer her would only stand to further its inevitable demise. "You're not thinking. You may not care right now, but come tomorrow I'm sure that you're going to remember what it is that I've done, and you're not going to be able to put your desire for pain above that. And then what will that leave us with?"

"A memory," Emma breathed against her skin, her tongue trailing a long line from the base of her neck to the shell of her ear, causing the woman beneath her to shiver in need. "That's all we have in the end anyway, isn't it?"

"I want more than that."

The words had come without thought and they made Emma pause for a moment, her uneven breathing tickling the brunette's ear. "We'll never have it," Emma told her finally, and in that moment, it sounded as though she might actually regret the truth of her own words. Regina felt her throat constrict, and Emma seemed to sense that she had upset her, so she quickly grasped the woman's chin in her hand, turning her head to face her.

"Regina… Regina, look at me," she implored desperately, as though she were actually afraid that maybe this wouldn't happen at all. As though if it didn't, Emma wouldn't know what to do with herself. It scared her, the possibility of true rejection. She felt like she had nothing left but this. "I've… I've been so _shitty _to you, you know? I want to hurt you because you hurt me, and then you want to hurt me because I hurt _you,_ and it's… it's fucking insane, isn't it? And it's never going to stop, it's just gonna… we're just gonna keep destroying each other over and over again until we fucking _die_ and can't we just—wouldn't it be _better_ if we just did it in this way? Then we wouldn't have to hurt anymore, Regina. Don't you want that?"

"You're an idiot," Regina whispered, though her heart wasn't in the insult as the look of desperation on the blonde woman's face cut through her like a knife. She wanted to fix it, and she hated herself for that, because she knew she was going to do it. She was going to give Emma what she wanted, because some small part of her foolishly hoped that maybe she was right; because in the end, Regina didn't want to hurt anymore either. "It's still going to hurt. It will always hurt."

"Yeah," Emma breathed, lightly leaning her forehead against hers as she ran her fingers through dark tresses. "But it'll hurt in a different way; a _bearable_ way."

It was such a foolish belief, and yet Regina found herself wishing it were true as she allowed her hand to brush over the smooth skin of Emma's thigh, the tautness of her abdomen, and the softness of her breasts. Emma exhaled a shuddered breath, her grip on Regina's hair tightening as she closed her eyes, pressing her face closer towards hers until they were only a breath apart.

"This is a horrible decision," Regina whispered against her lips, yet the more uneven Emma's breathing became, the more she found she needed to touch her. "And I'm going to hate you for it in the morning."

Emma bit her bottom lip, stifling a soft whimper as Regina's fingertips brushed against a hardened nipple. "I hate myself every morning," she breathed in admittance, the tone much too light to carry the burden that those words held. "So you're more than welcome to join the club."

Regina's heart constricted painfully in her chest at those words. "Emma…"

"_No,"_ Emma told her fiercely, not wanting to delve into something of that nature. Not now. Her grip tightened on the hair at the base of Regina's neck, pulling her head back so forcefully that she elicited a sharp gasp from the woman beneath her. "We're done talking; we've always been shit at it anyway."

There were words, but they were lost against the blonde's lips as Emma kissed her with so much passion, so much raw _desperation_ that she milked all competent thought from Regina's mind as she sank back against the pillows, allowing the woman to devour her whole.

Emma tore at her clothing, popping buttons clean off as needy hands found a home against heated flesh. Regina arched her back as she grasped for the woman atop her, her moan being swallowed as her fingernails scraped helplessly against the skin of Emma's back. It had been so long since she had been touched by her in this way that it felt almost foreign, despite the familiarity that Emma's teeth brought her as they sunk into her bottom lip, drawing blood from the wound she had inflicted.

Regina cried out at the sharp pain and pounded the base of her palm against Emma's shoulder before harshly digging her nails into her upper arm and dragging them downwards, tearing the flesh and leaving red, angry marks in her wake. "Fuck," Emma gasped, squeezing her thighs around Regina's hips as she bucked helplessly at the feeling of bliss that the pain brought her. "_Yes,_ Regina…!"

The proof of Emma's pleasure, the sound of her own name falling from the other woman's lips with such reckless abandon, destroyed any and all thought of ever hearing anything but, and Regina pushed the woman off of her, allowing Emma's back to collide with the bed sheets before she pinned the blonde beneath the weight of her body. It wasn't often that she topped, but she so badly needed to own everything that was once deemed hers that she couldn't bear waiting for Emma's innate dominance to allow it.

"You really are an idiot," Regina reminded her fiercely, looking down at Emma's flushed face and parted lips as she held the blonde down by her wrists. She pressed her thigh between Emma's legs, feeling the woman's wetness seep through her silken bottoms as Emma groaned beneath her. "But then I suppose you're _my_ idiot, aren't you?"

"Forever, apparently," Emma breathed helplessly, her eyes falling closed and her hips searching for more friction as Regina's mouth found a home around one of the stiff peaks of her nipples. Emma gasped as Regina bit down, the sound being followed by a whimper as the brunette's tongue traced the area she had marked. _"Lucky you…"_

The sarcastic tone of Emma's words made Regina's head snap up and she roughly took the blonde's chin in her hand, forcing her to look at her. "Stop it," she demanded. "Stop hating yourself. You have no reason to."

"Pretty sure I didn't ask for _therapy,_ Regina," Emma snapped breathlessly, irritation clouding her eyes before she decided to disallow Regina's acquired dominance, using all of her strength to practically throw the other woman off of her.

Regina exhaled a small sound of surprise as suddenly Emma's hands were grasping for her bottoms, roughly tearing them from her body without even a word of warning. Her palms then slapped in the inside of the woman's thighs as she forced Regina's legs apart, causing the sorceress to have to leverage herself against the headboard with one of her hands so that Emma didn't cause the top of her head to crash violently against it.

Regina had a response to that, yet it was lost to her as Emma pressed the length of her body against hers, nearly folding the brunette in half as she draped her legs over her shoulders. Their lips crashed together, the need behind the action causing it to become rather sloppy as teeth clanged together and tongues fought for a control that this damaging situation had absolutely none of. Emma groaned low in her throat, her grip on one of Regina's ankles tightening as she pushed into her further, feeling the brunette's sticky arousal cover the base of her abdomen.

"Damn," Emma softly admired, her hot breath tickling the soft skin of Regina's cheek as she purposely moved her body downwards, allowing Regina's arousal to coat more of her skin. The brunette's finger wrapped around the spokes of the headboard, her breathing ragged and desperate as she pushed her hips firmer against the woman atop her. Emma chuckled softly, her lips finding the base of her ear as she inquired softly, "Have you even touched yourself since we were last together?"

Regina bit her lower lip, her head becoming rather hazy as she felt her walls tighten with need, pushing out another gush of fluid that coated Emma's pale skin. "Once," she breathed in admittance, feeling Emma's hand begin to snake between their bodies. The blonde didn't ask for elaboration, for perhaps she knew that Regina hadn't since because when she did, she thought of her. And in the end, that was more painful than to never feel any sense of pleasure at all.

Emma's middle finger slipped inside of her easily, prompting a low groan to escape Regina's throat as she felt two others quickly follow, stretching her to accommodate the welcomed invasion. "Emma," the brunette panted desperately, feeling her heart begin to pound in her throat as she remembered quite vividly how it felt to be owned by the woman between her sheets. Turning her head, Regina buried her face into the inside of her elbow, her lips parting as loud gasps started to fill the stillness of the room, Emma having finally begun to move firmly within her.

It felt so natural, so fulfilling and so utterly perfect, that it nearly made her want to cry.

Emma grabbed onto the headboard with one hand, her fingers brushing against Regina's whitening knuckles as she used the leverage to push her entire body against the back of her hand, causing her fingers to delve deeper, firmer, harder into Regina's shuddering form. The brunette bit back a cry, her teeth scraping helplessly over the inside of her arm as she shut her eyes tightly, wanting to focus on nothing else but sound of Emma's labored breathing, and the feeling of the woman that she loved so desperately owning her once more.

"Fuck, oh fuck," she chanted breathlessly against her skin, choking back a sob of ecstasy as the force of Emma slamming within her made the pleasure border on painful. But Regina ate it up with abandon, her hands trembling before she tightened her grip on the headboard spokes, holding onto them as though they were her last shred of sanity in this world.

And then there were fingertips dancing along the hollow of her throat, asking an unspoken permission for more control as Emma's other hand twisted within her, making the brunette nearly choke on her breath as she knew, in that moment, that she probably would allow Emma to do whatever she wished to her anyway. A nod followed a few uneven gasps and fingers closed around her throat, holding Regina firmly against the pillows as Emma loomed over her, looking down at the woman she was supposed to hate, yet would never truly be able to.

Her eyes pierced into her soul and Regina opened her own, looking into the crashing waves of her irises. Her pupils dilated, lips parted, and breasts heaving, Emma looked as though she were becoming completely unraveled, the lust she felt for the woman beneath her darkening her gaze as she pressed just a little bit firmer on the brunette's throat. "Tell me when," she demanded, her breath tickling Regina's oversensitive lips as she continued to push and twist within her, drawing out sounds Regina hadn't remembered that she was even capable of making.

Her brain became hazy as the pleasure began to overwhelm her, and the flat of Regina's palm began to slam against the headboard over and over, hips frantically begging for Emma to go faster, deeper, harder. She cried out the blonde's name, her eyes falling closed once more as she felt her orgasm begin to wash over her. "Now…!" she gasped, and Emma's grip tightened painfully against her windpipe, closing it completely as she forced the last bit of breath from Regina's lungs.

Regina couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, she couldn't move. Her mouth opened in a silent scream as her body convulsed beneath Emma's form, the lack of oxygen intensifying the feeling between her thighs so much that she thought for a moment she would pass out. But Emma had always known how much was too much, and just as the blackness began to seep in and claim her as its own, the blonde let go of her throat, making Regina frantically gasp for air as her body trembled in the aftermath of pleasure.

Emma withdrew from her and moved to the left, allowing Regina's body to go limp as she turned her head to the side, burying her face in her pillow as she softly whimpered from the loss of contact. But then lips were on her throat, Emma softly caressing the dark bruises she had made with her tongue. Regina was still struggling to breathe, as it felt as though she still had a phantom hand wrapped around her throat, holding her down just enough for dominance, but not enough to rob her of anymore breath. Still, finding it was hard, and Emma tried to be patient as she allowed Regina to gather her bearings, but within moments she had already straddled her thigh, pushing her hips against her olive skin to get some much needed friction of her own.

"You don't have to move," Emma panted, the desperation for release and the difficulty to find patience making her squeeze tightly to her own thigh, the fingernails embedding in her skin. "Just… can you breathe yet…?"

Regina took a deep breath to confirm, and although it still felt a little tight, she responded with a nod. Emma wasted no time as she practically scrambled up her body, and Regina, already aware of what she was planning to do, straightened out so she could lay flat on her back. Emma faced down the brunette's body as she spread her legs on either side of her head, her fingers gripping Regina's hips so hard she was sure to leave bruises later.

Regina wanted to take a moment to appreciate the sight spread out before her, but Emma's thighs were glistening and a soft whimper of impatience fell from her lips, so instead she decided to give Emma what it was that she desired. Dragging her fingernails up her thighs, Regina left red, angry lines in her wake before finding her destination and parting Emma's folds, allowing her tongue to trace a slow path down her dripping center. The sensation made Emma groan deep in her throat and she pitched forward, her fingernails digging into the skin of Regina's thighs as she panted out her desperation.

"Fuck, Regina, don't tease me…"

Regina chuckled, the sound vibrating against the skin of Emma's thigh as she dragged her lips upwards again, feeling the need to tease her for just _one_ last moment before giving her that which she craved. "It's not often that I get to hear you beg," she murmured, her breath tickling Emma's oversensitive flesh, making the woman's opening clench before her eyes.

"Don't get cocky," Emma breathed, a small smirk playing at the edges of her mouth as she brushed her lips over Regina's stomach and her fingers over her clit, making the brunette twitch beneath her in need. "I still top you."

"Because I let you."

"Oh, plea—_fuck,"_ Emma gasped, cutting herself off mid-sentence as Regina's lips wrapped around the tender bundle of nerves, sucking hard as the tip of her tongue teased the sensitive spot hidden beneath. Emma fell completely against her, her mouth opening in pleasure as she pushed her hips further against Regina's face. Her head was resting against the brunette's thigh, and every gasp, every pant, every moan of pleasure tickled Regina's center, making her squirm and whimper beneath her until finally, Emma got the point, and buried her face between her legs.

Regina moaned into her, vibrating the blonde's center as she lightly scraped her teeth against tender flesh, making Emma gasp out and grip her thighs harder. And then her mouth was on her again, milking every sound that she could manage from the woman atop her, as a part of her was frightened that, despite Emma's insistence that they would always find themselves in this place, that it could still very well be the last time.

Regina never wanted it to end. She wanted to fuck Emma for the rest of her life, should it never mean that she had to part from her. And it seemed, in the end, Emma had the same idea, for when they had finally been sated it wasn't until early afternoon, the two of them finally falling into each other as they gasped for breath, exhaustion overtaking them. And when Regina covered Emma's body with her own, laying a protective arm around her waist, she tried to force herself to stay awake, because she knew that the moment that she awoke, nothing would ever feel this nice again.

**TBC…**


	14. Shame

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN  
****Shame**

"Shit," Emma breathed, the realization of what the hell she had just done hitting her like a barreling freight train. _"Shit."_

The blonde sat nude on the edge of Regina's bed, her fingers digging into the mattress beneath her as she stared at the far wall, as though she somehow hoped to find the answers she craved hidden beneath the plaster. It left her with nothing however, except for the sound of her own harsh, conflicting thoughts screaming within her head.

"I would appreciate it if you had your morning after regret where I couldn't hear you, dear."

Emma nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Regina's voice, and the movement brought her off the bed and to her feet as she rounded on the woman. She had thought she was still asleep. Although Regina's voice was poised and even, her face told another story. The woman couldn't even look at her as she gathered the sheets to her chest, covering herself as though she were afraid her nudity would freak Emma out now that the dust had settled and reality had set in.

It was ridiculous though, as Emma had seen Regina naked more than any other person in her entire life.

"N-No, it's not—" But her voice tremored and it sounded unconvincing, so Emma cleared her throat and looked away from her. "I just… headache," she finished lamely, which wasn't a lie. But then again, lately, she'd _always _had a headache right when she'd first woken up. Emma had just learned to accept it as another part of her daily routine, however, as she was certain that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

The blonde's eyes found the far window and she looked at the darkening sky; it must be well past dinner time by now. Emma wasn't sure when they had both fallen asleep, but it couldn't have been that long ago. She didn't feel well-rested in any sense. "Besides…" Emma continued, "I don't think it counts as morning after regret when the sun is setting."

"Semantics," Regina responded, her voice sounding hoarse and thick, almost as though it was painful to even utter the word. It made Emma look at her, and she noticeably cringed as she took in the sight of the brunette's throat. The bruises her fingers had made the night before were dark and angry looking, and if Emma hadn't known what had happened, she would have thought that someone had tried to kill her. The rest of Regina's body wasn't exactly unmarred either though, and for that matter, neither was her own. They both had left their mark on one another, in the only way that they ever really knew how.

Silence enveloped the room and the two women looked at each other, assessing the damage they had caused, second guessing the decision they had made. Emma felt sick to her stomach, though whether it was from the amount of liquor she had consumed the night before or what she had done thereafter, she didn't know. What she _did_ know though was that it was her own damn fault, and the fact that she couldn't blame Regina for it all made her feel like crawling into a corner with a bottle of JD, idiotically wishing to revert back to the failing coping mechanism that had brought her into Regina's bed in the first place.

Alcohol was supposed to dull her pain, yet in the end, it had only caused her more. Emma looked at herself in the mirror each morning and hated what she saw, despised this shadow of a person that she had become, and last night, at the time, it had made perfect sense, to try an alternative means to dealing with her anger, blame, and incessant self-hatred. Now though, as she looked at the pain that crossed over Regina's expression as she expected nothing but rejection from the woman before her, Emma realized her decision only stood to make her hate herself just a little bit more.

Nothing, _nothing_ she did anymore was right. Nothing she did anymore would ever fix what Regina had first broken, and what Emma herself had ultimately destroyed beyond repair.

So why even bother?

Maybe it was stupid anyway, to think that she could get away from her alcoholism so easily. Trading one addiction for another might work when the addiction was mental, but Emma's trembling, clammy hands and pounding headache told another story. The alcohol that was previously in her system had completely dissipated, leaving her feeling sick until she could find a way to replenish it; which, at the moment, she could not do.

"I should probably…" Emma tried, but ultimately ended trailing off and nodding her head towards the door as a way of explanation. It was awkward, waking up next to Regina after everything that had happened between them. Emma didn't know what to say to her. She didn't even know if it was mistake. The act itself, probably not; but the emotional baggage that they had both made exponentially heavier by doing it? That shit was probably going to end up crushing them.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Emma began to grab her discarded clothes off the ground with shaking fingers, feeling the need to just run from it all again – run from _her _– but two demanding words suddenly filled the small motel room, and Emma instinctively froze because of their tone.

"Sit. _Down."_

Emma blinked heavily before turning towards Regina, who was now standing not three feet from her, sheet still clutched to her chest. She did _not_ look happy. "Uh…" Emma stumbled, not exactly expecting this. "What?"

"Do you really believe that I'm just going to let you walk out of here?" Regina asked her, her eyebrow arching as she stared Emma down, successfully making her feel about an inch tall from the judgment the look held. Gone was the woman who looked fearful of being tossed aside the morning after, as she was suddenly replaced by a version of Regina Mills that looked as though she had a purpose, and as Emma was pretty sure that that purpose was to yell at her for the better part of the next hour, she liked this version a whole lot less.

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but she wasn't given the chance to.

"Not only are you without a car and an actual way to _leave,_ Miss Swan – as I was the one to drive you back from that disgusting excuse for an establishment last night – but I distinctly remembering telling you that we would talk about your idiocy come morning," Regina continued, advancing on her so that Emma had no place to go but backwards – right towards the couch. "Now, it might be a little bit later than I was actually intending to have this conversation, but we _are_ going to have it, so I suggest you take a seat, less you wish to make this even more painful for yourself than it's already going to be."

Well, this really fucking sucks.

Wringing her hands tightly together, Emma nearly tripped over one of her shoes as she continued to withdraw until the back of her legs hit the upholstery, still trying to formulate some kind of reason to leave that didn't center around 'I need to drink something before I get really sick', because that was the last thing Regina needed to know about. "I…"

"_Sit."_

Emma sat.

The automaticity of it was kind of humiliating, to be honest. It was a glaring reminder that while Emma may top in bed, everywhere else, it was Regina who dominated with ease.

Emma gritted her teeth together, aggravated by how easily her body just reacted to Regina's demand. Still, the glaring issue of not having access to her car, nor remembering where the hell it was (seriously, Emma couldn't give you the bar's name right now even if you had a gun to her head – the night was now just one big, intoxicated blur), made it perfectly clear that despite how badly she wanted to, there was no way she was getting out of this.

This thought caused her to discreetly wipe her clammy palms on the edge of the couch, just before she gripped the fabric, trying to keep her hands from shaking where Regina could notice. Still, the position was a small comfort, as she was pretty damn sure that if she didn't get anything in her soon, Regina was gonna see just how bad off she was, which… could_ not_ happen.

Some things were just private.

"Look, as much fun as getting yelled at for the better part of the next hour sounds, _look at me,_ Regina," Emma responded hastily, trying to give herself some time to think about what the hell she was going to do. "I need to shower at least, okay? Just give me that and then we can talk." Her right leg was bouncing about a thousand miles an hour, despite her attempts to stop it, and her anxiousness did not go unnoticed by Regina, whose gaze flickered down to the offending limb.

"Are you alright?" Regina asked, tilting her head to the side as she assessed Emma's current state, which only made the blonde practically slap her hand on her knee and press down, trying to make herself stop.

"I'm _fine,_ okay? I just need to shower; I feel disgusting and I probably smell even worse than that. So can I just…?" Emma gestured erratically towards the bathroom, clearly impatient.

Regina stared her down for a few more seconds, debating her request, until she finally conceded with a soft, "Alright."

Emma practically flew off the couch.

She had expected Regina to put up more of a fight, to distrust that she might run, but once Emma was in the bathroom and the door was closed behind her, Emma realized why she hadn't: the room didn't have any windows. "Damnit," she cursed under her breath, not knowing what to do now.

The bathroom was neat and orderly, and despite the fact that it was attached to a motel room that's entire existence screamed temporary, Regina had clearly made a point to make herself as much at home there as she could. There was a small shelf in the corner where she kept all her toiletries and miscellaneous medications, and as Emma sat herself down on the toilet seat with her head in her hands, her gaze wandered to the bottom shelf where something caught her eye.

Within seconds her hand reached out, pushing the aspirin and a package of band aids out the way to get to what it was that she was looking at. Her fingers clasping around the bottle, Emma brought it towards to her, trying to ignore the little voice in her head that was screaming how there was low, and then there was _pathetic._

Emma's eyes scanned the label of the NyQuil bottle and in the bottom left corner, found what it was that she was looking for; alcohol: twenty five percent. Though her anxiety lessened quite significantly at those words, Emma's lip still upturned, not only disgusted by what she might have to do, but also very, very wary of it. It was _NyQuil,_ for fuck's sake. If she chugged the bottle, she'd probably end up passing out within the hour, and that might look a little bit suspicious.

Her foot began to rapidly bounce once more, anxiety overtaking her as she gripped the bottle tighter within her trembling hands.

She couldn't do this.

But she kind of_ had_ to do this, because if Regina… if she found out about—it just, it wasn't an option. Out of everyone in the world, the last person Emma wanted to know about how truly fucked off she was, was her. She really didn't know why – or maybe she really _did_ – but she was also pretty damn sure that she didn't want to take a second and analyze it either. It just was what it was.

Emma took a deep breath, preparing herself for a new low, before suddenly her eyes fell on something on the corner of the sink and she shot up, the NyQuil completely forgotten and lying on the floor behind her. With one hand clasped around the square-shaped bottle, the other twisted off the cap in an instant before she put the plastic rim to her lips, set on devouring the last of its contents.

Mouthwash. She knew _that_ had a fair amount of alcohol in it – at least as much as cold medicine – and it wasn't about to fuck her up in the serious way that NyQuil would have.

The Listerine burned its way down her throat and the intensity of the menthol flavor almost made her gag, but Emma kept going, knowing it was either this or medicine that would end up knocking her out cold. When she finished, Emma noticeably blanched, spitting into the sink before leaning over it with both hands, breathing heavily.

God, she was disgusting.

Emma closed her eyes and stood there for a few long moments, allowing the liquid to do its job. It wasn't as good as a nice shot or two of bourbon, but it would have to do for now. It took a little while, but finally Emma started to feel a bit better, and so she picked up her head and opened her eyes, being confronted by the image of herself in the small mirror over the sink.

Her hand twitched and Emma gripped the edge of the porcelain tighter, the urge to smash her reflection into a thousand pieces nearly consuming her whole. But that would cause attention she didn't want, so Emma forced herself to pull away and head over towards the shower, the desperation to not feel dirty anymore coming to the forefront of her mind.

But even as she turned on the water and stepped in, Emma knew that no matter what she did, no matter how hard she scrubbed herself, she would never really be clean. She had fallen much too far, and there was no way in hell now that she would ever be able to claw her way back up.

[x]

"Regina…" Emma tried, feeling exasperated with the woman's incessant dictation. She was cut off immediately, however.

"I'm sorry, did I give you the impression that this was a _discussion?"_ Regina asked, quite rhetorically. "Because it is not. You're a mess, Emma, and I won't have you trekking halfway across the world looking for this man alone, especially considering that our son's wellbeing is tied to you being successful in your endeavors. If I were to leave you to your own devices, in two weeks you would most likely be lying in a ditch somewhere. I'm not about to just let that happen."

Emma gritted her teeth, aggravation seeping from her pores at Regina's words. "I'm not fucking _incompetent."_

"No?" Regina challenged. "Because I'm fairly certain that little show you put on last night proved otherwise. Do you even _know_ where your car is? Because if you can tell me, I might actually consider your request for independence."

_Damnit._

"At the bar," Emma answered dismissively, as though Regina was the one who was stupid for not realizing that she would know that. However, the brunette wasn't buying it and arched an eyebrow in her direction.

"_Which_ bar?"

Emma exhaled a loud, aggravated sigh. "I don't know, the one with the damn pool tables?" she furiously shot back, pissed off that she had proven Regina's point. But fuck, she didn't need a _babysitter._ "Look, it really doesn't matter. You can't just _keep _me with you—"

"I can and I will," Regina snapped. "I don't trust you enough to allow you to be alone anymore, Emma. You've already demonstrated with glaring clarity that unless you have someone around to keep you from drinking yourself stupid, you will. And maybe I'm not as great of a motivation for you to stay relatively sober as Henry was, but regardless—"

"God, why do you even _care?"_ Emma shouted, her frustration boiling over. "Are you that much of a masochist that you want to keep me around so we can screw each other up just a little bit more? Fucking hell, Regina! We can't be together twenty four seven; are you _high?"_

"I care because I _love_ you, you idiot!" Regina exclaimed fiercely, taking a step towards her. "You're lucky I haven't tied you to this damn bed and forced you to detox yet, because it_ kills_ me to see what you're doing to yourself. But I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt because maybe, with support, you might actually want to get better on your own. It's why you slept with me last night, was it not?" Regina looked at her, the force of her gaze making Emma feel as though every wall she had ever built was being reduced to nothing but ash. "The drinking… it's not working anymore for you. It's not making anything better, is it?"

Emma furiously turned away from her, stalking towards the other side of the room to get some space from the woman before her. But even still, the small room did not provide her with much of an escape. "That's none of your damn business," Emma responded heatedly through clenched teeth. This was not a conversation that she wanted to have.

"Oh, really?" Regina questioned disbelievingly as she motioned towards her own body. "Because I believe I have at least fifteen different bruises that prove otherwise."

"What the hell do you want me to say?!" Emma shouted, rounding on her once more. She felt trapped, suffocated by the weight of a conversation she would rather set herself on fire than actually have. "That I'm _sorry?_ Because I'm not. I _enjoyed _hurting you, Regina, maybe even more than I enjoyed getting hurt myself. Because you and I? _We deserve it._ We fucking deserve each other."

Regina stared at her, a fire brewing beneath her darkened eyes. Her lips pursed into a tight line for a moment, before she decided to hell with controlling herself, and brutally grabbed for Emma's wrist.

"What the hell are you—?!"

But Emma's words were lost to her as Regina viciously pulled her over towards the bathroom door, slammed it open with her foot, and pushed Emma inside, making her come face to face with herself in the mirror. _"Look at yourself,"_ Regina sneered, holding Emma's arms to her side while simultaneously blocking the door, making sure she couldn't escape that which she never wanted to face. "Is this the person you want to be for the rest of your life? The kind of _mother_ you want to be to Henry? I know more than anyone what it feels like to hate yourself, but you… you let it consume you. It's eating you from the inside out, Emma, and you can't continue doing this; it's going to _kill _you!"

"Maybe everyone would be better off," Emma snapped, without even a thought to what she was really saying. She glared at Regina's reflection in the mirror, and honestly, she shouldn't have been surprised by what followed.

Suddenly her torso was slammed into the edge of the sink, knocking the breath from her lungs as everything that was once atop it went clattering to the floor. Jesus, they were like a walking advertisement for an abusive relationship, but in the end, it was the only way they knew how to communicate their emotions to each other. What Emma had said tore into Regina's soul, and the woman grabbed a fistful of her hair, wrenching her face towards the mirror again to force Emma to look into it.

"If you die,_ I _die," Regina told her, voice dangerously low as the emotion in it shredded Emma's resolve to fucking pieces. The brunette was furious, yet so terribly frightened by the prospect. "Your _son _dies, Emma. Maybe not physically, but neither of us would ever be able to walk through this world and feel like we're really _living _ever again. Are you so completely selfish that you would condemn us to that?"

Emma winced, the edge of the sink pressing into her abdomen painfully as Regina forced more of her weight against her, holding her in place. "You know," she began, voice scratchy and distorted by the emotions she was trying to desperately suppress in favor of a subject change. "If you wanted to top me, Regina, we could have just done this in bed."

Regina twisted her hand in the blonde's hair violently before pulling her back so hard against her chest that it made Emma suck in a sharp breath. "This isn't some damn _game,"_ Regina hissed into her ear, sounding as though she were a second away from crying, yet trying to keep anger as her dominant emotion. "Do you even _care _what you're doing to those of us that love you?"

Emma clenched her jaw, trying to turn her head away from the reflection that seemed to be taunting her in the mirror, but Regina wouldn't let her. "It's not like I fucking get off on it or anything," Emma snapped, furious that the woman had her in a position she actually couldn't get out of. But then again, perhaps a part of her didn't want to. She was so damn tired of running away from herself, running away from the world that she lived in, and the sorrow her actions had created had exhausted her to the point where she really felt like she didn't care about anything anymore.

And she hated living that way.

Regina was going to say something, but when she opened her mouth, no sound came out. Furrowing her eyebrows, Emma looked at the woman's reflection in the mirror to see what the problem was, and when she did, her stomach dropped to the ground. Regina wasn't looking at her anymore; she was looking at the scattered contents that used to lie on her sink.

In an instant Emma was released and practically pushed to the side as Regina bent down, grabbing the empty bottle of mouthwash that Emma had stupidly not thrown out. The blonde paled as Regina practically shoved it against her chest, forcing Emma's back against the far wall. "What the_ hell_ have you done?!"

"What are you talking about?" Emma stammered, although she knew she sounded as unconvincing as she was sure she looked. "Why the hell are you throwing _trash_ at me?"

"This was nearly _full!"_ Regina practically shrieked at her, the tone of it making Emma noticeably wince. Regina grabbed the bottle back from her, only to basically whip it at Emma's head. The blonde had to duck for it to only barely miss her. "How can you even stand to look at yourself when you've sunk this low? You couldn't even wait a few fucking hours for a drink?! You—Jesus, you drank mouthwash, Emma! _Mouthwash!_ What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I didn't drink—!"

"Don't_ lie_ to me!" Regina shouted, pure fury in her eyes as she grabbed the nearest thing to her – a hairbrush – and pelted it towards the woman in front of her. Emma didn't really have time to react to it, but Regina's aim was off and she missed, the plastic colliding heavily with the wall.

Still, Emma instinctively ducked before scurrying as far away as she could get from the enraged woman before her. "For fuck's sake, stop _throwing_ shit at me! I'm _sorry_, okay?! I didn't want to deal with talking to you sober, and you didn't have anything else!"

"You…?" Regina tried, yet words failed her as she looked at Emma like she couldn't believe what she was seeing in front of her. The look made Emma feel absolutely disgusted with herself and she turned away from her, unable to meet her gaze as her cheeks burned with shame. God, this was going from bad to worse and Emma couldn't even get away from it. Regina was still blocking the door, and she was pretty sure that the brunette had absolutely no intention of moving any time soon.

A long silence enveloped the room, threatening to crush the sanity from Emma's mind until Regina finally spoke two short, demanding words.

"You're done."

Emma blinked. "What?"

"You're _finished!"_ Regina shouted, the force of her voice nearly making Emma jump out of her skin. She looked crazed; her anger and upset molded into one uncontrollable emotion, and Regina looked as though if she had her powers on this side of the line, she would set the entire _bathroom _on fire. "Look at what you've become, Emma! I'm not letting you do this to yourself; I can't—I can't fucking stand here and watch you kill yourself anymore! I tried—God, I _tried _to just let you figure this out on your own, but after _that?_ I didn't—I never thought you could be so bad off, and I will not—fuck, you're just… you are _through_ with drinking, Emma; I don't _care _what it is that you want anymore! I _don't!"_

Emma's expression darkened, furious that Regina felt that she could just _dictate _what she could or couldn't do in her life. "You can't just—!"

But Emma's words died in her throat as she watched Regina transform from this furious being to this crumpled, lifeless form as her emotions got the better of her and tears of frustration, tears of sorrow, and tears of fear began to fall from her eyes. Choking back a sob, Regina covered her face with her hand as she slumped against the wall, looking as though she felt completely helpless and didn't know what to do about it anymore. The sight of it shattered Emma into a million pieces as guilt overtook her, knowing that she was the sole reason for how broken the once fierce and powerful Queen now looked.

"Shit, Regina, don't—you don't need to _cry _about it…" she tried, but it seemed her words only managed to enrage the woman who had now slumped to the ground against the wall, knees pulled tightly to her chest as an unintelligible sound fell from her lips. Emma didn't know what it was this time, but whatever Regina had just grabbed got chucked heavily in her direction, and the blonde nearly fell into the bathtub as she tried to dodge it.

"Damnit, I said stop _throwing_ things at me!"

Regina's eyes flashed, the look seeming incredibly dangerous despite being outlined by a tear-stained face, and something else came hurling in Emma's direction.

"Ow, fuck!" Emma shouted, as this time the object had actually hit her. But Regina barely even noticed, she just grabbed something else, apparently intending to keep _throwing_ shit at her until she did what she said, and so Emma shouted, "Alright, _alright!"_ as she held up her hands in surrender, backing away from her until she watched Regina drop whatever it was that she was holding. After it clanged against the hard flooring, Emma took in the object and winced; a curling iron. _That _would have hurt.

"Regina… Regina, come on," she tried, dropping to her knees before the other woman so she could get at her eyelevel. "Please stop crying." She reached out for her, but Regina furiously slapped her hand away, shooting her a glare that threatened to vanquish her on the spot.

"Don't touch me."

Emma's fingers curled into her palm, hesitating for a moment before ultimately withdrawing. She didn't want to upset her any more than she already had, as the sight of how _defeated _Regina looked actually kind of frightened her.

Regina's head was in her hand, the weight of it being supported by her elbow atop her knee, and her fingers were digging into her scalp like she was trying to claw out every single emotion she ever had, because she just couldn't deal with it anymore. Regina had always been this fierce being; her sadness, her fear, her doubt, had always been channeled into an unwavering anger that could, according to the stories, bring entire kingdoms to their knees. Now though, her sorrow had cut too deep, her fear had grown too large, and for the first time since Emma had met her, Regina really looked like she didn't know what to do anymore.

When the curse broke, Regina had fallen apart, desperate to fix what she had destroyed. But this, _this _was all Emma's doing, and it seemed Regina didn't know how to go about putting the pieces back together when she wasn't the one who had shattered it in the first place.

The look on the brunette's face cut through her. Emma couldn't just see how much Regina loved her, feared for her, but she_ felt_ it as well; it crept into her veins like a sickness and ate her from the inside out, rotting her resolve and her pride as she realized, despite everything that had happened, despite how angry she was at Regina for everything that she had done, she did not want to be the cause of her distress. Not in this way, not like _this._

"You're going to die," Regina told her after a few long moments of silence. Her voice was hoarse, broken. Fingers twisting violently within dark tresses, she breathed out her sorrow. "If you keep doing this to yourself, you're going to die. What you're doing, what you _did…_ it's not just the beginning anymore. You're running out of time before you'll realize that you can no longer turn around and find your way back again, and you know it."

Emma felt her throat tighten as the truth in that consumed her, causing fresh tears to bristle behind her eyes. They went unnoticed though, Regina unable to even look at her as she stared at the far wall, eyes glassy and unfocused as she lay trapped inside her own fearful mind.

"It doesn't matter," Regina continued, her voice hollow, as though she was speaking more _at _her rather than to her, "if you never want to be with me again. It doesn't matter if we spend the rest of our lives on opposite sides of the world, or if you decide the only way you'll ever be able to function is to punish me for the rest of your life. I don't care what you want, where we go, what you decide to do with me or to me. Just don't—don't _die."_

Emma bit the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood as her vision blurred and her body sank the rest of the way to the ground. Everything within her, all of it, had dissipated, leaving her feeling exhausted and useless as she practically fell into the woman beside her on the floor.

"Don't—that's _fucked up,"_ Emma breathed, unable to wrap her head around how sacrificial Regina sounded, just for the sake of _her._ She closed her eyes, unable to handle the harsh glare of the bathroom light atop the depressive air that had surrounded the room. Leaning her head on Regina's shoulder, she told her softly, "It's not your fault. Don't—fuck, don't _punish_ yourself like it is. We can't just swap misery and hope that fixes everything. That doesn't even make sense."

"Oh, I know," Regina responded, her voice sounding like a faint echo as she instinctively cradled Emma's head with her hand. It was protective, it was comforting, and Emma sunk into the feeling. "I know it's not my fault, dear. I may have opened the door, but it was you who fell through it."

Her fingers curled in Emma's hair, and the woman next to her moved closer, the self-hatred that resided within her begging for someone to eradicate it with love. And Regina, she _bursted _with it. She loved Emma so much that she didn't even know what to do with herself anymore, and yet she kept trying. Devastated, helpless, and falling apart herself, Regina kept trying, and Emma knew that she would until her voice gave out and the words stopped coming. She _loved_ her, and so it didn't matter in that moment that Regina had destroyed what could have been a happy childhood, that she had killed a countless number of people under the banner of revenge, because right then, it was the only thing that Emma needed, and therefore, it was the only thing she felt.

And so she clung to it.

Burying her face in Regina's neck, Emma blocked out the world as she practically clambered on top of her. It was probably infantile and terribly pathetic, but it made her feel protected, and, if there was one person in this entire world that would tear the very fabric of reality to keep her safe, it was Regina. The woman wrapped her arms around her, clinging to her just as tightly as Emma was to her, tucking the blonde's head beneath her chin and hushing her softly as the Savior began to cry. Silently at first, and then louder as Emma realized, with a blinding clarity and a resonating sense of fear, that she didn't want to do this anymore.

She just didn't know how to stop.

"Regina," Emma breathed, the name sounding choked amidst her distress. She grasped for her, holding the fabric of her shirt tightly in her hands, as though she were afraid that if she finally stopped pretending that everything was okay, that Regina would leave her crying and alone atop the cheap linoleum flooring. "I don't want to hate myself anymore…"

The admission was small, almost childlike.

Emma felt soft lips press against her forehead, and the faint drop of a tear landing on her skin. "Tell me what you need me to do, love," Regina whispered, the words tracing patterns on her temple. "And I'll do it without thought."

"Because you love me…?"

It was such a small sounding, stupid little question given the circumstances, and yet for some reason, Emma needed to hear it be said. She had felt so terribly alone, so consumed with anger and hatred and fear that it suffocated her, and Regina, despite being the cause of so much of it, was still, at the end of the day, the only one who would ever be able to allow her to breathe again.

Emma could feel her smile against her skin, yet she knew it was born from sadness and from loss, more than the happiness they should have felt for finding their other half. "Until the stars burn out and the sky falls from above us," Regina breathed, the intensity of the words sounding almost overly dramatic, if not for the fact that Emma knew with a blinding clarity that they were truer than anything else she had ever heard. "I will always love you, Emma Swan; until the end of my life and then some. That, my dear, is _my_ curse."

Emma trapped her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down hard enough to feel the sharp sting of pain and then the copper taste of blood. She choked back a sob, hating everything that their life had become. Where was their happily ever after? Why was it that everyone else seemed to get one, but not them? Emma had waited her whole life to feel connected to someone, to feel like she belonged somewhere, and yet there, in Regina's embrace, she realized that where she belonged was just as miserable as where she did not.

Still, she was tired of it. She had fallen too far, drowned in so much, yet in the end, she was fearful of her own agony suffocating the life out of her. She didn't want to be this person anymore.

And so, two little words, breaking beneath the weight they entailed, were uttered to the one person who would gladly drown in her place. "Help me."

Regina inhaled a sharp breath, her fingers tightening in Emma's hair protectively.

"Okay."

**TBC…**


	15. Healing

**Author's Note:  
**Holy crap, the response to the last chapter was freaking phenomenal; thank you so much!

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN  
****Healing**

"If you take your eyes off of me for two seconds a bottle of liquor isn't going to magically materialize in my hands, you know."

Regina pursed her lips, a small look of annoyance crossing over her features. "I'm well aware of that, dear. However that doesn't stop me from worrying about you. Are you sure you're—?"

"I'm_ fine_," Emma interrupted, a bit of a snap to her tone. Her leg was bouncing anxiously against the mattress, lightly shaking the laptop she was in front of. She slapped her hand on top of it to keep it from moving and Regina raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, that's like the tenth time you've asked in the past hour. Relax, okay? I'm just… edgy. And if I start to feel sick you'll be the first to know."

"That was hardly the tenth."

Emma rolled her eyes, trying to ignore her steadily growing headache. It had been getting worse and worse over the past hour, and it was soon going to get to the point where she could do nothing but lie in the dark. "It's called an exaggeration, Regina. Look it up." Regina's annoyed look furthered at that, but Emma shut her down before she could say anything more. "Now stop interrupting me, I got work to do."

Regina's gaze flickered to the laptop in front of Emma, looking a little apprehensive. "Are you certain you're going to be able to find him? This world is a very large place and he could have come into it anywhere."

"Yeah, already know how bad the odds are stacked against me, thanks," Emma muttered, her eyes scanning the screen in front of her as she wiped her clammy hands on her jeans. "But right now I'm going with the theory that if I got dumped off in Maine, maybe Baelfire did too. It's a longshot and maybe I just watched too much _Angel_ when I was teenager with this 'portal hot spots' crap, but at least it's a place to start."

Regina watched her for a moment, taking notice of how her hands were beginning to tremble, and pursed her lips into a tight line.

"Don't," Emma said, without even looking over at her.

"What?"

"Don't start. I'm _fine."_

For now, anyway. Looking for Baelfire at least distracted her enough so that she didn't have to think about needing a drink, but her withdrawal symptoms had only just begun. If truth were told, Emma was actually worried about how bad they could get, but she didn't want to make Regina fuss over her more than she already was, and so she kept her thoughts to herself. She could get through this. It would pass… eventually.

And she needed it to pass, because until then she was practically handcuffed to Regina's side. The woman had brought her to retrieve her car and her baggage, but until Regina was certain she was okay, she wasn't 'allowed' to be left alone; which meant that she could not have her own room in the motel, and that was… suffocating.

"You're shaking."

"And you're distracting. _Stop_. Go read a book or something."

Regina exhaled a hard breath, Emma's unwillingness to just allow her to worry or _care_ testing her patience. "Emma, this is serious. I had assumed your addiction was merely in your mind, but you're starting to exhibit symptoms of someone who was physically dependent on it. And if that's the case, withdrawing from it could become dangerous. Perhaps I should just bring you to the hospi—"

"No!" Emma exclaimed, the force of her tone nearly startling the woman next to her. "No hospitals. I'll be fine, okay? Seriously."

"You can't possibly know that."

"Regina, can you just—!" Emma started, fingers tensing as she gestured erratically at the brunette, letting her hands to do the talking for her. Frustration was beginning to curl off her like smoke, and if Regina didn't just _quit,_ she was gonna end up going against one pissed off Savior. Taking a breath, Emma looked at her warningly as she held out the flat of her hand. "Look, I get that in a few months I'll probably be thanking you for this, but right now? This really fucking sucks. And you? You're. Not. _Helping._ I'm trying to distract myself here, and all you're doing is bringing up the one thing I don't wanna think about. Stop."

Regina chewed on the inside of her cheek, obviously not wishing to drop the subject but not wanting to make this any harder than it had to be for the woman opposite her. "Fine," she conceded quietly. "But if you start to exhibit any of the more severe symptoms, I will take you there kicking and screaming if I have to."

"What, like death?" Emma deadpanned, to which Regina shot her a furious look for. That apparently was _not_ something to joke about.

"Fever," she began listing off, ticking off each point with another finger. "Hallucinations. Convulsions."

"Pretty sure it ain't gonna be that bad," Emma dismissed, because in the end, that sounded like something that happened to _other_ people, not to her.

But then again, she had thought alcoholism was too.

[x]

Emma got progressively worse the longer the day wore on.

There weren't many things that frightened Regina, but this was easily one of them. It was completely beyond her control, and as she held back Emma's hair as she pitched over the side of the bed, vomiting nothing but stomach acid into the waste bin, Regina swallowed hard, trying not to outwardly show how frightened this was making her. Emma was already going through enough, and it would only stand to make everything worse.

Emma choked on her bile, spitting the remnants of it into the bin as Regina ran her other hand down the length of her back, trying to sooth her. Emma hadn't eaten all day, claiming she just wasn't hungry, and now Regina could only imagine how badly the acid was burning her esophagus. She should have pushed harder to have her eat something; even bland crackers would have been better than nothing.

"Fuck," Emma groaned, her voice scratchy and weak sounding. "I missed the bin a little."

"It's fine," Regina assured her softly, tracing small patterns on Emma's lower back in an attempt to give her some small semblance of comfort. She had no idea if it was actually helping or not, but it was instinctual nonetheless. "I'll clean it up when you're through."

"No, that's—" But a loud cough cut her off before she wretched again, putting her head into the waste bin. Regina winced as she heard her continue to dry heave, as nothing else was left for her to throw up. The sound of it was sickening.

"It would hardly be the first mess I've cleaned, dear," Regina told her gently, not wanting Emma to have to clean up after herself when she was ill. "I took care of Henry for ten years, after all. He had been sick plenty of times over the course of his childhood."

Emma coughed and then groaned, moving away from the waste basket to lie back down on the bed. She was awfully pale and Regina's lips pursed into a tight line at the sight of her. Slick with sweat, Emma's blonde hair stuck to her skin and Regina pushed it back out of her eyes before running her hand down the contour of her cheek. Emma's eyes fluttered closed as she leaned into the touch, searching for the only sense of comfort that this moment could allot her.

"Feel bad 'bout it," she mumbled. "My fault."

"There will be time for guilt later," Regina reminded her softly. "But for now, just try to get some rest."

Emma nodded and Regina carefully removed herself from the woman's side. As Emma rolled over, Regina got a washcloth out of the bathroom and tended to the mess she had made. After she had finished and washed her hands, she sat back down on the bed beside her, trying to ready herself for a sleepless night, as there was no way she would be able to get any rest with the condition that Emma was in. The blonde moved instinctively, crawling towards her until she could place her head in Regina's lap. The sorceress smiled lightly, beginning to run her fingers through the other woman's hair. It was tangled and unmanageable, yet Regina found she didn't much care.

So much had happened between them, and Regina was unsure if them sleeping together had really changed anything, but in the end, it was still nice to be needed; to be _trusted _to take care of the woman she loved. And so she did.

"Regina," Emma breathed, the whiny words tickling the skin of Regina's bare thigh. "This sucks."

Regina smirked a little, finding herself amused at how childlike Emma sounded. It was endearing, in a way. It reminded her of Henry. "I would remind you that your actions have consequences, but I believe this situation is doing that for you."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks."

"It'll get better," Regina promised her, although she knew she couldn't do such a thing. Even if Emma got past this, she still had an uphill battle, and she may for the rest of her life. Alcoholism was not an easy addiction to have, as it was legal and easily accessible. Still, she lied, "This is the hard part, remember that. And I'm… I'm proud of you, Emma, for having the strength to do this."

"You have no idea how bad I want to literally soak my entire fucking liver in whiskey right now," Emma groaned, burying her head further into Regina's nightshirt as she sought to block out the rest of the world. "So save your pride till I actually survive this crap."

Regina tightened her fingers in Emma's hair, lightly scratching her nails over her scalp, and exhaled a soft sigh. She said nothing however, as she knew this was incredibly hard on Emma, and it was understandable that she would be bitter about the decision she had made. At the moment, it probably didn't feel like the right one.

They sat in silence for a long time before Emma asked softly, "Distract me?"

"Hm?"

"You know, just… talk, or something," Emma requested, digging her fingers into the fabric of the comforter as she stared at the far wall. "Tell me… I don't know, something happy from your childhood. Cause fuck, the more I think about it, the more I realize how much I don't know anything about your life before Storybrooke; at least, y'know, nothing outside of the stuff that was in Henry's book. And I…" Emma faltered for a moment, realizing her mistake of bringing that topic up once the brunette instinctively stiffened.

"That book is an incredibly biased account of complicated circumstances," Regina quickly defended, stilling her hand in Emma's hair. "You would do well to not use it as a gospel. If you wish to know my side of things, I would prefer it if you _asked."_

"No, I…" Emma tried, but looked a little overwhelmed with how quickly Regina's entire demeanor changed at just the mere mention of it. She sighed for a moment, pushing the hair back out of her face before burying her head further in Regina's thigh, unable to look at her. "I don't… wanna know that stuff, okay?" she mumbled, "Not yet, and especially not when I'm already fighting the urge to puke. So just… happy things, Regina, yeah? Tell me about your childhood."

Regina took a deep breath, not really finding this topic much better. Still, she spoke, as in the end, she didn't want Emma focused on what she was currently going through. "There weren't many happy moments from my childhood," she told her softly, honestly. "Unless you count the time I spent with my horse, Rocinante. Taking care of him, riding him… it was the only time I ever felt truly content."

"Seriously?" Emma asked, turning her head to look up at her. Her face was so pale that it almost glowed under the soft moonlight that shone through the window. Regina tried like hell not to focus on how she looked though, as it made her stomach feel unsettled. She didn't like seeing her like this; it tore her apart inside.

"I mean, I know your mom was a complete cunt but like… what about your dad?" Emma asked. "Didn't you have any friends? Or like… I don't know, what about your first crush or whatever?" She was pushing, but she clearly wished for Regina to keep speaking, not be shut down like the brunette's answer had originally intended. Emma wanted her distraction. "I mean come on, Regina, it couldn't have _all_ been shit. As someone who had a crap childhood too, I know it still has its moments, no matter how small."

Regina exhaled a long breath, turning her head to look out the far window. This wasn't exactly the easiest of conversations, which was why Regina never felt compelled to have it. Perhaps Emma should have known about these things a long time ago, but it wasn't something Regina ever wished to voice. "My father was a kind man," she began softly, conceding to her wishes. "However, he was unable to stand up to my mother, and so that kindness was wasted when I needed it the most."

Emma stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. Regina took a moment, gathering up her courage to allow herself to become a little more exposed. Despite the fact that she trusted Emma beyond anyone else on this earth, it was still hard to talk about. Her childhood was where her weakness lied.

"I wasn't allowed to have friends," Regina went on after a few second's hesitation. "Mother found them to be a needless distraction. I hardly socialized with anyone my own age, and when I did, Mother believed them or their family's status to generally be unworthy of my attentions and forbade me from seeing them again. The only person I…"

But Regina stopped, unable to speak about the one thing Emma should probably really know about her, yet she feared having her be aware of all the same.

"The only person, what, Regina?" Emma asked tentatively. She knew they had stumbled upon a topic of great unrest for her, as Regina's face was briefly etched with the pain of the past. God, she couldn't do this right now. This wasn't the right time.

Would there ever really be a right time though?

Regina hesitated again, pursing her lips into a tight line. Finally she shook her head before tearing her gaze away from the window. "This isn't a conversation you want to have now," she warned her, trying not to notice the way her voice broke beneath the weight of the words. "It does not have a happy ending, and I don't believe you're ready to know the true extent of it."

"Okay," Emma conceded softly, accepting that. She wet her cracked, dry lips for a moment though before inquiring, "But can I… ask you something?" Regina looked down at her, yet did not say no, so Emma took that as a sign to continue. "This… person. You loved them, didn't you?"

"Yes," Regina admitted quietly, once more unable to look at the woman lying atop her. It felt strange, to say that to the person she was currently in love with. "I loved him very much."

Emma was silent for a moment, and Regina could only imagine that she was turning the information over in her head. She traced light patterns on the back of Regina's leg before plucking up the courage to ask, "Can I know his name?" Before Regina could shut her down though, she quickly continued, "If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

"The name of your first love?" Regina inquired, to which Emma nodded. Finding that to at least be a fair compromise, Regina conceded with, "Alright, but that's the end of the questions about him. One day I promise I will tell you but… but that day is not today."

Emma nodded her consent, and then Regina quietly revealed the name of the man whose death began the tragic path she had found herself on. "Daniel."

Emma smiled softly at her, a way of thank you, before revealing her own. "Neal."

Regina's eyebrows furrowed, recognizing that name. It was on her son's original birth certificate. But surely it couldn't be… "Henry's father?"

"Mmm."

Regina was surprised. "Oh. I had… well, I suppose I had just expected—"

"What? That Henry was conceived in the back of a car by some one night stand?" Emma finished for her, making Regina flush lightly from her tone. With Emma's past, it was hardly an uneducated guess, but still, she felt ashamed for having immediately jumped to the conclusion. "No. Henry was conceived out of love. Or… I don't know, what I _thought_ was love at the time. Turns out I was wrong though. He was the reason I went to prison in the first place; the bastard set me up. It's…" Emma sighed, turning her face away from her as she exhaled a long breath. "Nevermind. I don't really wanna talk about it."

Regina gave her a soft, sympathetic smile before running her fingers through the other woman's hair once more. Apparently she was not the only one who had experienced pain with her first love, and she very much understood the desire to not speak on the subject. And if Emma could allot her that privacy, at least for the moment, then she could do the same.

"Alright, well," Emma began after another long moment's silence. "How about the first time you were with a woman? I mean, obviously I wasn't your first; no one's _that_ good their first time." Despite the previously depressive air that hung in the room, Regina smirked at her words. But then Emma's face clouded as she realized something. "Unless _that _ended up being shit too. Cause I gotta say, for asking for happy stories, I'm not getting many of them."

Regina chuckled quietly. "The end of any relationship isn't generally filled with a sense of happiness, Emma, but my first with a woman didn't finish particularly horribly either. But then again, she was more hurt than I by its end, so I suppose that may be a contributing factor to my overall view on it."

"So tell me," Emma implored, looking up at her once more. But then she squished her face to the side for a moment before amending, "Just do me a favor and convince me that she was ugly as hell while you do it though. Cause… you know."

Regina laughed softly at Emma's blatant jealously. As she seemed (and proven, on more than one occasion) to be a jealous person herself, Regina found it comforting to know that at least she was not alone. Possessiveness was in their nature. "Her name was Maleficent," she began, "And yes, she was _terribly_ hideous. I don't know what I was thinking."

Emma smirked, knowing she was lying, yet appreciating it all the same. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear."

Emma moved to lie flat on her back, stretching her feet out so they dangled over the edge of the bed. She looked straight upwards, her gaze catching Regina's. "Okay, so… how long did it last and why did it end?"

"I hope you know that I expect you to share your first time with a woman as well, after all of this," Regina reminded her, to which Emma just waved off with a 'yeah, yeah, yeah.' Regina rolled her eyes slightly at her flippant attitude, yet continued her story.

"It was never really a relationship," she told her. "More… what is the term that's used here for friends who sleep with one another?"

"Friends with benefits."

"Yes, except I never really considered her to be much of a friend," Regina admitted. "Of course I would refer to her as such when in her company, but she was more… a powerful ally that I wished not to lose. And so when she showed interest in other things that I could offer her, I obliged. I found she was more susceptible to giving me what I wanted then."

"So, what… you slept with her for power?" Emma asked, looking at her as though that concept was strange. "Not even for pleasure?"

"Having power was where I _found _my pleasure, dear," Regina told her gently, knowing this was something Emma had never really been exposed to. "My mother… she taught me at a very young age that sex was nothing but a bargaining tool. We slept with who we must to get ahead in life; outside of that, it was a fairly useless act."

Emma curled her lip up in disgust. "You know that's seriously fucked up, right? Especially for your _mom_ to tell you that shit."

"That was the way of things where I came from," Regina reminded her, "at least within the royal families. Still, it seemed Maleficent had forgotten that, and she allowed her feelings for me to override her good sense. And when she realized that it meant more to her than it did to me, she grew very angry."

"Well, yeah," Emma responded, curling her arms into herself as she shivered slightly. "You were using her. Think most people would be pissed about that."

"Well, at the time," Regina began, chewing slightly on her bottom lip at the judgmental tone in Emma's voice. "It was all I knew. After everything that had happened in my life, everything that I had gone through, I believed it was what I should do. It was the only thing that made sense at the time, and the only way to get what it was that I wanted. Now however, looking back on it, I do regret it. I cared for her; perhaps not as much as she cared for me, but enough to feel badly for breaking her heart. She didn't deserve that. But then again…"

Regina trailed off slightly, averting her gaze from Emma as she admitted softly, thinking of Leopold and the things she was forced to do for him under the banner of 'marriage'. "I believe we all are forced to go through things we do not deserve, at least once in our life. It is just the way of the world, or so I had always been led to believe."

Emma looked up at her, wrapping her arms around her form. Concern shone beneath her eyes as she read between the lines. "Someone used you once?"

"Mm," Regina confirmed softly, still unable to look down at Emma's prying gaze. She shook her head, forcing herself to smile, even though she knew Emma could see right through it. "But that is a conversation for another day."

Emma pursed her lips, but accepted the fact that Regina didn't wish to talk about it with a nod. Her hands ran up and down her arms very quickly, yet briefly, as another shiver wracked her body. This time, it drew Regina's attention. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. Just… tired, or whatever."

The answer was quick and dismissive, and sounded nothing at all like the truth.

"You were shivering."

Emma moved out of Regina's lap then, as though she were trying to purposely get away from this conversation's end, which only stood to further Regina's rapidly growing paranoia. "Yeah, well… window's open. It's a little cold."

"It's nearly summer."

"Doesn't mean it can't be chilly. Jesus, Regina, what's with the third degr—_hey!"_

Emma's sentence was cut off by Regina grabbing her wrist, stilling her from moving any further away as she slapped her hand to the blonde's forehead. Her breathing shallowed; Emma was burning up. "How long have you felt like this?!" Regina demanded, nearly scrambling off the bed in her haste to get a thermometer. She needed to know how bad it was.

"I don't know, a half hour?" Emma responded, trying to make her voice sound light to brush it off as nothing. But her voice sounded hoarse, her face was already deathly pale, and honestly, there was nothing she could do to make Regina believe that this wasn't as bad as she thought. "Come on Regina, just leave it, I'm just… I'm tired okay? I need to get some sleep, that's all. It'll pass. I mean the nausea passed, right?"

"Yes, to make way for a _fever,"_ Regina snapped after grabbing what she needed out of the bathroom. "And once this passes, what will be next? _Convulsions?"_

"Oh come on, it's just a little—_mphh!"_

Emma's words were cut off by Regina practically shoving the thermometer in her mouth, and the blonde glared at her fiercely. She opened her mouth to speak, but Regina grabbed her chin in her hand and warned her, "If you don't allow me to take your temperature, _so help me."_

Emma didn't seem too pleased by that, yet sunk back into the pillows, the glare remaining etched on her features, and said nothing.

After a moment it beeped and Regina took it from Emma without even allowing the woman to look at it herself. She knew if it was bad she would clear it and lie. Once she took a look at the numbers, her stomach dropped. "A hundred and two point five," she told her, feeling herself beginning to panic. She threw the thermometer on the bedside table and got to her feet, informing her, "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No!" Emma exclaimed, sitting upright in bed so fast that the movement seemed to make her either dizzy or nauseous. Perhaps both. She groaned, taking a moment to gather her bearings before telling her, "I'm not going to the hospital, Regina. I'm just… I'm _not."_

"You don't have a choice!" responded Regina fiercely. "I told you that if it got any worse that I would—!"

"They'll lock me up!" Emma shouted, her face masking into one of pure panic. The last bit of color drained from her face at the thought, and she looked like she was going to be violently ill. "They'll… Regina, fuck, they'll throw me in some room and lock the door, and after that they'll… I don't know, put me into a treatment center or something and fucking throw away the key. Don't you _get it? _I can't just go in like this and then walk out of there, _they won't let me!"_

Emma was beginning to breathe heavily, her eyes wild and frightened, and Regina instinctively sat down on the bed and began to hush her, attempting to allot Emma some semblance of calm. She didn't realize how badly Emma would react to the thought of being contained, but then again, perhaps she should have expected it; the woman had spent a fair amount of time in prison, after all, and she doubted that it was a good experience for her. Actually, after this, Regina was _certain_ that it was not.

"Emma, Emma… breathe, okay?" Regina tried, running her hands soothingly along her arms. "Just breathe."

Emma shook her head wildly, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. Regina worried that she had thrust her into a memory she did not want to remember, and her heart ached with guilt. Emma crumbled before her, falling to her arms as she buried her head in the crook of the brunette's neck. "Don't make me," she begged her through her tears. "Please, Regina, don't make me. I swear I'll never touch another drop of liquor in my life if you just— fuck, please, just take _care_ of me. You're the only one that I…!" But Emma's last words were lost to her, dissolving into sobs.

"Okay," Regina conceded in a whisper, despite the fact that the answer was going against everything that she knew was smart. But Emma was breaking before her, frightened by the prospect of being locked away again, and the last thing Regina wanted to do was upset her even more, as it would only stand to make things worse. "Okay. It's okay, shh…"

Wrapping her arms around Emma's shivering form, Regina kissed her on the forehead and told her softly, "I'll try, alright? I promise you that I'll try."

[x]

Regina had silent tears running down her cheeks as she held Emma during her fitful slumber, pressing a cool cloth to the woman's cheek and forehead every now and again. She was trying to at least make Emma somewhat comfortable, as being wrapped tightly in blankets was not furthering that in the slightest. But Regina needed her to try to sweat out her fever, and this was the only way she could think to do so. Still, though Emma's temperature hadn't risen anymore, it hadn't yet dropped either.

And that frightened her.

_Fever. Hallucinations. Convulsions. Death._

The words kept replaying over and over in her mind, and it took everything that Regina had in her to not dial nine-one-one on her cell phone. Still, her watery eyes kept glancing over to it now and again, wondering when the inevitable moment would come when Regina finally put Emma's safety over her comfort. If Henry had been sick like this, she wouldn't have cared how frightened he was of the hospital, as his health mattered more. And to her, Emma's health still outranked, but a small part of Regina feared upsetting her further, as she felt as though she had done nothing but that ever since the curse broke.

They had made progress since then. Perhaps it wasn't great progress, but Emma no longer looked at her as though the sight of her made her physically ill. In all honesty, Regina wasn't really sure _where_ they were in regards to their relationship, as it seemed they had been all over the map lately, but she knew one thing was for certain, and that was that they were at least in a better place than they were the day that their love became their undoing.

Perhaps it was selfish, perhaps it was so utterly foolish, to fear taking three steps back when they finally managed to take one forward, but it was the sole reason that she had yet to call an ambulance. Emma would never forgive her if she found herself contained, despite the fact that it may save her life.

So Regina brushed the fallen tears from her eyes with the back of her hand, pressed the cool cloth to Emma's burning skin, and prayed that she would get better on her own. And if she did not, then Regina knew what she had to do, despite how betrayed Emma might feel because of her decision.

A low, pained moan filled the silence of the room as the blonde stirred in Regina's arms, trembling slightly as another chill ran through her body. She did not awaken though, and Regina found herself glad for it, as she didn't want Emma to witness how badly she was falling apart during all of this. She needed to be strong for her, to be the one who reassures her that everything will be fine. The more frightened she got, the more it would rub off on Emma.

But the woman was asleep now, so Regina allowed her emotions to consume her as another tear slipped down her cheek. "Please get better," she murmured, "Please, please get better. You're scaring me to death."

This wasn't fair. Emma was the strongest person Regina had ever known, and to see her so pale, so frail, frightened her beyond measure. Emma Swan had always been this fierce force of nature, barreling through the world with such ferocity and strength. And yet there she lay, curled up into Regina's arms, and in that moment she looked so terribly small and fragile. It made Regina choke on a sob as she tried to suppress its volume, afraid of waking the slumbering woman with her sorrow.

This was her fault.

Regina had tried not to blame herself for this, as she only created the circumstances that led to Emma being unable to face the world; it was the woman in her arms that did not choose a healthier coping mechanism, and yet still it tore Regina apart inside to know that none of this would have come about if not for the choices she had made, and the lies that she had relentlessly told.

Regina found Emma's hand beneath the weight of the comforter, tangled their fingers together, and held on tight. She never wanted to let her go.

She wanted to protect her, heal her, _save _her. Regina felt so completely helpless that the feeling rose up inside of her with such ferocity, and she cursed every God she knew that she was unable to do so. It wasn't fair. _It wasn't fair._ Emma didn't deserve this pain, this suffering, and Regina wanted more than anything else to give up every future moment of her own happiness, just so Emma could never again feel so helpless, so utterly lost and broken.

Regina loved Emma with everything in her heart and then some, so much that sometimes it felt as though she couldn't contain it. Like now. It felt as though it was pushing outward, desperately reaching for the woman that created its existence in the first place; finding its home. And then it was touching her, it was filling her, it was—

Regina audibly gasped as Emma awoke with a start, her hand squeezing Regina's tightly as the feeling barreled heavily into the blonde's body, consuming her, completing her. And then Regina realized, with wide eyes and gasping breathes, that it wasn't love at all.

It was _magic._

"Regina," Emma gasped, her skin beginning to glow with a soft golden hue. But Regina couldn't answer her; her breath had caught in her throat, her eyes widening with disbelief as she suddenly recognized what was happening. She was _healing_ her.

But that was impossible. Magic didn't exist outside of Storybrooke, and even if it did, Regina's magic was born from something far too dark to achieve this kind of thing. Never, not once in Regina's entire life, had she ever been able to heal either herself or another. That required a kind of purity that did not reside within the magic coursing through her veins.

And yet, it was happening.

It only took moments, but it felt like a lifetime of them staring into each other's eyes with disbelief and wonderment. And then it was gone, the magic dissipating after its task had been accomplished. Both women were breathing heavily, still staring at one another, until quite suddenly Emma untangled their linked hands, threw off her covers, and practically scrambled away from her.

"How…?" she asked, eyeing Regina as though she was unsure if she should be thankful or mistrustful. The color was back in her cheeks again, and she looked as healthy as ever, despite the red, tiredness of her eyes. It was the most beautiful sight Regina thought she had ever seen and she laughed, relief washing through her so suddenly that the happiness seemed to make her a little delirious.

Emma's brow crinkled at the reaction, and Regina wished she could stop laughing, but she just couldn't. It was insane, it was impossible, but it was _wonderful._

"I don't know," Regina told her once her laughter had mostly subsided. A wide smile was still etched onto her face though and she shook her head, pushing the hair back from her eyes and she chuckled once more. "And God, I don't even _care."_

Because in the end, it didn't even matter why it happened; Regina was just so very happy that it did.

**TBC…**


	16. Conduit

**Author's Note:  
**Alright, no one yell or anything, but I'm gonna have to push back the next chapter of this to two weeks instead of one. Turns out trying to juggle two stories and SWTOR made me fall kind of behind, lol. Sorry. Hopefully I'll be able to get a little bit ahead this way.

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN  
****Conduit**

"This doesn't make any sense."

Emma was wringing her hands together, pacing back and forth in front of the bed so rapidly that she was sure she was making Regina dizzy. But she didn't care, because suddenly it felt like the entire world had been turned upside down on her _again,_ and Emma wasn't quite sure how to handle that.

"I'm aware of that, dear. And yet still it happened."

"No, but—!" Emma began, rounding on Regina for a moment as she started gesturing erratically at her. She didn't know what she was trying to say, as fifteen things came to her mind at once. Finally, she decided to go with, "This isn't the way the world _works,_ Regina! It's fucked enough that there's magic in Storybrooke, but now you can do it _here_ too? That shouldn't be possible, because if it—if it _was,_ then wouldn't the normal world know about it? I mean, if it exists here then you can't be the only one doing it, right?"

"Emma, you need to relax," Regina tried, watching the woman before her fidget some more. "You're panicking, and I don't think it's completely warranted. It isn't as though the world is going to implode for it."

"How would you know?" Emma shot back. "For all we know we could have created some kind of… I don't know, a damn _paradox_ or something by doing something that we shouldn't, and—!"

Regina rolled her eyes at that, interrupting, "You watch far too much television."

"That's not the point!"

Regina pursed her lips into a firm line, her exhaustion apparent by the hollowness of her eyes. She probably hadn't slept all night, worrying about _her_, and there Emma was, probably making everything worse when Regina had finally believed it was better. Still, Emma didn't like things she didn't understand, as the unknown had always frightened her.

After a long stretch of silence, Regina finally admitted, "I didn't heal you, Emma. Not… not exactly, anyway."

"What?" Emma asked, confusion flickering across her features. "What do you mean? Of course you did, I was _there."_ And hello, the state of her body was proof of that. Not only was she not sick anymore, but the spell even healed the bruises that had formed on her body because of their rough night together. She looked and felt as good as new.

"No, I didn't," Regina told her softly, looking slightly apprehensive about what that could mean. "I believe I only acted as some sort of conduit, because that magic, it… it didn't come from me." Off of Emma's perplexed look, Regina explained, "I am… unable to do light magic of that magnitude; it isn't what resides within me, so it's impossible that I was where it originally came from."

Emma stared at her for a moment, trying to process that information. It took quicker than she would have liked to come to a viable conclusion, but it was so completely _ridiculous _that it made her scoff in disbelief. "You've gotta be joking," she responded. "I can't do magic, Regina."

"No," Regina agreed, which then made Emma's eyebrows knit, as she was sure that was what she had been implying. But Regina had already seemed to come to a conclusion that Emma couldn't even begin to fathom, and so she waited for her explanation. "You can't. However, in case you have forgotten, dear, you are quite literally _made _from magic; the strongest type to ever exist in this or any other realm."

"The product of True Love," Emma finished for her softly, realizing what it was that Regina meant. Still, it sounded ridiculous. If she had magic within her, wouldn't she be able to _do _it? Shouldn't she… shouldn't she have _known_ way before this? "No," Emma told her firmly, shaking her head. "That doesn't even make sense, Regina. I'm not—"

"Doesn't it?" Regina countered, looking at her as though she was trying to dissect her, find what makes her tick inside. It felt incredibly invasive and Emma scowled at her to get her to quit doing it. She wasn't some kind of damn _science project,_ she was a human fucking being. A _normal _one, thank you.

Regardless of the fact that she had apparently been born in some kind of fairytale world.

"Emma," Regina continued, resting her weight on her arms as she pushed herself to a more upwards position. "I promise you, the magic didn't come from me. It felt… different; lighter, more innocent, I suppose. My magic… it isn't strong enough to exist outside the town line. It's been lying dormant. I know it's _there,_ but I can't reach it. Yours though… True Love, that is the most powerful thing of all. It is the only possible solution, as something like that is the only thing strong enough to exist outside of the town line. I was merely able to draw the magic from you because I am able to wield it, but I didn't create it."

"So what are you saying?" Emma snapped impatiently, feeling scared all over again for reasons she couldn't quite describe. "That if I put my mind to it I could move objects and fucking, I don't know—_teleport_ or some shit?"

"No," Regina responded, shaking her head. "You may have magic within you, but you're not trained to use it. Magic is more than just _putting your mind to it;_ it's far more complicated, and without being properly taught, I doubt you could even levitate so much as a feather."

Emma felt herself release a breath of air she didn't know she had been holding. Maybe it was because magic had screwed up so much of her life, but she really didn't want any part of it. She had been through enough already in the last few weeks, and the last thing she wanted to do was incorporate something else that could make everything so much harder on her. She had had enough of that to last her a lifetime. Emma just… she wanted to be _normal._

"You seem to be, however, some sort of magical battery," Regina told her, eyes raking over Emma's form as she assessed her. "For lack of a better term. And that will be terribly dangerous for you, should anyone in Storybrooke find out. Those that are power hungry could cross the boundary without fear, for if they found you and utilized the power that resides in you, they could regain what my curse has taken from them."

"But there's already magic in Storybrooke," Emma countered, yet was shut down immediately.

"It's unstable," Regina reminded her, "Unpredictable. With the curse not breaking correctly, no one can access it in the way that we once were able. I was only able to control it twice, and…" But she trailed off, a look of realization passing over her face as she whispered, "Oh my god."

"What?" Emma asked, another sense of panic rising within her, thinking the worst. "Regina, _what?"_

"It was _you,"_ Regina breathed, looking at Emma as though she was seeing her for the first time. "How did I not notice before? Each time I was able to control my magic, I was touching _you."_

"I thought that was your magic!" Emma protested, looking completely lost. After all, Regina seemed to know immediately that this time it wasn't her magic that healed her. Wouldn't she have said something before this?

"No, no," Regina responded, waving her off as she stood, beginning to pace as she allowed the pieces to fall together in her mind. "It _was,_ but you… if you can act as some sort of conduit in a world without magic, it would only stand to reason that what lies within you is stronger than a broken, defective curse. I must have channeled it through you subconsciously, and that was what made me able to control it."

While that did make sense, Regina seemed to be missing a very large problem that stemmed from that information. Emma, however, did not, and she noticeably paled. "Regina," she whispered, her voice tight and low. "If… if magic can only be controlled there through me, then how is Gold going to lift the boundary and get us back?"

Regina stopped mid stride, her eyes widening in fear as the breath was pushed from her lungs. She fell against the wall, her back hitting the peach coloring with a soft thud. "Oh God," she breathed, realizing they might not have a way back after all. "Henry…"

"Maybe…" Emma tried, pushing the hair back from her eyes as she tried to force herself not to fall apart just yet. There had to be other options. "Maybe he could just _leave _and we could pick him up at the boundary? I mean, there's nothing stopping anyone from leaving Storybrooke, just returning."

"Storybrooke is invisible to this world," Regina told her softly, looking absolutely horrified by where they had ended up. "I wouldn't even know where the boundary begins, nor how the magic works that protects it. The entrances could move daily, or the location of the town could periodically change. We could be leaving him in the middle of the woods to fend for himself, and we _can't—"_

Regina's voice broke, and it made Emma's heart lurch in her chest. She came to her, offering her comfort as it seemed like the only plausible thing to do. Despite everything, she still owed Regina. Emma wasn't stupid; she knew her withdrawal symptoms were frighteningly bad and had the possibility of getting even worse. And if that happened, Regina would have had to either break her promise to her and bring her to the hospital, or possibly watch her die right there on that bed. So of course Emma was thankful to be healed, even if it was purely physical. Her addiction would probably always exist inside of her, but for now, at least things hadn't gotten worse.

Regina helped her. She saved her, and Emma wasn't just about to forget that.

Besides, their love for Henry was something they shared, and even without True Love being in the mix, it was what connected them. He was their son, and they needed to find a way to be with him again, no matter the cost. They would find a way, because they _had _to.

"It'll be alright," Emma softly tried, gathering the other woman up in her arms. Regina was shaking, the realization that they might not have a way back seeming to cripple her. But Emma just held on to her tightly, weaving her fingers in chocolate locks as she buried the other woman's face in the crook of her neck. Regina's breathing was uneven against her skin, her fear being poured out with each exhale. "We'll figure it out, okay? We have to. I mean… I have all this magic inside me, right? The strongest magic ever apparently, so maybe it… maybe we can find a way past the boundary ourselves. We'll get him, Regina, I promise."

Regina nodded mutely against her shoulder and Emma exhaled, feeling terribly guilty. This was her fault. She was the one who had opted not to bring Henry along, and what she thought would be a good decision at the time had turned out to potentially be one of the most horrible ones she had ever made, should they never actually be able to get back to their son again.

And that… Emma wouldn't be able to live with that, so they _had _to find a way. There was no other option.

[x]

"You're with _Regina?!"_

Regina felt her nostrils flare as she glared at the image of Snow's appalled expression on Emma's computer. The woman had barged into Henry's room without so much as a knock to inform him it was dinner time, only to bear witness to the boy speaking to _both_ of his mother's via webcam. This clearly displeased her, and while Regina did take satisfaction in that fact, she still wished to be able to speak to her son in _private._

Emma groaned at the unexpected visitor, her head falling into her hand as she mumbled, "Shit."

"_Emma!"_ both Regina and Snow chided in unison, which almost made the sorceress sick to her stomach to hear. Henry however, just rolled his eyes at both of them.

"I know what swear words are," he told them. "I'm not _six."_

"Regardless, you will not be repeating your birthmother's foul choice of vocabulary words," Regina told him sternly. All she was met with was another exaggerated eye roll.

"Henry, go downstairs and help your grandfather set the table," Snow ordered, looking as though her head was about to pop on the spot from the information she had just stumbled upon. "I need to speak with your mother for a moment."

"As charming as that sounds, Snow, I would much rather speak to my son," Regina shot back, knowing full well that wasn't what the woman meant at all.

Still, it hit a nerve and Snow practically growled, "Not _you."_

"But I don't wanna go; I just started talking to them!" Henry whined, stomping his foot on the ground in protest. Emma's nails raked across her skull for a moment as she let out a long, defeated exhale. She knew there really wasn't a way to avoid this, and apparently she would rather do this sooner than later.

"We'll do this again tomorrow, kid, alright? I promise. Just lemme talk to Mary Margaret for a sec."

Henry didn't look pleased by that at all, but he relented with an aggravated sigh as he pushed his chair back, allowing the legs of it to scrape loudly against the wooden flooring. "Fine," he huffed, before storming right out of the room and down the stairs.

Regina moved as well, not particularly wishing to speak to Snow either. Still, they shared a small motel room, and no matter where she went, she would still be able to hear the conversation. Grabbing a book off the bedside table to try to distract herself, she sat down on the bed and waited for Emma to get this over with.

"What are you doing with her?" Snow demanded after she believed to be alone with her daughter. "I thought you were looking for Gold's son, and yet instead you choose to dump your son on us so you can… God, I don't even want to know what you're doing with her, do I? Christ, Emma, what were you _thinking?_ I know you've been on a downwards spiral recently, but this is just too far; you_ lied_ to us!"

"I didn't lie to you!" Emma exclaimed, shooting an exasperated look towards her laptop's screen. "Jesus, Mary Margaret, is that what you really think? That I would fuck all this off, throw Henry at you guys, just so I can… what? Fuck Regina away from you guys' judgment? Yeah, sounds like a real solid plan; you know, except for the fact that if I don't find Gold's son, _I can't get back to Henry._ So thanks for that conclusion; your faith in me is really touching."

Regina snorted disdainfully behind her book. She didn't know why Emma bothered to explain herself to these people; they might be her parents, but they did not run her life, regardless of how badly Snow might wish they did.

"Then why are you with her?" Snow demanded, sounding both perplexed and concerned by her daughter's life choices.

"Henry asked me check in on her before I started looking for Gold's kid," Emma explained with a sigh. "So I did. It was just for him, so relax."

"'Just for him?' You left _days_ ago!"

Regina's eyes flickered from her book to Emma, her eyebrow rising slightly. The irritating woman did have a point, but she doubted Emma wanted to reveal why she had to originally stay. Emma wasn't exactly the most forthcoming person about her addiction.

The blonde sighed heavily, leaning back in her chair. "Yeah, I know. I—Regina, she's um…" Emma noticeably fidgeted in her seat. "Helping me."

"Helping you?" Mary Margaret repeated disbelievingly, "_How?_ All that woman has done since the curse broke is hurt you, Emma. We sent her away so you could begin to heal, and yet instead you chose to situate yourself in the same unhealthy environment that made you unravel in the first place?"

Regina's jaw clenched. No, she was done listening to this.

She was behind Emma before the blonde had even registered that she had moved, coming into Snow's view as she leaned over, slamming her hands on the desk to get closer to the camera. "Regina, don't—" Emma tried, putting her hand on the woman's forearm to try to dispel any forthcoming drama, but Regina was hearing none of it and completely ignored her.

"First of all, in case you've forgotten, Henry is _my_ son," Regina sneered at her. "And if he is not in my care, then I would prefer it if he be with his birthmother. The sooner Emma finds Gold's spawn, the sooner she will be back and Henry will be away from _you,_ which I would like to happen sooner rather than later. _That _is why I am helping her, and despite your protests against it, that will not be changing."

Snow opened her mouth to retort, but Regina wouldn't let her.

"Second of all, as the only _damn_ person in Emma's life to actually care what the hell she's been doing to herself lately, I am the only one actually equipped to help her. You have done _nothing_ to try to help her alcoholism, and the fact that she only got worse while in your care proves that. Yet within just a few days of being with me, she has already made the choice to get help and allowed herself to detox—"

"Regina!" Emma protested fiercely, apparently not wishing to discuss this with her mother. She was ignored however.

"So tell me, Snow, who exactly is bad for her again? Because I'm fairly certain it's not me."

Snow's angry expression fell at Regina's words and her eyes shifted to Emma, her jaw slacking a little at the unexpected revelation. "You… you've decided to stop drinking?" she asked softly, her disbelieving tone mixed with happiness that she wouldn't yet let dominate her emotions until she heard it from her daughter's mouth.

"I…" Emma tried, looking awkward about being put on the spot. Her hand went to her hair and she pushed it out of her face, averting her gaze. "Yeah, I—uh, I'm trying… I guess."

Snow's face softened as relief flooded across her expression. "Oh, honey…!"

"Look, don't get all… whatever about it, alright? Just cause it's out of my system, doesn't mean it's outta my head," Emma told her, not wishing to have the pressure of expectation on her. "I could still fuck up, so don't make a big deal out of it. It's only been like a day."

"Still," Snow said softly, a small smile gracing the corners of her lips. "I'm… I'm proud of you, sweetie. That's a big step."

Emma looked a little disgruntled at that, as all it did was add more pressure, but she said nothing. Then Snow's eyes found Regina's, and she paused for a moment, internally struggling with something. Regina raised an eyebrow in expectation, and finally Snow allowed herself to say, though most begrudgingly, "Thank you, Regina. For… for helping her."

"I don't need your thanks," Regina told her shortly. "I did it for her, not for you."

"Regardless," Snow continued, although still looked like she was struggling with her words. "It's… very much appreciated."

Right. Sure.

Regina didn't need her platitudes, as Snow could barely say them without looking like she was in intense pain for having to speak to Regina like a human being and not the villain she had painted her out to be. So she just shot her a look before moving away from the camera, giving mother and daughter space again so they could talk, and crossed over to sit on the bed once more.

Emma sighed heavily, looking a little overwhelmed. Resting her elbow on the table, she put her head in her hand as she tried to scramble towards a subject change. "Has Gold figured out anything about the boundary yet?"

"No," Snow replied, sounding a little defeated over the subject. "He's been unable to control his magic while in the house, apparently. But… but it's only been a few days. I wouldn't worry just yet."

Regardless of Snow's optimism, Regina and Emma caught each other's eyes, sharing equal looks of concern.

"Your father did arrest Ursula yesterday, however," Snow told her, trying to at least give Emma some good news. "We believe she teamed up with Jafar and Scar out of convenience more than loyalty, so we're hoping if we cut her a deal her she'll reveal where they have been hiding."

"Good," Emma responded. "That's… that's good. And everyone's safe? There's been no other shootings?"

"No, I think they're lying low for the time being," Snow answered. "But your father and I still sleep in shifts regardless, and we will until both of them are caught."

Emma nodded. "Okay, well… just keep me updated on everything. I'll try to be home soon."

"Have you found anything on Baelfire?"

"No, but… but I will," Emma told her, though didn't sound too convinced by her own words. "I mean, he's gotta have a paper trail _somewhere;_ I guess I'm just not looking in the right place right now. But I'll find him."

"I'm sure you will," Snow assured her daughter. There was a long pause for a moment before she continued, "I should finish dinner but… Emma, I—I _know _that things between you and Regina are complicated right now, but for your own sake, please don't make it even more so. It will only make it that much harder when you have to return."

"I know what I'm doing, Mary Margaret," Emma snapped defensively, even though Regina was certain that she really didn't. The fact that they slept together already proved _that._ "She's just helping me, that's all. Okay? Don't even worry about it."

"Emma," Snow began pointedly, her voice a few octaves lower. "She's wearing a turtleneck when it's nearly summertime. I may be your mother, but I'm neither old nor stupid."

Regina's hand flew to her sleeveless turtleneck, pulling on her collar for a moment as her eyes caught Emma's. She didn't realize it would be that obvious, as it was made from thin material and meant for the spring time, but apparently to anyone who knew their past it was glaringly clear that she was wearing it because of Emma. But she had to hide the bruises on her neck somehow, and makeup wasn't exactly doing the trick.

"No, that's—that's _not,"_ Emma stammered, her expression resembling that of a deer caught in headlights. "I didn't give her _hickeys_ or anything. For fuck's sake, we're not—I mean, it's just… Regina, uh—"

Christ.

"Your daughter strangled me," Regina informed her from across the room, not wanting to listen to Emma stammer for the better part of the next half hour.

"She _what?"_

"Fucking jesus," Emma muttered, shooting Regina a look that could cut glass before quickly telling Snow, "We got into it, okay? It was an accident, or… whatever. I gotta go; I'll talk to your later." She quickly clicked the disconnect button and nearly slammed the top of her laptop shut before snapping at Regina, "What the hell!"

"Oh, relax," Regina hushed, picking up her book once more. "It isn't as though she's going to think we did it as part of our kinky sex life. At most she's going to believe you just got angry with me while drunk and lost control."

"That's not—Jesus, that's not the _point!_ You can't just tell my mother—" But then Emma stopped, realizing she had said that word out loud, and suddenly looked a little pale. It seemed she was still trying to deny the truth on some level, and admitting it out loud did not help her sanity any.

"Believe me, dear, I don't like that you're related to her either," Regina told her patiently, noticing the look on the blonde's face. "But you need to accept it. How much you immerse yourself in denial really isn't healthy."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do," Emma snapped, glaring at her fiercely. "Because if it wasn't for my fucking denial, I wouldn't even be able to _look _at you right now, alright? So just let me do what the hell I have to to cope and stay out of it, because you _really_ aren't going to like what happens if I start looking at shit clearly."

Her words hit Regina in the gut and tore through her, causing a wounded look to pass over her face. She had thought… well, perhaps that was foolish, wasn't it? To believe things might have changed a little between them? Of course they hadn't; how could they, after what she had done? Emma was just separating Regina's past actions from the person that she was so she could handle being around her, and that was…

God, that hurt.

"Look, I don't have time for some kind of therapy session right now, alright?" Emma told her, opening up her laptop once more. "I gotta find Baelfire; _that's_ why we're here."

Regina exhaled a long breath, but said nothing. In the end, she didn't want to push it. Because if Emma hurt her with just those few words, she really didn't want to know what would happen if they started discussing everything. One day… one day they would be able to. They would have to, if they ever wished to continue to be around each other for Henry's sake.

But that day was certainly not today.

[x]

"_Please?"_

Regina side-glanced her from over her own laptop, hesitating at the request. Emma looked at the brunette imploringly, trying not to let her quickly brewing frustration take over her demeanor. But fuck, they were getting nowhere and it was difficult not to let that bother her.

"Come on, it was you who suggested it in the first place."

"That was before I thought about it, and realized how dangerous it could be for me to consciously syphon magic from you," Regina answered as she crossed her legs beneath her. "Before it was instinctual, but there isn't a guarantee it will come as such when I purposely attempt it. This is something I'm not versed in, Emma, and I could accidently take too much and substantially weaken you."

"So then I'll take a nap before we find him; what's the big deal?" Emma countered. "Regina, it could take us months to find this guy otherwise, and you know it. If he went into the system as a kid, and that's a big _if,_ it'll still be like looking for a needle in a haystack. He probably lied about his origins, his name, and where his parents are, and even if all of that is listed as unknown in his paperwork, there are still thousands of kids in this country we'd need to weed through to find the right one, and that's even if he's _in_ this country. Henry can't wait that long."

Regina pursed her lips, her eyes flicking between her own computer screen and the woman situated next to her on the bed. Emma could see that she knew she was right, and her impatience at waiting for Regina to admit to such made her leg bounce against the bed. She didn't like feeling so frustrated; it made her want to find a solution in something she could no longer indulge in.

"Stop that."

"What?"

"Your leg. It's distracting and I'm trying to think."

Emma exhaled an annoyed breath of air, yet still adhered to Regina's request and slapped her hand against her leg to stop it from moving. "I'm anxious," she defended. "I just wanna find this guy."

"You're frustrated, and your first instinct is to drink. But you know that you shouldn't, and _that's_ why you're anxious."

Emma shot her a dark look. "Thanks for that, Little Miss Psychoanalyst. But hey, here's a thought; why don't you just help me so I won't be frustrated? Then I won't feel like I need a drink, and apparently that's a win for everyone involved."

Regina's eyes narrowed. "Don't blackmail me."

"I wasn't. I didn't say 'do this or else', I just—ugh… _please?_ Come on, you know you're gonna end up doing it anyway, so can we just save all this back and forth for another time?"

Regina sighed heavily, leaning back against the pillows. She knew Emma was right. "Fine," she said shortly. "But I'll need a world map and an object belonging to the person we're trying to find. Do you even have that? Because without it this conversation is pointless."

Regina looked as though she expected her requirements would shut Emma down, as she was still wary about doing this, but Emma just jumped off the bed and headed towards her luggage. "His shawl," she answered, digging through her bags. "Gold gave it to me so when I found Baelfire I could, I don't know; prove he sent me or… whatever. I've got it here some—ah." After picking up the shawl, she tossed it to Regina, who easily caught it. "Gold spewed some pretty creative threats about me losing or damaging it though, so don't fuck it up."

Regina chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before asking, "And a map?"

"That… uh, I'll have to go buy. Give me like, twenty minutes. I think I saw some at the gas station at the end of the road."

As Emma began heading towards the door, Regina called out, "Get a few. A world map will only give us a general area; we will need to pin point his location after that, less you wish to trek all over creation. Which, even if you do, I do not."

Emma obliged her, and within a half hour came back with a stack of maps. Soon they sat beside each other on the bed, a map of the world spread out in front of them. Regina had Baelfire's shawl in one hand, while her other grasped on to Emma's. Taking a deep breath, she moved their linked hands until they hovered over the map.

"This might not work," she warned her. "I'm still unsure of how to do this."

Emma squeezed her hand reassuringly, trying to give Regina some confidence. The warmth of the other woman's palm was something she tried to ignore, as its dangerous familiarity drew her in. "Just try. Worst thing that can happen is that we're back where we started."

Regina nodded, hesitating for just a moment longer until she closed her eyes. A minute ticked by, then another.

Nothing happened.

"Maybe if you just try to—"

"Shh," Regina hissed, squeezing her hand to shut her up. "I'm trying to concentrate. Don't speak."

Emma rolled her eyes, yet did as she was told. In the end, she really had no idea what she was doing, so this was all Regina's show. It seemed like ages, but finally a slight tingling sensation began in her fingers, before slowly crawling up her arm. The feeling caused Emma to shiver. "I think it's working," she breathed. "Right? Are you—?"

Regina exhaled an annoyed breath of air, dropping Emma's hand before shooting her a glare. The tingling dissipated immediately. "What did I tell you about speaking? If you wish for me to do this without drawing too much energy from you, you need to exercise some self-control. This is difficult for me, and I need absolute silence."

"Fine, sorry," Emma muttered, feeling her cheeks begin to heat up in annoyed embarrassment. She hated being scolded; it made her feel like a child.

Regina picked up her hand again, holding it above the map once more, and Emma waited. Yet instead of feeling a tingling sensation this time, after a few moments, it felt as though something barreled its way straight into her body. It ran through her veins like fire, hitting the core of her chest so suddenly that it made her audibly gasp and jerk forwards at the unexpected feeling. And then something was being pulled from her, leaving Emma with the feeling of being viciously robbed as she began to feel empty and cold. The loss tore the breath from her lungs and Emma visibly shook, her fingers grasping tightly to Regina's in panic.

Regina's eyes popped open and Emma started, noticing that they had clouded over with a deep blue, instead of the dark brown she had become accustomed to seeing. As Emma began to feel lightheaded, a small, victorious smirk formed at the edges of Regina's lips, and Jesus Christ, it might actually be the creepiest thing Emma had ever seen in her life. Regina was _enjoying_ draining her, like she got off on the feeling.

But then as quick as it came it was gone, the connection between them breaking as Regina suddenly let go of her hand. Emma struggled to breathe as she pitched over, collapsing on the bed. "Fucking _hell,_ Regina!" she furiously gasped, throwing out her hand to slap at Regina's arm. She felt terribly weak however, so it did little more than just barely get her attention.

Regina blinked, looking as though she were coming out of a haze. But then realization hit her all at once, and her face masked into concern as she reached for her. "God, Emma, _are you alright?"_

Emma groaned and slapped the other woman's hands off of her, a headache pounding relentlessly beneath her skull. "You wanna talk about exercising some goddamn self-control?" she spat angrily. "What the _fuck_ was that? Jesus, Regina."

"I'm sorry," Regina quickly apologized, looking ashamed with herself. "I was… frustrated, and I didn't go in as delicately as I should have once I broke the barrier."

"Then you should have stopped once you realized what you did! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I…" Regina tried, her cheeks tinting with shame as she averted her gaze. "You are quite powerful," she told her softly after a moment's hesitation. "It was difficult to resist tasting it."

"Well _try,"_ Emma snapped, still unable to right herself. She closed her eyes, rubbing her temples. "I feel like I just got my soul sucked or some shit. Fucking hell."

"I'm sorry," Regina tried again, her face masking in regret for what she had done. Emma didn't care about her apology however; she was just interested if it was worth it.

"Whatever, I don't… I really don't care right now. Just… did it work?"

"Yes," Regina told her, taking Emma's hand in hers to help her to a seated position. "Look," she encouraged, nodding her head towards the map as she rested Emma against her chest, giving the woman a reprieve from trying to hold herself up.

As Regina's arm snaked around her torso, holding her closer, Emma's eyes found the map. There was a soft, golden glow over one spot, and Emma realized where that was immediately. "New York," she whispered, a small smile gracing her lips.

They did it. Holy crap, they actually fucking _did it._

"Yes, dear," Regina affirmed softly, resting her chin on the blonde's shoulder as she looked at what they had accomplished together. "New York."

**TBC…**


	17. Devotion

**Author's Note:  
**This has now officially become my most reviewed story, and I fucking _love _you all for it. Thank you so much!

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN  
****Devotion**

Leather bit skin, and the sound of a woman's muffled scream echoed through a small hotel room in lower Manhattan.

Regina's skin seared but she closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling it allotted her. It wasn't merely pain, nor was it just pleasure; it was satisfaction. Satisfaction that, for once, she had provided a proper substitute for the demons that had laid rest in Emma's mind, for if it wasn't this, it would have been something far worse.

Emma had fallen apart, the small bit of control she finally had over her life disappearing within an instant as she had found herself knocking on the door to her past, and everything she had strived towards the last couple days ended up shattering around her, cutting into her heart and destroying her sanity.

"_What did I say about noise?"_ Emma hissed, her eyes darkening with the only power she had anymore. The leather belt licked Regina's skin again and the pain shot through her behind as she bit back another scream from behind her gag, trying to be completely subservient despite her innate nature to challenge those who held the upper hand.

Emma needed this. It was all she had left in that moment.

So Regina stayed silent, holding back every scream, every gasp, every sound. Hands bound over her head to the metal coat rod in the closet, Regina faced the wall and allowed Emma to do as she pleased with her body. Her body ached and the skin on her bottom was raw, but her compliance seemed to bring a momentary sense of calm to Emma as Regina heard her exhale a long breath, and fingers began their decent down the brunette's body.

"Good girl," Emma breathed into her ear, the praise sounding almost condescending as fingertips slipped through a sticky gush of arousal. Regina whimpered softly and widened her stance, pushing her backside up against Emma's body as she silently begged for a reward.

Even if it came though, Regina knew the abuse her body was receiving tonight was far from over. What had transpired today begged Emma to forget in whatever way she could, and it was not something that could merely be fixed with a few licks of a belt. Still, Regina would do whatever it took so that Emma didn't go searching for a more toxic solution, for taking a few steps backwards was far better than turning and running towards inevitable destruction.

It was a possibility that had become all too real when Regina had finally caught up to her, finding Emma rummaging desperately in her luggage for what she called her emergency stash. "They were just in case!" she had exclaimed, her breathing erratic and eyes widening with panic as Regina tried to take them from her. Despite her efforts though, she had only managed one. "It was just in case and _fuck _Regina, I'm pretty goddamn sure that this qualifies, okay? So get off my fucking back!"

They were just nips, perhaps five or six, but it didn't matter. Regina wouldn't allow her to do that to herself, and words meant nothing in comparison to the haze of unstoppable panic and desperation that had clouded Emma's mind, and in the end, Regina had ended up doing the only thing she knew how to do.

She dropped to her knees before her.

"What—what the hell are you doing?" Emma asked her, actually looking frightened for a moment at the possibility of Regina pleading with her on her knees. But that wasn't what this was, nor was it something she would ever do. Regina gave and she took, but she never _begged._

"The name of Henry's biological grandmother."

"What?"

Regina looked up at her pointedly, still unmoving from her knees with her hands clasped behind her back. And then Emma's eyes widened as she understood; their safe word, a name that neither of them would _ever_ utter in bed otherwise. They had never had one before, and even suggesting that they should was a silent allowance for extremes, should Emma need to go to them to achieve what she needed. Regina was basically giving her permission to destroy her, should she be able to handle it.

"You believe your life is not yours," Regina told her softly, her gaze meeting the floor as she slipped into a role that, outside of Emma's last birthday, she had never truly had. They played at it, but it was never real. And for this to sate Emma's desperation, Regina knew it had to be real. "So I offer you mine, Madame Swan."

Emma's eyes darkened, her expression etched into something undeniably feral, and the nips were dropped to the floor, instantly forgotten as she began to grasp for a sense of sanity that only Regina had ever been able to allot her.

[x]

"You really need to relax; it's over now, Regina."

"Don't tell me I need to relax," Regina snapped, still feeling queasy and anxious from their flight out of Logan. She had never been on a plane before, and now she was certain that she never wanted to again. "People are not meant to fly; it's unnatural."

Emma snorted. "Says the woman who can _teleport."_

Regina shot her a dark look, but said nothing; she was still trying to get her stomach under control anyhow. Why on earth anyone would chose to continuously subject themselves to something so utterly sickening, she would never understand. Glancing at the map in her hand, she looked up at an apartment building before them. "This one," she told her, nodding towards the structure. "The tracker hasn't moved, so Baelfire must still be inside."

Emma inhaled a deep breath, her eyes searching each of the windows for a moment. They then caught Regina's, her gaze much too invasive for it to be born from something casual. "You ready?" she asked her, however not sounding very ready herself. Raising an eyebrow, Regina looked at her questioningly.

"What's wrong, dear?"

"Nothing. I just…" Emma scrunched up her face for a moment before glancing at her again. She fidgeted before taking another hesitant breath. Something was obviously on her mind and she was struggling with revealing it. Finally though, Emma asked, "What if the dude doesn't even wanna come back?"

"His presence ensures that we can get back to our son," Regina reminded her firmly, maternal instincts overriding all else. Henry had and would always come first. "He will have no other choice."

"Right," Emma agreed, yet didn't sound particularly thrilled with the possibility of doing this by force. Regina didn't really understand why, as the woman used to be a bounty hunter, until Emma barreled through her previous hesitation and requested, "Don't—just don't kill him or anything, okay? Pretty sure this deal with Gold warrants his son being brought back _alive."_

Emma's tone was light, like it was some kind of trivial reminder, and how easily the words came to her made Regina want to set something on _fire._

The brunette stared at her, a sickness beginning to creep into her stomach that no longer had anything to do with the plane ride. Emma's assumption made Regina feel dirty, and the way the woman was looking at her furthered the feeling of worthlessness. It began to enrage her. "Is _that_ what you think of me, then?" she heatedly demanded. "That I'm no more than some murderous psychopath with absolutely no capability for _sense?"_

Emma appeared torn between snapping at her in defense, and actually looking kind of guilty from the wounded, angry look that was now plastered across the Regina's face. She struggled with her words, but Regina wouldn't allow her to get them out anyhow. "I—"

"You believe I killed for pleasure, don't you?"

Regina had crossed the space between them, her face dangerously close to Emma's as she demanded answers. It finally kicked Emma's defense mechanism into full throttle, and she countered with an angry, "Well you obviously didn't hate it enough to stop, did you?"

Regina's open palm connected with Emma's cheek, and the blonde stepped back and hissed in pain as she grasped for her stinging flesh, her eyes flashing furiously. But it didn't compare to the look on Regina's face, and her tone was dangerously low as she reminded her, "You know _nothing _about my past, Miss Swan. So before you thoughtlessly spew your ignorant assumptions, you should perhaps take it upon yourself to _ask_ about what happened back then. Until then, your opinions on the subject are utterly inconsequential, is that clear? Do not speak of it again."

Emma's eyes darkened as she backed away from her, needing to establish space between them before she did something foolish like _retaliate_ in public. "Whatever," she growled in response. "It isn't like I'm ever gonna want to know anyway, so fuck it."

"Of course you don't, dear," Regina snorted disdainfully, her whole body still tense with anger as Emma tried to walk away from her. "Because then how on earth would you continue to convince yourself of this black and white villain you've so readily painted me as?"

_That_ made Emma stop.

Whipping around, offense colored Emma's face as she abandoned all dignity and shouted, "In case you've fucking forgotten, it was_ me_ who told you that the goddamn world wasn't black and white, and neither were you. So why don't you just fuck off with your self-pitying bullshit, Regina, because I know who you are, and you are far from simple in _any_ sense of the word."

The shouting caused quite a few of the pedestrians' heads to turn, and Regina's teeth clenched as she stalked up to her, grabbing hold of the woman's upper arm before dragging her into the entranceway off Baelfire's apartment building. "I will _not_ allow you to cause a scene over this; if you wish to scream at me like some irate child, at least have some common decency about it!"

"Fuck you," Emma spat, ripping her arm from Regina's grasp. Thankfully, there was no one else in the entranceway, so Emma's adolescent retort went unnoticed by anyone other than the woman it was intended for.

"Charming, dear," Regina drawled furiously, her tone condescending and cruel. "And since you so thoughtfully brought up _that_ conversation, need I remind you that it was _you_ who said that you accepted everything that I was, and yet, funny enough, that turned out to be just as much of a lie as the day you told me you loved me."

It was perhaps that, more than anything else, that had hurt Regina the most. That conversation had completed her, made her feel accepted and loved, for the first time in many years. And in the end, it turned out to be complete shit. That realization had utterly destroyed her, and Regina blamed Emma for ever giving her hope for something that she had accepted many years ago she would never have.

"I do love you, you _fucking_ idiot!" Emma exclaimed, looking at her incredulously as she threw out her hands in a frustrated, hapless gesture. She clearly had no idea what to do anymore. She looked as though she didn't even understand how they had even gotten here, and Regina felt the same. But it had always been like this with them, hadn't it? Nothing was good between them for long.

"Love encompasses all things, Emma," Regina angrily reminded her, feeling her heart weigh heavy in her chest at the sorrow her words held. "You may be bound to me, but you do _not_ love every part of me; you have made that abundantly clear over the past few months."

"You don't _fucking_ get it, do you? I do—_shit,"_ Emma swore, turning around to hit the wall with an open palm, trying to let out her frustration and anger over this entire situation. "Fuck this, Regina! We don't have time to—we have the rest of our goddamn lives to fight with each other, okay? We can't do this now! So just _shut up!"_

Normally, Regina would be furious with being told to quiet herself, but Emma had cut herself off mid-sentence, and it was that which kept Regina's attention. "Don't you dare tell me that you do," she demanded softly, the words breaking in her throat. "Don't you _dare_ give me any sense of hope again. You do nothing else but destroy it shortly afterwards."

"I said _shut up!"_ Emma shouted at her, her own words breaking from frustration and the sadness that had suddenly erupted across her expression. "If you don't want me to assume how you feel, then don't fucking assume you know how I do, alright?!"

Regina pursed her lips into a tight line as she tried to get her emotions under control, and said nothing. Emma was right; they really couldn't do this now. Still, it was so hard to contain everything she was feeling once it was let out, and she had to turn her gaze from Emma to try to do so, because just _looking_ at her ignited an uncontrollable emotion that she only wished she knew how to handle.

"_Damnit,"_ Emma swore under her breath before practically punching the buzzer for Baelfire's apartment. In a moment a man's voice floated through the intercom.

"Yeah?"

"Delivery from UPS," Emma said, her voice still having a bite to it despite her intentions to subdue it. A few seconds passed, then the buzzer for the front door echoed through the entranceway.

"Oh, right. Sure, come on up."

[x]

Every time they found themselves in this position, Emma wished that she did this to punish Regina. She wished that her anger at the woman outweighed her anger at herself, and every snap of the belt, every bite to the skin, was born from hatred instead of self-loathing.

But it wasn't.

They were a fucking mess, the two of them. They always had been. They found their pleasure from self-inflicted punishment masked by an illusion of power. Regina _gave _her the control, and Emma exerted it without a second thought. Regina needed the physical pain of their encounters, but it was Emma who needed the emotional; for every time the woman she loved cried out, every time angry bruises and red lashes were left across Regina's skin, it tore straight into Emma's soul and ate her from the inside out.

And yet she got off on the feeling. They both did.

They were _fucked,_ truly, and they both should have been in therapy years ago for this psychological goldmine. Still, there was a sense of comfort in their shared need for self-destruction that Emma couldn't ignore. She felt drawn to it in a way she couldn't quite understand, and it was a solution to the madness that overrode all else. Maybe she was addicted to alcohol, but _this _would always be her true vice.

"Do_ not_ come until I tell you to," Emma hissed in Regina's ear, holding the gag that was once in Regina's mouth fiercely around her neck, keeping her captive but still allowing the woman to breathe. The brunette was still tied to the rod in the closet, her wide stance allowing Emma's fingers to barrel into her from behind. "Do you understand me? Because if you disobey me, I promise you I'll make you wish that you hadn't."

Regina nodded frantically through shuddered gasps, but it wasn't good enough. Taking her hand away from the gag, Emma's hand snaked around the brunette's torso to violently twist one of her nipples. Regina's knees buckled and she fell against her, crying out in pain as Emma snapped, "Answer me when I speak to you!"

"Yes, _yes!"_ Regina exclaimed through labored breaths, the words still laced with pain as Emma continued to viciously twist and pull. _"I understand!"_ Emma released her hold on her then and Regina choked back a whimper as she tried to right herself again, but it wasn't quick enough as Emma grabbed hold of the gag once more, pulling Regina into the position she desired her.

The woman was nearly there already, the lashing she had gotten earlier having turned her on to the point that the insides of her thighs were drenched in sticky arousal. It was fucking _mouthwatering,_ but more than that, it was distracting. And Emma knew that was the point to all this; to distract her enough to not fall apart, and to allow her to get out her crippling emotions in what was probably not the healthiest manner, but by far the most preferred one. Anger and helplessness had rotted her insides, and the desperation to not feel like a pawn in destiny's sick game had consumed Emma whole as she began to seek power over the only person who apparently gave a shit enough to realize how badly she had needed it.

Sometimes she hated Regina for knowing her so well, but in this moment, Emma could have dropped to her knees and profusely thanked the woman for being so perfect in her complete fucking disaster. It was what she needed. _She_ was what she needed.

Emma's fingers had snaked around Regina's hips to find their home against her clit, the pressure she put on it enough to make Regina tremble as she desperately tried to hold herself back. Her breathing was coming out in tight bursts, her moans beginning to resemble whines as the pressure in her abdomen started to become unbearable. Emma watched her in acute fascination, observing Regina emit every ounce of self-control she had inside of her as she sought to adhere to Emma's demands. But the longer it went on, the more she began to fall apart.

Regina was shaking now, her entire body trembling within Emma's firm hold as she struggled to keep her knees locked and herself standing. The noises she was making barely even sounded human, and Regina choked back a sob as desperation for release overtook her. "Please," she begged, voice tight as a singular tear slipped down her cheek. _"Please!"_

"You could always make it stop, you know," Emma breathed into her ear, testing her despite it being terribly cruel to do at this point. But some part of her needed to know how far Regina was willing to go for her, what she was willing to sacrifice for her. Was she really doing this for_ her_, or did Regina need this because she too ended up being fucked sideways from Emma's past blowing a hole into their little dysfunctional family? She hadn't exactly hidden how upset she was over the revelation. "You know the word, Regina, just _say it…"_

But despite the overwhelming feeling, the pleasure bordering on agony, Regina didn't budge. "No," she choked out before trying to bite back a scream of frustration, her body thrashing against her bounds as she used everything within herself to keep holding on.

Emma had to wrap her entire arm around Regina to keep her from moving, however her hold was not as firm as she would have liked due to the brunette's entire body being sheened in a light sweat from the control she was exerting. Regardless, it kept Regina still enough to continue her assault on her clitoris without her jerking away, and Regina was practically sobbing in desperation at this point, her painful pleas cutting through Emma's soul as she waited for Regina to just give in and prove her right.

It never came though, and Emma began to fear that Regina was going to hurt herself if she kept this up much longer. The woman barely had control over her own body anymore, all of it being focused on one singular thing to even acknowledge how much strain her muscles were under. It was fucking _awe-inspiring, _if Emma was to be honest. It was fucked up and practically torture, but Regina endured it for _her,_ and that spoke volumes louder than any of her words ever could.

"Come for me, Regina," Emma finally breathed into her ear, pressing her fingers as firm as she could against the woman's sex as she rewarded Regina's diligence with the sweet promise of release. "Come all over me; I wanna feel how _fucked_ I got you. _Do it!"_

And then Regina fucking _erupted._

The force of her orgasm was violent and intense, and all of that pressure being released at once seemed to kick her body into some kind of desperate need to get it all out, because fluid _gushed_ from between her thighs as she screamed, soaking Emma's legs and part of her pelvis as Regina collapsed into her.

"Oh, holy _sh—!"_ Emma exclaimed, her eyes nearly bugging out of her skull from the unexpected response. Her words cut off though as Regina's entire body weight fell against her, and Emma had to struggle to keep the woman upright so she didn't pull anything from the momentum going against her restraints.

Regina was trembling and crying, the aftershocks of her orgasm coursing through her as her frail mental state from the experience utterly destroyed her. Emma held her close, cradling her head in one hand as her other worked on getting Regina's bindings undone. "Shhh," she hushed, her own voice broken with emotion at the intense show of submission and loyalty Regina had given her. It was fucking amazing and Emma wished she knew how to express how it made her feel, but all she could do was try to comfort her. "Shh, it's okay. You did good, you did _so _fucking good…"

Emma brought Regina carefully down to the floor, cradling the woman as she continued to shake and sob in her arms. "I'm gonna take care of you now, okay?" Emma promised her softly, words tickling Regina's skin as fingers weaved tightly in raven locks. "You did _so_ fucking well, Regina, and I promise you I'm gonna make sure you know how much I appreciate that…"

Because she did. _Jesus,_ she did. That was fucking incredible.

"_Anything,"_ Regina choked out against her neck, the word barely even audible from how hoarse her voice had gotten. Tears wet Emma's bare skin, and she held onto the brunette a little tighter as Regina struggled to elaborate through her post-orgasmic haze. "Anything… for you. _A-Always."_ She coughed to try to clear her throat, and she whimpered from how painfully raw it was. "Fucking under—understand that, Emma. _Please."_

Emotion welled up in Emma's throat, tightening it and causing her vision to blur as she felt the truth in the statement. It was intense and it was honest, and Emma wished she had realized just how much Regina was willing to sacrifice for her happiness before now, despite how much harder it really made everything between them. "I know, baby," she assured her, because if nothing else, tonight Regina had sought to prove it and had succeeded with flying colors. In that moment, nothing else mattered. "I fucking _promise _you I know that now."

A weak sounding scoff was muffled against her skin before Regina demanded in a broken voice, "Don't… call me that."

Emma laughed, not really knowing what else to do. Everything she felt was so damn overwhelming, and Regina's words reminded her of a time when they were happy. She wanted to keep that – _God,_ did she want to keep that – but the rest of the world was such utter shit, and no matter how much Emma tried to immerse herself in the good, it seemed the bad always had a knack of showing up at just the wrong time.

[x]

"Don't you fucking touch me!" Emma exclaimed fiercely as she shoved Neal, fucking _Baelfire,_ away from her, his wounded face blurring before her as angry tears stung the back of her eyes. She didn't care how he felt about having a son; it _never _warranted his touch. "You fucking sent me to prison, you soulless bastard; I had our child in _jail,_ and you actually think I want you _near_ me?!"

"You were—fuck, Emma, you were the one that knocked on _my _door, you know—" Neal tried to defend, looking completely overwhelmed by how his day had exploded in the span of five seconds. The emotions in the air were conflicting and intense, but Emma would barely let him get a word in edge-wise, feeling as though she was trapped in her worst goddamn nightmare as her anger and sorrow tore through her heart and polluted her veins.

"Because your freaking father—Jesus, did you _know?"_ Emma demanded, the words sounding hoarse and raw as she struggled to keep anger as her dominant emotion. "Did you fucking—was this all some goddamn homesick _bullshit,_ and when you got tired of reminiscing you just, what, _threw me away?_ Jesus, I can't—" A roar of helpless frustration tore from her lips and Emma's hand collided with the floor lamp, causing the bulb to shatter as it made impact with the floor.

"Emma!" Regina called out, her voice sounding so goddamn _worried _about her and her pathetic mental state, despite how furious she had looked before that this had brought them to the door of their son's _father._ She had accosted Emma like she could have actually fucking known that they were one in the same, and then the sorceresses thoughtlessly spewed out the word 'father' in her anger that, Jesus, screwed everything up just a little bit more.

Emma couldn't handle this. She just _couldn't._

Arms were wrapped around her and Emma lashed out, but Regina kept her grip firm. "Relax," she encouraged her, even though it was the most hypocritical thing the woman had ever uttered to her. Still, Regina knew what anger and helplessness brought her, and her concern was written all over her face as she tried unsuccessfully to subdue the woman's consuming emotions. "Breathe, Emma; please, just take a second and _breathe,_ alright? I promise you, he's not _near _worth this."

But it didn't matter what Neal was or wasn't worth, because it was fucking her sideways regardless. Emma had thought she'd never see this man again in her life, and yet it turned out that he was from the same world she was, and everything, _everything_ just seemed like one big 'screw you' from destiny as it laughed at her from afar.

"I thought it was the right thing to do!" Neal pleaded with her, guilt and shame written plainly across his face as he confronted something that, he too, believed he would never have to deal with. "Emma, please, you have to understand—"

"I fucking understand _perfectly!"_ Emma shouted at him, starting to feel lightheaded as Regina began to instinctively syphon magic from her, knowing that it was the only way to hold the blonde back since strength wasn't exactly on her side.

It was like a vice, containing her when all Emma wanted to do was lash out at the world, and it was probably the most suffocating thing she ever felt. And god, Emma _hated_ it, despite knowing that she really needed to be stopped because she was _this fucking close _to beating the man within an inch of his life. Emma had known betrayal; she had felt it from Regina months before, but to have this on top of that? It overwhelmed her, unable to allow her to see sense as she needed to just _make it stop._

Fuck her. Fuck him. Fuck _everything._

"You couldn't deal with being a father, so you _fucked off_ and left me to—"

"I didn't know!" Neal shouted, looking at her as though his entire world was crumbling apart as well, and Jesus, he had no goddamn right. "Jesus, Emma, do you think I really would have done to that you if I had known? You didn't _tell_ me!"

"You shouldn't have fucking done it to me _anyway!"_ Emma screamed, barely able to even see him anymore because of the tears that assaulted her vision. "I _loved_ you, you worthless piece of shit; and yet you treated me like I was—!"

But Neal kept defending himself, like it even mattered in the end. "August told me that you had a destiny!"

"_Fuck_ my destiny! Fuck it and _fuck you!"_

Emma was crying now, furious tears staining her cheeks as Regina held her. She hated everything about her life; it was just one shit show after another and fuck, she was so goddam sick of it all. Neal's emotions were starting to get the best of him as well, and he looked like he was trying to hold himself together as he struggled to come up with words to express how he felt.

"How could you—shit, Emma, I mean… I get what I did was fucked, okay? And you have _no_ idea how much I've regretted that every day of my goddamn life, but you—how could you not even bother to tell me that I had a _son?_ Don't you think that I had a right to know; that _he_ had a right to know?"

Emma felt like something inside of her snapped at the blame he dared put on her, but it was Regina who spoke.

"He is _not _your son," Regina growled, the words angry and cruel. "You are _nothing_ to that child, nor will you ever be. He is irrelevant to the conversation at hand, so I suggest you keep your tiny little brain locked onto something you actually have a say in."

"I'm sorry, but who the fuck are you again?" Neal bit back, furious that some random stranger had just put him in a place he didn't believe he belonged in.

"She's his _mother,_ you idiot!" Emma exclaimed, wishing she could revel in the look of horror that flashed across his face. "What, did you think they'd let me keep my baby while I was in _jail?_ He got thrown into the system thanks to you, and fucking _thank god_ Regina adopted him because if she hadn't—if he… fuck, if Henry ended up being a foster kid for the rest of his life, do you even _understand—"_

But the words choked up in her throat, her own past experiences beginning to haunt her once more at the very worst of times. Emma felt like she was falling, and it didn't matter how guilty Neal looked because he knew – he fucking _knew_ what had happened to her in there – since everything was too screwed up to even process properly in the first place. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. This wasn't supposed to happen this way, and all Emma could think of doing was drowning in the escape that she had recently favored.

She needed to drink until she couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't _breathe._

"I'm sorry," Neal said finally, his words heavy with despair as he watched the woman he once loved fall completely apart. But Emma barely even registered it, her mind locked on to only one thing now.

"Let me go," Emma demanded, desperately struggling against the brunette's hold. She needed to run. She needed to breathe. She needed to drink. "Goddamnit, Regina, fucking _let me go!"_

The hold was broken immediately and Emma stumbled away from her, away from him, away from _this_ as she barreled out of his apartment and down the stairs, unable to deal with her emotions any longer.

She wanted them gone, _needed _to feel blissful fucking nothingness, and screw it, screw sobriety, and screw promises, because she was going to see to it that she did even if it was the last goddamn thing she ever did.

[x]

Regina hissed as the ointment came into contact with her reddened and raw backside, and Emma bit down on her bottom lip as she began to smother it across her skin. "Sorry," she whispered to the woman lain out on her stomach before her, no longer wishing to cause her anymore pain. But this had to be done, and they both knew it. As it was already, Emma was actually worried that she might scar; the belt had broken Regina's skin quite a few times, and because of the haze of power she was in before, she hadn't noticed until now.

"It's quite alight, dear," Regina assured her softly, her voice still sounding rather hoarse and frail. She was exhausted, and Emma was surprised she hadn't passed out yet. If it was her, she would have slept for a week straight after an ordeal like that.

Still, Emma didn't really think it was alright, and her silence more than stated that. She felt like she had gone too far in her desperation to just… _feel_ like something other than a chess piece being moved around the board for other people's amusement.

Regina turned her head to the side to look at her, and seeing the guilt on her face, she firmly reminded her of their arrangement. "Emma, if I hadn't wanted this, I would have never allowed you to do it."

"I know," Emma whispered, because she did. Still, Regina's body looked horrific and it was her fault. The symbolism of Regina's sacrifice wasn't lost on her – as, God, it was the only thing she could think about after what Regina had allowed her to do – but now that the dust had settled and reality had set in, it only made Emma feel like shit.

Here Regina was, fucking putting Emma before everything and everyone, even herself, and all Emma could ever be consumed with was her own bullshit problems to even see that, despite everything that had happened between them, she had devotion that most people could only dream of.

What the fuck was _wrong _with her, that she couldn't even take a second out of her life to appreciate that? It wasn't even like she deserved it, and yet all Emma could do was shit on it over and over again.

"Emma," Regina strongly continued, watching the emotions play out across the blonde's face and knowing what they meant. "If you belittle the most intense orgasm I've ever had in my life with your needless guilt, _so help me."_

"I'm—I'm not," Emma stumbled, tearing her eyes away from Regina's prying gaze in the hopes that the woman didn't realize that they were beginning to mist over. She swallowed hard, squeezing more ointment into her hand before lathering it on the affected skin once more.

Regina watched her out of her peripheral as silence fell between them. "Tell me what you're thinking, love," she requested softly after a long moment, and Emma's words came without thought, finding herself too emotionally exhausted to hide anything any longer, and the syllables ended up catching in her throat from the emotion they caused her.

"I fucking hate myself for not appreciating you."

Regina froze for a second before immediately turning towards her in surprise, the quick movement making her hiss out in pain. But Regina seemed to barely register it for more than a moment, because she then situated herself half up on her side so she didn't put any weight on her wounded area, taking one of Emma's hands into her own.

A tear fell from the blonde's eye before she turned away from her, unable to show her how terrible everything made her feel, and Regina sucked in a sharp breath at the sight. "Emma, this… it's been an emotional day," she reminded her softly. "You're still feeling that, but you shouldn't—please don't let it consume you by layering more on top of it. You don't need that right now."

Emma wouldn't listen to her though, the thought already having planted itself firmly in the darkest corner of her mind. "It's such _bullshit,_ you know?" she sniffled, hating how pathetic she had become because of the hands life kept dealing her. She was supposed to be stronger than this. "I can't get over it, and I want to. I… God, I _hate _feeling like this, Regina, because all you've fucking done lately is help me regardless of how much of a cunt I've been, and instead of appreciating you for who you are, I can't help but still hate you for who you were. And I just—fuck, I just want it to _stop."_

Regina's face etched in emotion, but when she opened her mouth to speak, Emma wouldn't let her. "And now there's fucking _Neal,"_ she choked out, her words mixing with the force of her tears as they intensified beyond her control. "And everything's so screwed up, and I don't know how to handle that when I can't even handle _you,_ and Jesus, I don't know what else to do but beg you to fix it like some pathetic child, and that's so _fucked _because I don't deserve anything that you could ever—"

"Emma," Regina pleaded, her own voice choking up as she cupped Emma's damp cheek with her palm. "Please, stop. We have the rest of our lives to talk about us, but for now, you need to calm down. You can't handle this level of emotional turmoil, and you're just making it worse for yourself. _Please,"_ she breathed, leaning her forehead against the other woman's as she cradled the back of her neck protectively, "Please, just stay here with me right now, in this moment. Nothing else exists, do you hear me?"

Emma choked back a sob and nodded, trying to do as Regina requested because God, she was right, she couldn't handle this. This day had been one massive shit show after another, and she felt like she was suffocating beneath the weight of it.

A thumb grazed her bottom lip softly, and Emma pulled back a little to look at the woman before her. "I love you," Regina whispered, keeping her in a moment that Emma wished she permanently resided in, because this,_ this_ was the only goddamn thing that was good in her life. If all the other factors disappeared, Regina just loving her with the intensity that she did would be nothing short of a perfect life.

Emma swallowed hard before reaching up and brushing the hair from Regina's eyes, her fingertips trailing down the side of the woman's face as she became mesmerized by a fleeting desire that they both knew could not last. "I love you too," Emma breathed in return, a small, sad smile gracing her lips before she leaned in, allowing herself to forget that the rest of her crappy life even existed, even if it was just for a moment.

Because no matter what else happened, no matter what had transpired between them, Emma knew that she could always count on Regina to mend things after they had shattered. And _that,_ she knew, was more than she could ever ask for, and far more than she ever really deserved.

**TBC…**


	18. Past

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN  
****Past**

Regina's fingers fisted in the sheets, a sleepy, breathless gasp falling from her lips as she awoke with a head between her thighs.

It felt like déjà vu, for the last time Regina had given control entirely to the woman who shared her bed, she had awoken the next morning with the same sensation. Perhaps, in Emma's mind, it was her way of apologizing for the pain she had caused, despite the fact that she had no reason to feel guilty for it. Still, back then they were in a far different place then they were now, and even though Regina knew that Emma needed sex as a distraction last night, she really hadn't expected to wake up this morning with a tongue halfway inside of her.

Regina stirred, a soft whimper escaping her lips as she began to lift her hips from the bed. She was lying on her stomach, as her backside was still far too sore to put weight on, and her erect nipples were beginning to strain against the mattress. Emma stopped for a moment, realizing Regina had awoken, and she placed a soft kiss on the back of the brunette's knee.

"You gonna get pissed at me again…?" she asked, her voice husked with sleep, and it was then that Regina remembered that the last time this had happened, it hadn't gone particularly well. But back then Regina hadn't wanted to wake up next to the woman that currently was in her bed, and now she found it was the only thing she ever wanted to do anymore.

It's funny, how one's brain can pick and choose the things to remember. And perhaps, in a way, that was what Emma was doing now, for if she had taken everything into account between them when she first thought of doing this, it was unlikely that she would have ever even began. Still, Regina wasn't a fool, and she planned to enjoy it while it lasted, for it seemed that things between them never stayed good for very long.

"No," she breathed, her hips craning for more contact as Emma placed feather-light kisses up her thigh, coming closer once more to the junction between her thighs. "Don't stop," Regina begged softly, a whimper escaping her throat as the blonde's fingers ghosted lightly over her dampened flesh. "Emma, _please…"_

Emma fucked her slowly, taking her time drawing every moan, every gasp, every plea from Regina's parted lips. She spread her open with her fingers as she slipped both of her thumbs deep inside of her, and her mouth never left her throbbing center until Regina was shaking, panting, begging, _coming _for her in an intense wave of pleasure that Emma had taken careful time to build and execute. And as Regina lay there, her flushed cheek pressed against the coolness of the sheets, Emma carefully situated herself next to her, face only inches from the brunette's as she looked into her eyes.

Regina wished she could read minds. The expression on Emma's face was hard to decipher, and as Regina tried to catch her breath, she gently lifted one hand and ran the tips of her fingers across Emma's jawline. "Talk to me," she encouraged softly, knowing at the very least, Emma had something that she needed to say.

Emma hesitated for a moment, inhaling a long breath of air before she spoke. "I want to stay here," she admitted in a whisper, and Regina's eyebrows furrowed.

"Manhattan?" Emma shook her head, not expecting Regina to really understand. The brunette felt her throat tighten as she revised her question. "With… with me?"

There was something terribly frightening about that, because in the back of Regina's mind, she knew that Emma would only want to because of what happened with Neal. In the end, it had seemed she had deemed Regina the lesser of two evils, something she could at least begin to understand, but that didn't mean that she wanted it. Regina knew that – it killed her – but she knew that. They had a long way to go if there was even a _hope _of them being together again in that way.

Emma swallowed hard, and an unexpected tear fell delicately down her cheek. Regina wiped it away with the pads of her fingers, and the blonde took a shuddered inhale of breath as she admitted, "I know it's selfish. You can't pretend with me forever. But it's just… easier, sometimes; hiding from everything while I'm with you. I'm so…" But Emma choked up, another tear slipping down her cheek as she admitted, "I feel so fucking _weak_, Regina, and you—"

"No," Regina told her firmly, cupping the other woman's cheek in her palm as she looked deep into her eyes. "Emma, listen to me; you are not weak. Having an addiction, being unable to handle seeing your ex like that, that's… it's _human,_ it's—"

"If it's so _human,_ then why am I the only one falling apart?" Emma asked her bitterly, her words being broken by her sorrow. "You don't understand, Regina, you _couldn't—"_

"No?" Regina countered, feeling her heart begin to beat harder in her chest as she allowed herself to reveal her own weakness. "You really think I don't know what it's like to have something consume you, to take you over completely and destroy your life? I watched my mother go down that path and like the ignorant child that I was, believed I could just touch it, just once, and be stronger than that; stronger than _her."_

"But I wasn't," Regina admitted softly, feeling emotion begin to well up in her throat, "because people like us, Emma… we can't just touch something once and let it go. If it masks its horror with a feeling of freedom, we drown in it without question, because all we want is to no longer feel like a victim of circumstance and cruelty. And yet, in the end, it's probably all we're ever going to be, because if something isn't destroying us, we feel apt to destroy ourselves. It's all we've ever known."

Emma's brow creased as she blinked away her tears, not understanding at all what Regina was referring to. "Regina, what are you…?"

Regina looked at her incredulously. How could she not _know?_ They were so alike, and because Regina saw so much of herself in Emma, she believed the other woman would as well. But Emma had been so consumed with herself as of late, that perhaps she hadn't realized that the person she was bound to was so very much the other side of the same coin.

"When I… when I realized that I was in love with you," Regina began softly, trying to show Emma what she meant in a way that she could relate to, "I wanted all of you. I wanted to… to touch, to feel, to love, to consume, to be a part of everything that you are. But there was a part of you that I left untouched, because I hadn't known it was there. But when I did…"

Regina's hand cupped the side of Emma's face, her thumb slipping over her bottom lip before, without any warning, she focused on what it was that she needed, and _pulled._ It wasn't physical, but Emma felt Regina begin to take the very essence that made her _her,_ and her lips parted in a gasp as her eyes widened in shock. It was like a hunger, consuming Regina from the inside out as she tasted the purest power she had ever felt. She wanted to devour her whole, take everything that Emma was and keep it for herself, and the desire was frightening in its ferocity.

And should it have been anyone else but Emma, Regina knew she would have syphoned every ounce of magic from her soul and left her to wither. The feeling of her, it was the most intoxicating thing she had ever felt.

Still, what Regina felt for the woman she stole from gave her the strength to stop, or at least, she had believed so. However when the time came for her to pull away, Regina found that she couldn't. Panic erupted inside of her and it took a moment to realize it was because Emma had a vice-like grip around her wrist, holding her hand where it was. "Emma…?" she gasped, perplexion settling across her face. "Stop, I… I need to let go."

Emma stared into her eyes, her chest heaving from the feeling of being robbed of her sense of self, and she asked her in a scratchy voice, "If you don't, could it… could it kill me?"

"_Yes,"_ Regina stressed in a panic, needing her to understand that now was not the time to play games like this. She was just trying to make a point, and fuck, she should have just spoke instead of acted. "Emma, let… let me go _now."_

Emma shook her head, and fear ignited in Regina that perhaps Emma was trying to get her to _kill her,_ until the blonde told her in a weak voice, "Heal yourself."

"…What?"

"You're not… you're not as fucked up as you think you are," Emma told her heavily, walking a dangerous line for reasons Regina couldn't even begin to understand. "Darkness isn't the only thing that's inside of you, so… so I don't _care _if you don't think you can't do it consciously, because you healed me once before with my… with whatever you're taking from me, and I… I need you to do it again."

"_Why?"_ Regina demanded breathlessly, still unable to understand why Emma was doing this. This was some kind of test that she wasn't nearly prepared for, and the subject terrified her to death, because her body reacted to the physicality of their touch. Her body ached for the magic that resided inside of Emma, and once that barrier broke, Regina was able to control her consumption unless she stepped away from her.

And right now, she couldn't.

"Because if you don't," Emma told her softly, simply. "I'm going to die."

Regina felt like she was going to vomit. She was already taking way too much from her, and the stronger she got, the weaker Emma became. She tried to use her magic to blow Emma back from her, but the addict inside of her couldn't allow separation from the source, and the longer Regina fought and failed, the more desperate and fearful she got.

Emma was starting to look very, very pale.

"Emma, stop it!" she exclaimed, her voice five octaves higher than it should have been as her throat constricted with anxiety. But Emma didn't move, using every bit of strength she had to keep Regina touching her. Stubborn until the day she died, which Regina was in an absolute panic about coming far too soon.

"I trust you, Regina," Emma told her softly, giving her a small, drained-looking smile. "Don't… don't let me die, okay?"

No, this was very much _not _okay!

But the longer it went on, the more frightened Regina became that she was cutting this far too close, and the desperation inside of her struggled for an answer she didn't know how to find. Because she couldn't, God, she _couldn't_ kill Emma because of her own worthless fucking addiction to power, and it terrified her to death that perhaps, senselessly, it was stronger than her love for the woman before her. But love, True Love, was supposed to be the strongest of all things in this world, and Regina refused to lose her over something that, in the end, meant so very little when put up against how completed she became when Emma found her way into her life.

The magic wasn't for her, it was for Emma. And when Regina realized this, when she thought less about herself and more about the woman before her, loving her, protecting her, saving her, sating her every desire and need, was when something was born inside of her that felt lighter than anything she had ever experienced. It wasn't like when she healed Emma, because this… it wasn't instinctual. Regina reached for it, grasped for every thread of it and manipulated it into something of her own making and suddenly, the aches she felt subsided, and the throbbing fell away to nothing as she became whole again.

And then Emma let go.

Regina choked back a relieved sob before shoving the blonde hard in the shoulder, pushing her away from her as she struggled to get into a seated position. "Don't you _ever _do that to me again!" Regina demanded, wrapping her arms into herself to force herself to stop shaking. She felt manipulated and dirty; the worst parts of her being brought to light and exposed for all to see. She despised it with everything that she was.

"I'm sorry," Emma apologized softly, her eyes falling closed as how weak Regina had made her suddenly hit her full throttle. "I just… wanted to help," she breathed, sounding very close to passing out. "Since you… helped… me…"

And then she was out cold, and Regina was sobbing, finding herself quite unable to deal with everything that that experience had made her feel.

[x]

"I _am_ being careful; it's not—fuck, it isn't like… out of everyone; I mean, I'm the_ last_ person that she would ever—"

Regina blinked heavily as she awoke, confusion washing over her as it took her a moment to remember where she was. She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep again whilst crying. It seemed Emma had already awoken as well, and although she was taking her phone call in the bathroom behind a closed door, Regina could still hear her words loud and clear. Hoisting herself into a seated position, blinking the sleep and dried tears from her eyes, Regina listened carefully, trying to figure out who she was talking to.

"—That isn't your decision, Mary Margret!"

_Oh._ She should have known. Emma sounded frustrated beyond measure, and hearing the word 'her' meant that Snow was arguing, once again, about Regina's involvement in all of this. She shouldn't be surprised, but it still irritated her.

"Well_ you_ don't have to trust her," Emma snapped after a moment. The second's ticked by and then Emma told her mother, "You can take that to mean whatever you want; it doesn't change anything. And I have to—I have to _go,_ okay? I've already wasted enough time, and I can't afford to let him disappear again. I just… I don't know, thought you would want to know what was going on."

A skeptical expression crossed Regina's face, because she was certain that however that conversation went, it hadn't included the whole truth. It didn't sound at all like she revealed to Mary Margaret who Baelfire really was.

"Yeah, I know," Emma responded softly, so low that Regina had to strain to hear. "I'll talk to you later, okay? Just… lemme know if he has any ideas."

Emma made a murmured sound of acknowledgement followed by a 'bye', and when the bathroom door swung open, the blonde noticeably started when she noticed Regina was sitting up in bed. "Shit, sorry," she apologized, unable to meet the woman's gaze as she held onto the threshold of the door, putting all of her weight against it. "Didn't mean to wake you up."

"You don't look well," Regina told her softly, her eyes drinking in Emma's haggard appearance. It seemed she still hadn't recuperated yet from Regina draining her.

"I'm fine," Emma assured her, though it was less than convincing as she almost stumbled getting herself over to bed to plop down on the mattress. "Just, you know, still a little dizzy. Whatever, it'll pass."

Regina pursed her lips, lines in her face becoming etched from disappointment and anger as she told her exactly what she thought of her little stunt earlier, "You never should have done that. It was terribly foolish of you. If I had—"

"You wouldn't have."

"How can you be so sure of that?" Regina demanded, hating how confident Emma sounded in that because she herself wasn't at all. They played with fire, and perhaps it didn't kill her, but Emma ended up burned all the same.

"Because," Emma began as she moved to lie on her side, her exhaustion still very much a predominant factor after what had happened. She pursed her lips for a moment, looking up at Regina beneath her lashes as she pushed the hair from her eyes. "You… said it yourself, you know? That you would do anything for me. And, I don't know, I… I believed it. Maybe you should too."

Regina's throat tightened and she averted her gaze from her. "You're an idiot." There were more words, more reasons, but they never came. It didn't matter anyway; Emma had done what she had done, and thought herself right for it. And perhaps she had made some sort of a point, but 'doing anything' for someone didn't always guarantee a successful outcome, because sometimes there were just things that one could not feasibly do.

"Maybe," Emma murmured in agreement, using her arm as a makeshift pillow as she looked up at the woman sitting next to her. "But I was still right."

Regina scoffed at that, but didn't argue against her. In the end, she really didn't want to have this conversation. She had spent so much time focusing on Emma's problems that she hadn't even realized how uncomfortable it would be for her to share her own, despite knowing that it would allow them to relate to one another. It was… that wasn't how that was supposed to go, and now Regina needed to run as far away from it as she could.

"Your mother called," she mentioned instead, not posing it as a question, as she already knew. Emma murmured a small sound of acknowledgement and Regina's gaze found the blonde's face once more. _"And?"_

Emma let out a loud sigh, apparently not too keen on talking about it. Picking at the bed sheets, she hesitantly revealed, "She… well, I guess _Gold_ has a theory – you know, about why the curse didn't break right – and Mary Margaret is, uh…"

"Blaming me, of course," Regina finished for her, figuring that it would be Snow's first assumption. When something magical went wrong, it must be her fault. Although to be fair, more often than not, it really was. Still, the audacity of the woman only stood to aggravate her, as she was fairly certain she was not the one who caused the curse to become defective.

"Yeah, kind of," Emma admitted, sounding guilty on behalf of her mother. She sighed heavily, running her hand over her face to try to clear her thoughts. "I don't know. _She _doesn't know, really. But I guess Gold now believes that the curse didn't break right because it ended up conflicting with another, whatever that means."

Regina's eyebrows rose. "He believes there was another curse?" she asked disbelievingly, because if that were the case, it most certainly wasn't her fault; the only one she had cast was the one that brought them all here. Still, it was viable; two curses surrounding the same target could counteract with each other quite terribly, and cause one or both to become unstable.

But who else would have cursed the entire _town?_

Emma shrugged at Regina's questioning look. "That's the only thing he's come up with that even makes sense apparently, even though I don't…" A frustrated sigh slipped past her lips and the blonde moved to lie on her back, looking up at the ceiling. "I mean just… go figure, right? Everything's always such shit, so why _wouldn't_ there be another curse? That's just how life goes for us."

"Emma, I don't… I think Gold may be mistaken," Regina told her, trying to not let the woman get wrapped up in unwarranted pessimism. "It might make perfect sense, but in all reality, the only two people capable of cursing an entire town are myself and Gold, and if neither of us did it, then it doesn't seem viable."

Emma said nothing, and it spoke volumes.

"What?" Regina asked, looking down at her. "What are you not telling me?"

Emma took a deep breath, her eyes flicking to Regina's for a moment before hesitantly telling her, "Nothing. It's… it's nothing."

Regina didn't believe that for a moment. There was a certain way that Emma looked when she lied, and right now her expression told far more than her words could. _"Emma."_

"…I didn't tell her."

Regina's brow furrowed. "What?"

"About Neal," Emma answered, exhaling a long breath as she fisted her hands and pressed them over her eyes. "I acted like he was some random guy, because I don't know how to fucking tell her… _anything,_ really. I don't even know how to deal with it; I just fuck off and fuck _you_ and try not to think about how I can't just put it off seeing him again forever and I just… I can't talk about it with her. I don't know how."

Regina pursed her lips into a firm line before informing her, "You're deflecting the conversation."

"Yeah," Emma actually admitted, sighing softly as she sat up to lean back on her hands. "Just… let me right now, okay?"

Regina chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment, before finally relenting with a nod. She just had to hope that, when Emma was ready, she'd reveal what she had been hiding from her. Regina didn't like it, but she didn't want to push her; Emma was in a fragile enough state as it was.

Silence enveloped the room for a moment, and then Regina admitted softly, "Emma, I… I don't want that man near our son."

Emma's eyes found hers, taking a moment to read what lay beneath Regina's expression. Finding what she was looking for – apprehension, possessiveness, fear – Emma's brow furrowed as she told her, "Regina… Neal, he's—he's not gonna end up being some kind of _replacement_ for a proper family. I mean, are you kidding me? I can barely even look at him, let alone even _think _of being with him again, even if it was just for Henry's sake; and you know, I think when you put our parenting skills up against each other, it's pretty damn clear that biology means absolute crap. He's not Henry's family; at most, he's his sperm donor as much as I was his incubator."

Regina shot her a dark look. "Don't you dare talk about yourself like that. You're more to that child than some random woman who gave birth to him, and you know it."

Emma looked like she was about to retort, but Regina didn't give her the chance as she outwardly deflated and allowed her paranoia over the situation to consume her. "I merely… I _know _that we have to bring him back, despite how many reasons we both have to not want to, and it's… it's difficult to believe that it won't change anything. He's Henry's biological father, your first love—"

"That means _nothing,_ Regina," Emma told her firmly, and like a part of her couldn't even believe they were having this conversation. "And you know it. With… you know, with what we _are _to each other, would you leave _me_ if your first love suddenly showed back up in your life?"

Regina's stomach tightened as she avoided eye contact and reminded her pointedly, "You've already left me, dear."

"Yeah, and let me tell you how well that one worked out for me," Emma shot back sarcastically, gesturing to the space between their half-naked forms just inches from each other on the bed. "I did such a great job of it, _obviously."_

Regina exhaled a disbelieving breath as she hoisted herself off the bed, needing to establish some space between them. "Sex is meaningless," she harshly reminded her. "You use my body as an escape from your problems and I let you; that doesn't, in any way, mean that you are mine."

"Fine, maybe not," Emma responded, accepting her point as valid. "But I'm pretty sure that, whether I like it or not, I'm gonna be yours more than anyone else's for the rest of my goddamn life." Her eyes connected with Regina's. "Tell me I'm wrong."

Regina stayed silent.

"Neal fucks me up," Emma admitted, her throat sounding a little tight at those words, "but he doesn't fuck _us _up, and I'm not about to let him fuck up Henry either."

Regina continued to say nothing, shifting her weight between her feet as she tried to formulate a response, a _reason _for why she still felt so utterly uncomfortable with this entire situation.

"You still haven't answered my question."

Regina looked over at her, taken a little off guard as she was torn from her thoughts. "What?"

"If your first love came back into your life, would it change things? Would you go to him, and leave what you felt for me behind?" Emma asked her, a small sliver of vulnerability painted across her face despite how confident she was trying to sound. "Because if you can answer me that, then maybe you'll understand why Neal is so very much _not _a factor in anything."

"Daniel is dead," Regina bit back angrily, her gaze boring into Emma's. "So it's not a relevant comparison, because he will never come back into my life even if I wished him to. Neal is here, _now,_ and he is not going away. So I would appreciate it, dear, if you did not try to comfort me with anything related to _that."_

Emma looked like she had been slapped across the face. Her jaw slacked, and surprise and upset etched across her face as she reached for and stuttered over her response. "Oh… oh _God_, Regina, I'm—I'm sorry, I didn't… I didn't know."

Regina wrapped her arms around her torso and turned away from her, fighting the urge to not get emotional over it. "I know," she admitted softly, because Emma hadn't, and it would hardly be fair to blame her for it. Still, it was not something she needed to remember right now, on top of everything else.

"How… did he die?" Emma asked hesitantly, clearly unsure of whether or not she should even ask. Regina said nothing though, continuing to stare at the far wall as Emma chewed on her bottom lip. "It's fine, Regina, you… you don't have to tell me. It's okay."

Regina swallowed, feeling tears prickling the back of her eyes. She shook her head to try to hold them at bay while she ran her fingers through her hair. "You are not ready for that conversation, dear, believe me. You even said yourself yesterday that you wished to know nothing about my past."

"I was angry," Emma told her softly. "That doesn't…" Releasing a soft sigh, Emma looked out the far window and admitted, "That doesn't mean that I don't need to. If we… I mean, there's always going to be an 'us', you know? No matter how much I fight against it, that's not gonna change. I get that now. I still fucking _hate_ that apparently neither of us have a say in it, but I get that there's nothing I can really do about it anymore."

"And I… I can't promise that knowing about your past is going to change anything for the better, or that it won't make things worse," Emma continued after a breath, her words soft and honest. "But it's probably stupid to avoid it forever, because one way or another, I'm gonna find out. And I just…" She took a deep breath, gaze finding Regina's once more, "I think it's probably better if I find out from you, you know? That's… that's what you wanted, right?"

"Yes," Regina breathed, and it was the truth, despite how very not ready she felt for it. Inhaling a shuddered breath, Regina allowed herself to sit on the edge of the bed, her arms still wrapped firmly around her midsection. She stayed silent for a long time, and Emma merely watched her as Regina tried to come to a decision she didn't know if she was ready to make.

"Why do you want to have this conversation?" Regina asked after a long moment, glancing at the blonde out of the corner of her eye. "Is it merely because you find me easier to deal with than Neal right now?"

Emma worried her bottom lip as she shifted on the bed. A small shrug followed. "Maybe," she admitted softly. "But last night was…" Emma struggled to find a word to describe it, but came up blank and sighed. "I think you've earned the right for me to hear you out, at the very least. But it… it doesn't have to be about this, if you don't want. And it doesn't even having to be right now. Just… something, someday, that you think I should probably know. And I'll listen, okay?"

While Regina was glad that Emma finally understood what she meant to her, what she would do for her, it still didn't diminish her anxiety about the conversation. There was a part of her, a very large part of her, that _needed_ to tell Emma everything, for the woman was so much a part of her that to keep her in the dark seemed so terribly wrong. Yet Regina hadn't spoken about that part of her life for so long that she didn't know how to start, nor if she even could.

Silence passed between the two women again as Emma waited for her to come to a decision. A hand slid across the mattress and tentatively covered her own, and Regina looked down at it and then up into Emma's eyes before she began softly, "Daniel was our stable boy."

Regina tore her eyes away from Emma's face as the woman squeezed her hand reassuringly, and the brunette's voice hitched as she told her, "He was… kind, gentle. He saw me as a person, and not some faceless title of nobility, or someone's—my _mother's _property. Which I had… spent a great deal of my life believing as though I was nothing but."

A tiny, yet sad smile graced her lips and she breathed, "He saw who I really was, when no one else had even bothered to look before. He made me feel like I mattered, because to him… I did."

Blinking rapidly to try and keep her tears at bay, Regina inhaled a deep breath and continued, "But I knew my mother would never allow me to marry him. I was… she told me I was meant for much grander things, and it seemed nearly everyone was beneath what she believed I was worth. Until, one day, Daniel and I were meeting secretly in the fields, as we so often did, and a… a wild steed ran past us, a young girl holding onto it for her life as she screamed for help…"

Regina's jaw locked and she allowed herself a moment's pause, trying to keep her emotions at bay; all the anger, the resentment, and the regret was bubbling up inside of her, yet she tried to force it down to continue her story. "I saved her," Regina whispered. "I saved her, and what was supposed to be the right decision ended up destroying my entire life."

"My…?" Emma asked her, yet the word didn't come. The woman was still wary about saying it out loud, but it didn't matter because Regina knew what she meant.

"Your mother, yes."

Emma's brow furrowed, her expression stating plainly how she didn't understand how Regina began to hate her mother if all Snow was guilty of was nearly getting herself killed. But Regina wasn't finished, and Emma must have assumed so, because she didn't ask the question she was obviously wondering. She kept herself quiet, waiting for Regina to continue.

The brunette swallowed the lump in her throat, her mind flashing back to a time she would rather forget, and tears began to well up in her eyes. "I think my mother planned it. Somehow, I… I don't know how, but the next day, Snow's father came to our castle and—" Regina sniffled, dabbing the undersides of her eyes with the pads of her fingers. She hated this; she hadn't even gotten to the worst part and already she was crying. She didn't know how she was going to make it through this story.

"Leopold's Queen had died, leaving Snow without a mother," Regina told her softly. "And… and despite the fact that I only had a handful of years on the girl, he believed I would be best suited for the role, and asked for my hand." Regina swallowed hard, still staring at the far wall, and revealed, "My mother, of course, accepted on my behalf without a care as to how I would feel about it. Leopold was… he was near my father's age, and while that wasn't exactly uncommon in the Enchanted Forest, it still made me…" Regina exhaled a small sigh, feeling foolish because of her mother's lectures about the subject being ingrained in her mind. Still, she revealed to Emma, "I was not comfortable with it."

Emma scrunched up her face, her thumb slipping over the back of Regina's hand. "That's… I get that." The blonde shifted uncomfortably in her seat, a question on the edge of her lips that took her a minute to even ask. "Were you, uh… how old were you, exactly?"

"Eighteen," Regina told her, then laughed bitterly as she wiped a stray tear from off her cheek. "Although my mother was already well on her way to deeming me an 'old maid' before that; most girls within noble families were married off right after they first bled. Age did not matter; merely the ability to produce heirs."

"Oh_, ew,"_ Emma responded, her face masking into one of disgust as she thought about how old those girls had to have been. "That's totally fucked, Regina; especially if most of the dudes they got married to were a lot older."

"That was the way of things," Regina told her softly, shrugging lightly. "Therefore, my feelings of discomfort over the situation were harshly reprimanded. I was to become Queen, and that was all that mattered. My life, from thereon out, was meant for nothing else but the satisfaction of the King, which my mother made sure I—that I understood exactly what…"

Regina's words dissolved into a choked sob as she placed her hand over her mouth in some desperate, yet useless attempt to hold herself together. But her mind was trapped in memories she did not wish to revisit, and there were some things that Regina could never voice out loud anyhow. Not to Emma, not to anyone. They invaded the darkest corners of her mind that elicited nothing but shame and disgust, and if Regina could not even accept them, then it was unlikely that anyone else would either. And she couldn't _bear _having someone think of her the way she thought of herself.

"I'm sorry," Regina choked out, feeling the need to apologize for reasons beyond her understanding. She knew she was privy to having emotions and feeling them, and yet speaking about her past tended to jolt her back into a mindset it took years for her to overcome.

Emma looked a little at a loss about what to do to comfort her, and after a moment a tentative hand got placed on Regina's lower back, rubbing slow circles with her thumbs at the base of her spine. "It's okay," she whispered, not really knowing what else to say. The blonde was still fidgeting uncomfortably though, having so many questions but seemingly unwilling to push them upon Regina when she was like this.

Finally though, Emma told her softly, "To be honest, every time you talk about your mom, it kind of… freaks me out. I don't really know why, but it just… something about her seems really fucked up." She tried to catch Regina's gaze, but the sorceress would not give it to her. "And I… you know, I don't really _care_ if 'that was the way of things', she still sounds like she looked at you as a possession and not an actual person."

"She just…" Regina tried, wiping away more fallen tears with the base of her palm. "She merely wanted what was best for me…"

"Sounds like a load of bullshit, if you ask me."

"Well I didn't," Regina snapped, finally turning to look towards her, eyes bloodshot and angry. "My mother may have been sadistic in her lessons, but I know she believed she was doing the right thing. She thought she was teaching me, trying to… to make me into the best version of myself that I could be. It may not be the purest love in the world, but she _did _love me."

Regina had to believe that. She just _had _to. It was the only thing that made living it bearable.

Emma pursed her lips, but said nothing to contradict her. It was obvious that Regina's feelings on the matter weren't going to be swayed, and as she already held so many conflicting feelings about the woman who raised her, Regina really didn't want to raise the issue. Cora was dead, and that part of her life was over; it was best to just forget and move on.

"So," Emma began hesitantly, trying to steer the topic of conversation back to what they were meant to be talking about. "You… you married Leopold, and then Daniel, he… did he die later?"

Regina shook her head, taking a shuddered inhale of breath as she tried to suppress her tears. Her throat was already tight and scratchy, and she still had more of this story to tell. It took a few long moments, but she finally spoke again. "No, Daniel… he and I, we were—we were going to run away together."

"I had gone to him, after Leopold proposed," Regina explained, trying to focus on the comforting hand on her lower back instead of her own plaguing memories. "I… I asked him to marry me; to run away from that place and be with me forever. And he…" Another sniffle followed, despite her efforts to hold it in. "He fashioned me a makeshift ring from off of one of the saddles, and I bound myself to him instead of the King."

"_Oh,"_ Emma breathed, realizing how bad that would have been should anyone have found out. "Oh, fuck. Did someone—?"

"Your mother," Regina answered, the words coming out forced from the tightness in her esophagus. "She saw Daniel and I kissing and ran off, and I feared she would tell… so I—I followed after her."

"She was so upset," Regina remembered, tears stinging the back of her eyes as she stared out the far window, seeing nothing but her past outside of it. "But I… I explained to her that I loved Daniel, and eventually she… seemed to understand, was even happy for me that I had found love. So I made her promise to not tell anyone what she saw, especially not my mother of all people, and Snow… she—she _swore_ to me that she wouldn't…"

"Shit," Emma swore softly, piecing everything together in her mind as she watched Regina choke back another sob and wipe at her eyes. She looked sick to her stomach as she found herself assuming the worst, and assuming it correctly. "She told her… didn't she?"

Regina pressed a hand to her lips, feeling her tears fall delicately to her fingers, and nodded as she tried to control her emotions. "The day Daniel and I were to… to run away, my mother—she found us in the stables. Snow had told her everything."

Her tears were unstoppable now, her sorrow choking the breath from her as Regina struggled to finish, "And she… my mother, she pretended to understand, pretended to_ care_ for my happiness, and yet—" The sobs got louder then, her whole body beginning to shake with the force of them, and strong arms wrapped around her form in a gesture of comfort. "His heart," Regina gasped out, using every ounce of strength she had inside of her to tell Emma the whole story. "She… reached in and—there was… it was just _dust _and he…"

"Jesus," Emma breathed out in horror, cradling Regina's head in her hands as she the woman collapsed against her, unable to say anymore. "She _killed_ him?" Regina tried to nod against her chest, but her answer really didn't matter anyhow, as Emma merely seemed to be reaffirming it out loud, to outweigh her disbelief that something like that had actually happened. It was so very much not part of the world that she knew.

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered against Regina's skin, placing a kiss on the woman's forehead as she tightened her grip, trying to protect her from a past that she could not touch. "Fuck, Regina, that's… that's terrible."

It had been such a long time since Regina had allowed herself to feel any of this again. Putting the sorrow she felt for Daniel's death in the deep recesses of her mind, she focused on her blame and anger. But here, _now,_ all there was was despair and agony as Regina replayed the night in her mind, hating herself for ever allowing it to come to pass.

It took a long while until Regina was able to speak again. Eventually though, her eyes had no more tears to shed, and she just laid her head on Emma's chest, staring at the far wall. She felt so terribly numb.

"It was my fault," she whispered finally, unleashing a burden that Regina had, for so many years, tried to pretend didn't exist. To her, back then, it was everyone's fault but hers, for it was so much easier to unleash her revenge on others, instead of on herself.

"No, Regina—_no,"_ Emma insisted, the fingers that were threading in Regina's hair fisting for a moment to get the woman's attention. Even still, Regina didn't look at her. She couldn't. "That's fucked up. Your mother was the one who killed him, _not _you."

Regina shook her head, sucking in a deep breath as she pressed the pads of her fingers beneath her eyes for a moment. They felt puffy and raw. "No," she breathed. "I… I knew what my mother would do, should she have ever found out. I was selfish in trying to keep him, I was foolish in trusting a child to keep my secret, and Daniel… he lost his life for it."

Emma noticeably blanched at her words. "You… what do you mean you _knew _what you mother would do to him? Jesus fucking—how mentally _damaged _was that bitch?" she exclaimed, her horror over the situation apparent in her tone. "Christ, I just—how did you…" Emma stumbled over her words, not really knowing how to express herself after learning that. "I mean, I just… I can't even _imagine _your childhood. I've had my share of bad experiences, believe me, but fuck—none of my foster parents were _murderers."_

Regina worried her bottom lip, not really knowing how to justify her life, yet trying anyway. "It was… that was just the way I grew up; it was all I knew—"

"No, _fuck_ that," Emma told her strongly. "I don't care if it was 'all you knew', because you should have never had fucking known that in the first place."

Regina released a soft sigh, wishing she could appreciate Emma's protectiveness over her in that moment, but the truth was, it did nothing to repair how damaged her childhood experiences had made her. "You cannot change the past, dear," she quietly responded. "So it's not worth getting angry over something you can't control, and it's pointless to complain when you're reaping the benefits from what kind of person it shaped me into."

Emma noticeably bristled in defense. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Regina turned her head to look at her finally, and the darkness of her eyes pierced the light she was confronted with. "Why do you think I need to be subjected to pain, to feel as though I'm satisfying you?" she countered softly. Guilt flashed in Emma's eyes, but Regina reached up to cup her cheek.

"I'm not saying its okay," she continued, "to have this kind of thought process. It's not. But I'm not the only one walking around with the scars of my past, Emma. I'm not the only one trying to turn abuse into trust. What we do to each other… it's how we cope. It's what we need. And despite the fact that every day, I wish that both you and I had never gone through the things that we did, in the end, if one of us had had a happy childhood, we would have never been right for each other. We would never relate, and we certainly would never be able to help each other heal."

"And are we?" Emma questioned softly, looking as though the answer to this question might make or break her. "Helping each other heal?"

Regina pursed her lips, wishing that she could say with some confidence that they were, but she couldn't. "Maybe not right now," she admitted softly. "Things between us… deteriorated, and until we can repair that, the only thing we can work towards is trust."

Emma swallowed, her eyes shifting away from Regina's gaze as she asked, "And what if we can never fix it?"

Regina gave her a soft smile in return. "The fact that you even asked that, instead of telling me for the thousandth time that it'll never happen, shows me that for once, dear, we may actually have a chance at it after all."

**TBC…**


	19. Proposition

**CHAPTER NINETEEN  
****Proposition**

_Trust._

That was what Regina believed they were working towards, and Emma wished that it were only that simple. For the fact of the matter was, in every way that probably really mattered, she _did _trust Regina. Despite everything else, Emma knew who she was inside. She knew that Regina would always protect those that she cared for, as her devotion to love seemed to rival the fierce lust for revenge that she had once held. Regina, she… she felt everything so strongly, an all-or-nothing sort of sense that shaped her into both a vengeful evil queen and a devoted mother and lover. And at the end of the day, when it came down to it, Emma knew that Regina wasn't the Evil Queen from her son's storybook; at least, not anymore.

So she trusted her, in that sense. Emma would have to be an idiot not to see that Regina didn't wish her or her loved ones harm. Vengeance wasn't what was important to her anymore.

Still, Emma found it difficult getting past the fact that the woman that shared her bed was a murderer, and despite not only knowing, but _understanding_ why Regina became the person she had, Emma doubted that there was anything she could say to make that fact mean less. And fuck, a part of her really wished that there was some magical way to make the deaths of countless people not matter, because the selfish part within Emma desperately craved the feeling of being with her True Love like nothing else she had ever felt before.

God, she just wanted things to feel _simple_ again.

But everything was far from simple. It had killed Emma inside, to watch Regina break down over what had happened to Daniel; fucking_ enraged_ her, to know that it was her abusive bitch of a mother who did something that horrible to her. And what was even more fucked up, was the fact that Regina was so goddamn starved for her mother's love that she instead chose to focus her blame on a _child._

As it was now, Emma was certain that Regina did, at least partially, blame her mother for Daniel's death, but back then? It didn't sound like it. Then again, Emma knew she didn't have the whole story. Regina ascending to her title of Evil Queen may have started the day her lover died, but it definitely didn't end there. Still, there was something so fucking _twisted_ about Cora that even the thought of the woman made Emma's stomach churn. Their relationship sounded like Stockholm Syndrome more than the bond between a mother and daughter. Not that Emma knew much on the subject, but still; Regina's insistence, even still, that her mother _loved her_ and _just wanted what was best for her_ screamed fifteen different layers of screwed up.

Thank god the bitch was dead.

Regina's tears had subsided, and now the two women lay next to each other on the bed, Emma's arm wrapped protectively around the older woman's waist as Regina just stared at the far wall silently. She had tried to tell her about the day she was crowned Queen, but she didn't get past pushing her mother through the looking glass before finding herself too upset to continue. Emma had told her that it was okay and began to hush her, as Regina had already rehashed so many old wounds today that if she continued, Emma was afraid it'd begin to break her. As she looked now, Regina appeared positively haunted.

And if Emma was to be honest, she was glad Regina had stopped there, because she didn't think she could stomach hearing anymore either. She knew what Regina would have been forced to do after she was wed, and it sickened her to think about. Emma was fairly certain that given the way Regina grew up, she would have been expected to remain a virgin until she got married. Which meant that her first experience wasn't… it wasn't with someone she loved, but someone who probably just climbed on top of her like she was some goddamn piece of property and just—

Emma shut her eyes and willed herself to think of something else. _Anything _else.

It's ridiculous, how she had never even really given a thought to how fucked up Regina's life must have been to push her in that kind of a direction. For so long, Emma had had trouble connecting life in the Enchanted Forest with reality. Although she knew that Regina was the Evil Queen just as she knew that Snow White and Prince Charming were her parents, they still felt like stories. Just tales told in a children's book. But Regina's story was far from a fucking children's story, and hearing the woman talk about it, seeing the emotion in her eyes and the sadness etched on her face, made it easier for Emma to realize that it wasn't just some fucking fairytale; these were people's _lives._

Emma had long made camp in her denial, even after the truth had been painted clearly in front of her. It was just so _absurd_, and part of her was hoping that she would wake up and find that it was all some really elaborate dream. But it wasn't a dream, and Emma was never going to wake up from it. _This _was the reality she lived in now, and she needed to just learn to accept it so that she wouldn't fall off the wagon again in some vain attempt at sanity.

Still, it was difficult. A part of Emma still wanted to pretend all of that didn't exist, just to make everything so much simpler, but she knew she couldn't. So what was she left with? Trying to accept the fact that the parents she spent her life searching for were very much here, alive, and the same freaking _age _as her, and that she was life-bonded to an Evil Queen through the most powerful magic in the world.

It was going to take some time.

"You can't stay here all day, dear."

Regina's voice was raspy, her throat still raw from crying. Emma's hand stilled on the woman's stomach, abandoning her task of distracting herself by tracing idle patterns against her abdomen, and she sighed. "I know."

"You have to talk to—"

"I _know,_ Regina," Emma interrupted, her tone more biting than she actually intended. Releasing a soft breath, she revised with a gentler, "I know, okay? I know we have to bring him back, and I get that means that I have to talk to him. I just… I don't know if I can right now."

Regina turned in her arms, situating herself on her back so she could look the blonde in the eyes. Her own were puffy and raw, and Emma instinctively brushed the pads of her fingers beneath them, her lips creasing into a frown. She despised how much the two of them cried lately; love was supposed to make everything better, not tear them both to shreds.

Regina clasped Emma's hand in hers, guiding it away from her face. That wasn't what was important now. "I could come with you, if you'd like."

Emma worried her bottom lip for a moment, feeling rocks inhabit the pit of her stomach. The thought of speaking with Neal made her want to drink her entire weight in whiskey, but she used Regina as a crutch too much as it was. In some fucked up turn of events, the woman had basically become _her_ savior, which wasn't a really healthy way to look at her either. She couldn't just expect Regina to always save her, especially when she'd done shit for reciprocation.

God, once they were done with this fuckfest and were out of Storybrooke with Henry, they were gonna have to go to therapy for a _long_ time. They've already made it abundantly clear that they don't know how to have a healthy relationship on their own.

"No, it's… it's fine," Emma finally forced herself to say. "I need to… Neal is _my _past; I gotta learn to put on my big girl panties and just deal. I can't hide behind you for the rest of my life."

"I'd let you."

Regina's words were heavy with a kind of emotion that Emma knew better than to try to name, and she sucked in a sharp breath as she looked down into the woman's darkened gaze. "I know," Emma whispered, because she knew what kind of person Regina was now; what kind of person she was for _her._ Still, that didn't make it okay.

Regina, it seemed, in her desperation to prove that she was no longer the Evil Queen, had reverted to an extreme opposite. She wanted to protect her, love her, _save _her. But she seemed to become more of a sacrificial doormat than anything else, and Emma hated that. Despite how good it made her feel to be cared for in such a way, that wasn't the Regina she knew. She used to be so strong, so put together, and although that never really went away, it became so terribly suppressed. Emma just wished Regina could find a balance; but then again, wasn't that the most hypocritical thing ever? She was a fucking mess too, and even with her newfound desire to quit drinking, that didn't mean she was getting better anytime soon.

Emma sighed heavily, pulling away from Regina to collapse flat on her back as she looked up at the ceiling. "God, we need so much fucking therapy," she mumbled.

Regina bit the inside of her cheek and shifted in the bed, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at the blonde next to her. Her brow was furrowed, and Emma couldn't for the life of her understand why she looked so confused about that when_ clearly_ they really needed some goddamn professional help, but then Regina asked her softly, "Are you… I mean, I'm fairly certain that we both might benefit from something like that individually, but are you… are you saying you want us to go to counseling _together?_ Or were you just—"

"I don't know," Emma admitted with a sigh, turning her head to look at the woman next to her. "I don't wanna… you know, actually_ say_ that we need therapy together, because then it might seem like I'm—"

"Implying that you want to be with me, when you do not," Regina finished for her, unable to keep the sadness she felt from the assumption out of her voice. Emma shot her a look, not really enjoying being interrupted.

"Don't put words in my mouth, Regina."

"Well wasn't that what you were going to say, dear?" Regina countered, giving her a knowing look. "You don't know if you want to go to couples therapy with me, because you're afraid it might give me the wrong impression. But considering I'm already painfully aware of the fact that you no longer want to be with me, it wouldn't—"

"I don't _know_ if I want to be with you, okay?!" Emma snapped, her hands that were previously tangled in her hair in frustration being slammed down on the mattress. "I just… I don't fucking know right now. It's not… walking away from you isn't that fucking simple, alright? _Believe _me, Regina, I tried."

Emotion etched on the brunette's face at that, but Emma wouldn't let her speak.

"And don't get onto me again about 'giving you hope', because if anything's doing that it's some stupid, unchallengeable force that neither of us have any kind of goddamn control over. But I just… I fucking _look _at you, and it's… it's just…" Emma's voice hitched, a sudden wave of emotion washing over her that she couldn't even hope to control as she continued sadly, "you're the only _home _I've ever had, you know? When I'm with you, I feel like… like I'm…"

"Where you belong," Regina finished for her softly, her eyebrows creasing empathetically as she gently touched Emma's face, her thumb ready to wipe away any tears that the blonde wouldn't yet allow to fall. "I know," she breathed. "I know, because I feel the same way. But I… I understand that it's difficult for you, and I'm sorry that I wasn't everything you deserved to have."

"You're fucking _more _than I deserve to have," Emma countered, her tone angry as she pushed herself into a seated position and away from Regina's touch. She was more furious with herself than anything else though. "At least… I don't know, _recently,_ anyway. It's just—_Jesus,"_ Emma exhaled in a wave of frustration, pushing the hair back from her eyes as she tangled her fingers near her scalp. She looked at Regina helplessly, finally allowing herself to voice something that she never had the courage to before.

"I just want to forgive you," she told her softly, her throat tightening at the painful admission. "I don't… I don't wanna fucking do this anymore, Regina. But… God, what kind of_ person_ does that even make me, you know? You killed people. You… you killed _Graham._ And I…" Emma choked back a sob, her face etching in distress as a singular tear fell from her eye that she violently wiped away. "I just want it to not _matter._ How fucked up is that? How—"

"Emma," Regina tried, reaching out to place a hand on the woman's leg. Her voice shook a little, but she seemed determined to stay a voice of reason in a situation that, fuck, didn't even have any as she told her, "I think that… that it may be far too soon to have this type of conversation. There is a lot you don't know, and should you even decide that you do want to be with me, I would…" She sighed softly, looking at her regrettably, "I would love it, of course, but it… it wouldn't be right. I'd spend the rest of our relationship wondering if you would still want to be with me if you knew the whole truth, and I believe you would as well."

Regina was right, and Emma knew that, but it still didn't help her sate how conflicted she felt inside. But then again, maybe nothing would. Maybe they would always be this screwed up. Maybe this kind of pain was what both of them deserved.

Emma sniffled, wiping away the evidence of distress on her cheeks as Regina continued. "I'll tell you everything, if you want to hear it. But not… not right now. I can't—it's just too much," she admitted, taking a moment's pause to chew lightly on her bottom lip as she picked aimlessly at some invisible lint, trying to not let her demon's consume her once more. Taking a breath, Regina continued, "But eventually, if you wish it, you'll know everything; and perhaps then you'll know if my sins are something you could ever forgive. But for now, just…" Regina looked up at her, exhaling a soft breath as she finished, "Just take it one step at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself with this, because we have a long time to try to get it right."

"But what if we never can?" Emma asked softly, her voice sounding so terribly fragile. "What if… what if there's something out there that won't let us get it right?"

Regina furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

Emma sighed heavily and looked away, shaking her head as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Nevermind," she mumbled, because she just… she couldn't tell her. Not yet, not when she didn't know if it was even true. It was just some stupid _theory _and if Gold was wrong, then Emma didn't want to get Regina worried for nothing.

The problem was, even for it being some random thought, it had a lot of fucking basis that Emma wished she could ignore.

Gold believed there was another curse that counteracted with the previous one, but the thing of it was, it wouldn't have been the whole town that was cursed. If that was the case, then Regina's wouldn't have even worked the first time around. This other curse seemed to only counteract with the _breaking _of it, and the only two people that were involved in that were herself… and Regina.

Regina, who terrorized people for years under her monarchy. Regina, who made herself a lot of goddamn enemies during that time, some of who were likely to take revenge. Regina, whose life never seemed to go the way she wanted it to. Regina, who sought for happiness for years and could never really find it.

But that was the thing, wasn't it? Regina found happiness with _her,_ so if Gold was right, and Regina _was _cursed, wouldn't she not have been able to find her True Love? Plus, if Emma thought about it, Regina's crappy life started way before she ever became the Evil Queen, and who would have cursed her then? Her mother?

…Her _mother._

But as quickly as that theory came it was dismissed, as even that didn't ring quite true with Emma, despite her own desire to place blame on the wicked woman. She obviously didn't know Cora personally, but from what Regina had told her, despite the woman's abuse, she had wanted nothing more than to push Regina to the top of the food chain. Cursing her wouldn't have achieved that; it would've just torn her down. So that didn't make sense either, despite Cora being the only magic-user that Emma knew of outside of Regina and Gold.

And _Gold _didn't make sense either, because he wanted the curse to break properly so he could find his son.

Which then made Emma worry that maybe _she_ was the one who had been cursed, because that's what Mary Margaret was so adamantly afraid of. She feared Regina found a way to curse her before she was even born, but if that were the case, wouldn't Regina have told her? She had been fairly honest with her recently, and that's not exactly something she would just leave intact, if that were true. Emma would like to believe that Regina would try to rectify it, but then again, what the hell did she know, _really?_ She knew nothing about magic, and for all her knowledge, the crap could have been unintentional on Regina's part in some kind of… magical outburst or _something._

God, just thinking about all this gave her a headache. Emma didn't want to obsess about theories of something that Gold didn't even know was true yet, but part of her couldn't help it. _Something_ went wrong when they tried to break the curse that day, that much was obvious, but at the moment, no one really knew what exactly had happened.

And that was why she couldn't tell Regina right now. They had far too much other crap to deal with before they even started to rectify _that _situation.

"Emma?" Regina gently prodded, brow furrowed as she tried to make sense from the woman's silence. "What is it? You're keeping things from me again."

Emma sighed softly, leaning back against the pillows. "I just…" She almost admitted it, _almost,_ because god she hated having this all stuck in her head with no one to make sense of it, but instead she replied with, "I think that maybe we really should go to therapy. Together. Not as… not _together_ together, but just together, you know? Once… once we settle down somewhere. Cause… God, we're a fucking mess, aren't we? And we're gonna have to deal with this crap between us if we ever hope to raise Henry in some kind of semi-sane way."

Regina tilted her head to peer at her for a second, as if she knew that wasn't what Emma was really thinking about before, however she let the change of topic slide as she responded, "As much as I agree with that, dear, you do seem to be forgetting that the only therapist qualified – and believe me, I use that word _very_ loosely." An eye roll followed, then a continuance of, "The only person able to help us with our… 'special circumstances', per say, is trapped in a town that neither of us can get back inside of."

Emma noticeably deflated. Fuck, she had forgotten about that. They couldn't go to anyone else outside of Archie; at least, not unless they wanted to book themselves a one way ticket to the loony bin. And short of Archie leaving Storybrooke, which Emma doubted would happen, they weren't actually left with any other options.

"Hey," Regina prodded softly, touching Emma's ankle to get her attention when she noticed her expression clouding over. "We'll figure it out, alright? But we're a long way from that as well, so try not to worry just yet. Let's just focus on what we _can _do right now."

Emma sighed, knowing what that was. "Getting Neal to come back with us."

Regina nodded, and Emma pursed her lips as she turned to look out the far window, anxiety beginning to creep up her spine from the inevitable situation that she didn't know if she had enough sanity left in herself to face. But in the end, it didn't matter what she did or did not believe she could do, because she _had _to. Neal was the way back to their son, so despite everything else, despite all her weaknesses and fear, Henry had to come first.

Emma might not have had a lot of experience when it came to being a mother, but putting her son first was a decision she never had to question was right. It's just what parents had to do, and so… so she would. She just fucking _prayed_ that she could handle it.

[x]

"Do you… uh, want some coffee, or…?" Emma's eyes darkened from across the small table, causing Neal obvious discomfort in a situation that was difficult enough already, and he awkwardly nodded. "Okay, um…" He looked up at the waitress in front of their table. "Just one then. Milk, no sugar."

The waitress wrote down his order, but just as she was about to leave, Emma sat up a little straighter in her chair and ordered, "Coffee; black, one sugar. Thanks." Neal shot her a look that she ignored, as really the only reason she didn't answer him before was that she didn't want him ordering for her. Mostly because she didn't want to know if he still remembered how she took her coffee.

Even something as trivial as that would surely fuck with her in ways she didn't want to deal with.

The public setting was her idea, as she wanted to make this as painless as possible, and being around other people would at least give them a reason not to outright scream at one another. She had shown up at his apartment, expecting him to have already taken off, but to her surprise, for once in his worthless life, it didn't look like Neal was getting ready to run. The apartment looked just as it had the day before, and it actually took her back for a moment. Usually when things got too difficult, he wasted no time packing up his things to move onto someplace new.

Neal had suggested they go to a neighborhood bar down the street once he realized Emma had no intention of talking in his apartment, and Jesus, it took every bit of strength inside of her to say no to that. Being drunk would have made this so much easier, but Emma's list of screw ups was already a mile long, and she didn't need to make it any longer.

Besides, she didn't want to know what Regina would do if she came back to the motel room drunk. Emma knew that there was only so many times that she would pick her up when she fell, and Emma didn't want to reach the point where she no longer would, because without Regina's help, she didn't feel like she stood a chance.

God, it was so fucked up though, wasn't it? Emma started drinking to run away from Regina, yet in the end, all it did was practically make her dependent on her. Talk about irony.

When the waitress left with their orders, Emma slouched back down in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared at the man across from her. "So," she began, getting right down to business, "This is how this is gonna work."

"Emma," Neal cut her off, shifting in his chair in some vain attempt at feeling some semblance of comfort during this conversation. "Can you just hear me out… please?"

"No, I don't think so," Emma told him shortly. "Because you know what? I really don't _care _that you actually thought – by what I can only assume was brought about by massive _brain damage_, by the way – that getting me thrown into prison at eighteen years old was what was best for me. Okay? I don't, because it doesn't change the fact that it happened; that_ I_ had to live with your stupid decision brought about by your selfishness and lack of fucking judgment. What you did to me fucked up my life, Neal."

"Emma, I'm… I know that it probably doesn't make a difference, but I really am sorry. Okay?" He looked at her imploringly, but Emma's features did not soften. "I hated doing to that you, and I've regretted it every day since. I loved you—"

"_No!"_ Emma shouted, slamming her hand on the table. The commotion caused a few heads to turn in their direction, and Emma forced herself to calm down so she didn't cause a scene. Lowering her voice, she reiterated, "No, don't you _dare_ tell me that you loved me. You don't do something like that to someone you love."

Neal took a breath, trying not to argue with her about it, as he could plainly see that fighting against Emma's assumption would be pointless. She didn't want to hear it right now, even if it was true.

After a moment, he looked back at her and asked, "So did you do it? At least tell me that."

"Did I do _what?"_

"Be the Savior that August believed you were," Neal responded, like she should have known what he was referring to. "Save a cursed town of fairytale characters."

The waitress chose to come back with their coffees then, and after they both had thanked her, Neal turned towards her expectantly. "Well?"

Emma exhaled a long breath, her fingers drumming on the side of the ceramic cup. "They have their memories back," she admitted after a moment. "So I guess so." The truth was, because the curse didn't break _right,_ the answer to that was probably 'no', but she didn't want to admit her shortcomings to him. Neal didn't deserve to know her weaknesses; not anymore.

Neal looked like he was about to say something, but then thought better of it. Which Emma was glad for, because if he started spewing bullshit like 'well then maybe it was worth it', she might have actually jumped clear across the table and fucking _strangled _him. It took a few seconds, but Neal nodded his head and asked, "She one of them? That… woman you brought with you?"

"Henry's _mother?"_ Emma responded, driving the point home that him leaving her had fucked up their chance of ever raising the kid together like an actual, proper family. Neal cringed at the word as he took a sip of his coffee, but Emma didn't get a chance to enjoy him feeling like shit about that because something suddenly felt strange. She sat up straighter in her chair. "Wait, you don't know who she is?"

"Renee?"

"_Regina,"_ Emma corrected, looking at him strangely. "I thought you were from there, how the fuck do you not know who the Evil Queen is?"

"The evil _what_ now?" Neal asked, a horrified expression crossing his face as he leaned across the table. "What the fu—our _son_ is being raised by someone who has 'evil' in their goddamn title? Are you—Jesus, Emma, are you _high?_ How can you just leave him with—"

"Oh, relax," Emma spat at him furiously, cutting him off. "She's a good mother, and she's not—she isn't like that anymore, alright? And even if she was, it isn't like you have any say in how Henry's raised. Hell _I_ barely have any say in it, and I'm the one who's—" But she cut herself off, realizing at the last moment that she didn't want to reveal that part of her life to him.

"You're the one who's _what?"_

"Nevermind," Emma snapped. "It's none of your business. Regina's just—she's _fine,_ okay, so just leave it. She might have fucked up a lot in her life, but she did more than right by our kid. If anything, I have to give her that, and considering you haven't been around for Henry at _all,_ you don't really have a place to judge on what makes a proper parent."

Neal still looked pissed, but he didn't push the issue. Emma had no doubt that it'd be brought up later though, but for now Emma bypassed it and reiterated, "And again I'm going to ask you why the hell you don't know about her if you're from there. Because _everyone _knew who she was, Neal. Trust me; she was pretty damn infamous."

Neal shifted in his seat, his discomfort overriding his anger for a second as he avoided eye contact.

"_Neal,"_ Emma repeated strongly, still able to recognize when he was hiding something from her. "What the hell aren't you telling me?"

The man cupped the back of his neck as he slid a little further into his chair, exhaling a long breath before finally turning to look at her. "Alright, look, I know how this is gonna sound, but… don't freak out on me, alright? We're in public."

Emma didn't like the sound of that at all, but she demanded, "Just _say_ it."

Neal sighed, relenting to her questions as he admitted, "I might be… a little bit older than I look."

Emma narrowed her eyes. While Regina was older than she looked, there was something about the way Neal was acting that made it seem like it might not just be by a handful of decades. "_How _much older, exactly?"

Neal coughed and looked away again as he mumbled, "Like a couple hundred years…"

Emma's eyes nearly bugged out of her skull.

Not wanting Emma to start shouting at him, Neal quickly turned and tried to explain. "Look, it's… I fell through a portal, yeah, but it—the first one didn't take me here. Well, it _did,_ I just… didn't stay in this world long. At the time I was, uh, at this girl's house, you know? And after she caught me trying to steal some food, this shadow thing came through her window and kind of… well, anyway, I eventually got stuck in this place called 'Neverland' and there you can't actually age, and—it's kind of a long story."

Emma just stared at him, trying to process that. She barely even blinked, and Neal started to look more uncomfortable the longer the silence went on. "Uh… Emma?"

The sound of her own name seemed to snap Emma out of it. "You—fuck," the blonde laughed, because in the end, what the hell else was she supposed to do? This was all so insane. "Right, why _wouldn't_ you land in Neverland? Why wouldn't _that _be real too, right? Fucking hell…" Reaching for her coffee, Emma practically downed the contents of the cup like it was a shot.

It was all so completely ridiculous, and yet this was her life now. Go figure.

"You know, sometimes I feel like I'm in some badly written TV show," Emma grumbled beneath her breath, slamming her empty cup back down on the table. Neal looked like he was about to say something, but Emma continued angrily with, "I mean, what the_ hell_ are the chances that, out of everyone on the planet, I hook up with a guy that's from the same backwards ass world that I'm from? It's like one in… I don't know, fucking _a lot,_ right? How is this—I mean, how the hell is this even _real_ right now?"

Neal opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, Emma pointed at him furiously, "And I swear to god, if you say even _one thing_ about 'destiny', I might actually shove this coffee cup down your esophagus."

Neal closed his mouth, then sighed heavily.

"Look, I don't know how we ended up together; whether it was… _orchestrated,_ or whatever, or if it was just pure dumb luck. But I swear to God, Emma, I had no idea who you were when we met."

Emma wished that made her feel better, but it didn't. She felt like her life wasn't her own; that she was just some toy to be played with by whoever or _whatever_ did that sort of thing. Everything in her life just seemed too carefully mapped out for any of it to be based on her own decisions, and she hated that. It was all just so conveniently interwoven that it was hard to think anything but anymore.

The blonde sighed heavily, sitting up straighter in her chair as she tried not to think about that right now. "Look it… it doesn't matter," she told him. "That's not why I'm here."

"Yeah," Neal exhaled heavily, folding his arms across his chest as they got back to the conversation that he clearly did not want to have. "I know. But Emma, my father—"

"Wants you home."

"And I'm supposed to care about that?" Neal countered. "Emma, I don't have contact with my father for a reason, alright? He fucked me. He chose magic over me, and you know what? I learned to live with his decision, so he probably should to. I don't owe my father a _damn_ thing and I sure as hell am not about to go back to the man who abandoned me when I was just a little kid. So I'm sorry, but you can just tell him—"

"No, you don't_ get_ it," Emma told him strongly, leaning forward in her seat to get his attention. "You don't have a choice in the matter. Regina and I need to get back to our son, and right now, Gold is the only way to do that."

Neal furrowed his brow. "Who the hell is Gold?"

"Rumpelstil—your _father,"_ Emma impatiently corrected herself halfway through. "Gold was the name he went by when he was cursed and—you know what, it doesn't matter, okay? Look, I get that this is gonna suck for you, but you're our ticket back to Henry and there's no way I'm leaving here without you. And_ believe _me, you don't want to make me force you."

"What do you mean he's your only way back to Henry?" Neal asked, starting to grow angry. "Did my father do something to him? Because I swear—"

"No, he—ugh," Emma breathed in frustration. "It's just… I owed him a favor, alright? And in the process of cashing that in, I had to leave Henry behind, and we don't have a way back into Storybrooke right now. Which means my son's trapped inside, and unless I bring _you_ back, Gold isn't going to figure out a way to let me back in to get Henry. And I _need _to get back to him, Neal; that's not even a question. So just… fucking put your shit with your dad on hold for a minute, and do the first right thing by your son. You can leave straight after you talk to Gold, but just… come back with us for now, okay?"

Neal was silent for a good long while, a conflicted look etched across his expression as he weighed his options. Finally he spoke. "If I… if I come back with you guys, do I get to meet him?"

"Who?"

Neal looked at her like she was being stupid, and it suddenly clicked in Emma's head.

"Oh." _Henry._ Who else? Emma shifted in her seat. "I don't… know if that's the best idea."

The bitter part of her wanted to tell him _hell no,_ but for some reason the words didn't make it out of her mouth. Maybe it was because Emma had spent most of her life wondering who her parents were – if they missed her, if they _cared _– to not want to do that to Henry. Maybe Neal didn't deserve to meet him, but Henry probably did. Still, in the end, it wasn't her call to make; and she was glad for it, because she didn't want to make this decision.

"He's my _son,_ Emma," Neal reminded her. "Even if I never get to raise him, or even be in his life in any kind of significant way, I think Henry deserves to know who I am, don't you?"

No. _Yes,_ obviously. Fuck this.

"Look, it's not my call," Emma told him, trying to get him off the subject. "I'd have to run it by Regina, and she's not exactly your biggest fan."

"Why? What the hell did I ever do to her?"

"It's what you did to _me,_ moron."

"Why the hell is that relevant to anything to do with—" Neal started, but then it seemed to dawn on him as his expression dropped so suddenly it would have been almost comedic, if not for how uncomfortable it suddenly made Emma feel_. "Oh."_

"Whatever you're probably thinking right now, I can guarantee you're wrong," Emma told him, because despite her knowing that Neal had gotten the general idea, there was no _way_ he'd guess that Regina was her True Love, and all the complicated bullshit that went along with it. So it wasn't technically a lie.

"So you're _not_ dating our son's adoptive mother then?" Neal asked, like he knew better. After all, it wasn't as though this assumption was coming out of left field; he had known years ago that Emma's sexuality wasn't exactly a straight line. He had even benefited from that little fact once.

"No."

Because she wasn't. Not anymore.

"Look it's—even if I was, it's not any of your fucking business, alright?" Emma snapped before Neal could retort. "The only thing you need to be concerned about, as far as Regina goes, is that she's the one who raised our son; who makes all of the decisions regarding his wellbeing. Henry is legally hers, so _yes_ I need to ask her if it's okay if you meet him."

"But she listens to your opinions, right?" Neal countered, his gaze far too intrusive for Emma's liking. It was like he was trying to dissect her. "I mean, she came with you to find me, even though she didn't have to. You must mean something to her."

"No, she—ugh, her being here right now is way more complicated than that, alright?" Emma shot back, because with Regina being kicked out of Storybrooke and Emma drinking herself to an early grave, that was probably the vaguest way to cover it. "And _again,_ none of your business. So just accept the fact that I need to ask her, and wait for a goddamn answer, alright?"

"Fine," Neal relented, the word being followed by an aggravated sigh. "But those are my terms, Emma; you want me to come back with you, then I want to meet Henry. If not…"

"Don't give me a fucking ultimatum, Neal," Emma responded heatedly. "I can bring you back with or without your compliance."

Neal raised a challenging eyebrow at her, the look almost furiously mocking. "You'd have to find me first, and you _know _how well I disappear."

A sarcastic smirk crept across Emma's face in response, and she shot back with, "Well then, I guess it's good that Regina and I can use magic to find you then, isn't it? I mean seriously, how the hell did you think we found you in the first place? _Luck?_ You didn't exactly have a paper trail to follow, Neal."

"You're using—?!" Neal began, looking furious before held up his hand to her. "You know what? I don't even wanna know how you managed to do that here. And if you want to fuck around with that stuff, it's your funeral. But three hundred years of being alive hasn't taught me nothing, Emma, and if you wanna take your chances, then go right the hell ahead; but I guarantee you, I can and _will _find a way to disappear so even magic can't find me, if it comes to it. Do not fucking sit here and threaten me."

Emma tried to call his bluff, but Neal showed no indication of lying about that, and it actually gave her pause. Did she really want to take that chance? Probably not, and that aggravated the hell out of her as she quickly stood from her seat.

"Fine," she responded heatedly. "Whatever, alright? Just lemme ask Regina, and I'll let you know tomorrow."

Neal noticeably relaxed as he let out a relieved breath, glad that his request was at least being taken into consideration. "Thank you."

Emma scoffed, still furious that she was practically being backed into a corner, and as she walked away from the table she shot back with, "Don't thank me yet."

Because getting Regina to actually agree? That was gonna be really damn difficult.

**TBC…**


	20. Choices

**Author's Note:  
**Just so you guys know, I have some personal fuckery going on right now that's been making me unable to focus on, well, practically anything enjoyable. Those of you who follow my tumblr are probably already aware, but as I had to delete those posts for my personal safety, I'm going to ask that you don't mention anything about it in the reviews. I'm just unsure right now when I'll have the concentration to sit down and write, therefore idk when the next chapter will be out. It could still be on a time, but just in case it's not, I wanted to let you all know that it's not because I'm slacking off; I just have other things on my mind at the moment.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY  
****Choices**

"No. Absolutely not."

Emma exhaled a tired sigh as she leaned against the wall of their motel room. She knew this conversation wasn't going to go well. "Regina…"

"How can you even be_ considering_ this?" Regina raged, pacing back and forth as she glared angrily at the woman on the far side of the room. She was gesturing erratically, her hands seemingly having more to say than her words. Or maybe it was just to keep them occupied so she didn't storm over to Emma and literally _slap_ some much needed sense into the blonde; by the look on Regina's face, it seemed as though right then she would have liked nothing but.

"Because—"

But Regina wouldn't let Emma get out her explanation. "That man ran out on you; left you pregnant and in _prison,_ and you think he actually has the capability of not disappointing our son? If Henry meets him, you _know_ that he will want to see more of his father, Emma. There's no way around that." Emma opened her mouth to speak, but Regina continued on her tirade, her gaze towards her angry and filled with blame. "And what if that bastard decides that fatherhood is too much of a responsibility? Do you even understand how damaging that could be to Henry? To give him something like that, only to have it ripped away again? I won't allow you to do that to him!"

"Look, do you really think that this is my first choice?!" Emma exclaimed, throwing out her hands in frustration. She didn't like that Regina was blaming her for this when it wasn't her goddamn fault. "I told Henry that his father _died,_ Regina. Do you understand that? I fucking told him that Neal was a firefighter and that he died a hero. How the hell do you think the kid's gonna feel towards me when he finds out I lied?"

Regina looked at her incredulously. "Why the hell would you tell him something like that?"

"Oh, I don't know," Emma shot back sarcastically. "Maybe because it had a better ring to it than 'your worthless thief of a father left me to take the fall for his crime and left me to rot in prison'? Come on, Regina, he was _asking._ What the hell was I supposed to tell him?"

Regina didn't seem to have an answer to that and it frustrated her. Running her fingers through her hair, she exhaled an aggravated sigh and snapped, "You shouldn't have lied to him! It's going to make everything that much more complicated."

"Hey, it's not like you've been the picture-perfect image of truth to the kid either, you know," Emma responded pointedly. "So don't get onto me about doing what I thought was best for him. You do the same damn thing, Regina."

Regina shook her head. "No, I don't _care,_ Emma. He is not meeting Henry; that's completely out of the question."

"Well that's the only way he says he'll come back with us," Emma reminded the brunette, trying to not let frustration overwhelm her as she pushed herself off the wall. "And considering the guy has apparently hundreds of years of magical knowledge on us, I don't really want to take the chance that he could actually disappear, do _you?_ Because without him, Gold won't help us get back to Storybrooke. I'm not running that risk."

"We don't need _Gold,"_ Regina seethed. "We have access to magic; I'm sure we could figure it out eventually."

"And how long do you think 'eventually' is going to take?" Emma countered. "Despite you being the one to cast it, Gold knows more about the curse than we do. You don't even know how the damn thing shrouds the town, Regina; how do you expect to get through it if you don't even know what's hiding it?"

"And you think _Gold _knows?" Regina shot back. "He could be in the dark as much as I am, Emma. We don't know if we can rely on him." Running her hand through her hair in frustration, Regina's blame overrode all else as she suddenly and harshly informed her, "It was foolish of you to even embark on this little adventure in the first place; only _idiots _indebt themselves to Rumpelstiltskin."

"Well, fine, thanks for your assessment," Emma snapped, sitting heavily on the bed and grabbing one of the pillows before practically catapulting it across the room. "Fuck. I just… can you _not?_ There's no use bitching at me over something that already happened; I screwed up, okay? I get that. Irresponsible Emma strikes again, _whatever._ But can we just focus on how to _fix _it instead of standing here yelling like it'll actually make some kind of goddamn difference?"

Regina just folded her arms across her chest, glaring at the blonde from the other side of the room. Emma sighed heavily.

"Look, he… Gold created the curse, didn't he? So he must know how it works. And I have to… I gotta believe that he can figure out a way back for us, okay? Because otherwise we're probably fucked."

Regina side glanced her, but said nothing for a long moment, trying to calm herself down. It took a little bit, but eventually she reminded her, "Magic is still unstable in Storybrooke. Even if Gold does figure out a way for us to get back, he will have no way of casting it. In the end, dear, this is on us."

"Then maybe he can figure out a way for us to do it," Emma responded, voicing a solution that she had already come to earlier without Regina's help, knowing that it was probably better to mention it now than have Regina find out way after the fact. The woman really did not like being kept in the dark. "I mean, even if he can't cast it, _you_ could, right? So we just follow his instructions when he has some."

Regina shook her head, not even giving that option a chance. "No, _no,"_ she told her strongly, suddenly looking fiercely protective for reason's Emma didn't understand. "For that to happen, Gold will have to be aware that I can syphon magic from you in the outside world. Do you even understand how dangerous that could be for you? You'll become the Holy Grail for those wishing to reclaim their power, and I _won't_ put your wellbeing at risk like that!"

_Oh._ Shit.

Emma chewed on her bottom lip as she looked away from her, saying absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, that seemed to voice more than words could, and Emma braced herself for the backlash that was sure to come from her thoughtless decision making.

Regina turned towards her, horror washing over her face as she realized Emma's pointed silence could only mean one thing. "Oh God," she breathed. "What the hell have you done…?"

Emma shifted from her position on the bed, feeling terribly uncomfortable because of this newfound wave of guilt that washed over her. Rubbing the back of her neck, Emma chanced glancing at Regina, and the look on her face cut through her. She looked so goddamn _frightened _on her behalf that it made Emma feel like absolute shit.

"I… might have told Mary Margaret," she hesitantly admitted. "That's… kinda why we were arguing on the phone; she doesn't trust you being able to control magic again. She says all it's done is allow you to hurt people, even though I _told _her that we found out because you healed me when I was sick."

"Why…?" Regina asked softly, before she allowed her anger to take over again and she suddenly snapped, furiously pushing over one of the end tables as she swore loudly, "_Fuck,_ Emma!"

Emma noticeably started at the exclamation; it wasn't often that Regina swore, and when she did, it was always to accent a furious sentence, not just to scream out her frustration as she took out her anger on unsuspecting furniture. Regina almost seemed like a normal person then, not this regal political figure that she had always come off as, and god, it was _strange._

But Emma didn't really have a chance to respond, as Regina whipped around to face her. "How could you be so utterly inept?! I _told _you what would happen if people found out, and yet you thoughtlessly spewed this information to your mother like it was completely inconsequential? Do you have no _sense?!"_

"Well she asked how we found Baelfire!" Emma tried to defend, although the more she tried to rationalize it, the less sense it even made. Regina was right; she _had _warned her about this before, but Emma hadn't taken it seriously. She had thought Regina was just overreacting, but maybe she really wasn't. And that… was_ so_ not good.

Emma had really fucked up this time.

"She knew we weren't close before, and yet all of a sudden we found him?" Emma exclaimed, still trying to defend herself even though she knew it was probably pointless. "Come on, what the hell else was I supposed to say? Besides, she was telling me that Gold wasn't having any luck with magic, so I thought maybe _us _having access to it could help. I was trying to get us back to our kid, Regina; don't fault me for that!"

"You…" Regina started, looking like she was about two seconds away from throttling Emma for her lack of judgment. "You _told_ Snow to speak to him about it? _Are you out of your mind?!_ That man is power hungry, and you just handed him a goddamn feast on a platter! Do you really believe that he'll just leave you be once we find a way back? He's going to use you for his own gain, and once word gets out of your power, everyone else who lost_ theirs_ will be lining up to try to take you from him!" Regina's hand connected with the desk chair, knocking it to the ground as she exclaimed angrily, "You thoughtless _imbecile;_ I can't believe you would be so stupid!"

"I'm _sorry,_ okay?" Emma exclaimed, not really knowing what to do anymore. She had _thought _she was making the right decision by allowing Gold to know about their ability to do magic, but she hadn't really considered what that could mean outside of allowing them to get back to Henry. "I'm sorry, I fucked up; I just… I wanted to give us a chance to get back to Henry. Isn't that what's important?"

"Of course that's what's important," Regina snapped, her fingernails scraping the back of her neck as she began to pace again. "But you… _damnit_, Emma, you have no idea how bad this could get! And I…" She looked over Emma, her helplessness beginning to show beneath her anger as Regina regrettably told her, "I don't know if I can protect you from that. Do you understand me? I don't know how, because protecting people isn't what I _did!"_

"Regina…" Emma tried softly, the apology evident in her voice as she picked herself up off the bed to cross the room towards the other woman. She placed her hands on Regina's arms, making the brunette turn to look at her. Emma needed to… she needed to fix this. Somehow.

"You don't… I mean, we don't know if that's going to happen yet, alright?" she tried, set on giving the woman 'what ifs' to try to dismantle her pessimism. "Maybe Gold won't _want_ my magic, maybe he won't tell anyone. Maybe… maybe in the process of getting back, we actually find a way to break the curse for real this time, and magic no longer becomes inaccessible; or hell, maybe it'll just disappear all together."

Tucking a piece of stray hair behind the brunette's ear, Emma gave her a soft, encouraging smile as she tried to comfort Regina by continuing, "And besides, for all we know, it might only be _you _that can syphon magic from me. I mean, True Love and all that, right? We're connected. So don't… please don't freak out about this just yet; we don't know what's going to happen."

Regina pursed her lips, her arms tightening around her form as her eyes connected with Emma's. "I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life afraid that someone is going to take you from me, from Henry…"

"You _won't,"_ Emma promised, even though she knew it wasn't exactly within her power to do so. But still, she didn't want Regina freaking out about this when they didn't even know right now if it was warranted. "Trust me, Regina, I spent a hell of a long time looking for my family; do you really think I'm going to allow _anyone_ to take me from it?"

Regina exhaled a defeated breath and shifted her gaze away from the woman in front of her. Something Emma had said had clearly hit a sore spot, and distress etched across her face as she said softly, "I really wish you would stop referring to us as family. We're not married; we're not even together anymore. I don't understand how you could possibly think that, whilst continuing to reject the idea of us ever being together again."

Emma's heart clenched in her chest, Regina's words both surprising her and bringing her a pain she hadn't really expected at the woman's rejection of the term. Her hands fell from Regina's arms, lying uselessly at her sides as she stared at her, unable to really form a response. That had hurt her, and Emma didn't really even know _why._ Because Regina was right, wasn't she? It didn't make any sense.

And yet she couldn't help feeling that Regina and Henry… they were the family she had always been looking for. Yes, she found family in her parents, but that wasn't where she belonged anymore. She didn't need to be raised by them; it was her time to find and create a family of her own, and they… they were it, weren't they? Emma may have had a hard time accepting that to the point of allowing it to become an actual reality, but that didn't mean that it was any less true.

"You don't… feel like we are?" Emma asked her hesitantly, trying to keep the upset from her voice but failing miserably. Her broken tone caused Regina to look at her, and her face to soften at the wounded look she was confronted with.

"I merely… fail to see the logic behind it, Emma. That's all. And when you… when you say things like that, it hurts more than if you never considered me that at all, because you're saying one thing, and doing another."

"I…" Emma tried, but found she had no words. What could she say in her defense? Regina was right. It was probably a horrible thing to say to her, considering Regina really _did _want them to be a family. But that was the thing, wasn't it? Emma did too. She wanted all the bullshit to not matter and just be where she _belonged,_ but it wasn't that simple. Still, she couldn't help how she felt inside, and despite everything, Regina and Henry felt like the closest thing to family that she ever had.

"I'm sorry," Emma apologized softly, unable to look Regina in the eye. She felt like such an idiot, and the hurt that consumed her over this wouldn't allow her to just act like she was okay. Because she wasn't. And it was so fucked up, because she hadn't expected that such a simple term would actually affect her that badly. The emotion felt like it came out of nowhere, and Emma didn't really know how to handle it, or what it even meant. "I shouldn't have—I wasn't thinking. I won't say it again."

Emma heard Regina release a hesitant breath, before fingers were touching her chin and forcing her to look back at the woman in front of her. "Don't ever apologize for how you feel," she quietly responded, her eyes searching Emma's for an answer that the blonde couldn't give her. "Just don't… please don't hurt me with it."

"I wasn't trying to," Emma breathed, wishing that for once, she didn't feel like she was falling when she looked into Regina's eyes. It was disorienting in a relationship already filled with chaos. Regina's hold on her chin loosened, her fingers beginning to gently caress the porcelain of her cheek, and it was then that Emma realized just how close the other woman was to her.

Regina gave her a small, sad smile as she brushed the hair from Emma's eyes, her fingertips then trailing down the contour of her cheek bone. Emma could do nothing but stand there, entranced in a feeling that had been lost to her for a long time. There was something… _different _about the way Regina was looking at her, was touching her right then. It was simplistic. It wasn't in desperation, in comfort, or in an attempt to satisfy Emma's demons with sexuality. It didn't even really seem like it was about her at all. Regina looked trapped in a moment, and Emma wished she could read minds, because there was a part of her that ached to be in that moment with her.

Because despite how saddened Regina looked by it, she looked at Emma as though she still found the beauty within it, within _her._

"What?" Emma asked, her tone barely above a whisper. She didn't want to disrupt whatever this was.

The fullness of Regina's palm pressed against her cheek, the sensation warm and comforting as she gently told her, "I wish I knew how to let you go…"

Emma's brow furrowed, not expecting _that_ in the slightest. "You… what?"

But Regina just gave her another small, saddened smile as she told her, "You cannot help the family you're born to, but when you're older… that's when you get to choose your own family. And…" Regina took a breath, her hand falling from Emma's cheek to her neck as she told her, "because of how we're bound to one other, I know that you didn't get choose me, just as much as I didn't get to choose you. But I want that. I _want _you to choose me, Emma; I want us to choose each other. Because neither of us have ever really had the freedom to do something like that, to just… decide for ourselves what it is we wanted in life."

Emma felt her breath leave her, because that was it._ That_ was it exactly; the reason she hated all this, the reason she fought so hard against her feelings for Regina. She couldn't be sure that they were what she wanted, because True Love didn't really give her a choice. And it took her aback, to know that Regina felt the same way, because the woman had tried so hard to prove that she was different so that they could be together again. But Regina spent her entire life having other people make her choices for her, that a part of her probably just expected that that was the way it would always be.

But Regina didn't want that, because she knew that a choice that wasn't one's own was meaningless. And that was how Emma felt about her whole life lately; her relationship, her past, being the Savior… nothing felt like a choice, but merely a path she had to go down that had no intersecting roads, no means for an escape. She would just walk from here to there, and that would be her life. That was it; she was just some puppet on strings that only danced when someone or something else willed her to do so.

And in that moment, Emma finally realized what Regina saw when she looked at her; a reflection. Emma was the person trapped on the other side of Regina's mirror, and there was something really beautifully fucked up in that revelation, because despite how badly Regina wished to free Emma from her confines, she couldn't even save herself. So she pressed against the glass and willed it to be gone, so maybe this time when they touched each other it would be because they wished to, and not due to them helplessly mimicking the other's actions as they did what reflections were expected to.

Emma wanted to shatter it.

Regina's hand fell from her skin as she exhaled a helpless sigh, but Emma quickly grabbed it in her own and forced the woman to touch her again in some wave of desperation. "So _take it,"_ she told her fiercely, this plan coming together in her mind that probably didn't have any basis, and yet she grasped for it anyway.

"What?" Regina whispered, perplexion etching across her face at Emma's request. She didn't understand what it was that she was asking.

"Take it from me," Emma reiterated, probably sounding halfway insane by how desperate that came across. She pressed herself against Regina, wrapping the other woman's arm around her waist so that this would be easier for her. Emma knew they had to be touching. "I'm made of it, aren't I? And you can… you can take that, you _have _taken that; used it. So just take it all, get it out of me, then… I don't know, expel it from you until it no longer exists. You can do that, can't you…?"

"Emma, it… it doesn't work like that," Regina tried to explain, looking at her sympathetically. "You're made of True Love, yes, but you're made from your parents'… not ours. And if I took that from you… I told you before that it would kill you, and I wasn't exaggerating. It's the very essence of who you _are_. You are a physical incarnation of their love, and us… we don't have something like that. We've never created life together. What exists between us is quite literally untouchable."

Emma felt herself deflate despite the fact that she had known it was probably a long shot. Still, helplessness and disappointment washed across her expression, and Regina exhaled a soft sigh as she gently leaned her forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "I should have never said that when I didn't have a solution to give you. I just… I got caught up in an unrealistic fantasy, and I should have never voiced it out loud."

Emma closed her eyes, trying to suppress the conflicting feelings in her gut as she asked her, "But do you think if you did…" Fingertips brushed olive skin, and then hands were tangled together as Emma voiced something she found she couldn't keep inside, "If you had the choice, do you… do you think you still would've chosen me…?"

The question was so terribly vulnerable sounding, like for some reason the answer would sum up Emma's entire self-worth. And it scared her, because outside of being bound to Regina, she didn't feel as though she was good enough for her. She hadn't treated her well at all these past couple months, and yet, unfathomably, she reached for an acceptance she didn't believe she deserved. But then again, after everything that Regina had done while she was the Evil Queen, it was doubtful that she thought she deserved Emma either. And yet she too desired something that a part of her believed she shouldn't be allowed to have, because touching it was the closest to happy either of them had been for a very long time.

"I'm not answering that," Regina whispered, her voice suddenly sounding strained with emotion as she tried to pull away from her. But Emma tightened her hold on Regina's wrist, not allowing her to go just yet.

Emma opened her eyes, and blue eyes caught brown. "…Why?"

Regina's bottom lip trembled and she bit down, trying to control herself enough to speak. Her eyes were beginning to mist over, the sight of it slowly drilling a hole into Emma's heart as she watched Regina become overcome with an emotion she didn't understand. But she wanted to, she _needed_ to know what the hell was making Regina look that way, and so she waited for the explanation that seemed to take an immense amount of self-control for Regina to voice without breaking down completely.

"Because," she finally breathed, her words soft and broken as she turned away from Emma's prying gaze. "Because I'm _terrified _to find out that our answers may not be the same…" A tear slid down Regina's cheek then, and Emma didn't think, she just moved.

Grasping her face in her hands, Emma's thumbs wiped away the remnants of Regina's distress as she closed the distance between them. The angle was bad, the kiss unexpected by the woman in her arms, and their teeth bumped together as Emma tried to find where she belonged. They moved past it though, seamlessly falling into a routine as easy as breathing once the familiarity found its way back to them.

Emma pressed herself against her, weaving her fingers in dark hair as Regina allowed her entrance, the small whimper of encouragement quickly becoming muffled by the blonde's tongue. In all honesty, Emma had no idea what she was doing, but in that moment, she just felt like she had to. Regina's lack of answer said enough for her to understand, even though, in the end, it might have only been that Regina merely _wished_ that she would still choose her if given the opportunity, and not the certainty that she actually would. Regardless, her desire for it meant something to the woman who, for her entire life, hadn't been anyone's first choice of anything.

But Regina had been right to fear voicing it, because their answers wouldn't have been the same. Not because Emma was sure that she wouldn't choose Regina, but because she simply didn't know. It was hard to imagine, this world where she wasn't bound to the woman in her arms, and Emma had no idea if it would change anything. So what was the point really, of imagining something different? There were too many factors to consider, and in the end, it wouldn't mean anything because _this_ was their life now.

There was no choice, there was just them.

"Fuck the answer," Emma breathed against her lips, hands finding skin as they fell beneath the brunette's shirt. Regina grasped the bottom of Emma's tank top and took a step backwards, bringing Emma with her as the blonde told her between heated kisses, "It's not… not fucking real anyway…"

"And this is?" Regina asked, her breathing becoming uneven as her back found the far wall, encouraging the blonde to press her up against it. Her teeth found Emma's bottom lip and she nipped lightly at it, pulling it towards her before releasing it and sliding her own hands up Emma's shirt, exposing her pale skin to the heavy air in the room.

"I don't know," Emma admitted, her lips having found their home at the base of Regina's neck as she breathed out her uncertainty. Sometimes though, this closeness was the only thing that made any goddamn sense to her anymore. "But it's the closest thing we've got right now."

[x]

Emma's cell phone rang from the nightstand.

"Fuck, _fuck,"_ she exclaimed, her breathing uneven as her nails scraped against the headboard. It had jolted her out of the moment, and Regina too, as her fingers stilled inside of her and she looked over at the offending object. Emma grasped onto the back of her neck, forcing Regina to look back at her and come back to the pleasure they were sharing as she pleaded, "Just ignore it… just fucking ignore it…"

"It could be important," Regina panted, her hand stilled between the blonde's spread thighs. They had barely begun, but the foreplay had been both long and passionate as they began to strip away everything that defined their relationship. It wasn't about punishment, distractions, or depression. It just… it just _was,_ and for one goddamn second, Emma just wanted to enjoy having Regina in a way that wasn't brought about by one of her mental breakdowns.

"_This _is important," Emma told her, her fingertips ghosting across Regina's cheek, down her neck, before falling to her chest. Her breathing was uneven and every inch of her body felt like it was on fire, and for the first time since the curse broke, she felt like she and Regina might actually be on the same page after all. It was the closest Emma felt to being _okay _about being bound to the woman that shared her bed, and considering she didn't know how long that was going to last, Emma didn't want it to end prematurely. "We need this, Regina; fuck everything else right now. Please."

Her plea caused Regina's gaze to shift from the ringing phone, and she worried her bottom lip for a moment before nodding. "Okay," she relented softly, dipping her head down to place a soft, open mouthed kiss on Emma's shoulder. "But if it rings again—"

"I'm breaking the fucking phone," Emma breathed before tangling her fingers in chestnut hair, bringing Regina to her to kiss the distractions from her mind. Rolling her hips, she encouraged the brunette to continue, a breathless gasp becoming silenced by a pair of lips as Regina complied with her request.

It was strange, to feel so connected to someone through their shared inability to have a choice in the matter. In the end, they were probably doing nothing but playing into the preconceived notion that they were meant to be, and should Regina have welcomed the fact that she didn't get to choose the love of her life, this probably would have never came to be. But she was lost in it just the same as Emma, and because of that, the blonde found solace in the only person who understood how it was that she was feeling in that moment.

Maybe it was nothing but backwards logic, but right then, it was the only thing that felt like it made any sense, and the relatability was a comfort that neither of them knew they needed until they had it.

Regina's kisses were bruising until the sound of the phone ringing died out to nothing, and she pushed one of Emma's legs up to situate her body between them. Emma felt a third finger stretch her, and the guttural moan that followed was muffled as Regina began using her hips to push deeper into her. Emma broke the kiss as she grasped for the skin of Regina's back, her head falling to the woman's shoulder as she breathed out her praise. "Fuck, fuck… _Regina…"_

Regina began to put her entire body into the movement, jolting Emma from beneath her with every thrust of her hips against the back of her hand. Emma grasped for her, trying to find a way to touch her as well, but the angle Regina was at didn't allow it, and in the end all Emma managed to do was bang her palms against Regina's back in frustration and desperation, the pleasure causing her to arch her back and close her eyes as she thought 'screw it,' allowing herself to just succumb to the feeling Regina was giving her.

They had all night anyway.

Regina's lips found her neck, her jaw, then laid their rest at the base of Emma's ear. "Say my name again," she demanded, the words tickling Emma's skin and sending a shiver up her spine. Regina didn't top, and yet right then, there was no question as to who held the power. Emma couldn't even remember giving it to her, and yet she allowed her to keep it as she complied.

"Regina…" It was a pleading moan as fingernails broke skin, and Emma slammed her hips harder into the brunette's lithe fingers, knowing and not really caring that Regina's knuckles were sure to bruise her pelvis.

"_Again,"_ Regina demanded, and it was then that Emma realized that this wasn't about power; it was about keeping her in the moment. It was about Regina's fear that perhaps Emma didn't think about her anymore when they were together, or that Emma distanced herself from it all by separating the woman that she loved from the woman Regina really was when they were together like this. And maybe she had done that before, but Emma didn't relate as well to the woman she fell in love with; she related to the woman who Regina actually _was._

"I know," she gasped, turning her head to force Regina away from her ear so she could look at her. Fingertips traced her jaw as Regina continued moving within her, and Emma could finally see the vulnerably etched across the woman's features. "Regina, I know," she breathed. "And I'm here, okay? I'm here. Just don't… don't stop. Fuck, _please…"_

Regina exhaled a shuddered breath, trying to suppress an unwanted emotion as she nodded her understanding. And then her lips were on Emma's, the blonde beginning to pant against them as Regina moved within her once more, giving the woman beneath her the desperation for pleasure that it seemed, in the end, she wasn't meant to have.

Because the damn phone was ringing again. This time, however, it was Regina's.

"_Fuck,"_ Emma swore furiously, picking up one of the pillows and chucking it at the wall as Regina stopped. There were only so many times they could get interrupted before it ruined the moment, and already Regina looked like she wanted to answer it.

"It could be Henry…"

"It fucking _better_ be Henry, because if it's anyone else I'm gonna punch a freaking hole through Storybrooke's protective _whatever_ just so I can get through it to strangle them," Emma snapped, the abrupt change of emotion in the air causing her temper to skyrocket quite suddenly.

Regina shot her a look that clearly implied that she thought Emma was being overdramatic, and okay, she probably was, but it just really sucked to finally _feel_ something that wasn't born from misery, only to have it ripped away right afterwards. It was just horrible timing, and as Regina shot her an apologetic look and climbed off of her to go answer her cell, she left Emma feeling empty and cold.

She had needed this. She didn't know why, but she just… she really, really had.

Fisting her hands over her eyes, Emma lay back against the pillows and groaned in aggravation as Regina answered her cellphone. Seemingly without checking first who it was, because after "Hello?" the second thing that came out of her mouth was an impatient, "What the hell do you want?"

That got Emma's attention and she sat up, shooting Regina a questioning look. The woman did _not_ look happy, but she said nothing as she waited for the person on the other line to explain themselves. A frustrated sigh was released then, and Regina took the phone from her ear before tossing it in Emma's direction.

"It's for you. Apparently some people in this world lack the concept of _patience."_

Emma's brow creased as she caught the phone, and when she looked down at the name on Regina's screen, her expression darkened. "Can't this wait?" she snapped as she placed the phone against her ear, furious because of all the people who could have interrupted this, it had to be _him._ His voice alone was a surefire way to kill the mood, and Emma spited him for it.

"Well hello to you too, dearie," Gold drawled, sounding terribly amused by Emma's obvious aggravation. "I do hope I wasn't interrupting anything important, but when you didn't answer your own phone, I started to get worried."

Yeah, right.

Regina collapsed heavily onto the bed next to her, her frustration curling off her like smoke as she flicked her hand towards the phone and mouthed, "Speaker." Emma obliged and pressed the button before throwing the phone down on the mattress.

"Just say what you called to say so we can be done, Gold."

A chuckle was heard from the other line, and Emma's hand fisted in the sheets. This was so not what she needed right now. But Gold thankfully stopped his taunting and got down to business as he mentioned, "I heard you found my son."

"So?"

"So I was wondering when I might expect the both of you back," Gold responded pointedly. "Because I may have found a solution to our little boundary problem, and should Baelfire not wish to come back, I would _hate_ to keep that information to myself and leave your son trapped in a town that neither of you can reach…"

Emma's eyes widened at that information, and her gaze caught Regina's, who's breathing had shallowed. Both of them had been living with hope that there was actually a way, yet before this, neither of them had any clear path to get back. If what Gold was saying was true, then they didn't have to play guessing games with magic, and they could get back to Henry within the week. That was… that was _big._

Still, Regina didn't seem very happy with how it was voiced, and she snapped back with, "Don't threaten us. If you have a way back, then tell us how we are to go about it; we don't have time for your mindless little games."

"First I want a guarantee that Baelfire will be with you when you return," Gold told them, his tone leaving no room for arguments or bargains. "Because until you can give me that, I don't exactly have an incentive to help you, now, do I…?"

Emma looked at Regina but said nothing, because in the end, they both knew how they could guarantee Neal's return… if only Regina could find it within herself to agree to it. The seconds ticked by, and Regina looked like she was fighting an internal battle as she weighed her options. But they both knew that this was their best chance, the most reliable solution, and eventually Regina released a frustrated sigh and snapped, "Fine, you have our word. Now what is it?"

"Well, dearie," Gold began, the triumphant smile evident in his tone. "Perhaps then it's time I tell you who exactly it was that I sent _skittering_ over the town line once the curse broke, mmm…?"

**TBC…**


End file.
